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It was beautiful. Really, that’s the only truth Medkit could bring himself to give. This moment. This soft, fleeting moment was beautiful. And he couldn’t deny it.
Like blankets, Banhammer’s steady arms shielded Medkit from the harsh cold that seeped through the walls of the house. Each breath Medkit took was soft, and slowly attuning to the rise and fall of his partner’s chest beneath him. The sound of Banhammer’s steady heart added to the melody as Medkit shifted to hold his lover a little tighter.
Beside the couch they were laying on, the fireplace crackled gently, giving way to more warmth. Medkit’s eye slowly closed. Nothing could convince him that this wasn’t the most beautiful moment of his entire life. Safe, warm, loved, all adjectives that should be foreign to him, and yet the roots of those words were holding him in place.
He should find this embarrassing, he should be disgusted and ashamed. Banhammer should feel the same too, someone of his stature being reduced to this. But some unknown force kept them intertwined.
Love, Medkit supposed. They were in love.
That word holds no meaning to Medkit. He can’t even begin to describe what it means, only what it feels like.
Yearning. It’s a pull; an unstoppable force that you can’t make go away. For all you might try to ignore it, it only comes back stronger. It’s a weapon. A special knife, the only tool that can truly reach the deepest parts of someone’s heart. Once that wound is made, it never truly heals.
And yet, love is also safety. It is knowing who you can fall against, and knowing that they will catch you. An understanding. Understanding that can’t be put into words. That person is your person. Someone who will fight for you, and listen to you, someone who can appreciate you, even what makes you flawed.
When you peel back all of Medkit’s layers, you’ll find that at his core, he is a very loving person. You’d never guess it, but it’s true. He loves his brother, he loves reading, he loves learning and discovering new things, he loves warm drinks and he loves the quiet. But most of all, he loves Banhammer.
Foolishly, Banhammer loves him too.
Really, it was rather silly of Banhammer to love him back. At the time they met, Medkit was awfully cold and closed off. They had very little in common, and they both found each other annoying. Medkit still finds Banhammer annoying, actually. The only real difference is now that annoyance turned into something more like affection.
Banhammer is confident and wild and bold. He let himself be the enemy to the people he was trying to protect, he called himself a tyrant with his chest full of pride. Not only did he not care what the people he fought to keep safe thought of him, he found an ego boost within the hatred. Medkit never understood that part of him.
The same man who has locked so many serial killers and twisted inphernals behind bars, was holding onto Medkit like the world would end if he let go. His calloused hands held him firmly, and yet gentle and warmly. Their legs were intertwined as Banhammer nuzzled his face into the top of Medkit’s head.
Medkit wouldn’t say that Banhammer’s vocal personality was a facade, but there was more to him than he let most people see. He was playful, and goofy, and so very careful and gentle when he needed to be. He was afraid of so many things, and yet so full of care, understanding and love that it confused Medkit to no end.
He cared so much about everything. He was anything but apathetic when it came to justice. Banhammer wanted to do good, and he cared about doing good, and he did good. Why act like he was just there to have fun? Why pretend like you don’t care when it’s your biggest passion? Why doesn’t he want people to like him?
That puzzle took Medkit ages to solve, it took him a while to consider that Banhammer doesn’t value being liked. Mostly, because Medkit thought he was the only person in the world who thought that way. To be successful, is important, to be right, is important, to be safe, is important. To be liked? It meant nothing. Banhammer was certainly more vocal and extroverted about it than Medkit could ever dream of being, but in that way, the two of them were the same.
And that was what broke the floodgates of their similarities.
Just then, Banhammer shifted against Medkit. Calloused fingers traced up Medkit’s spine over the back of his shirt before finding their way to Medkit’s scalp. Humming in appreciation, Medkit felt those fingers start to glide through the soft locks of his long hair, scratching gently at his head. Never had Medkit considered himself a fan of physical touch, with Banhammer being the only exception.
Affection felt nice. It was strange, and made him feel vulnerable, but it felt good. It was the main way Banhammer showed his care, so Medkit’s appreciation for it has only gone up through the years they’ve been together. Vulnerability was Medkit’s biggest weakness, and nothing made him feel more vulnerable than being held down. But when Banhammer did it, somehow he never once felt afraid. The trust he had for him was so palpable, it was practically tangent.
A surge of courage suddenly shuddered through Medkit’s body, a characteristic he usually only held when his fight or flight took charge. But here, there was not even an ounce of danger. Still, this feeling washed over him like the ocean crashing over his body in foamy waves. There was something he wanted to do, he felt like he had to do. Something he had to say, to ask.
It was hard to suppress it, this urge. He had thought of asking this before, and yet the bravery never found him. Until now. Now, he suddenly felt bolder than the rays of the sun. Assured by the affection surrounding him, Medkit leaned in even closer to his partner’s touch.
Through the fiery crackling of the fierce fire, and the soft melody of their breathing, Medkit opened his mouth. “Banhammer.” He mumbled, running one his hands over Banhammer’s shoulder with reverent softness. The demigod only hummed in acknowledging response.
As soon as that first word came out of his mouth, and he was sure he had Banhammer’s attention, that bold feeling began to battle with the sudden knot in his lungs. The words were fighting him, and if he didn’t feel so safe and warm right now, he wouldn’t doubt that his hands would be shaking.
It made him feel sick, the fear. Logically, he knew that Banhammer would never be intentionally cruel to him. In truth, he knew that even if the answer to his proposition was negative, Banhammer wouldn’t let that change the strength of their relationship. Still, his stomach churned and his throat closed up, the remnants of his courage trying to shove them out of his mouth.
Cowardice fought him as he raised his head to look Banhammer in all four of his gorgeous eyes, being careful not to knock the other with his horns. His lips were locked in a serious, thin line and his eyebrows scrunched up on his forehead like he was angry about something.
Well, he sort of was, but he was more frustrated with himself than anything.
Banhammer’s eyebrows went soft as he looked up at Medkit’s expression, his strong hands falling from Medkit’s hair to be resting against the other’s back. And with a final struggle, Medkit finally the words leave the trap in his throat.
“We should get married.”
The question– well, not really a question– fell off Medkit’s tongue all wrong and weird. He didn’t mean to say it like that. That was not a question, nor a proposition, that was a statement. Why would he say it like that? That was absolutely not how those words were meant to come out of his mouth. He internally cringed and silently groaned. That was so odd. But before he could continue berating himself in his head, he caught a glimpse of Banhammer’s expression.
All red. His face was all red and strange-looking. His eyebrows raised in surprise and his eyes all blinking up at him like he was positive he had heard that wrong. His lips raised up in a smile and then shrivelled down into a sort of pout, and then he had to force himself to pull away from eye contact. One of his hands left Medkit’s back to cover the evidence of his flustered face.
The depths of Medkit’s soul fluttered at that sight. That expression was like a ray of warm sunlight to his treacherous and cavernous mind. Soon, that confusing, bold feeling was swimming through his bloodstream once again.
Medkit’s eye sharpened its gaze down on him. “Do you not want to? That’s fine, if you don’t want that.” He questioned, still staring down at Banhammer as he pulled himself up a little more. “I just thought it was kind of strange that we hadn’t done it already. Though, I suppose it doesn’t really mean anything, does it? It’s just a title, in the end.” He shrugged, his face still mostly blank and serious.
“No.” Banhammer whispered his reply quickly. “N-no, I do want to.” He stuttered. Stuttered? Now that was certainly unusual. He was usually so confident and sure in everything that he said, there was absolutely no room for stuttering in any of his sentences.
Affection welled in Medkit’s chest. “So what are you hiding for? Is something the matter?” He stifled a chuckle, gently peeling Banhammer’s hand away from where it was hiding his face. Stubborn and red and clearly unsure about something or other. “Are you nervous?” He continued the investigation, moving a hand to Banhammer’s chest so he could feel just how fast his heart was pounding.
“Flattered.” Banhammer corrected with a grumble. “And… confused.” He added, turning his head away from Medkit’s ever intense gaze. “I-I was plannin’ on askin’ you soon, in like a month or so, I never would’ve guessed that you would-...” He cut himself and changed his wording. “It’s strange, seeing you be so forward with your feelings. Welcome, but strange.”
Medkit smiled. A soft, warm sight that was so rarely seen by most, his gentle smile. That must have prompted something from his partner too, because, shortly after, Banhammer’s expression softened too. Banhammer looked really attractive like this, stubborn and red and a little bit sleepy, Medkit leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
“I don’t have a ring.” Medkit admitted in a soft mumble, his face still hovering just slightly above where he left the kiss. “Sorry if that bothers you. I just suddenly couldn’t contain the urge to ask.” He spoke so warmly. “I really want this. I love you a lot.”
The words fell from soft lips onto blushing ears, Medkit felt Banhammer’s grip tighten on his back, the fabric of his shirt tightening under the hold. “I don’t care about that. I love you too.” The words, despite being confident, were whispered in a grumble like he was afraid of letting them out.
Medkit laughed softly. Banhammer looked so flustered, it was so very endearing. He raised his head to be looking him in the eye again. His soft hands cupped either side of the demigod’s face. Like a stargazer, Banhammer looked up at Medkit’s face as if it was the twinkling night sky, encompassing everything around him.
Chuckling, Banhammer finally sat up, readjusting his arms so they could be wrapped around Medkit even sturdier than they were before. Strong arms tightened around Medkit’s waist as Banhammer leaned back against the arm of the couch, pulling his partner closer onto his lap. Medkit couldn’t find any reason to argue.
There were very few words Medkit could find to describe his feelings at the current moment. The excitement was so palpable, it was akin to fear. It felt like adrenaline was racing through his veins, and yet everything that was going on was so gentle and affectionate, and so his heartbeat was mellow and steady. Like the strumming of an acoustic guitar, or the patter of heavy rain against a closed window, or the tender sound of a riveting whispered word, It was almost intensely soft.
It was so quiet. Quiet, and yet everything within him felt like it was bursting from its seams. His instincts only murmured to get closer, and his mind only muttered thoughts of absolute safety. He felt so much like himself that it was almost scary. His body was a machine that had somehow been lovingly reset to factory settings. The person Medkit was always meant to be, the person Medkit always wanted to be. He was here.
Leaning forwards, their foreheads rested together. Medkit adapted his hold on Banhammer’s cheeks to dig into his skin a little, a tender touch so desperate like he was trying to fuse their bodies into one. The action prompted Banhammer to lean in even closer, so his breath ghosted over Medkit’s lips temptingly.
Medkit’s heart picked up a little as he brought all his focus back onto Banhammer’s stare. Daring him to close the tiny gap between them, Medkit let his mouth turn up into a gentle grin. His breath hitched as he felt Banhammer lean in again.
When their lips met, it was natural. Still, with all the new weight of their new titles as fiancés it felt so new at the same time. Medkit’s thumbs began to gently stroke at Banhammer’s cheeks as Banhammer’s grip tightened even further. The embrace was a duvet of assurance, a blanket of asylum. Nothing really mattered at that moment. Nothing mattered when they were intertwined like this.
Medkit’s head was swirling. Every time he thought Banhammer was about to pull away, he only left a small gap to softly breathe before returning his lips back against his lover’s. Medkit’s hands fell to rest over Banhammer’s shoulders, binding their souls together as he dug his fingertips into his cotton shirt.
Banhammer let Medkit’s name fall gingerly from his lips between kisses, a tender murmur that made something in Medkit feel awfully giddy. Eventually, he pulled away from the onslaught with a flushed grin. His hands were shaking. Shaking? He was so confident and bold just a moment ago, and now he’s all-...
Medkit’s fiancé let out a bellowing chortle. “Who’s all flustered and nervous now?” He’d snicker, dragging Medkit back down against his chest before he could muster a reply. His hold was strong, secure. Banhammer would sooner let the world burn to ash then let Medkit go, especially not now. His hands caressed circles into Medkit’s back, and Medkit just knew how much Banhammer was relishing in watching him melt.
“Shut up…” Medkit huffed with no real bite to his tone, feeling how possessive the grip around him was getting. He leaned into the warm expanse of Banhammer’s chest with a sense of almost longing in his chest. Banhammer was still right there, and yet Medkit was still yearning for him, for some reason. “We’re going to be spouses soon. I wonder how much longer you will keep up this bullying.”
“Bullying?” Banhammer hummed with feigned offense. “I ain’t no bully, Doc.” He shuffled, rolling over onto his side and then onto his stomach, crushing Medkit underneath him as his grip kept tight. The couch creaked gently under the shifting of their combined weight. “I could never be so cruel to someone as perfect as you are.” He chuckled.
Medkit let out a sharp exhale as Banhammer’s weight pushed all the air out of his lungs. “You are a bully,” his voice was strained from the lack of air, “look at this, you're not even picking on someone your own size.” Medkit scoffed, feebly trying to escape from the hold. He didn’t actually want to leave, despite most things, this position was still somewhat comfortable. This was just a game the two of them played.
It didn’t really have a name, it was more or less just ‘play wrestle with Medkit (very carefully) and see if he can escape.’ Over their years together, Medkit had gotten quite good at it, especially considering that Medkit won’t let Banhammer get away with going easy on him. After all his years of being stoic and suppressing his instinct to fight, it was nice to let go of it all, push and shove a little.
Refreshing, was the way Medkit would describe it. It was refreshing to just let himself go every once and awhile. It helped that, because Banhammer was so much bigger and stronger, it was actually a genuine challenge to get out. Medkit knew it was strange, but it made him feel empowered in a way. It made him feel safer.
Banhammer laughed as Medkit squirmed underneath him, and he began to shower Medkit’s face and neck in affectionate little kisses to further hinder his escape. “If anythin’ you’re mean to me! I thought you loved me, but here you are, runnin’ away from me. So cold, Doc, I thought we’d worked through this.” He continued to tease.
Everything in Medkit’s body turned into giddy butterflies under Banhammer’s lips. His poker face shattered so easy, leaving him no longer able to feign any anger. “Agh! You’re cheating! Since when was that allowed?” The bite that was meant to be in those words fell away under the occasional stutter or giggle.
This joy, this immense feeling of love, came to him oddly innately. It was strange, to love without worry, to smile without fear. He was giggling. I mean, really, he was giggling. He was being held down and yet his skin felt like it was covered in little blooming flowers. Medkit was a loving person, and it took understanding Banhammmer’s love to make him realise that.
“Since you asked me to marry you. The rules have changed now, Meds. You didn’t even get me a ring, y’know? So cruel.” Banhammer muttered under his chuckling, moving his hands down to Medkit’s sides to playfully tickle him, still laughing at Medkit’s incessant squirming. “It’s simple revenge. I’m fixin’ the injustice.”
Unable to stop himself, Medkit burst out into snorts of laughter. He didn’t know how ticklish he was until he started dating Banhammer, he was too afraid of being touched to let anybody tickle him without getting angry and paranoid. Maybe that was why he was so ticklish, the lack of touch had made his skin more sensitive. But it was how he defended himself, with verbal aggression and hiding himself away. Isolation for the sake of safety, aggression to mask fear or insecurity. He’ll never be able to express how grateful he is that he doesn’t feel that way anymore.
“Stop! Stopstopstop!” Medkit squealed, arms instinctively moving to defend himself. Joy rushed through his body like a drug as he brought his arms up to tickle his partner back. Banhammer recoiled instinctively with a bellowing belly laugh, giving just enough space for Medkit to swing his legs around and sit back up on the couch.
Now that he was free from Banhammer’s grasp, Medkit triumphantly turned to look down at him. All four of Banhammer’s eyes were staring up at him so softly, staring directly at the upturn of his lips. Medkit’s smile had him hypnotised or something. Under the affectionate attention, Meddkit only scoffed. “What are you staring at?”
Those four eyes struggled to look away as Banhammer regained his posture, sitting up to be neatly beside his partner. “I think you already know the answer to that.” He mumbled, staring forwards into the fireplace. That flame had hardly dulled from when the conversation started, it had heard every word the two of them shared.
Medkit hummed, lolling his head to the side so that it was resting against Banhammer’s shoulder. Whatever cold feeling possessed him to be curled up against Banhammer before was gone, replaced by an internal warmness that seemed to have spread throughout the room. He didn’t really feel sleepy anymore, either. This feeling was content, it was safe, it was the warm air that surrounded him, assuring him that everything was okay.
It was love. Love that circled through all his body’s systems and pumped through his skin with each breath he took. Love, which transpired any fear, any paranoia, any shock, into an affectionate domestic lullaby that echoed through his head.
“I feel like a cup of tea would be nice right now.” Medkit mumbled. A simple want, considering the excitement that he currently felt. There was no need for some kind of grand, announcing event where they drank champagne and gloated to their friends and family. This was enough. The two of them, sitting next to each other like this, was all Medkit felt he needed.
Banhammer’s fingertips reached for Medkit’s hand. “Then go put the kettle on. I’d offer to come with you, but I’m too lazy to get up right now.” He complained, nuzzling his head once more into Medkit’s hair. “Unless… you’d rather we both stay here and keep kissin’ me. Then, I might magically gain some more energy.”
Replying with a breathy chuckle, Medkit spoke softly. “I wouldn’t be opposed to that. The tea can always wait for later.”
And so when Banhammer’s calloused hand lifted up Medkit’s slumped chin, holding it still as he shifted to put their foreheads back together, Medkit’s grin remained.
And when Banhammer leaned in for another kiss, his mind couldn’t even fathom the idea of pulling away.