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The precinct buzzed with its usual hum, layers of chatter and conversation filling the bullpen . Phones were ringing incessantly, and the smell of perfume and dated paper floated through the air.
This was all normal.
So why did it all feel so different?
Rosa sat at her desk, her pen hovering over a piece of paperwork—the piece of paperwork she had been trying to fill up since noon. It was nearly one in the afternoon. Her hand clutched her hair, acting as if it were trying to pull out literally any kind of coherent sentence from her brain and transfer it onto the paper. The relentless headache was definitely not helping.
The background conversations usually helped her focus, almost like they were a white-noise machine. Now, they felt like distractions gnawing at her, always finding a way to take her focus off her work. She usually didn’t mind the smell of the perfume, but now, it seemed to be overwhelming, as if it were wafting up her nose into her head, giving her a pounding headache.
“Come on, dipshit. You’ve done this hundreds of times. It’s not that hard,” she hissed at herself, eyebrows furrowed, fingers now rubbing her temples.
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. The words on her paperwork looked like they were muddling together. Sweat clung to her blouse, sticky and hot. Fricking heatwave. Everything around her gnawed at her senses, the overstimulation crawling under her skin, making her shift restlessly and giving her the urge to somehow crawl out of her skin.
When she thought nothing could get worse, the smoke detector started ringing because of god knows what Boyle was doing with the microwave. The alarm wasn’t even that loud to start with, but to Rosa, it was sharp and deafening— an ear-piercing siren that drowned all her thoughts.
That was it.
She finally snapped. She gripped her pen so tightly till her knuckles turned white, before throwing it across her desk onto the ground. She stood up forcefully, chair scraping against the floor so loudly it caught the attention of everyone around her.
“Rosa-“ Jake started, but it didn’t matter. Rosa couldn’t hear him over the ringing in her ears anyways. Her legs pushed herself forward, as if they were on auto-pilot, leading her to the one place she knew she could find some peace—the filing room.
As soon as she stepped inside, she slammed the door shut on instinct before her legs gave out, leaving her to crumble into a heaving mess on the ground. Her legs were pulled up to her chest, head between her knees in an instinctive attempt to shun out the bright, white lights that might just burn a hole through her eyes.
A choking pressure started to form in her chest. Her heart pounded so furiously in her she could hear it in her ears. Fingernails digging into her palms, she squeezed her eyes shut. Breathe, Rosa. Breathe. She tried every breathing and grounding exercise she knew, but nothing seemed to work. The dizziness was getting to her as she desperately tried to gasp for air, but only chokes and hiccups came out.
God damn it, Rosa. Why are you even crying? That's for losers. For people who are weak and pathetic and can’t handle a little emotion, she thought, wiping at her tears roughly.
Suddenly, the door opened—just a little. Her breath caught, unsure of what to do except for sitting there pathetically. “Rosa…” Jake. Of course he followed her here like the ‘perfect’ friend he was. He guessed that the lights were aggravating her, reaching towards the light switch and turning the lights off.
“Go away,” she spat, not even looking up. Her breathing was still ragged and uneven, but Jake’s voice seemed to help ground her somehow. Jake stopped in his tracks, giving Rosa the space she needed.
“Alright. I'm not coming any closer.” Frustration bubbled up in her chest—not because Jake wasn’t leaving, but because of how she must have looked in front of him. Curled up into a ball, so small and weak. Like she was so fragile, that she could shatter at any moment. The truth was, she hadn’t really meant what she said. She didn’t want Jake to go away. In fact, she wanted him here, right by her side, because somehow, he brought her comfort. He had this sort of energy that radiated off of him that helped her calm down. Like... chamomile? Jake just stood in front of the door, not moving, like he was assessing what to do next.
“Just breathe, Rosa.” Breath still trembling, her head shot up as she bit out through her teeth, “You think… I wouldn’t have fucking done so by now if I could, Peralta?”
She could see Jake flinch. Dang it. Why had she said that? She didn’t mean to, but thinking before speaking was really the last thing on her mind right now. Now he’s actually going to leave, Rosa thought. She waited for the door to open once again, but she heard nothing. Jake hadn’t chosen to leave, despite being hurt by her. He stayed. He still stayed.
She turned her head away from the door, where Jake couldn’t see her tear stained face. With a shaky hand, she swiped at her cheek. Her hands were still shaking, but she was noticeably calmer than before. The pressure in her chest had subsided into an ache, and her breathing evened out slightly. Through it all, Jake stayed by the door, offering his silent comfort.
"Remember when Charles was busting down the Single Ladies Dance last week?" What? That was the last thing Rosa was expecting him to say right now. Before she could stop herself, she faced him, frowning--- not from fury, but from confusion on why he was bringing this up now, when she was having a meltdown in front of him.
Seeing the look on her face, he elaborated, " Remember? When the precinct was on lockdown because of the substance someone planted Charles's bag?"
Rosa stayed silent, still hiccuping. Jake started inching towards her without her even noticing. "Dude, really? I didn't know you had memory as bad as my pet goldfish I had in third grade."
"I obviously know what you're talking about," she shot back. Then after a few seconds, she said, softer this time," I guess it was kinda funny seeing him dance."
He was trying to get her to talk. To ground her. To take her mind off whatever she was focusing on. He knew it was working. He could see Rosa's gaze shift, no longer locked on the ground and panicked, but rather thoughtful. He could tell she was thinking about Boyle's silly dance, and that's when he saw it. A small smile curling at her lips. It was imperceptible---if you hadn't been paying close attention, you wouldn't have caught it. That's how he knew it was working.
"His backup dancers really were the cherry on top," he prompted again. By now, her breathing had fully evened out and the tension in her shoulder had eased. He grinned proudly when his little snark comment earned a soft snort from Rosa.
She hadn't even realised it, but Jake was now at her side, grunting as he sat down beside her. They stayed there for a while, leaned back against the wall, sitting in the comfortable silence.
After a moment, Rosa shifted, head lolling towards Jake, " Hey, thanks for doing this man. And sorry about...just now. Gosh, that was... embarrassing.”
“Don’t apologise,” he said quickly, then after a moment, “Do you… wanna talk about it?” Rosa shook her head.
”No. Just… not right now. But thanks again. You really helped me.” He just smirked, raising his eyebrow.
"What can I say? It's a Peralta special." Rosa rolled her eyes, chuckling as she began to stand up to leave.
"Woah, woah? Where are you rushing to, sonic? You got places to be?"
Rosa hesitated before answering, "Uhh, yea? I have to get back to work?" He made a face at her.
"Don't you want to enjoy this," he raised his arms up, folding them behind his head, "peace and quiet?" he continued.
Seeing how comfortable Jake was ---in a breezy air conditioned room, eyes shut and legs stretched out, Rosa shrugged. " Well...I guess I could stay for a while more." He grinned from ear to ear.
"Now that's the spirit!" Rosa joined jake on the floor again, basking in the tranquility.
Out of nowhere, she broke the silence, "Also you are so not telling a soul what happened in here today."
"For five bucks?"
"Jake. I swear to god I will tell everyone about that time you were in the janitor's closet---"
"Kidding! Geez, Diaz."