Work Text:
Kiyoko is used to spending time alone.
It’s the same whether she’s in class or with the volleyball club. While she’s decent friends with Daichi and the other third years, her position as a manager means she just doesn’t spend as much time with the others as they do together. Which is fine, and not something Kiyoko has ever bothered to change about her life.
During practices, matches, or training camps, Kiyoko is always alone as well. She has her own changing room and place to sleep, and it’s honestly a bit of a safe haven for her—like this, she doesn’t have to worry about anyone seeing her past the surface, and can just relax on her own.
This is all until Hitoka joins the club.
Hitoka is adorably earnest in everything she does, and puts in so much effort to fill in the gaps of her knowledge when it comes to volleyball that it’s admirable. Kiyoko has no doubts that she’ll make a great manager one day, and that when she graduates, she’s confident she’ll be leaving the club in safe hands.
The only issue is what’s happening right now, something Kiyoko hadn’t even thought of up until this moment—Hitoka is following her into the baths.
Right. Of course. It’s a training camp, and they’re staying at an inn. They also have a scheduled time for bathing, so it makes sense that when Kiyoko told Hitoka that she was going to shower, Hitoka would naturally follow after.
Kiyoko’s steps grow more tense the closer they get to the bathhouse. She clutches her toiletries tighter in her hands, wondering how she should tell Hitoka the truth. It’s not like Kiyoko has ever told anyone that she was transgender, and no one has ever questioned her about it, unless they went digging into her school records or past photos.
So Hitoka might be uncomfortable if she knew that Kiyoko was transgender. Maybe it’s best she come clean now before they even step into the bathhouse—?
“Wow!” Hitoka exclaims the moment her head pokes past the curtains. “It’s huge!”
There are several washing stations set up alongside a wall, along with the heated bath in the centre of the room. The tiles are dry and rough under Kiyoko’s feet as she heads for the station furthest inside—it’s clear that no one else has been in here, with everything looking pristine and untouched. She sets her things down on a shelf and grimaces when Hitoka joins her.
Why is she so clingy? Or, no, Kiyoko shouldn’t think such a thing. Hitoka is new to the concept of staying overnight at a foreign place for clubs and such. As her senior, Kiyoko should be showing her the ropes.
She just needs to get this one thing off her chest.
“I think the towels are over there. I’ll go get some for us!”
“Hitoka-chan,” Kiyoko interrupts.
When Hitoka turns her eyes onto her, Kiyoko feels her heart drop to her stomach.
Her nerves grow alight with flames the longer she’s pinned under Hitoka’s wide, inquisitive eyes. Kiyoko hasn’t ever said it out loud, but she’s really enjoyed having Hitoka as a second manager to this club. Being the only girl gets awfully lonely sometimes, even if Kiyoko is used to being alone.
It’s even more alienating being the only transgender person on the team, not that any of the other boys know that.
Fear grips onto her heart, its claws digging in as Kiyoko struggles to think of a way to phrase her words. She’s famously not good at expressing herself, after all. When she does get the confession out, would Hitoka hate her and end up leaving the club? She’s never referred to Kiyoko as anything other than a fellow girl. If Kiyoko tells her the truth, and Hitoka stops seeing her the same way…
“Shimizu-san?” Hitoka whispers, tilting her head. “What’s wrong?”
Kiyoko sucks in a deep gulp of air, her gaze dropping to the ground. There’s no subtle way to do this, she supposes, finally whispering, “I’m, um… transgender.”
There’s a beat of silence, and it’s only short-lived, but Kiyoko swears it lasts forever. Then, Hitoka’s hands fly to her lips as she blurts, “You’re coming out as a boy?”
What? “What? No, I— the other way.” Kiyoko rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. “I’m a girl.”
“Oh.” Hitoka slams her hand to her chest, heaving like she just ran a marathon. She drops into a frantic bow, her ponytail swinging wildly. Kiyoko thinks she might’ve collapsed to her knees and hit her head onto the ground if she added any more force behind that. “Ah! Sorry, I didn’t mean— it’s just—!”
Hitoka straightens back up as she lets out a noise that sounds like a bunch of words scrambled together. Kiyoko doesn’t even have time to feel despaired—she’s distracted by her confusion, trying to decipher Hitoka’s reaction.
“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, Shimizu-san!” Hitoka finally gasps out, her cheeks a ruddy shade of red as she waves her hands all over. “Like, when I saw you for the first time, I really thought I was speaking to a real life goddess!”
“O-Oh.” This time, it’s Kiyoko’s turn to be at a complete loss for words.
She can’t help the way her heart soars into an euphoric high, just for a moment, at being affirmed so valiantly. It’s one thing for someone to refer to Kiyoko as pretty, but even after knowing of her true identity?
Hitoka nods vigorously. And Kiyoko keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop—for Hitoka to leave, or even just shift to another shower station, just to put a little bit of distance between them. Kiyoko wouldn’t even blame her. She waits with her tongue trapped between her teeth and her heart lurching in her chest, but it…
It never comes.
Instead, Hitoka points to the other side of the bathhouse, and asks again, “So, uh, the towels?”
“Ah, yes!” A small blush hits Kiyoko’s cheeks as she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Yes, please.”
The walk back to their bedroom is quiet, but not the suffocating kind that Kiyoko underwent earlier.
Her sleepshirt sticks to her back, a little damp due to her hair, but she ignores it in favour of listening to Hitoka talk about a poster she’s thinking of designing for the club. It feels like nothing has really changed between them, but a weight has been lifted off Kiyoko’s shoulders, and she couldn’t be more grateful.
Kiyoko is aware of how strongly Hitoka admires her. Even if she doesn’t think she deserves the mountain of praise that Hitoka gives her, at the very least, Hitoka is brave enough to express her affection so openly.
Maybe Kiyoko should be braver for her too.
When they’re hidden under the covers of their respective futons, with all the lights off and getting ready to go to sleep, Kiyoko pipes up, “Hitoka-chan?”
There’s a little bit of shuffling around as Hitoka turns over to face her. Even in the dark, Kiyoko can make out her round eyes, blinking back at her. “Yes?”
Kiyoko swallows down the nerves in her throat, reaching out until her fingertips are brushing with Hitoka’s own, and hopes she isn’t overstepping a boundary. “…Thank you.”
Hitoka, to her relief, does not pull away, but she does look a bit confused. “For what?”
“For being here with me.” She takes it a step further and links their pinkies. Hitoka squeaks, and Kiyoko would laugh if she wasn’t feeling equally flustered. But she hopes Hitoka can hear how genuine she’s being, her words laced with nothing but shaking honesty.
Hitoka makes a soft ah noise. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” she replies, just as sincerely.
Just like that, Kiyoko falls asleep with a smile on her face.