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The sun's fiery head was finally making its dazzling appearance, shaping everything around it, bending the sky to its will. The horizon was a deep orange that faded into pink and then into blue across the sky. The heavens were like a canvas and the sun was like a painter of astonishing talent. It painted a sunset of heavenly beauty. Nox thought the sun was like a god unaware of its power—it rose everyday and commanded the beauty of everything to rise from the ashes of the night. And it did this with no intention, only the blissful warmth of its existence held the sky to its high standards. In a way, the sun's rising reminded Nox of his angel, his Chase, and now, his sun. And Nox himself was the night. Cold to the touch, dark and lonely.
When Nox turned human again it was like a wave a million new emotions washed over him. The past few weeks were filled with so much feeling it felt like he was drowning in pain and comfort. And Chase was going through so much too. Although his mother, Myra, wasn’t sick anymore, Chase was still filled with so much worry. He would tell Nox how scared he was that Myra would get sick again. Nox was just another weight for Chase to carry. He felt like a huge burden. He’d made so many mistakes and all Chase ever did was forgive, even if Nox felt unforgivable. The angel should’ve been worried about anything other than Nox, yet he wasn’t.
When Nox woke up, snuggled up with Chase in his bed, he was hit with such tender sadness and love that it was overwhelming. So, he went to watch the sunrise. It was gorgeous and it filled Nox with a sadness he couldn’t quite explain. He hoped Chase wouldn’t be too upset when he awoke to see that his boyfriend had left, Nox had already done enough to the boy.
He was sitting on the lawn and staring into the distance wistfully, like they do in storybooks. All the sensations of the outside world were a glorious gift given to him when he became human again, and he didn’t deserve it. The grass was pleasant to the touch and dewy from a midnight storm. The air smelled of rain. Nox hadn’t smelled rain for a long time, it was soothing.
Nature was beautiful and horrible at the same time. It filled Nox with emotion he couldn’t handle. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve any of it.
His tears fell like rose petals, delicate flowers of shining water. He didn’t want to cry, but he was grateful it was now and not at the dinner table with the Hollow family or during one of Chase’s crazy date ideas. Opening himself up to the world was the hardest thing Nox had ever done, but he was lucky he had Chase to help him. Chase gave and gave to everyone around him without fail. He gave Nox too much.
He cried for a moment more before he heard footsteps and a gentle voice behind him, “What are you doing out here?” Chase put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
“Uhm, not much,” Nox looked up at Chase, wiping tears from his eyes.
“It’s okay, you can cry,” Chase smiled softly. The rising sun behind him surrounded him in heavenly light, and Nox couldn’t hide the faint blush on his face.
“I’m sorry,” Nox looked to the ground. You’re being a bother… you’ll ruin all the good you have.
“For what?” Chase sat beside him, leaning his head on Nox’s shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Nox let out a heavy sigh. He reached out a hand to play with Chase’s golden blonde hair and they sat silently for a moment. Chase was always so patient, waiting for Nox to speak when he was ready.
“I don’t deserve you,” Nox gazed at the sunrise.
Chase thought for a moment, “Well… no one deserves anything, right? The world works in weird ways, throwing out obstacles. Completely random.”
Nox didn’t know how to respond, “I- I just… It’s more like I shouldn’t.”
“Why?” Chase’s mind, to Nox, was a mystery. “You’re thinking about the past, right? It doesn’t matter who you were before as long as you try to be better.”
“Even now, I’m still just a man and you’re… you’re you,” Nox said.
Chase never knew Nox held him to such a high standard, “I don’t want you to think I’m so above you. And yeah, I’m me, but everyone’s different.”
Nox didn’t say anything for a while. They sat in a solemn silence while the soft grass swayed in the wind and the sun slowly moved above the horizon. Chase was deep in thought. Nox thought so highly of him and, yeah, he was flattered but… it wasn’t good for anyone to feel this inferior. Chase would do anything for his moon, but he couldn’t think of what to say.
“I think of you as the sun,” Nox started. “You’re so… ugh, I don’t know. I can’t compare to you. I just… I’m sorry. I never meant to make things so difficult.”
“Don’t say sorry, none of that stuff was your fault,” Chase intertwined their hands.
Nox fell silent once again.
“I’m not the sun, Nox, and I don’t think I want to be. The sun is blinding and beautiful, but I’m just Chase,” He paused for a moment. “The sun is a star, y’know, but it isn’t the brightest one. It's just the one closest to the earth, that’s why it’s so bright. And I think that goes for any star. Like, say I was the closest star to the… moon. Well, I would shine the brightest, but that doesn’t make me any different from the other stars. Maybe I just love the moon very deeply, and maybe he loves me too.”
“He really does,” Nox’s lips turned to a tender smile. “That was very poetic.”
Chase smiled back, giving Nox’s hand a squeeze, “I was watching some space videos with Prunella. I think I really like space.”
“Hmm,” Nox took a moment before pulling Chase, now his star, into a hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Nox thought that silence was one of the most fragile things and that's why it can be so special. Chase and his silent moments were just as special as their moments full of energy. Silence said just as much as words
As they spent the early morning outside, Nox watched the moon fade away. He was appreciating it in its quiet moments. Nox noticed a star floating beside the moon and he smiled softly. Chase followed his eyes. Nox wasn’t watching the sunrise, he was watching them.
You might not be the brightest star in the sky, but you’re just as beautiful to me.