Chapter Text
Somehow, someway, Pabu had completed a full orbit around its sun since the day Ada arrived, carrying the crucial Mount Tantiss coordinates to Hunter and Wrecker. It felt as if an entire lifetime could have occurred within that year, yet she was having difficulty accepting that time could also be so fleeting.
Her discussions with Tech reassured her that time was not actually going faster. She knew this, of course, but it was fun to get him riled up by suggesting that it just had to be.
“I’m almost certain time has sped up since we’ve been here, Tech.”
“I can assure you, it has not.”
“No, really. It genuinely feels faster. There must be some anomaly – something weird happening on this planet. Are you sure you know what you are talking about?” She said to him with a knowing smirk. She loved pushing his buttons.
“Of course I do. It is impossible for time to pass at different rates unless you are approaching the speed of light, which then the theory of relativity becomes applicable. The modern-day hyper-flux time adjusters installed in every hyperdrive have made up for this phenomenon, which cancels out the time dilation event that occurs when traveling at hyperspeeds. Besides, time slows down during time dilation, so it is not even applicable to this conversation. I assumed you were aware of this.”
Tech was clearly worked up due to Ada’s persistent claim. What he didn’t realize was that she enjoyed getting him frustrated, to a fault. Her banter skirted on the edge of cruelty, considering Tech’s trials with nuance. She would momentarily swoop in to reassure that she’s only teasing.
Ada let out a relinquished sigh, then blew a quick puff of air upward to chase the stray hairs from her eyes. “Okay, it does seem like you understand this thoroughly. I suppose I believe you.” Her fingers playfully walked up his arm to tap his nose. Her head tilted innocently and she gave him a sweet side-smile.
It was at that moment Tech realized he might have fallen for it again – just like every other time.
“I believe you are mocking me again.” A subtle, relieved smile appeared. “Why do you enjoy exasperating me like that?” His slight smile changed into furrowed brows.
“I know… I’m sorry. I really should stop joking with you like that.” She narrowed the space between them, placing her arms under his to pull him close. “But, I might like it when you get a little angry.” She teased her bottom lip with her teeth.
“Ada…,” he said discouragingly. “You continue to think you can make up for this behavior by acting coquettish towards me.”
“But it works. Doesn’t it?”
“...yes,” he admitted. “Yes, it has been an optimal strategy on your part.” He pulled her even closer.
“I'm sorry for teasing. Please, let me remedy the situation.”
Tech’s eyebrows narrowed with confusion, but as Ada turned to lead him back to their bedroom, understanding swiftly settled in.
Later that evening, after the sun had set and the evening insect chorus was in full production outside the open window, Tech and Ada lounged together in their bed.
Ada’s stomach growled loudly. “Uff. I’m hungry.” She lifted her head from the oasis of his chest to look at him. “How about we go out and get something to eat?”
“It’s quite late, dear. Why don’t we make something to eat here?”
Ada scrunched her nose.
“What is it?”
“Eh, I don’t know. I was thinking of something more fun and easy. How about that patio bar right on the water? They are open late and serve food. And I think the luminescent green rays are beginning their mating displays for the season! I bet we could get dinner and a show!”
“I suppose the courtship displays of the local bioluminescent sea fauna do sound delightful to observe.”
In agreement, they both hopped out of the bed and prepared for a rare night out together. It had been quite a while since they’d enjoyed an evening out with just the two of them. The cozy pull of their warm nest faded quickly as the excitement of a date-night took over.
When they arrived at the restaurant, they were surprised to see a small crowd of beings who had the same idea as themselves. There was a musician playing the hallikset in one corner of the patio, performing with the dramatic backdrop of a full moon and its ocean reflection. There were string-lights strung about, sweet-scented flowers hanging in baskets, and bamboo torches lit throughout the area. At their request, they were seated with an optimal ocean view, and could immediately see the green glowing rays blinking softly under the rolling seawater. Calling the setting enchanting or ethereal felt too small for the magic of the evening. The air itself seemed to shimmer with something numinous and inarticulate.
Ada sat with her chin resting on her palm. Her other hand fidgeted with the little paper umbrella poking out of her drink. Her eyes were settled on Tech's profile while he dissociated, watching the musician’s technical and virtuosic abilities on the hallikset's seven strings. She quietly watched him, scanning him, while her mind floated through anything and everything.
She noticed for the first time a few silver hairs curled at his temples, as well as a couple fine lines hiding behind the rim of his glasses.
Time.
Time steadily passed, never relinquishing, always a persistent pest. Although Emerie and Mil continued to investigate the clones’ age acceleration modification, they had failed to crack it yet. They were making progress, but at this point it was still unknown if they could stop it, or even slow it.
For this entire year, Ada felt so happy, so lucky, so content and settled. Only a few hours earlier she was joking about time itself, grateful for its gifts and the story it has unfolded before her. Now, she was realizing that time was creeping into everything around her and revealing itself as her darkest enemy.
Maybe it was the fruity, boozy drink, or more likely the second one she ordered immediately afterward, but she suddenly found the words leaving her mouth before she was ready:
“Have you thought anymore about us having children?”
Tech’s hyper-focus on the musician's technique was suddenly broken. His eyes lifted and he looked past the performer towards the ocean horizon, staring to the distance as he assessed the weight of her question. He finally turned towards her, letting the silence hang between them.
She met his eyes. “Children?” She asked again, a bit more hesitantly this time.
That is what she asked.
Tech was not expecting this question tonight; he was taken off guard. His fast-paced mind was only slightly encumbered by the alcohol, however it quickly began to catch up. The fact of the matter is that he did think about having children periodically. This was something they had casually mentioned in conversation before, but it had been quite a long time since it last was. He also understood they hadn’t exactly been careful about preventing it, essentially “leaving it up to biology”. He knew, and perhaps thought it was mutually understood without much prior discussion, that it could happen at any time.
“Tech, I'm sorry. I didn’t–”
“I have.”
“You what?”
“I have thought more about it.”
“You have?”
“Yes, that is exactly what I said.”
Ada paused, letting the brief conversation permeate.
Before she could react further, Tech continued, “If we wish to be successful, I recommend we pay closer attention to your cycles. I will share with you the spreadsheet I have created to keep track.”
“You’ve been keeping track of my menstrual cycles?” Ada smiled awkwardly and huffed a small laugh. This was slightly embarrassing, however completely unsurprising for Tech to reveal to her. She wondered what else he might be keeping track of…
“It is also now confirmed that clones are able to produce offspring, as we have witnessed with Ponder and Sohi.”
Ponder was a clone. He and his wife, Sohi, and their biological daughter, Coru, now live on Pabu after the Batch had helped them during a string of chaotic missions last year, before Tech’s fall.
“Okay… I take this as your way of saying we should try? You want this to happen?”
“Yes, of course, darling. And according to this, you will be ovulating in 7 rotations.” He was scanning his datapad, then quickly put it away as he promised to her he would while at the restaurant.
Ada smiled, a great big smile, and started laughing. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her forehead to his, her smile never lessening.
“We’re gonna do this?”
Tech smiled back at her, his eyes crossed to meet hers. “I will argue that we already are doing this, but I believe we can enhance and improve our strategy.”
“I’m up for enhancing and improving. That probably means practicing more.” She giggled and leaned in to press her mouth to his.
Tech eagerly kissed her in return. Not one to be very outwardly expressive, his heart still pounded with the same excitement that Ada exuberated. He pulled away just enough to tell her he loved her.
That night, when Ada was supposed to be sleeping, she lay wide awake in their bed. She rested on her side while Tech was sound asleep pressed up behind her, his arm resting limply over her waist. She stared at the stars out the window and wrestled with her thoughts. The conversation at the restaurant was exciting, but now some questions and fears began bubbling to the top. She wondered why her mind had to be like this — it was exhausting. Unfortunately, it was not the kind of exhaustion that leads to deep, satisfying sleep.
Having a baby is life changing. Nothing – not anything – will be the same as it was before. Maybe it’s not the right time? Maybe we should wait. What about all the things we still want to do? The fieldwork? The traveling and adventures? Impromptu date nights? This would all have to end, right? Oooo… maybe we should wait. It’s going to be so difficult. Kids are not easy, and I’ve witnessed a fair share of little brats around the island. They’re messy, and loud, and rude… Expensive. What if I am not a good mom? How do I even know what to do!? I haven’t even done ANY research on how to be a parent yet. What if I can’t do it – what if we regret it… It’s not like you can say “never mind.” Ugh, what are we getting ourselves into…
She sighed and rolled to her back and shut her eyes, attempting to fall asleep again. Within 30 seconds, her eyes popped open and she stared at the ceiling. She sighed once more.
This time Tech stirred. He slowly awoke and noticed she was not sleeping.
“What is it, dear? Are you having trouble falling asleep?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s fine. Why are you awake?”
“I’m thinking. A lot. Too much, as usual. I can’t shut it off.”
“Will you tell me what’s going on in here?” He kissed her temple.
“I'm just thinking about our conversation tonight. I’m so excited, but my mind keeps telling me I need to be worried about something. So all sorts of things are popping up.”
“Give me an example.”
“Well, basically, nothing is ever going to be the same anymore. There will be lots of difficult changes. Also, how do I even know how to be a mom?!”
“Ada, this is what we are made to do. Quite literally. Do not underestimate the power of evolution. From what I’ve researched, during gestation, parturition, and into postpartum, powerful instincts activate, hormones will surge, and the rest will come naturally.”
“But, will we miss how it used to be?”
“I don’t know. I suppose there will be things we will long for again.”
“Maybe we should wait.”
“Darling, if you are so worried about this, we should have been more cautious all along. Why is this suddenly an issue?”
“Hmm... I guess I’m not exactly sure. Maybe it’s the conversation at the restaurant, the acknowledgement, the commitment – it makes it so much more real and inevitable.”
It was silent in the room again. The only noise came from the blind’s string, gently tapping the window frame as the sea breeze drifted through. She rolled back over to face the window again. A couple tears dripped down and soaked into her pillow.
Tech’s hushed voice came from just behind her ear, “everything I have researched says that your hesitations are completely within the normal distribution. I will remind you, too, that you are not alone. I’m here – right here. You have me, and we have our family who will be there for us every step of the way.”
Our family.
Tech could feel her body physically relax in his arms. The tension and worry seemed to melt away. She turned her head back and kissed him.
“Thank you. You’re right, you are so right,” she whispered.
The next morning was like most others. The couple had developed a slow, peaceful routine involving strong caf, fresh fruit and toasted bread, sunny windows, and the daily Corellia Times word puzzle. (Unfortunately, Ada took this simple routine for granted – a bittersweet realization that having young children would bring someday.)
She was feeling so much better after being able to explain some of her worries to Tech the previous night. He was always a good listener and had a sensible, and usually gentle, way of providing his input if needed.
Tech eventually departed their peaceful abode to meet up with his brothers at a construction site on the lower part of the island.
Ada would be off to the laboratory soon to continue with developing her new research project. She was in the study design phase, with the intention of investigating the variables affecting flix water skimmer nest success. Before she dug back into the depths of her literature review that morning, she had one stop to make on her way to the lab. Even though she was feeling much clearer and certain than she was last night, she still felt there were some emotions to sort through.
Ada commed Lyana’s mom, Eesma, to see if she would be available to meet on short notice for a cup of caf at the Bay Breeze cafe. Eesma had two more children after her relationship with Shep. Ada had come to enjoy her company, and knew she would be an insightful person to discuss some of these biggest worries. Even though this was a very personal decision, Ada didn’t know many other women she could confide in about motherhood.
“Hi, Ada,” Eesma said, standing up from her seat at the cafe to give her a hug.
“Eesma, hi. Thank you for making time on such short notice.”
They both sat down at the small table.
“I love this place, thank you for your comm! How have you been lately? I think the last time I saw you was over two weeks ago at the art show.”
“Yeah! Been good. You know, really starting to settle in. I’ve been on Pabu for over a year now. Can you believe it?”
“No. Really?!”
“Yeah.”
“Time is a weird thing.”
“Ha! Yes, it is... Well, I actually wanted to ask you a few questions, seeing you are a subject-matter expert.”
“Oh? Do you want to know more about the oil-based paints I’ve started using from Naboo?”
“Well, sure… but I wanted to ask about, um, about having kids. Having a baby–”
“Ada, are you–?”
“No! No, I’m not. But we are wanting to be. So, not yet. And this is not something we are sharing with everyone, so…”
“Right, right, of course. Well, ask me anything! I’ve had about 14 years experience at this point.” She gave Ada a warm smile.
“Thanks. So… I guess right now I'm having hesitations about even committing to it. We want this, Tech and I, but all of a sudden when we acknowledge it, all sorts of ‘what ifs’ start creeping in. You know, wondering if we would regret having kids, or wish we had waited longer.” Ada was clearly feeling emotional as she opened up to Eesma.
The two women talked for over an hour, about kids and babies, as well as life on Pabu, school, family, and other things. Eesma spoke gently and honestly, and as suspected, was able to offer Ada some words of wisdom and reassuring insight.
“I’m speaking for myself, but I believe this is true for many women. You will never, ever regret having children,” Eesma said softly. “Even if it is unplanned. Even when life changes, or when everything gets harder, messier, uglier... The love… it’s unlike anything else. But you might regret choosing not to, if it’s something your heart quietly wants.”
The words stayed with Ada. In her heart, she truly knew she wanted a family with Tech, no matter how frightening it seemed right now. She knew she would struggle with knowing when the right time was, or knowing if they were absolutely ready to be parents. But come to find out, the stars and moons will never fully align – there will never be an absolute perfect time to start a family. They just have to dive in, which ends up being one of the hardest parts for most. Yes, life will change drastically, and the things she enjoyed prior to children may happen less frequently, or not anymore at all. But something new would take priority if a child came into Ada’s life, yes – but that didn’t mean it would be less fulfilling. Just different. Maybe even more meaningful.
Before they left the cafe, Eesma offered Ada a big hug. As she was holding her, she made sure Ada knew she was reacting completely normal.
“Take a deep breath… There. If you need anything else, darling, or want to talk more, don’t hesitate to comm me again. Or, if you just want to have a girls’ night out.”
“Thank you, Eesma,” Ada said. “You are a wonderful friend.”
Ada smiled and hummed to herself as she continued her morning walk to the lab, where Mil and Emerie were already busy with their own work. She carried a lot on her mind the rest of the day. Fortunately, the anxiety had loosened its grip, allowing excitement to bloom in its place. Her eagerness to get home and inability to concentrate forced her to leave work early. On her way home, she made a stop at the market to pick up Tech’s favorite fish and other ingredients to make a special dinner. She was able to find shuura imported from Naboo, and decided to make a shuura cheesecake for dessert. Ada also made sure to find a nice bottle of jallen wine, her favorite local variety. She was ready to celebrate the opening of a new chapter.
Initially, life while trying to convince was thrilling and enjoyable; every decision they made came with a new perspective in mind. The anticipation of what was to come allowed her to feel more positive and hopeful than ever before. There was more daydreaming for Ada as well (if that was even possible).
But as time passed, and no actual changes came, the fun and excitement of the process gradually began to fade. The obsession, the preoccupation, settled in over her like a dense fog.
It took several passing months of disappointments before anything happened. Period after period came for Ada, like gory, bloody clockwork. Each one was more brutal and obnoxious than the previous, as if taunting her inability to do what nature intended her to do.
Tech and Ada were about ready to adjust their approach by making an appointment with a doctor to see if there was anything wrong with either of them. But it was just about at that time that Ada realized she was late. She knew it was still very early, and assumed it was probably nerves from the anticipation of seeing a fertility doctor.
Yet… she wondered.
She had several handy for obvious reasons, so she took a test. As she waited, a rush of emotions developed, so tangled she wasn’t quite sure how to decipher them. Excitement, fear, hope, dread? Yes, all of them, and probably others.
The timer on her wrist chronometer went off. Ada took a deep breath and looked towards the test sitting on the fresher sink that was now ready to view. She half wondered why she was wasting a test when they’ve had so much disappointment so far. Her hands were shaking as she picked it up and focused her eyes on the results – positive.
She stared at it, her eyes dialed in and out. Her breath was shallow, a sudden urge to expel her stomach contents ensued. However, this feeling quickly passed as the rush of fight or flight dissipated into excitement and exuberance. She finally took a breath – a gasp, rather – as her hand came up to cover her mouth in disbelief and her eyes began welling with tears.
She panicked and hastily grabbed the packaging the test came in to reread the instructions on the back and make sure she was interpreting everything correctly.
Yep, positive. Ada was pregnant.