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They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Yet, Qifrey's survival hinges on the predictable. A constant loop he has to endure. He doesn't expect different but...
He wants. He wants. He wants. He wants so much for things he can never have. He wants to be rid of this body. Shed its skin and become anew. One without the curse. One without limitations. One where he doesn't have to be alone. Because while he may not be alone in company, he is in soul.
Sometimes he spends nights thinking over the futility of his situation. The ways in which he'll never escape it. He'll replay the loops of Olruggio finding out over and over. The same emotions. The same solution. But if he really wants to make it hurt... his mind will wonder off script.
He will conjure up this grand dream. One in which Olruggio knows, for some undiscernible reason, a magical cure for his affliction. He will pick up his wand and draw the spell on the spot. Before Qifrey can even think to wipe his memories clean.
Then, Olruggio will cup his face in his hands. He will gently thumb away any tears that may fall. Qifrey is sure he'll he inconsolable. But as the tears stop, and reality set in that this is real, he'll feel joy. The joy of finally being known completely. No more lying. No more secrets. As it always should have been. He can be loved and love freely.
But then the the sun will rise. On little sleep he'll make breakfast. And Olruggio will stumble into the kitchen. Their conversation will be comfortable and, for a moment, Qifrey will forget. So caught up in the moment, the danger will seem so far away.
He'll feel a sharp pain behind his eye. And he'll remember. He'll have to either tamper down his joy. Or the loop will repeat. Again. And again. And again.