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David Fry never thought of himself as "normal." His whole childhood, he knew something was wrong with him.
He was six years old when he realised it, that he didn't view the world like others. It hurt him more than it hurt anyone else, as far as his little brain knew. That was the same year he ran into the ocean, played off by his family as childish irresponsibility, but he knew exactly what he was doing. Despite his innocence, not knowing the proper way to carry out suicide at his age (and not even knowing what that word meant), he had intent. He knew what he wanted, and that was to die.
Since then, he'd been getting by. Just barely, is what he'd tell anyone who asked, but getting by.
That was, until, his last year of secondary school, when a boy his age transferred to his school.
Gabe Goodman was, by David's standards, the most annoying bastard on the planet. He was smug, popular (everyone wanted to be friends with the "cool new American kid"), annoyingly gorgeous, and had that stupid accent. By all accounts, Gabe was everything David hated.
Until he got to know the boy. Gabe sat next to him in class one day, complimenting his nail polish. That was all it took for David to realise that Gabe wasn't the typical annoying frat boy. When Gabe finally opened up, David wasn't expecting anything he said. His mum's bipolar disorder, how the doctors said that a change of scenery might do some good for her her health, how their family had immediately packed up and moved to England. David felt pity for poor Gabe, and that wasn't an emotion he felt very often.
It didn't take long for them to start dating. They became friends in October, and got together in January. David still didn't share his troubles with Gabe, and that had him wondering something.
In every stupid cheesy romance movie he saw, love always seemed to fix everyone's problems, like they'd get in a relationship and suddenly never be able to feel pain again. David would never admit it, but it almost made him jealous.
Everyone online, in shows or movies or anything, always got their happy ending. So where was his?
Life started to calm just slightly when he got accepted into Cambridge, but that didn't last. When he started to celebrate with friends or family, he'd drink. And that never ended well. His room was messier, he showered less, and when he did, they were the kind of showers that stung. He even felt himself starting to pull away from his own boyfriend. That made him feel guilty, of course, but he made no attempt to get better. He saw himself as a lost cause, someone who didn't deserve to get better. And that only got worse in Cambridge.
The academic pressure slowly got worse as his years in Cambridge went on. When he wasn't in class, or studying to the point of burnout, he was partying, drinking, smoking, or using whatever shitty pills he could afford. Gabe, being annoyingly caring and clingy (David would never admit how much he loved that), would send strings of worried texts asking David where he was, if he was okay and whatnot, and would only get replies the next morning. David would make up excuses, always something about staying up late studying or falling asleep straight away after a long day of classes. They both knew that was false, but neither of them wanted to confront it.
It all seemed to blow up in his face right before graduation. Turns out, Diana had unknowingly booked a family trip to visit family back in America right on the week of the graduation. That meant Gabe wouldn't be there. David wasn't mad at him for it, but he thought he at least had a right to be pissed.
Then, of course, his parents had to miss the graduation. Not that he trusted his father to be there anyways.
That night, he partied a lot harder than usual, which was saying a lot. He tried new drinks, new pills, anything he could get his hands on to try and forget. And it felt good. Really fucking good. He finally felt normal after years of knowing he was defective. He finally felt happy instead of empty, his brain felt quieter than ever.
By the time he got home, he was a true addict. Gabe tried to reach out, he really tried. But hanging out with your boyfriend is difficult when he sleeps all day and only goes out to get high. Everyone in David's life was worried for him, but somehow no one helped. They all seemed scared, like he was a wild animal and not someone sick and in need of help. The illness spread so rapidly that no one really knew what to do.
This, once again left David wondering why. He realised he did want help, but he was in too deep to ask for it. That's what made him do what he did.
He wrote the notes on a rainy Sunday night in March, ten months after he graduated. Not that he had many to write. One for Gabe, one for his mum, and a short one for his dad.
It was still raining early the next morning when he walked out to the shed. He put the letters in his pocket and stood up on the chair.
No one would help him. If he tried to scream, the rope would silence him. He'd finally be devoid of pain. He finally be able to feel free without feeling numb at the same time. They always said he'd be a star, so why not become one?
So, David Fry's last thought before the rope tightened around his neck was his boyfriend, and why he never stopped him.