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Another tiring night.
Another sleepless night.
Another night filled with endless paperwork.
Now that Sherwin became the Senate President, he became busier than ever. He attends more meetings, conferences, lunches, brunches, and dinners than before. And the worst thing about it is that she barely eats with him anymore. Nights of eating alone at the table have become a frequent event in this household. She knows she shouldn’t be begging for his time, nor be mad at him for missing dinner, because their responsibility as senators comes first before their well-being.
She knows it all too well; that’s why she can’t entirely blame him. She wants to be mad at him, but she can’t find it in herself to do so because if she were in his place, she would've done the same.
The four walls of their bedroom, once their sanctuary, now become eerie and empty—the silence, deafening. Once they sat on this bed, side by side—him, reading an economic book, while she read a contemporary feminist fiction. The silence back then was comforting and loving; they did not need to talk to express their love and devotion to each other, and somehow, it was enough.
Now, it seems like the four walls of their bedroom have been whispering incredulous thoughts in her head. Thoughts of breaking it off, giving up their four-year relationship because she feels like he’s drifting away from her and she doesn’t know if she wants to hear it from him, so she’s going to break it off while it's early.
“Di naman siguro mangyayari ‘yun…” She whispered, hugging his pillow that smells ultimately like him—fresh cedar and bergamot. “He wouldn’t…he wouldn’t drift away kasi…sabi niya mahal niya ako eh…”
The soft pitter-patter of the rain outside was a soft melody to her ears, a reminder of the night when she said yes. They both forgot their umbrellas, and he used his coat to shield her from the rain. His hair and clothes were damp from the rain as they ran towards the nearest shelter, and that’s when she realized how ethereal he is.
She blurted, ‘Mahal kita, Sherwin,’ which made his mouth go agape, eyes wide in shock. She laughed at him, repeating it once more while cradling his face on her hands. And that was one of the most memorable kisses they shared together.
She smiled at the memory, momentarily forgetting their situation right now. She sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “Should we stop?” She asks the walls. Of course, there was no reply. But if they can, would they say enough, or give up? She doesn't want to know the answer to that.
While she idly stared at her phone, waiting for his message or even a call, she heard the front door open. She wanted to sprint down the hallway and crush him in a bone-crushing hug like she used to. But now, maybe she’s just tired. Tired of everything, tired of thinking if she’s losing him, tired…just tired.
So, when she heard his shuffling footsteps outside their bedroom door, she immediately got up. Sherwin opened the door carefully, afraid to wake her up. And when he saw her awake, he felt relieved.
“Gising ka pa?” He says as he entered, approaching her to kiss her on the forehead. His lips lingered on the crown of her head, his breath warm.
She closed her eyes, smiling. “I was waiting for you. Kumain ka na, mahal?”
He nodded. “The meeting went longer than usual; sorry I wasn’t able to join you again for dinner.”
Sorry nanaman. Another apology she’s willing to forgive. “When can we actually have an actual dinner together?”
Sherwin frowned. This is the first time she has asked him this. Napapabayaan na ba niya si Risa dahil sa trabaho?
Maybe this is the walls talking, pushing her to ask him for more time. He was silent, as if he were contemplating his answer carefully. And he is. He doesn’t want to lose her. Not when the ring he bought for her last week has already been sitting in his office drawer, and the plans for a proposal have already been made.
He gave her a small smile. “Bukas. I filed for leave. We can go somewhere nice, maybe that chinese restaurant sa Morato?”
“I’d love that,” she says, then a pause. He waits for her, like he always does. “Win,” she began, finding the right words. “Are we…are we okay?”
He knows this topic is bound to come up. They both became so busy that they barely saw each other, despite living in the same home. But they say that a person can be one’s home. Aanhin pa ni Risa ang malaki nilang tahanan kung wala si Sherwin dito?
“Am I neglecting you, mahal?” he asked, his hands reaching over to intertwine it with hers.
Give it up. Enough. Break up.
Risa shook her head. “If I say yes, will it even make a difference?”
Sherwin frowned slightly upon hearing her question. “Of course, it will. I cannot know how to fix this if hindi mo sasabihin kung anong problema.”
Risa mustered her courage to finally address the elephant in the room. “I feel like you’re drifting away; no, we’re drifting away…from each other.” A breath, they both held, before she continued, “our work demands so much from us to the point that we barely have time for each other.”
Sherwin sighed. “I know…ever since I became the senate president I have so much to do and oversee, plus ang dami nating backlogs so I–”
“I know, and I understand. Pero, we also need some time for ourselves kahit once or twice a week man lang…” She cut him off, knowing what he’s going to say. “Win, mahal na mahal kita. At dahil doon, ayokong isipin na baka oras na para tuldukan natin ito…pero dahil sa mga pangyayari, sa stress…ngayon, medyo nasasagi na siya sa isip ko.”
Win panicked. He suddenly moved closer to her. “No, no. You- We…Risa, can’t we try? I know I messed up, I was so busy I neglected you. We can try having a weekly date with just the two of us, and I will try to text you more so kahit na busy tayo we can still talk.”
Risa smiled faintly. She knows him too well. Is it too late? She hopes not. “I want to try, Win. Minsan kasi, nakakapagod na.”
“Are you giving up on us?”
Silence cuts thick through the air.
“I don’t want to, Win”
He nodded. “Well, neither do I.”
The rain pours outside harder now. She speaks. “So, what should we do?”
“We will try again. Alam ko pagod ka na. Let me carry that burden. Mamahalin kita ng doble for the both of us.” He said softly before pulling her in his arms, warming her body with his embrace.
She smiled once again. “We will try again,” she echoed his words, breathing him in and nuzzling in his embrace.
In the morning, she woke up wrapped around his arms. She carefully turned around and admired his face, tracing his features as the sunlight illuminates his cheeks.
“Mahal na mahal kita.” she whispered, before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
Last night, they talked. They told each other the things that they thought they lacked, trying to make up for all the times they lost.
She knows they need more time to make up for it, but she’s willing to go all the lengths for him.
Kasi, kapag mahal mo ang isang tao, handa kang tumindig sa tabi nila, kahit ano pang mangyari.
Risa had her doubts about breaking it off with him. But after last night, she’s hopeful. They could make it work again. Kasi mahal nila ang isa’t isa.