Chapter Text
This was it. The final straw. Remus was going to kill Sirius Black, once and for all to do the whole world a favour. Said boy was sitting across the common room from him with a broad smirk on his face. Remus’ face actually. It was all Sirius’ fault.
During potions class earlier that day Sirius “accidentally” got distracted by something (it totally wasn’t Remus’ eyes, or curls, or stupid broad brimmed hat that he insisted on wearing for some ungodly reason -even if Sirius did think it looked so very hot on him- nothing like that at all) and dropped some crushed unicorn horn into the transfiguration potion causing the potion to explode all over the boys and force them to switch bodies.
This was something even Professor Slughorn was shocked by, for never in all his years had he seen something like this occur. To make sure that the boys didn’t freak out the fellow students, more importantly to make sure Slughorn didn’t get in trouble with Dumbledore for basic neglect, he made the two Gryffindors promise not to tell anyone that they were the other. For some strange reason they did promise to keep the secret. Of course the pair did not keep it from James and Peter because how else would you explain that Remus Lupin was apologising to Sirius Black for fucking up a potion.
This brings us to the current moment, with the Marauders sitting in the Gryffindor common room, with James not being able to stop laughing no matter how many glares Sirius Remus sent him across the couch. Remus was refusing to look at Sirius instead opting to continue reading Advance Counter Curses . The deep sigh still couldn’t get him to look up. “Why are you wearing that hat?” Sirius asked as he returned to the couch after going to corner talking to Lily a for a bit about counter potions (per Remus’ request).
“Because it is my hat and I like it. Now bugger off,” Remus replied dryly without look up at Sirius, mostly because he was annoyed with the other boy but also because it was strange to look at his own face when talking.
“Oh come on Remus I said I was sorry,” Sirius whined as he sprawled across the couch across from the one Remus occupied, causing Peter to shove him a bit.
“Yup and those are just words Sirius,” Remus shot back, turning a page.
Sirius sat up at this. “Oh come on. Is it really that bad being me?” He asked giving a pout.
Remus finally looked up, but murder was in his glare causing Sirius to shrink just a little. “I’ve had three people try and punch me in the face in the last two hours.” He bit before returning to his book.
“Good point,” Sirius sighed, slumping back into the couch.
Remus finally set down his book but he had his scolding expression on, something that didn’t quiet work on Sirius face. Leaning across the coffee table he hissed, “This is your fault y’know. If you hadn’t messed up the goddamn potion-”
“I’m working on it alright? I promise you I’ll fix it,” Sirius cut him off putting both hands in the air in surrender.
Remus smirked before picking back up his book. “Good, and until you do, I am going to wear what makes me comfortable,” He replied settling to the couch again, sending James a glare when he heard a snicker from that end of the couch.
“I’ve never looked like such a nerd,” Sirius mumbled with a sad expression that everyone was a little to accustom to seeing on Remus’ face. Remus sent him daggers for the comment but didn’t grace him with a response. He watched as a light bulb went off in Sirius’ eyes and watched as the cogs began to turn. A smirk shined bright on the scarred boy’s lips as he said, “Well I guess it’s alright. Throw some flannels in there, change things up a little.” He stood and stretched before turning back to Remus, “and in that case….”
Fear swallowed Remus at the words, his head shot up from his book as he panically tried to figure out what Sirius was planning. “‘In that case’ what?” He asked frantically trying to read the other.
“Oh nothing,” Sirius replied a little to sweetly for Remus to feel at all at easy.
“‘Oh nothing’ what?” Remus all but shouted as he watched Sirius begin to walk away without giving him a proper answer.
“I’m going to go look for a counter curse. See ya, Rem!” Sirius shouted as he all but skipped out of the common room with glee.
“Shit…” Remus whispered watching himself skip. James’ laugh cutting sharp through the air is what pulled him out of his head. He glared at the cackling boy about to fall off the couch. With a glare Remus stuck his foot out and gave James the extra nudge he needed to fall face first to the floor. “Yes thank you, James. Your nonstop laughter during this experience was so helpful. You are a true friend,” Remus said sarcastically when James sat up from the floor with a hurt look.
James let out a short laugh at this before pulling himself onto the couch again. “Yeah right mate. If there is one thing I have learned it’s that there is no stopping Sirius Black from doing anything once he has put his mind to it. You are the only person with that power, Rem. And if he is doing it to get you, then call the Queen because you are royally fucked,” He explained with a what you gonna do face that Remus was all too familiar with.
“Prat,” Remus muttered under his breath before returning to his book, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach from the idea of being the only one Sirius actually listened to.
*****
Up in the boy’s dorm found Sirius digging through his own trunk trying to find the perfect thing to freak Remus out. If he was going to insist on wearing that ridiculous hat that just completely ruined Sirius’ hair then Sirius was going to give Remus a fright. Wear what makes him comfortable my ass, Sirius thought bitterly as he dug around in his trunk. He pulled out the small box that contained his collar (and matching leash but we don’t talk about that when it’s not bedtime), fake tattoos and makeup that Dorcus and Marlene were kind enough to buy him. Pulling out the collar and the tattoos a sinister grin grew on Sirius’ face. This will do greatly he thought devilishly as he began to apply the tattoos. A series of different phases of the moon and clusters of stars were places thoughtfully across Remus’ collarbone, shoulders and neck. Once Sirius was positive they had all dried he strapped on the collar tightly.
With a smirk playing a seducing dance on his lips Sirius got up to look in the full boy to inspect his work. “Perfect,” He breathed as he locked eyes with the reflection. He had never been able to deny to himself that he was very attracted to Remus, for more than his body. But standing in front of the mirror with said boys body at his disposal, Sirius couldn’t help himself. As his grin slipped from his lips his eyes raked up and down the body in the mirror. His hand slowly began to move to the hem of the rock shirt he had put on.
“Just look….Don’t touch….” He whispered as he pulled up the shirt to reveal the scarred and muscular flesh underneath it. The idea of what he was actually doing caught up to him quickly causing him to drop the shirt and grab at the beanie atop of his head, he couldn’t make eye contact with his reflection now, knowing what he had done. “Christ, Sirius….” He mumbled finally looking back at the reflection trying to ignore the throbbing in his trousers.
Going to sit down in his bed while still looking at the mirror he let out a breath. It’s not like you haven’t touched him before, the devil in the back of his mind began to reason as he stared at the collarbone peaking out from his shirt from where he had pulled it down. He’s not going to care the voice spoke again as Sirius brought his hand to his face feeling the lips and lip ring he had put in, before moving on to his facial hair that was all neatly trimmed. The hand had a mind of it’s own, moving next to Remus’ soft curls peeking out from the hat, to scars that crossed his face, before slowly grazing his neck. Next it slide the shirt to the side to feel the soft and scarred skin on Remus’ shoulder and collarbone. The hand travelled down Remus’ chest as Sirius’ conscious caught up with him I’ve never touched him like this… But that didn’t stop him, oh no. His hand travelled over to the bulge in his trousers. Palming it hard causing Sirius to let out a loud groan.
This forced Sirius out of his trance. “What the fuck!?” He yelled at himself as he stood and turned his back to the mirror. He began to pace the room. “Bloody idiot,” He hissed as he smacked himself on the head, still frustrated in more than one way. Sirius turned back to the mirror and laughed bitterly, “Take advantage of your best mate, classy.” He actually took the time to look at himself for what he really was in that moment. With a glare he spit, “You’re sick,” at the reflection before leaving the room, praying no one would ever find out what he had done.
*****
Remus was hiding out in the library, avoiding the other Marauders seeing as they all found this mix up hilarious, reading some of the older muggle books his mother had sent to him in the last mail day. He was about find out how Mr. Darcy actually felt when he heard someone plop down into the armchair across from. He meant to only take a quick glance at who came to bug him now when he got a full view of his own body, covered in tattoos and a rock band shirt with a low collar, and Sirius’ signature leather jacket.
Sirius began to laugh as Remus began to panic. “What did you do to me?!” He yelled at Sirius genuine anger in his voice.
“I am just wearing what makes me comfortable,” He replied innocently as he pulled at his jacket revealing a little bit of Remus’ scarred chest.
“Oh my god. Seriously?” Remus hissed as he put down the book and began rubbing his temple.
Sirius chuckled as he leaned back looking all too relaxed in the sinfully low shirt and tight pants. “Hey, I look good, don’t I?” He asked all to confident.
“No!” Remus screamed looking him in the eyes, hurt and panic in his eyes, “You don’t look good because… because you are me. That is me, Sirius!! That is me covered in… Merlin Sirius, those tattoos are horrible!” He shot back getting more frustrated with the boy taking too much pleasure in wearing his face.
Sirius shrugged not really taking much from Remus’ outburst. Stretching out in the chair and putting his hand behind his head, Sirius said, “I’ve been trying to get you to spice up your look for ages… perfect opportunity amiright?” The smirk that he wore when he first came in reclaimed it place on his lips.
“I look stupid,” Remus muttered picking back up his book.
“You… I… We look fantastic,” Sirius retorted leaning closer to the other. “Oh, and….” Sirius started looking down at his crotch. “I left you a present,” he said with a wink.
Remus was utterly mortified at the idea that Sirius had done anything permanent to his body in any way, special involving sensitive areas. With a quick glance down his own body he look back up at Sirius. “You. Did. Not,” He spoke very firmly. There is no way that Sirius is that cruel, Remus reasoned with himself
Sirius began to laugh before saying, “It’s fun being you, Rem.”
Remus shook his head before running a hand down his face. “Oh my god,” He mumbled to himself.
When he looked back up he was greeted with the image of Sirius stroking his neck gently. “You skin is so soft,” Sirius reasoned when Remus gave him a questioning glare.
“Stop that,” Remus hissed as the hand began to travel into his shirt, even though he couldn’t take his eyes away.
Sirius dropped his hand but began to smirk as he pushed himself up from the chair. “Well, if you’ll excuse you, you have things to do,” He teased before walking off, well walked is a very loose term for how he moved swinging his hips with grace and flirtation that Remus never had.
“What stuff?! Sirius?! What stuff?!” Remus shouted after him to no avail.
Mary, who had been sitting a few chair over came up to Remus looking very flush. She sat down in the chair Sirius had previously occupied before leaning in to whisper, “Is it just me or is Remus like really confident all the sudden?”
Remus became appalled at the idea when he heard a snort that morphed into a laugh from a few shelves over. He cursed knowing that James had heard the whole exchange as he began to wonder how he could possible get Sirius back for this.
******
The next morning was luckily a Saturday, allowing both Remus and Sirius to not have to try and get through classes as each other for Remus had taken advance care of magical creatures and Sirius had not. Remus was the last of the boys to actually get out of bed, with Peter being the one to wake him just before ten.
Opting out of showering, for he did not need the embarrassment of trying to not get hard at the sight of a naked Sirius, he instead just stuck his head under the bathroom sink and shampooed his hair before rinsing it and towel drying a bit. The hair laid limp, wet, and much in Remus’ way but for the most part it was a thing that could be easily ignored. Try to find a clean shirt of Sirius’ that wasn’t too extremely revealing was proving to be a different challenge. Remus had gone to sleep in one of his own hoodies but could not find a clean shirt in all of Sirius’ trunk or in any of the small stacks of clothes placed around the boy’s bed.
“Really, mate? When was the last time you did washing?” Remus mumbled to himself as he checked the last pile that sat in front of the full body mirror Sirius insisted on having in the dorm and next to his bed. Remus stood up and found himself staring at the reflection of Sirius’ body. He quickly became transfixed with the image, he noticed the smooth skin, unmarred be scars that were self inflicted, the hair that had been wet minutes ago was mostly dry and becoming a loose and tameable curly-like wave. Remus’ hand drifted over the clear skin, tracing the parts that on his own body would be covered with scars but finding none. He all but ripped open the hoodie’s front zipper to reveal a toned and smooth chest, he ran his hands over the skin that was all the same colour no hair line scars or bite mark near his ribs, it was all perfect .
Woken from his dream like state by the sound of feet going down the steps in the hall. He forced the zipper all the way up tearing his gaze away from the mirror. “Idiot,” He mumbled to himself as he turned back to the mirror. Noticing the water collecting in the corner of his eye about to fall Remus wiped his eyes quickly before all but sprinting out of the room and away from the reflection he could never have.
*****
After a late breakfast and almost getting punched by a third year Ravenclaw that had apparently been stood up by Sirius earlier that week, Remus found himself trying to do his homework in the quiet common room. Most of the students were off at Hogsmeade that day, but Remus had felt not at all up for pretending to be Sirius in public. The homework was proving harder than Remus had originally thought, this caused him to run his hands constantly through his hair. This caused said hair to get frizzy and hang down into his face, for Sirius hair was too long to be pulled at by stressed out werewolves.
He tried to blow it out of his eyes several times before giving in and just pushing it back. Sirius needed a haircut was the conclusion that Remus came to.
“Hey there, pads.” Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Sirius came strutting into the common room. He was still wear those stupid tattoos and that sexy ridiculous collar, but there was something new. Sirius had put on one of his tie off crop tops showing off all of Remus scars and stomach.
Panic spread through Remus’ body as he took in what Sirius had done. “Get over here,” he hissed as he pulled Sirius by the arm into an empty studyroom that was part of the Gryffindor common room. Remus lit the candle once the door was shut and locked behind them. “What the bloody fuck are you doing?” He asked venom in every word, he was literally shaking with anger at this point ready to murder Sirius.
Sirius just smirked, like alway, before replying, “Just wearing what makes me com-”
“My scars you idiot!” Remus interrupted, so tired of Sirius’ half assed excuse for being cruel to him.
“Scars are badass,” Sirius said shrugging nonchalantly.
“The bite.” Remus pointed out sternly, for Greyback had bit down right below his left ribs meaning the crop top was allowing the world a full view of it.
The other smiled all too proud of himself. “ I got it covered,” He said pointing to the large bandage that covered exactly where the bite marks were, “literally.”
Remus turned and began to run his hand through his hair for it only to get caught in the long locks. “God damn it,” He mumbled as he yanked his hand free. He turned back to Sirius to say not so calmly, “What happened to be inconspicuous till we figure this shit out?”
“What’s conspicuous about this? They’re just clothes.” Sirius asked playing dumb.
Remus growled, “Me running around starkers-”
“Correction, scantily clad,” Sirius interrupted.
“Me running around ‘scantily clad’ is not being inconspicuous, Sirius!” He snarled out taking a hard step towards the other.
Sirius just took a step back and continued to smirk. “Hey, if you keep calling me that then we are definitely going to run into trouble.” He said, proving a good point, before leaning in with his hands on his hips, “Stop being so careless ‘Sirius’.”
Remus scoffed crossing his arms and shaking his head. “You are getting such a kick out of this, asshole.”
“Come on, Moons, live a little,” Sirius tempted with a wink, “Lot’s of opportunities to get into trouble with that body you’ve got there.”
Gathering his resolve he said through gritted teeth, “I will not sink to your level, Black.”
Sirius tsked and waggled his finger. “Ah ah, call me Moonykins.”
He takes back what he thought at the beginning of this stupid trip, that was the last straw. That right there. The final bit that made Remus take the bait and run, letting out his inner Marauder, he began to plot. Standing up straight and locking eyes with Sirius he spoke calmly, “I take back what I said. You’ve just found yourself in some quicksand, and you’re sinking fast.”
With a wolf’s grin Sirius replied, “I love sinking, almost as much as I love terrible metaphors.”
Leaning in with a similar smile Remus jabbed the other’s chest hard. “I swear to all the gods I can think of, by the time I’m through with you… You’ll never have a good lay again,” He whispered with malic.
“Looks like I’ve unleashed the beast,” Sirius said with pride laying a hand on his chest.
Remus smiled and laughed, causing Sirius’ confidence to . “Beast is an understatement. You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into, Black,” He told before heading for the door.
Slightly nervous Sirius let out a laugh, “Uh, Remus?”
“You’re going down mother fucker,” Remus promised before flipping Sirius the v and leaving the room.
Sirius sat alone in the now dark room scared beyond himself. For while James and him were know as the masterminds of the Marauders it was actually Remus that came up with the best pranks. When he put his mind to it, Remus could be a right devil. It was now Sirius’ turn to panic.
*****
When dinner came around Sirius, James, and Peter had already gotten their plates fixed and started eating. Remus was nowhere insight and one could physically see how nervous he was.
“Relax mate, this is Remus we are talking about what is the worst he would do?” James asked from his spot across Sirius.
Sirius shot him a look of fear as all the pranks planned by Remus start running through his head. “Well James, there is a lot he can do he is in my body,” Sirius shot back through gritted teeth.
The other was about to respond when Remus came walking in, a grin plastered on his face. Sirius was confused where as James just looked giddy, muttering something like, “nevermind I take it back.”
Remus had put on Red suspenders, their uniform shirt, large circular red and black glass, there was a thin and well trimmed mustache on his upper lip, and had pulled Sirius hair into a greasy tight ponytail at the bottom of his neck. Sirius shook his head in disbelief as he scan his own body. At the sight of Remus just making him look like a dork he relax. “Wow,” He scoffed turning to face the boy who sat next to James. Remus raised eyebrows but continued to smirk, James began to laugh uncontrollably. “Really, this is your plan to ruin my sex life?” Sirius asked, Remus just looked down letting out a chuckle. “Suspenders.” He stated bluntly pulling at the pair that Remus wore.
He started to laugh and shake his head a little. “Naw, I just really wanted to see you in this shit.” He answered as he pointed to the outfit that he had put together. Sirius tilted his head and made a face at the comment, about to laugh himself. A smirk that would put the Devil’s to shame grew on Remus face. “Now this is how I’m going to ruin your sex life,” He reprimanded as he set the glasses on top of his head.
Excitement was growing on James and Peter’s faces as the watched the two boys like a tennis match. Remus straightened his bowtie and clear his throat before shouting, “Oi, Snivellus!” The other three watched in both horror and amazement as Severus Snape turned around, fear in his frame, at the Slytherin table across the hall. James’ smile grew and Sirius began to panic shaking his head feveriously to get Remus to stop whatever he was plan but Remus’ smirk grew.
“What do you want, Black?” Severus hissed back, though fear was plain in his voice.
“What do I want?” Remus asked plainly before giving Sirius a final wink.
“Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare.” Sirius demanded grabbing for Remus’ arm.
Remus just smiled and stood. “I want you Severus Snape!” He shouted louder than the first time. Silence filled the Great Hall as everyone, including the teachers, were entranced by what was going on. Sirius was frozen with his mouth on the floor. James was laughing and breathing out ‘oh my god’ every ten seconds. Peter was actually terrified. “I want your spidery fingers all over this,” Remus continued as he ran his fingers down his chest. “I want to run my hands through your shiny locks.” This time reaching out and stroking the air. Stepping up on the table with one foot Remus finished, “I want you to take me right now, right over this table!”
The whole room was horrified. Stuck between trying to figure out if Sirius was well serious, for there was no doubt that Sirius Black was at least half gay, or if it was just an elaborate joke the boys had come up with. Severus took it as a horrifying confessing, one completely unnatural in its implication. “You- you want- what the fuck!” He screamed disgusted at the thought of ever laying with Sirius Black. “F-Fuck off Black, you… you freak of nature!” He declared before stomping out of the Great Hall looking like he was ready to vomit.
“Severus don’t go!” Remus yelled trying to quickly climb down from the table, “Severus, you’re the love of my life!”
This is when James actually lost it, he began to pump his fist in the air with victory and almost fell of the bench. With a look down at James next to him Remus fell apart, his laughter racking the the still silent Great Hall. Everyone realised then it was a joke and went back to their own means and lives, noise began to rise. Sirius leaned in across the table to whisper, “What the actual hell, Remus?” He only got laughter into a hand as an answer. “What the actual bloody hell?!” He asked again this time louder and more strong and less shock.
Remus just shrugged and looked at him with a smile. “I gave you fair warning,” he got out before breaking down into laughter.
Sirius covered his mouth and shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t know you were capable of such villainy,” He stated with his hands in the air with defeat.
“Must be the new body,” Remus replied stroking his chest again.
Sirius pouted but sighed. “Well it's a good thing…. Shut up James,” He said kicking the other boy from underneath the table, “Well it’s a good thing I have the antidote then isn’t it? Another day and you’d ruin my life.”
Realization washed over Remus like a bath. “You’ve had it this whole time,” He pointed out, there is was no doubt in his voice, and Sirius smirk confirmed it.
“Irrelevant. Now… Before any more public-love-confessions are made… “ Sirius stuck out his hand across the table, “Truce? Stop ruining my reputation and I will give you back your new and improved self.”
“You are such an asshole,” Remus marvelled.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Sirius gloated.
“Alright truce,” Remus sighed as he shook Sirius hand. James fell onto the floor still laughing.
*****
After a rushed dinner the four boys found themselves alone in the Gryffindor common room. Remus had said something about having to use the bathroom and taking the antidote in there alone. The other boys agree as he grabbed some other clothes to wear.
It took about ten minutes for the potion to actually work and for them to change back. When Sirius came down stairs from the bathroom he ran his fingers through his hair to relieve stress after a long day, Remus was in his normal chair reading a new book, with a slight smirk on his lips. He looked up as Sirius entered, saw the deadpanned expression on his face, and allowed his smirk to grow.
“Really, Rem?” Sirius asked pointing to his now cut hair, “I thought we called a truces, this is not a truce this is treason.” Remus had cut the sides down to but an inch, and shortened the top about five inches, giving Sirius a nice undercut and causing the longer part of his hair to tightly curl.
“Don’t worry it will grow back in a few days,” Remus replied dully going back to his book.
“You’re evil,” Sirius laughed a little, getting a nice smile out of the other, “This punishment is totally disproportionate to the crime.”
Remus laughed bitterly before shouting, “You gave me a faulty potion.”
“On accident,” Sirius defended.
“You hid the antidote,” Remus pointed out, the smile now gone.
“Hey that was funny,” Sirius tried to bargain, knowing his argument would win him nothing.
With a set glare Remus returned to his book only to say, “You made me walk around with tasteless tattoos.”
“Washable.”
With a raised eyebrow Remus shot a look down to his crotch. “You left me a ‘present’,” he hissed before going back to the book, knowing at this point he was not going to finish.
“Oh come on…” Sirius moaned with the face of a child caught in the cookie jar, “I didn’t actually… you know.” He did look at least a bit sorry for implying on invading Remus’ privacy, but that doesn’t mean Remus was done with him yet.
“Oh I know,” Remus said casually as he closed his book and stood.
“Hun?” Sirius grunted out looking up at Remus now.
Remus let out a dark chuckle before leaning in to Sirius ear to whisper, “I knew you hadn’t, because if you had then you would have realised…. That I already had one.” Remus pulled back in time to watch as Sirius processed the words and their meanings before letting his eyes sink lower. Remus smiled and stood up straight again, still incredibly close to Sirius. “On that note, I appreciate you respecting my privacy.” Remus began to walk to the stair leading to their dorm, leaving a stunned Sirius in his wake, before turning back to face Sirius again. “Also, I like this look on you,” he said pointing to his own hair, “You should kept it for a bit.” With that Remus jogged up the steps to their dorm.
Sirius was frozen,
and totally not hard what are you talking about
, the idea of Remus having a piercing that no one would ever see, unless of course…. The image of Remus, completely naked, showing it to Sirius.
“Holy Shit.” Sirius was so far gone for that boy.