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I look at Vis as he talks and feel a strange, unfamiliar fluttering in my stomach. I can’t place what the feeling is, exactly, but it’s not an unpleasant one. In fact, it was… perplexingly quite nice. A welcome reprieve from the carnage that the world has been dragged into these days.
I listen with rapt attention as Vis talks about the intricacies of what Baine had said and their plan to save Eidhin. I haven’t known much about Eidhin’s father before, but from the way Vis talks about him, he seems almost… sympathetic. Melancholic, certainly. A father who cared, but had no choice to show it. A slight ache pulses inside my chest as I consider that; my father might desire to heap as much power on me as possible, given how he had given Vis’ justified promotion to Quintus over to me, but I barely ever saw any real fatherly love from him.
Regardless, Eidhin needs help and Vis certainly seems adamant on giving it.
I do not mind. I already have plans to go help rescue Lanistia, his old tutor, from the inevitable jail massacres that will happen anyways, so continuing right after that with Vis to aid a dear friend like Eidhin is no issue.
“I’ll be there.” I say when Vis is finally done. He gives a sudden, warm smile in response and I feel that odd fluttering in my stomach again. Strange thing to feel for Vis… The man is the first to ever draw out something like this from me. I frankly feel honored to have someone who trusts me so damn much, enough to confide something like this in me, and I am glad that I find myself trusting him just as much too. What I did for him, he would do for me, and that brings me peace.
But the topic of trust reminds me of an unexpectedly dour topic.
“Oh, and before you go … I hear Emissa’s alright.” I don’t know why I bring her up. I don’t hate or even dislike Emissa, but being reminded of her just depresses me for some reason these days. Emissa had been Vis’ close lover once. Before she had stabbed him, left him for dead and shattered all his heart and trust. Even just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I have to force feelings of fury and inadequacy down; it isn’t like I’m even Catenicus’ lover or something close to it, so why do I even care?
I study Vis’ face as he reacts. He misses a step, then shoots a glance right at me. “Really?”
I try forming a smile. “Report on Corenius’ camp came in yesterday. She's been spotted there.”
A complicated look lances across Vis’ face. Hurt, concern, hope, even more. I think. “Thanks.”
“Of course.” I take the time to look, really look at Vis. The contours of his face, his wavy brown hair, that characteristic gait and one-armed nature that I have come to actually like. How does he feel about… Emissa, now? I don’t know why I care enough to ask, but something within me compels me to ask anyways. When it comes to Vis, I don’t want to hold anything in anymore. “We are probably going to end up fighting her.”
“I know.”
“Do you still love her?”
The question spilling out of my mouth shocks me as much as it seems to shock him. He gives an uneasy look at me.
“Can you really love someone you don’t completely trust?” He responds softly after a moment.
I consider what he just said. Trust. Love. Can someone love one they don’t trust? I mull over the question, and I decide I don’t think so. Love is built on trust in the first place, isn’t it? If you didn’t trust someone, how could you bear to love them?
Uneasier thoughts lace their way into my mind. I trust him so, so much. And Vis seems to trust me just as much. Do… I? Does he?
I cast those distracting thoughts away. Give him a slow nod. I reach out and squeeze Vis’ arm to bid him farewell; it’s partly for my own comfort as much as his.
“See you tonight, Vis.”