Chapter Text
Chapter 1:
“Alright Sergeant Woods, you have been cleared for discharge. Do you have any questions for me before you go?”
“No Doc, I am ready, and fully capable I might add, to walk out of here and be on my way.” Lexa said dejectedly.
“Physically. You are ready to go physically. I want to remind you again that I think it would be wise to seek a therapist when you arrive back-"
“Nyko. We have talked about this… I told you that I am perfectly capable of handling this on my own,” Lexa said calmly, but Nyko could sense the warning hidden beneath her tone. At this point, she had enough of him pushing her to talk through her experiences. Apparently, she was cause for concern, but loss was something she was not unfamiliar with. “I know you are just trying to help, but I have to do this on my own, and you have to let me.”
“I’m sorry Lexa. I have overstepped. I just care about you, and being your friend first and foremost has made it difficult to be objective as your doctor throughout your recovery,” Nyko stated apologetically.
“I understand your concern. However right now, I am ready to be home.”
“Well then I won’t keep you any longer,” Nyko looked at her worriedly. He was afraid to see her walk out in her current condition. Lexa had only been recovering for six weeks, and endured endless care and physical therapy to get her where she currently is. Nyko still believed that it wasn’t enough. “Try to do the new exercises we discussed, it is important that you don’t push yourself too hard, but you’ll want to stay relatively active to ensure a good recovery,” Lexa nodded in understanding, but her thoughts had drifted.
“You never told me what the long term looked like?” She asked without a single falter in her voice and her face impassive as ever, but Nyko could sense the hesitance and fear hidden in her ever-telling eyes.
“You will regain almost all function. The burns will obviously scar, especially the ones on your upper arms and side of your chest. Your hearing was impaired from the explosion, so you might find it difficult to hear from your right side. I suggest a hearing aid if it comes to it-” Lexa waived the suggestion off, “-or not,” Nyko chuckled. “You may also find your balance not to be what you are used to, and since the shrapnel was imbedded where it was, your nerves and muscles suffered some damage in your shoulder. We won’t be able to determine the extent until you have fully healed and successfully completed all your physical therapy once you arrive back in the States,” Nyko concluded. Lexa shifted her shoulder uncomfortably, already hoping it might feel better than it did only moments before, but alas, it hurt.
“One last thing Woods,” Lexa looked up expectantly. “You got mail today, it got dropped off earlier this morning. Thought I would personally deliver it, I know you have been waiting to hear from her,” Lexa’s heart involuntarily sped up, and she couldn’t contain her smile. “I noticed the date was marked three months ago, however for some reason it only arrived today.”
“Better late than never. This day just keeps improving, Doc,” Lexa gave him a rare full smile, and suddenly Nyko wasn’t so worried anymore. He knew Lexa’s dedication to the marines exceeded all other aspects of her life, and she went against Clarke’s wishes when she committed to another tour. She had started this tour 7 months ago, and had not heard from Clarke in that time. He had faith in them though, and was thankful that Lexa was honorably discharged so she could let her duty go and commit to Clarke. They were one of those rare couples that filled the people in their lives with the hope that an honest and pure love could exist.
“Let me know when you come back home, we can catch up,” Lexa stated casually as she began to gather her things and put on the rest of her uniform.
“I would love nothing more. May we meet again,” Nyko held out his arm.
“May we meet again,” Lexa grasped his arm in return, looking her friend in the eyes one last time before walking out of the exam room.
____ ____
Lexa was aware of the fact that Clarke was unhappy with her personal decision to do another tour with the marines. That much was obvious in her lack of response to any of Lexa’s attempts to contact her in the previous months. Eventually, Lexa realized Clarke needed space, and she stopped trying to contact her shortly before Lexa’s injury and the incident that caused it. In retrospect, she probably could have handled the situation better. Clarke had been looking forward to having Lexa back home permanently, and they had collectively made plans for their future when that time came. Except one day Lexa woke up in her bunk and looked around at these people, her people, and she realized she was not capable of leaving so easily. However, Lexa knew Clarke, and she knew that when she was angry, she fully committed herself to it, but they loved each other. That meant she had to forgive her eventually, right?
Suddenly the letter felt very heavy in Lexa’s jacket pocket next to her plane ticket home. She hadn’t thought of what was written inside the letter, and now her stomach lurched in that uncomfortable way that only rarely happens when she is truly terrified. Her right hand shook as it came to her chest pocket within her jacket, resting briefly on her heart before she slowly retracted her hand that was now holding the letter. She wasn’t sure what nerves were causing her hand to shake, the damaged ones or the anxious ones. Regardless, Lexa began to tear the letter open, only to pause slightly before suddenly sliding out the paper that contained the words that Clarke finally decided to share. Lexa’s eyes scanned the effortless beauty that was crafted in each word Clarke wrote, and smiled to herself as she ran her fingers across the front of the letter. She only realized in that moment how much she really missed Clarke. She finally took a deep breath and momentarily closed her eyes in attempt to control her emotions before starting from the beginning.
Lexa,
I don’t really know where to begin, so here it goes. You are someone who truly fights for what they believe in, and who seeks to make the world a better place for everyone who deserves it. That is why you are such a great marine, making the hard decisions based off facts and calculations, ensuring that what will be done is what is best for the greater good. I have never been good with those hard decisions, but I do believe that this is the right one. I need to let you go, Lex. Forgive me for giving up, but I am not capable of much else after you walked away this last time. I won’t pretend I’m not angry, I think you know me better than that, but I want you to know that I understand your decision. I just can’t accept it, not again. We have been together five years, and you have been gone for four of them, and I miss you too much. I can’t stay in this state of limbo with you anymore because I need someone who is present, and that I can trust to be there when I need them to be. Someone who will not only fight for others, but for me as well. I only ask that you respect my choice, and believe me when I say I’m sorry. Please stay safe.
-Clarke
Lexa’s vision blurred and the world suddenly seemed to be lacking sounds and an adequate air supply. She watched as her tears quickly left her cheeks and dropped on the single sheet of paper that had managed to turn her entire world upside down. She had never been a stranger to pain, but this had to hurt the worst of it all.