Chapter Text
They both reached for the book at the same time. Carina felt her hand brush another and immediately pulled hers back, looking up at its owner. What she wasn’t expecting was the gorgeous blonde standing beside her.
Carina hadn’t seen her in here before, which meant she probably hadn’t been in - at least not within the last year - because Carina knew everyone. She was good at that. Working around the university library allowed her to learn a lot about people. She knew the hard workers, the last-minute essay writers, the ones dragged by their mates, and the ones who usually ended up asleep at their desks.
So if this woman wasn’t in last year, that made her a new student. Though she didn’t look 18, which suggested she was either a returning or non-traditional student. Given the section of the library they were currently in, definitely some kind of biological subject - perhaps PT or similar.
Not that she cared that much, of course. She was just another student. Carina DeLuca wasn’t here to make friends or otherwise.
“Sorry,” she muttered, moving her hand away after what was definitely too long.
The blonde also pulled her hands back. “Sorry, did you need it?” she asked.
Carina shook her head, looking down at the books she had on the wheeled shelves. “No, just organising. All yours.” She still had books to put away here, so stood waiting for the student to take the book and leave.
She did take the book, but she didn’t leave. “Sorry if this is a little… well I don’t know, but are you alright?”
Today was a bad day. Not that there were many good ones, but today was particularly bad. It was Andrea’s birthday.
Or would have been.
He would’ve been 24 today.
And there hadn’t been a single word from her Dad. Carina knew she should know better than to expect him to remember, let alone bother to check up on her, but it still stung.
Instead she was pulling a double shift in the library, attempting to take her mind off it all. Usually it worked. People didn’t ask questions. Students generally didn’t even notice her presence, so this one had caught her off guard. And it was the worst day for it.
“That’s not really your business,” Carina replied, snappier than she really intended.
“Right, yeah, sorry,” she responded, walking away.
Carina sighed. She hadn’t intended to be rude, not really.
It was just a bad day.
When Maya woke up the next morning, the librarian from yesterday was still on her mind. She wasn’t even really sure why, their interaction had been a matter of seconds and, to be quite honest, she’d been pretty rude.
Except Maya had a feeling.
She’d had a lot of those recently, since cutting her parents off.
The last year had been… something. Between becoming an Olympic champion and realising that her father was abusive, the last few months could be considered more of a death drop than a rollercoaster. Thankfully between some great friends, a very good therapist, and a whole new life plan, Maya was actually doing something that could be considered well.
But she recognised something of herself in that woman at the library. The sadness behind her eyes, the withdrawn look. Maya had been there - that’s why she’d asked the question.
“In your own world again, Maya?”
Maya looked down at the coffee she’d been stirring for far too long. “Just thinking.”
Vic leant against the counter, sipping from her own coffee that she must have picked up on her way over. “Are you okay?”
Was she?
In theory, yes. But something about that librarian from yesterday… it had stirred up some feelings.
Her friend waited patiently. Vic and Andy were her best friends, and they’d helped get Maya through her worst. They were amazing, and they knew sometimes it took her time to answer.
Maya picked her mug up, turning to stand beside Vic. “I met someone yesterday.”
“Oh,” Vic raised an eyebrow.
She immediately rolled her eyes, “not like that, Victoria. She’s a librarian - around our age I think, and when I looked at her she just looked sad. A familiar kind of sad, like she feels the same pain I did.”
“Well that’s… deep,” Vic replied, sipping her coffee again. “Did you talk to her?”
“I asked if she was okay, she snapped back at me that it’s none of my business - which I guess it isn’t. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I guess it’s just bringing up bad memories, I should probably call Diane.”
That was probably a bad moment for Andy to walk in the room.
“Diane? Is everything okay?” While both her friends were incredible, Andy worried - a lot. She’d found Maya the night it had all blown up with her father, and it still affected her at times. Walking in to Maya mentioning an extra therapy session was one of those times.
Giving her a reassuring smile, Maya walked over and placed a hand on Andy’s arm. “It’s not too serious, I promise. I’m good, just making sure I stay that way.”
“Maya met a girl,” Vic teased from where she’d stayed.
She grabbed a nearby orange, throwing it at her, though Vic expertly caught it - damn baseball player. “I met a woman at the library who seemed troubled. That’s it,” she explained to Andy. “Vic is being a bitch, and I have a job to get to. I’ll see you both later.”
“You better still be up for girls night tonight!”
She rolled her eyes, leaving her two best friends in her apartment, still fairly clueless as to why they’d shown up in the first place.
Carina hated days off. They were just days stuck with her own thoughts, and today was no different.
She’d given up sleep around 7am after yet another restless night. Carina couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a proper sleep, but at this point she was used to it.
Clutching her cappuccino, she sat out on the balcony of her apartment, thankful for the current nice weather and half-decent view. It was no Sicilia, but it would do. She couldn’t go back there anymore anyway.
She stared blankly out at the park they overlooked. There the usual dog walkers and runners - most of whom she recognised these days. Her favourite was a sweet old lady who would walk her labradoodle every morning at the same time, always singing to herself. Very occasionally, usually during the holidays, she’d have her granddaughter skipping along beside her too. Not today though, today it was just her and her dog.
“Figured you’d be out here.”
The voice made her jump, she’d gotten too deep in her own thoughts to hear the balcony door open and her roommate come out. “I guess I’m predictable,” Carina replied before sipping her coffee. “Working today?”
“Just heading in. I’m in OB today,” Jo mentioned.
Carina sighed quietly, she knew where this conversation was going. “Have a good day,” she told her, trying to end it.
But Jo sat down on the edge of the other chair. “You could come in and-”
“I’m not coming back, Jo.” She didn’t look at her friend, just staring out over the park. The old lady was out of view now.
“I’m not asking you to come back to work. Just come for lunch, everyone misses you.”
She took another sip from her coffee mug, giving herself time to form an answer. Unfortunately she’d pretty much run out of good excuses. “I have errands to run.”
They both knew it was a lie, but as always Jo simply nodded and stood back up. “Well you’re on dinner duty tonight.”
“Message me when you leave. Have a good shift,” Carina replied, and then watched as her friend left.
Jo was a good friend. Too good really. Carina and Jo had been friends since day 1 of medical school, when Carina had just moved to the US and knew nobody. She’d shown her around, helped her settle in, and never laughed when Carina’s English failed her. After the first year they moved in together, and when they graduated they’d moved into their current apartment after both matching to the Grey-Sloan residency programme - one of the most elite in the country. Everything was going great.
Until it wasn’t.
She got the call 2 months into her second year of residency. The call that changed her life.
The call that changed her.
That day she walked out of work and never went back. She couldn’t. How could she save people when she’d let him down so badly?
Carina pushed everyone away - everyone except Jo. It’s not that she hadn’t tried - Jo had the same treatment as all her friends at first. Anyone who tried to speak to her was met with either anger or silence, depending on the day. All her friends had tried - in fact Carina was fairly sure they’d put together some sort of rota - but she never answered. Not the door, nor her phone - that got thrown at a wall one day and not repaired for weeks.
But while everyone else stopped trying, Jo never did. She left meals at her bedroom door, even when they mostly went uneaten. She put up with everything, despite Carina being awful to her. She put in no effort to look after their home, refused to leave the building, and snapped easily. In all honesty, Carina was shocked Jo didn’t leave. Granted she did distance herself to an extent, and would go to friends rather than them coming to her, but in general - she stayed. Carina was even pretty sure Jo had postponed dates with her boyfriend, Alex, on days when she’d been really bad.
Then one day, Carina felt like cooking. She got up and left the apartment for the first time in 3 weeks, heading to the Italian market that she loved. The emotions walking in were mixed. This market felt like home - like walking round the markets of Catania with her mother. However, now home came with sadness too. Her brother was gone. A stupid accident had taken him, and she never even got to say goodbye.
She fought with herself at the entrance to the market, but finally made it inside and gathered all her favourite ingredients for pasta alla norma. And when Jo came home from work that day, she found Carina making dinner.
There was an apology, one that Jo accepted. Carina told her she’d do better, but she also told her that going back to work was not an option. Jo tried to convince her otherwise, but she wouldn’t be told. But she needed to work, and that’s when she’d got in contact with the library at UOW, where she had been known well during her years there, and thankfully they were able to take her on.
Since then Carina had lived in a sort of inbetween state. She had her routine, she did what she needed to do, but no more. Other than Jo and her colleagues, she didn’t really speak to anyone, and socialising was out of the question. She survived.
And she couldn’t see that changing anytime soon.
Therapy was never easy, but Maya never missed a session. Finding Diane had been incredible, because Diane knew how to handle Maya, how to break through to her. It was something that Maya appreciated heavily, despite how painful it could be.
But Diane had worked miracles and helped Maya back from her darkest moments. While she was still working hard, and some days were easier than others, Maya felt better than she had done in years. Maybe ever. Because until recently her spirit had been pushed down by her father - and now he was gone. She’d reached a point of acceptance on the closure of that part of her life.
However that didn’t mean some days weren’t hard, and that’s why she still met with Diane weekly, and it’s also why Diane was amazing and would squeeze her in at the last minute on days she really needed it - like today.
15 months ago, Maya was a very different person. She’d won at the Olympics, she’d revelled in the glory, done all the press, thrived in it all.
At least, that’s what it looked like.
Because the reality, she realised now, was so different. Her Dad made her act happy, so much that she’d believed it. But how could you really be happy when your brother had died the same night you won gold?
They didn’t talk about it. It wasn’t allowed. Lane banned all talk of Mason from their house, and life was, as it always had been, about Maya’s career.
Except Maya’s career was over. The injury to her ankle wasn’t healing like it should, and despite her Dad taking her to multiple different PTs, they all said the same thing - she wouldn’t be able to run competitively anytime soon.
The news hit her hard, but it was Lane’s reaction that was worse, and it was his reaction that finally made her see the reality of her situation.
That was the night she did what was possibly the most important run of her life - the run that took her away from home for good.
She’d ended up at her best friends’ door. Her friends that she’d barely seen in months. But they opened the door and let her in, they let her stay, and they helped her with no question.
Andy had taken her shopping for… well, everything. Her Dad, Pruitt, had helped Maya contact the right people to make sure her Olympic money and contracts were safe in her name. Vic came apartment hunting with her, and helped her pick out the current condo, and they both helped her move in, even roping in some of the guys they worked with at the firehouse.
Externally it looked like Maya was setting up the perfect life, but internally it kept building. Maya didn’t know who she was without running. She barely knew who she was at all. Her life had been guided by her father at every turn, so much so that now she was on her own, she had no idea what she was meant to do.
The Olympics money was plenty to go on for a while, but that wasn’t the point. She spent her days lost, especially when Vic and Andy were working. And her nights? They were spent at the bar, looking for someone to pick up - her ‘latest conquest’ as her friends referred to them as. It filled a gap, it was fun while it lasted, but it wasn’t really… a life.
It all broke one day.
Vic and Andy were working, and it was a bad ankle day so Maya couldn’t go for a run. She was stuck in the apartment, staring at the walls, and fed up with daytime TV.
She hated being alone like this. Her mind wandered. She’d slept terribly the night before - more nightmares. Nightmares she’d told nobody about, but that had plagued her. It’s why she never let anyone she slept with stay over. The golden rule.
She’d coped so far, but not for long. It suddenly hit Maya that afternoon, like her mind exploded and she lost all control, and when Andy and Vic finally found her after their shift, her apartment was a mess. Glasses smashed, wine on the floor where she’d dropped a bottle, and Maya lying in the middle of it all staring at the wall, already cried out.
Maya didn’t move as they cleared the glass from around her, in fact at the time she barely registered their presence. Then they picked her up and took her to the ER. She didn’t fight it, she didn’t have the energy to.
At the hospital they removed glass from her hands and bandaged them up, and then the psych team arrived to speak to her.
But she wouldn’t speak to anyone.
Eventually they left, but Maya saw Vic and Andy stop the doctor on the way out, though she didn’t think much of it.
Except an hour later, Andy disappears for a moment, and then reappears with another woman.
“Maya, this is Diane. She’s our department therapist.”
“M’not a firefighter,” Maya had mumbled.
Diane spoke next. “No, but your friends are very persuasive.”
“We try,” Vic grinned, and then looked back at Maya. “Andy had a hunch that you might get on better with Diane. At least give it a go - for us?”
Maya sighed, rolling from her side to her back, knees bent and one arm going to rest across her forehead as she looked at the ceiling. “Fine, whatever.”
They’d offered to stay, but Maya shook her head, and so Andy and Vic went off with the promise of bringing back food in an hour. And so right there, in that ER room, Maya had her first therapy session with Dr Diane Lewis.
Somehow, Diane had Maya down from the start. She was kind, caring, but firm. Not letting Maya give up easily. She spoke to her straight, no sugar coating where it wasn’t needed - something she appreciated a lot.
She left the ER that day with another appointment with Diane the following week. She had very few patients outside the fire department, with that being her full time job, but she made time for a select few - Maya now being one of them.
After that, Maya saw Diane twice-weekly for a couple of months, and things got easier. She built herself back up, and realised there was something she wanted to do - which led her to apply for the sports PT residency she was now doing. It had taken a lot of persuading from Andy, Vic, and Diane to get her to do it, but she had - and then she got accepted, something which shocked her completely.
They only accepted one resident a year, after all.
But Maya fit the bill. She was technically a qualified PT, though granted she hadn’t practiced since graduation, but she was also a former professional athlete - and therefore had plenty of expertise.
And, to be fair, it probably looked quite good on the university to have her there too. Though thankfully they didn’t press that too hard.
Now she was 2 months in, Maya was loving it. Most of her time was spent at the sports centre, there wasn’t much literal teaching involved, but she still went to the library. It was a quiet space for her to work, to go over her cases and make notes, and do research where needed.
What she hadn’t expected was to meet such an intriguing woman.