Work Text:
This isn’t exactly what Ragatha meant when she asked for a horse adventure, but she’s willing to admit it’s her own fault for not being more specific. Not that this is a bad thing, necessarily. She’d just pictured something more… Equestrian. Training and grooming and feeding a horse then riding it as it prances and leaps over a set course. Something nostalgic. Hard work and sweat and bonding with a majestic creature.
Pomni, dressed in a costume that’s an amalgamation of jester and cowboy, snaps her lasso taut before starting to spin it over her head. Ragatha’s pretty darn sure she doesn’t actually know how to wrangle and is just going based on vibes, but that doesn’t make her look any less impressive as she motions for Ragatha to follow her and hops over the fence into the pen housing an untamed unicorn.
Ragatha takes it just a little slower, climbing the rails of the fence rather that clearing it in one leap. She reaches into her pocket, expecting a lasso like Pomni’s, and instead pulls out a golden carrot. The unicorn, a fat pink thing with a mane that blows constantly in the winds of a nonexistent breeze, stops prancing and stares straight at Ragatha. Pomni runs into it and bounces off, barely catching her footing afterwards.
“N-Nice unicorn,” Ragatha says. The unicorn huffs, then starts towards Ragatha at a gallop. She needs to throw the carrot. She needs to throw it. She just has to throw it. She freezes and screams and tries to hide behind her hands as if it will help. The crash she expects doesn’t come.
Pomni has lasso’d the beast, rope firmly looped around its horn. Her feet dig into the dirt as she holds it back. It tries chomping at the air near the carrot, then stomps and huffs when that doesn’t work. No longer in immediate danger, Ragatha offers the unicorn the carrot- making absolutely sure her fingers are a safe distance away from those big horse teeth. It immediately calms down, no longer trying to escape Pomni’s ropework, and little pixel-ized hearts pop up above its head.
“Ah, Pomni, I think this is our chance!”
“Way ahead of you,” Pomni says, holding one of the clear, plastic ‘capture balls’ Caine gave them before sending them through the portal. She presses it to the Unicorn’s side and it, as well as the remains of the carrot, are sucked inside. Pomni holds it up and they both watch as the unicorn prances inside, looking like a hamster in its ball.
Ragatha grabs Pomni and squeezes her into a tight hug. “You saved me!”
“From a big pink unicorn.”
“Still.” Ragatha lets her go. She thinks she catches a hint of a blush on her cheeks, but it’s hard to tell with the built-in clown makeup.
“It’s weirdly cute like this,” Pomni remarks, turning the ball over in her hands. No matter which way the ball goes, the unicorn stays upright. “I guess that’s one down. Let’s look for the next horse.”
Clouds form overhead and a light but steady rain starts up as Ragatha and Pomni venture out of the vaguely western area into a swampy zone. With a little sparkle and a popping sound, their outfits suddenly change to a cross between kilts and catholic school uniforms. Thankfully they’re winter uniforms, complete with sweater vests, because the rain is making the starched white collared shirts very see through. Ragatha cringes as she looks down at herself. Caine really doesn’t have a good idea of Scotland, but at least they know for sure they’re after a kelpie right now.
Pomni has taken to tossing their filled capture ball in the air and catching it on repeat. The unicorn doesn’t seem to mind. “So, are the knights we’re gathering these for going to, like, ride them into battle?”
“I guess so. Caine didn’t mention the reason, but that’s probably it.”
“I feel bad for the knight that gets this guy. I bet the other horses look way cooler.”
“What if they’re all like this?”
Pomni snorts. “Then we’ll have something to laugh at, I guess.”
They both stop in their tracks as a wet, slorping noise interrupts their chat. Their eyes simultaneously turn to spot the Kelpie, a big black horse, conspicuously covered in seaweed despite coming out of a swamp. As it exits the water it starts clopping up into the air, walking like a normal horse would on land but gaining height as it goes. It shoots them a glare with yellow, pupil-less eyes. The rain falls harder around it, obscuring their view and making it all the more eerie.
Ragatha shivers, then starts fumbling in her pockets. Caine said at the start of this adventure that they’d always have what they need in there, so there’s gotta be something that can manage to tame this scary thing. Her hand gets stuck trying to yank something out. Pomni sees her struggling and grabs on to her arm, helping her tug and struggle until they both fall down into the mud with a resounding honk.
Ragatha stares at the bagpipes in her lap with utter confusion. She doesn’t know how to play bagpipes. She doesn’t think they will help with the kelpie. She thinks this might also be a bit culturally insensitive, actually. The kelpie stares down at them, then drags its hoof on the air threateningly, like it’s preparing to charge. Lightening crackles in the clouds in response. Then it stomps the air, sending a shockwave of thunder out that blows their skirts and hair.
“Alright, you figure out the bagpipes, I’m gonna keep it distracted,” Pomni offers, standing and yanking off her kilt/skirt, revealing a second kilt/skirt in inverted colors. She holds it up and waves it like a bullfighter, yells, “Toro! Toro,” then starts running. The Kelpie chases after, unhindered by the same mud and rain that’s making Pomni slide and repeatedly regain her footing. Ragatha scrambles to her feet, wipes some of the mud off of her new instrument, then starts blowing into a pipe- picked at random because she has no idea what the heck she’s doing beyond trying to help Pomni.
It sounds like a cat fight. She switches to another one. It sounds like a car horn. The kelpie is catching up to Pomni. She barely manages to dodge in time. Another pipe, doorbell. Wind chime. Blender. The kelpie rears up and whinnies menacingly, lightning strikes directly behind it and the blast of thunder it causes knocks Pomni right over onto her butt. She looks over at Ragatha, shoots her a nervous smile and a thumbs up despite her predicament. Another pipe. Car alarm. Another pipe. Ringtone. The last pipe, of course it would be the last pipe, finally plays actual bagpipe music. Just short of crashing into Pomni, the kelpie suddenly becomes earthbound. It lays down in the mud, somehow relaxed by Ragatha’s playing. The rain slows, then stops, then the clouds part. The same pixel hearts as before pop up above its head.
Pomni quickly fishes another capture ball out of her pocket and presses it to the kelpie’s side. It gets sucked in and closes its eyes for a nap. Pomni catches her breath and Ragatha tosses the bagpipes aside. They take a moment to compose themselves before starting to walk again.
The terrain slowly changes to a snowy forest with plants glowing the colors of Christmas lights. Their weird psuedo-Scottish schoolgirl garb is replaced with cozy, fuzzy winter gear. Instead of finding their third and final horse, they find a cabin and step inside. It’s a nice, cozy place and steamingly fresh food has already been set out for them. It’s a one-room set up, with a kitchen table and bed in the same area. One bed. Ragatha catches herself staring at it, then shakes her head. It isn’t like there being just one bed matters, it’s the middle of the day. They’re just here for lunch.
They hang their coats and kick off their boots by the roaring fireplace to let the snow melt down. Pomni takes a seat at the table and starts sipping a warm cup of hot chocolate with little heart-shaped marshmallows floating in it. Ragatha takes a couple of soft throw blankets from the bed, wrapping one around her own shoulders before doing the same to Pomni. When Pomni takes the corner of the blanket from Ragatha to adjust it herself, her hand lingers on top of Ragatha’s for just a moment longer than expected.
“Thanks,” Pomni says, tugging it into place a little better.
“O-of course, I’m still a little chilly without the coat, so I figured you’d be, too.”
Ragatha sits across from Pomni at the table and looks over the spread. She has her own cup of cocoa and between them are several heart shaped chocolates, candies, and croissants. Nothing but the cocoa feels very fitting to the cabin setting, but at least it’s cute.
“Do you think Caine ships us,” Pomni asks out of the blue.
Ragatha nearly spits out her cocoa. “What? No! That’s silly, I mean-” she stammers.
“Hey, hey, don’t worry. It’s not a bad think, it’s just a little funny. Like, he thinks he can get us together with a few partnered up adventures and a valentine’s themed lunch?”
“Right, that’s… Funny.”
Ragatha keeps her mouth shut about how much Caine’s theoretical ‘shipping’ has been working on herself. She stuffs a croissant in her mouth, then quickly realizes it’s not cooled off enough to eat. She fans her mouth and mutters, “Hot, hot, hot,” through steaming pastry. Pomni laughs, and once her mouth isn’t burning, so does Ragatha. The rest of their would-be romantic lunch is pretty quiet. Peaceful, but quiet.
They step outside, expecting to be met with a winter forest and instead finding themselves halfway up a snowy mountain. The last horse they’re supposed to find is a pegasus, so the elevation makes sense. While she’s checking the skies for it, Ragatha hears the tell-tale chime of a clothing change and finds herself in climbing gear, complete with a pick in her hand that she immediately drops in surprise.
Pomni grabs a conveniently placed rope and starts climbing right away, looking like she’s in her element. Maybe mountain climbing and urban exploration have some overlap? Ragatha clips her waist-bound carabiner to her own rope before she starts her own ascent. She’s certain she’s doing it wrong, but is also pretty sure Caine doesn’t know how it actually works either. As long as she believes it’ll keep her safe, it will. She hopes.
They hear a cross between a whinny and a screech. Pomni grips the rope one-handed and points up towards a pegasus. Scratch that, a ‘pegasus’. The creature they’re faced with has a horse head and its hind legs and tail are all horse as well. Its front hooves, however, have been replaced with splayed, bat-like wings that connect down its side. It looks awkward and pained rather than the magestic beauty Ragatha would expect from a pegasus. What a let down.
Pomni reaches into her pocket and pulls out a carabiner. She frowns, drops it, and pulls out a pair of ice-clampons. A rope. Another carabiner. “How are these supposed to help? I need like… A net or something.”
Ragatha opens her mouth to speculate but yelps instead as the pegasus swoops down and shakes their ropes. They both cling on tightly, Pomni only loses a little bit of height and Ragatha stays firmly stuck. Once they’ve stopped swaying, Ragatha says, “I think… I think we just have to reach the top.”
Pomni squints and looks up towards the peak. She blocks the sun with one hand. “I see a flag up there, you’re totally right.” With a wide grin, she adds, “Let’s get climbing, then!”
The closer they get to the summit the more the pegasus swoops and screeches and generally acts as a nuisance. Pomni takes the lead, the flag is almost in reach. The pegasus whinnies and dives in, slicing the rope right below Pomni’s legs and making her lose her grip above it. She slides down her remaining rope, almost falling off entirely before Ragatha grabs her waist and tugs her over towards her, holding her up long enough for her to get herself back on. She smiles down at Ragatha once she’s steady and offers a playful salute before redoubling her efforts and climbing faster.
Pomni’s so close, it’s almost in reach. The pegasus readies itself to swoop again. Ragatha fumbles in her pocket, producing another carabiner. She looks at it in her hand for a moment, then rears back and tosses it at the pegasus, succeeding in directing its attention towards herself instead of Pomni. It starts its descent, Pomni stretches her hand up, Ragatha closes her eyes and yells.
There’s a distinct pop and Ragatha’s feet are suddenly on flat ground again. She’s squatting with her hands defensively above her head, still screaming until she opens her eyes and sees that Pomni is holding the flag and the pegasus is flying in delicate circles just above their heads, pixel hearts popping out of it. Ragatha awkwardly coughs and straightens herself up as Pomni takes out their final capture ball and sucks in the pegasus inside.
Looking around, Ragatha sees that they’re actually back in the little western area they started in, dressed appropriately for it once more. “I never thought I’d be happy for a horse adventure to be done so quickly,” Ragatha sighs, stretching.
“I had fun,” Pomni announces, starting to juggle the capture balls as she walks.
Ragatha follows after, a little bit confused as to why they’re back in the old west when they’re supposed to be delivering these horses to a group of knights. Her confusion soon develops into a new, bemused sort of confusion as three sheriff knights step out of the saloon, dressed in full plate armor but with stars fastened to their chestplates, cowboy hats on their heads, and gun holsters at their hips.
The middle cow-knight speaks up, “Howdy, thou art kind maidens to hath heeded our calls and rustled us up some horsies.”
Ragatha puts a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. Pomni chuckles under her breath as she passes each of the NPCs one of the capture balls. They press their balls together which combines them into one, much larger orb. The horses inside start to melt, stopping Ragatha and Pomni’s laughter immediately.
Pomni takes Ragatha’s hand, stroking it with her thumb as a comfort to Ragatha as the horses start combining into one, terrible horse-beast. Their bones crack and splinter. Their cries echo and pile on top of each other into a multitude of terrible voices. The flesh swirls and splatters and rips until the inside of the orb is completely coated in blood, obscuring their vision of the horrible process as the sounds continue.
Then the orb disappears and a creature emerges that looks like the horrible failchild of a child’s pony toy and a sparkledog. The kelpie’s seaweed has hot pink raccoon stripes. The bat wings have morphed into devil wings that look completely out of place on the unicorn’s chubby, soft pink body. It floats about a half a foot in the air without flapping said wings at all and is equipped with four sets of eyes, despite only being formed out of three horses.
“Thank ye kindly, maidens,” the middle sheriff says with a tip of his hat. All three knights climb onto the new amalgamation horse, standing on it like it’s a skateboard rather than riding it properly. They kick off and ride into the sunset, a stream of raindrops and confetti trailing after them.
The portal appears a bit down the road and Pomni and Ragatha silently walk towards it, still holding hands.