Chapter Text
-
Where Minhyung lives is a small town, surrounded by hills and a little low on temperature throughout the year. It rains occasionally and the population is small, the days even more so. The town wakes up after 8am and the streets look deserted by 9pm. There are four schools with higher secondary education, one university in town and Minhyung is thankful most days because school starts at 10am. It doesn’t help that school ends at 4 pm though, but it’s something he’s learned to live with when they actually close down school for a good quarter of the year. It’s too cold to function then, really.
Minhyung is a senior at high school and at this moment, when’s school’s letting out, he doesn’t really understand the not-so subtle squealing around him near the gates. Then he spots Taeyong, his elder brother, and of course, things are not so surprising anymore.
Taeyong is a final year student at the local university. His schedule this semester matches the time Minhyung gets out of school. So under the very threatening command of their mother, they were to walk home together. And while Minhyung swore he was more than capable of walking himself home, like he has been for all this time, he doesn’t really dare disobey his mother.
“I’ll be right behind you. Wait for me at the junction” Taeyong says.
“Why? You came to pick me up and now you’re going to let me go by myself?” Minhyung protests, like he’s supposed to. He doesn’t mind, to be honest.
“See” Taeyong grabs his shoulder “I’ve got someone to impress and they’re walking this way right now. You gotta scram”
“Who is it?” Minhyung peers around his brother’s shoulder.
“Someone in university with me. Come on now, go!” Taeyong seems determined to make him leave.
“Why can’t you just introduce me to them?” Minhyung is very curious now.
“Because!” Taeyong waves his hands as if that made things clearer. His eyes widen sternly, ready to reprimand Minhyung for something he hasn’t done, yet.
“Because what?” because Minhyung doesn’t like backing off this soon either.
“Because I’m about to stutter and make a complete fool of myself and I don’t need you laughing for side effects” Taeyong says. He has to look up at Minhyung now. But even if Minhyung has gained a few inches over his brother, it doesn’t make Taeyong any less frightening.
“You? Stuttering? Don’t lie to me. You’re my perfect big brother, you don’t fucking stutter”
“That’s what I used to think too” Taeyong shoves him gently “and mind your language you little twit. Wait for me down by the junction okay?”
“You gotta give me a name at least”
“Minhyung!”
“Okay, okay I’m leaving!”
It’s a long winding route down from the foothills of the range where his school is. Midway down is the junction Taeyong wants him to wait at. After the descent, they have to trek uphill for another half an hour to make it home. Minhyung slips on his headphones, immediately switching to the playlist with all the new hits that hardly make it to the racks in their town. He nods at the souvenir shop ladies politely and at acquaintances from the food stalls who like to give him discounts. It’s the last row of stores before the junction then, neatly tucked behind an arcade. Just beyond the last store of the arcade is a solitary bench, the one he’s so used to crossing daily, he doesn’t even have to look up to see he’s reached before settling comfortably into it and leaning onto the right armrest.
He shifts back, sighing into the lazy beat and tapping his foot to keep up. The sun is setting behind the hills right in from of him. It has been really long since he has watched the sunset. It disappears very quickly, light on the town fading but Minhyung waits for that twinkle of finality.
He supresses his yawn for that moment, only stretching out wide open lethargically after it happens. Then something else happens too.
“What the hell?” he almost jumps mid-stretch, startled out of his wits, “since when have you been there?” he blurts impolitely, without much thought. There’s someone else on the bench beside him, a seat’s gap in between.
“That’s just rude”, the boy says, “I was here before you”
“No you weren’t” Minhyung deliberates, because how could he have missed? It’s too much to take in suddenly. The boy looks as old as him and those grey-white uniforms are definitely worn by those from the south branch of the school. There’s an umbrella too, why is there an umbrella—
“Maybe if you were actually watching the road instead of dancing embarrassingly to that music, you’d have noticed a person sitting on the bench” the boy turns to look at Minhyung then, a mild glare of disapproval on his handsome features.
“I’m a good dancer I’ll have you know” Minhyung retaliates, as soon as he’s done being blown over by those eyes staring at him.
The boy outright scoffs. “That’s beside the point. Being that you should watch where you’re going. Ignoring the fact that completely missed an entire person, that on the footpath too, I seriously wonder how you make it alive across roads with those stupid headphones on and no awareness of what’s happening around you. Don’t you know this is an accident prone zone?” he looks away, back at the roads in front of them.
“….it isn’t” Minhyung feels small. He’s getting lectured by a complete stranger and he’s listening. His wonderful tendencies of zoning out have promptly failed him. He’s out of things to say.
“Latest death was barely a month ago. 7 deaths in the last 3 years. Pretty bad for a quiet neighbourhood like ours” the boy says, a little less bitter.
“God you’re such a nerd”, Minhyung hears himself saying. That’s what happens when there are no nice comebacks, not to mention he’s completely distracted by the light blue canopy of the umbrella open above the boy.
“If knowing the stats for my safety makes me a nerd so be it. Call me a nerd, you’re a weirdo yourself”
“Says the one sitting with an umbrella open at dusk. It’s not even cloudy. Sun’s down too. What’s up with the theatre prop?”
“That’s a real umbrella. And I have reasons. None that I’m obligated to explain to you” he turns to look at Minhyung with the expression Minhyung knows to associate with this-conversation-is-over.
“Tch” Minhyung makes a face. “Fine” he mutters to himself and adjusts his headphones.
The boy looks away.
He must find these crossroads really interesting, Minhyung thinks, unable to resist peeking out of the corner of his eyes. The footpath branches diagonally a few feet from the bench. One forks to the left and meets the perpendicular road while the other goes on straight down a few more feet to the crossing. Minhyung has to go on straight later, wait for the signal and he guesses the boy wants to go across from the way he’s been looking at the opposite side of the road.
There’s also this really nice way the boy’s uniform fits him, even if it’s the white pants, grey half sweater and that navy blue blazer he’s come to hate purely out of rivalry between the East and South branches of their schools. He’s of the opinion that the East uniform looks much smarter, even if it’s the obnoxious orange blazer over black pants.
Minhyung realises between multiple random thoughts that he hasn’t really been listening to the last four songs.
“How long are you going to sit there?” he asks the boy suddenly.
The boy turns to him, eyes bordering on icy “How long are you going to sit there?”
“I’m waiting for someone” Minhyung says, unfazed.
“So am I” he gets in response. And he’s turned away again, with no attempts to continue what could have been a conversation. Minhyung looks back up the road dejectedly. Back to waiting then.
Taeyong appears a beat later.
“Hyung!” Minhyung waves.
“Hey. Let’s go” Taeyong speed walks past, motioning for him to follow.
Minhyung jogs to catch up and looks back at the bench. The umbrella hides the boy’s face. If Taeyong has noticed something, he doesn’t ask. Minhyung doesn’t say anything.
-
“So?” Minhyung asks later.
“So what?” Taeyong knows what Minhyung wants to know. No point in beating around the bush.
“Was this ‘someone’ impressed?” Minhyung asks.
“I don’t think so” Taeyong says with a sad smile.
“Why not?” Minhyung seems surprised.
“I just get all tongue tied when it’s time to talk” Taeyong says.
“I still can’t believe there’s a person in this world you’re uncool with” Minhyung sniggers, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Hey!”
“I have got to meet her”
“Him”
“Him?”
“Yeah” Taeyong positively reddens.
Minhyung’s taken aback for a second there.
“That’s awesome. I’m making him my best friend” he declares immediately and dashes ahead.
“Minhyung!”
-
For the sake of avoiding Taeyong’s appearance at school they decide to meet directly at the junction. So Minhyung finds himself, the dusk of each day at the same darned bench by the junction.
And it wasn’t surprising anymore really, when each day he came, he came to the sight of a boy with a blue umbrella, already seated on the bench.
They usually just sit in silence, the boy silently observing the people passing by, one leg neatly crossed over the other and umbrella open, shaft going over his right shoulder. Minhyung on the other hand aggressively bobs his head to music blaring from his headphones, tapping his feet to the beat, never still.
There is no conversation till one day Minhyung glances at the boy between beats and more often than not, he starts to feel like his playlist is not the thing he should be paying attention to anymore.
He’s curious about the boy who he finds the same way over and over. The same posture, same blue umbrella, same quiet. How can anyone stay silent for as long he has? Minhyung had expected a retort or two for his exceedingly irritable swagger tendencies when he’s lost behind the headphones, music deafeningly loud against his eardrums.
“Hey” Minhyung tries one time.
“Hmm?” the boy seems considerably less irritable than the first time.
“Your school ends at 4 doesn’t it?” Minhyung asks
“So?” the boy says, eyes trained on the road. Minhyung’s trying to be a little polite, but the boy won’t even look at him while talking. Doesn’t stop Minhyung from asking questions though.
“How do you get over to this side of town so fast?” Minhyung asks again.
“I run” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. It isn’t, to Minhyung, especially when where they live is full of narrow sloped routes and steep staircases.
Small exchanges like these have gotten them started on this awkward bench relationship. Minhyung doesn’t like calling it that but if he’s going to see this boy and his blue umbrella every single day, he might as well make the best of it. Keeping quiet is not really his thing and his playlist on repeat also seems so very boring these days.
“Did you know we hate your uniform?” Minhyung begins one day.
“Did you know we hate your uniform and your existence?” the boy scoffs.
Sometimes it’s two sentences. Sometimes it becomes a long-winded argument. But it’s an unsaid routine, trying to get under each other’s skin. It’s all Minhyung lives for these days. It’s become their thing now and it’s unusual not to talk.
They haven’t exchanged names yet. There are name tags on their uniforms. But they don’t sit facing each other ever and every time Minhyung gets up to follow Taeyong, the umbrella blocks it. He really wants to know. He tries to peek out the corner of his eyes every time the boy’s blazer flutters in the wind but there’s really no nice way to look. Stretching over may be a not-so-subtle move and he doesn’t want come off as desperate.
He could just ask the boy. Their conversations all these days after the not very impressionable first one, had maybe warranted the question.
“Um, I’m Minhyung” he’d said one day, out of the blue. It wasn’t asked but he made that statement in hopes the boy would respond with his own name (because asking straightforward is not the way to go apparently. Why does he take advice from his bother anyway?)
“I thought we were on a nickname basis. Nerd by the junction getting a little too difficult for you to say?” the boy sniggers, turning to look at him.
“Well I don’t want to be called a weirdo anymore” Minhyung says defensively.
“You telling me your name doesn’t really mean I stop calling you weirdo” the boy says again.
“Don’t be mean and just tell me your name” Minhyung says impatiently.
The boy’s eyes widen just slightly. There’s a genuine little tug at the corner of his lips that vanishes as soon as it makes an appearance.
“Jaemin”, he says.
“Cool”, Minhyung says. “Nerd” he calls out immediately and smiles to himself.
Jaemin hates to admit how he’s been caught off guard. He hides his own smile behind his fist and looks away.
-
Jaemin is almost always the one who has to wait longer. Taeyong always comes by for Minhyung first and it’s a really rushed affair because Taeyong just comes running down the road and dashes past him, telling him to catch up.
It happens once or twice that Minhyung reaches the end of the road to the traffic signal and turns to look back, wanting to tell Taeyong about his new found acquaintance. Jaemin is gone by then. Probably met whoever he was waiting for and crossed over to the other side of the road, Minhyung thinks.
Taeyong almost always never waits these days. Minhyung runs after him to the signal under his ‘late late late’ mantra because they’ll be late for dinner and mom doesn’t really take that well. It’s Taeyong’s fault mostly.
“Tell me there’s progress to your one-sided love or I am spilling everything next time mom wants to know why we’re late” Minhyung lets out a shaky breathe, wheezing on the climb up home one day. These new found shortcuts are brilliant but Minhyung would choose the road over the connecting steep stairways any day.
“I-yes. There’s progress” Taeyong says, looking a little apologetic. He rubs a hand on Minhyung’s back, gently pushing him on to keep walking.
“You’re lying” Minhyung snaps immediately. Truthfully, he is a little exasperated about having to run home every single day.
“Okay! I’m still in the friend-zone and this is going to take a little more time. There, I said it” Taeyong sighs, stopping on the mid-landing.
“I thought you and him were buddies and real close and stuff…you know?” Minhyung says, eyebrows knit in confusion. He stops a few steps up.
“We are. But there are boundaries I cannot cross at the moment. He needs a little space right now” Taeyong says. He looks sad.
“What for?” Minhyung can’t help but pry. It’s the automatic next question.
Taeyong opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it immediately, wondering whether he should say. He worries his lower lip for a few seconds but decides to say it anyway. “There was a death in his family recently. He’s still recovering from it” Taeyong says, voice all quiet but eyes unwavering.
“Oh”, Minhyung goes silent all of a sudden. Taeyong starts climbing again, grabbing Minhyung’s arm, making him walk too. “I couldn’t have guessed”, Minhyung says, quieter this time. He feels considerably less irate after knowing the whys. “I mean you said he smiled like a ray of sunshine and some other cheesy shit about him”
“He smiled so much, nobody could have guessed. If I wasn’t looking at him all the time, I wouldn’t have noticed it either. I only just found out so I’m not going to rush it. I’m just, going to let him know he has me” Taeyong says. The regretful longing in his voice is very apparent to Minhyung.
“God you’re so whipped” Minhyung mutters, because his heart goes out to his brother’s stand pat love life and he wants to lighten the mood.
He finds himself in a headlock, seconds later, Taeyong having clearly heard that. Taeyong mutters threats through grit teeth in Minhyung’s ear till he taps out. He massages his neck feeling a little dizzy, making an expression of mock annoyance.
“You haven’t even told me his name yet. I’m not listening to your one-sided crush ramblings anymore. Cheater” he complains childishly.
“Yuta. Nakamoto Yuta” Taeyong says and under the streetlights, Minhyung can see the onset of a blush. It’s adorable, he thinks, his brother is adorable.
Minhyung repeats it. Slowly. Sings it. Then dances around Taeyong saying it, till he finds himself in another headlock.
-
One day Minhyung forcefully keeps reminding himself to ask who Jaemin waits for when he reaches the bench. And as per fucking usual, Jaemin is right there, legs crossed over and umbrella open in hand. Another thing he’s dying to know the reason to.
“I wait for my brother, like you wait for yours” Jaemin says.
“Really? You have a brother and he’s in university? Maybe hyung knows him”, Minhyung muses quietly.
“I seriously doubt that. There’s a lot of people in there. Lots of different courses” Jaemin shakes his head “The chances that our brothers may have met? Slim”
“I’m just saying” Minhyung shrugs.
“I don’t believe in freaky coincidences like that” Jaemin says.
Minhyung drops it only to bring up the umbrella. Over the many days Minhyung has been waiting at the junction, there has yet to be a single day where Jaemin has forgotten said blue umbrella. It’s always there, open and above his head and Minhyung gotten so used to it, he looks for the umbrella before he looks at Jaemin. Jaemin closes it up sometimes, rolling it up neatly and places it in the space between them but those are rare occurrences.
There are no explanations then and Minhyung dares not touch the umbrella or ask, even if he’s curious to death. Today, he can’t contain it.
“Are you ever going to tell me about the umbrella?”
“Later someday, maybe” Jaemin shrugs. Minhyung watches the shaft of the umbrella rise with the rise of his shoulder; it’s distracting.
“Maybe?”
“Later someday, definitely” Jaemin says “Weirdo”
“Fine”, Minhyung fake-sulks, crossing his hands in front of his chest.
Jaemin looks at Minhyung “You look exactly like your brother. Like a little taller, but just like him”
“I don’t look nearly as good as him” Minhyung’s caught off guard. He’s been compared to his brother before, but never like this.
“You have your charms” Jaemin says like its nothing.
“He’s the wonder-kid though?” Minhyung doesn’t really believe it. He looks dazed and sighs, looking into the distance with glazed eyes like remembering unpleasant things.
“Just shut up and take the compliment” Jaemin says irritably. Minhyung is surprised, to say the least.
“Yeah?” Tips of his ears coloring. “Thanks”, he mumbles.
-
Minhyung hasn’t ever thought of what to do after school. He just mindlessly reaches their bench without much thought like he’s thinking with his feet. Some part of him is programmed to reach the cross junction and to expect Jaemin sitting there always.
It’s seems another day like usual. It’s mildly windy and it’s getting chillier as the days roll into winter. It’s not time for snow yet.
“Don’t you have friends or something?” Jaemin asks. “God you look like such a loner with those headphones around your neck”
“Headphones don’t mean I’m lonely”
“Sure they do. You want a better sign saying I’m fucking unapproachable and leave me the hell alone, you may a damn well roam around with a novelty neon sign”
“It’s not the same and I do have friends” Minhyung protests weakly.
“Who?” Jaemin shifts in his place towards him.
“Jisunggie”
“Like Jisunggie as in the child from dance class? You don’t like him.” Jaemin’s eyes narrow into judgemental slits.
“I like him.”
“Nah, he’s better than you. You don’t like him. Who else?” Minhyung purses his lips, but it was true.
“Chenle.”
“That transfer kid you feel really bad for because he doesn’t understand anything?”
“Hey he’s a nice kid.” Minhyung’s making things up for defence at this point, which Jaemin sees right through.
“I’m sure he is. Is he friend or is he part of your moral compass’ charity segment?” Jaemin asks.
Minhyung shuts up real quick after that. Jaemin sighs. “What about someone your own age? You need friends, man”
“Hmm” Minhyung says, non-committal at best.
“Look I’m just saying it’s hard to believe that someone as talkative as you has no friends” Jaemin sighs.
Minhyung looks away. “The lot of them are rich brats who’re aiming to make it to Ivy League universities. They’re obnoxious and arrogant and I just don’t seem to fit anywhere” he says quietly.
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right people yet?” Jaemin asks.
“I sure hope so” Minhyung smiles sadly.
The mood is plummeting rapidly. All Jaemin can do is change the topic.
“What’s the plan after school?” he asks Minhyung “Music industry? That’s a no brainer, isn’t it?”
“I think so. I haven’t thought a lot about it. You?” Minhyung says.
“A sports scholarship hopefully. I want to play football” Jaemin smiles a little. It makes Minhyung smile too, Jaemin’s half smiles. He briefly wonders what Jaemin would look like laughing without a care, lips stretched across his face all teeth showing.
“Woah, you already know what you want to do. I should make up my mind” Minhyung says with a sudden concentrating expression, features scrunching together.
Jaemin snorts. He may have thought of the lines between Minhyung’s eyebrows and the bridge of his nose to be cute. “You should make some real friends first” he says.
Minhyung’s hand shoots out for an accusatory jab. Jaemin narrowly dodges, eyebrows raised.
“I have an umbrella. I could impale you” he threatens.
Minhyung’s jaw drops for a second there before he dissolves into a fit of laughter.
“You just went from nerd to psycho nerd real quick” he breathes between wheezes.
It’s between his laughter and Jaemin’s amused smile that they hear the shrillest of horns, the tell-tale screech of tires and a scream of a woman. Before Minhyung can completely comprehend the imagery of a high-speeding truck downhill, the child halfway through the crossing and the mother’s scream from the other side of the crossing, Jaemin is already up.
Minhyung’s insides hollow out and there’s a nauseating twist in his gut as he sees Jaemin’s umbrella fall away. Jaemin is off the sidewalk, running to the road but he won’t make it on time.
Minhyung freezes up, un-reacting. He couldn’t even stop Jaemin from running out and Jaemin is going to get run over by a truck. His voice is caught in his throat and he can’t breathe. He can’t even look away. Its seconds to impact.
“Haeun!” Jaemin shouts. The girl is standing in the middle of the road, feet stuck to the ground, alarmed by the shrill horn of the truck. She can’t hear Jaemin. Jaemin’s hand closes in on hers just as the truck swerves sideways. He pulls harshly and falls back on his butt, child encaged in his arms as the truck skids past to a halt, hairs breadth away from flattening the girl.
Minhyung stands with a start, rattled and shaking as he feels himself breathing again, something akin to relief flooding his insides. He still couldn’t bring himself to move.
He can’t seem to process the driver shrieking curses at the child, truck stopped in the middle of the crossing a few feet from where it almost crushed her. Jaemin ignores the driver and walks back, the child’s hand in his, sighing at her bleeding knees from the force of his pull. He kneels in front of her as soon as they reach the sidewalk. Minhyung is still frozen in place. Jaemin seems less affected by the entire ordeal.
“Haeun. Why did you cross the road without your mother?” Jaemin chastises her gently.
“I saw Nana. I wanted to play” She says, teary eyed now, slowly realising what she had done, what could’ve happened.
“Didn’t we talk about this before? Nana can only play with you if you listen to your mother” Jaemin says, tucking a strand of hair behind the 6 year old’s ear.
She nods. “I’m sorry”
The signals change. The mother runs over and sobs pathetically. Haeun cries. Minhyung is still in a daze, Jaemin keeps quiet.
“Did you save her?” She looks at his nametag. “Did you save her Minhyung? Thank you, thank you so much!”
“Wait I-what—it wasn’t—” Minhyung is startled into answering.
“I’m sorry, I’m just, going to take her away okay?” The mother smiles gratefully and walks away quickly lifting Haeun into her arms and walking away.
Silence follows, uncomfortable and weighing thick. Jaemin goes around the bench and lifts the umbrella up to his shoulders again. He’s so very calm about the entire thing but Minhyung is raging with quite the few unknown feelings.
“Why didn’t you say you saved her?” Minhyung asks in a small voice.
“She doesn’t like me very much, Haeun’s mother” Jaemin sits back with a dejected sigh.
“You know that kid? Haeun?” Minhyung asks, sitting and looking out the hills in front. It’s getting dark very quickly.
“Yeah. She’s a real special kid” Jaemin says with a fond smile.
“Did you have to fucking jump out like that?” Minhyung asks, seconds later and his voice quivers miserably.
Jaemin looks up in surprise. “Are you crying?”
“Shut up” Minhyung says teary eyed.
“Are you crying? Don’t cry” Jaemin says, all soft suddenly, concerned.
“This is all your fault”, Minhyung sniffles, trying to control the tears welling up in his eyes. He isn’t really crying. He’s trying hard not to. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life”
“Why were you scared?” Jaemin asks. He wants to reach out. Place a reassuring hand on Minhyung’s shoulder maybe.
“Because you were going to die” Minhyung doesn’t look at him then.
“What does it matter if I do? I wanted to save her” Jaemin says.
“It does matter!”
“Why?”
“Because you’re the only friend I have”, Minhyung snaps at him without meaning to. No amount of holding back can stop the tear slipping down his cheek. He looks out of it, a little annoyed that his claim of friendship is perhaps one sided. Did Jaemin consider him a friend? He hastily wipes away at the tear.
“Thanks”, Jaemin says, heavy guilt weighing on his words. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, so don’t cry. You won’t cry will you?”
Minhyung nods stiffly.
“I’ll tell you my favourite coffee place. Best frappe in town. It’s a little place down 3rd street” Jaemin says abruptly.
“Don’t change the topic you little shit” Minhyung grumbles noisily.
“Sorry”, Jaemin bites his lip.
“Best frappe in town huh?” Minhyung asks later. Jaemin thinks he looks adorable, sniffling, complaining and red-nosed.
“Try cotton candy” Jaemin bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling.
“Yeah?” Minhyung grumbles, looking at him.
Jaemin lets himself smile a little. “Yeah” he says, with a nod before beginning to describe it in extra detail extra enthusiastically.
That evening on the walk back home, Taeyong has caught on. Something is off about the way Minhyung is a little unresponsive.
“What’s wrong?” Taeyong asks him.
“Nothing” Minhyung can’t lie convincingly when he can’t even conceal the dreadful expression on his face.
“See I don’t want to be the douchebag who can’t stop talking about himself every time. Are you going to start spilling or do I have to tickle it out of you?” Taeyong asks.
“I’m just tired from school” Minhyung tries again.
“We both know that’s a lie” Taeyong stops walking. That makes Minhyung stop too. “Tell me. It looks like you’ve been crying. Did someone hurt you?” Taeyong turns Minhyung’s head to face him. “I’ll kill them, I will” Taeyong’s eyes are hard and steely, his jaw clenched in oncoming anger by having made assumptions.
Minhyung laughs a little. He assures Taeyong otherwise quickly.
“I witnessed an almost accident today. A little girl almost died. I couldn’t help at all” he says.
Taeyong drags him to the nearest bench and waits for him to speak again, sitting close and leaning in to listen attentively.
“I froze up hyung. I couldn’t even move. My friend—he, he reacted so fast. He saved the child too and I felt so useless then. So powerless and really, really scared. I couldn’t even stop my friend from running into oncoming traffic. He almost killed himself too”
A reassuring hand on his back tells him to continue.
“It’s just that I always thought I was better than this. I always imagined I’d be fast enough, be there when people need me. And I just went and fucking froze up like a statue nailed to the ground”
“Like in those dreams?” Taeyong asks quietly, hand never leaving Minhyung’s back.
“Like in those dreams”, Minhyung nods, “I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t scream”
“Minhyung, if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re selfless. You don’t have to beat yourself up about not being about to react as soon as you wanted to. There were circumstances and you weren’t completely alert. In situations like these, none of us are. Heck, I’m sure I would’ve frozen up too”
Minhyung looks at him. “But you’re my perfect big brother—”
“Stop calling me that”, Taeyong says sternly. “We know I’m not”. Softer this time. “Let’s go home. Mom’s going to hit the roof again” He pulls Minhyung up. “Don’t let me catch you all dazed and deep in thoughts about such silly things”
“Okay”, Minhyung smiles thinly.
Taeyong makes small talk then, trying to keep Minhyung’s attention away from the traumatic experience. But Minhyung’s thoughts drift to Jaemin’s half smiles. The hollow in his chest expands and it tickles near his ribs. Jaemin is alive, he thinks and he’s going to be right there tomorrow, at the bench with his legs crossed and his stupid blue umbrella.
When Minhyung pretends to listen because Taeyong is trying hard, his thoughts once again drift. This time it’s Yuta. Yuta who has lost someone dear to him. Minhyung can only imagine the pain and sense of loss, something he could have felt after today, had Jaemin gotten crushed. He looks at Taeyong then, Taeyong whose eyes sparkle brightly when he talks about things he likes, when he talks about Yuta, Taeyong who’d probably pulverise someone if they so much as dared touch a hair on Minhyung’s head. He can’t lose Taeyong. What would he do without Taeyong?
He feels a hand on his head then, gently carding down through his hair. “I can hear you thinking silly” Taeyong says.
“Sorry” he sighs.
They walk in comfortable silence then, stopping every now and then to catch their breaths.
“Hyung”, Minhyung calls out later and Taeyong turns to looks at him. “Don’t go dying on me okay?” he says.
“Minhyung, what did I tell you about keeping those thoughts away?” Taeyong chides him gently.
“Just promise me” Minhyung’s voice quivers in the silence. There’s a faint sound of two-wheelers whizzing past, hot soup boiling in the kiosk beside them and then the sound of leaves rustling in the cool wind. It’s quiet, too quiet.
“Of course” Taeyong says, ruffling Minhyung’s hair fondly. They tie pinkies. That makes it real. “If I’m not here, who’s going to bother you about Yuta?”
Minhyung laughs.
“How is he? Yuta” he asks
“All cool. Because I’m awesome like that” Taeyong says and promptly gets hit. “He’s been better lately” He hisses and rubs his arm. “Speaking of Yuta, I’m going to walk home with him starting tomorrow, so you don’t have to wait for me at the junction”
Minhyung stops walking. “Wait what?” Did that mean he doesn’t get to spend time with Jaemin anymore?
“It’s called progress” Taeyong smiles.
“If you’re coming with Yuta, I can still wait for you, right?”
“We’re going to use another route. His house comes on the way, then I walk back home” Taeyong explains.
He could still wait with Jaemin no problem. He just doesn’t have to wait for his brother anymore. Maybe he could finally see Jaemin’s brother now.
“Woah look at you dumping your little brother for your boyfriend” Minhyung says.
“He’s not my boyfriend. Yet” Taeyong mumbles.
Minhyung snorts, incident fading from focus.
-
Minhyung realises the next day that it’s been about 2 months chilling with Jaemin but it’s the first time Minhyung sits on the bench that day with no real reason to. He’s calmed down considerably from yesterday’s events. Surprisingly, it’s one of those rare times when Jaemin’s blue umbrella is folded and left unattended between them.
“Nana!” They hear suddenly and it’s Haeun running towards them, sans mom again. At least she’s on the right side of the road this time.
“Haeunnie”, Jaemin coos and kneels down to her height immediately, “where’s your mother?”
She points to the store a few feet away, inside the arcade.
“Haeun!” The mother screams, as if on cue. She runs out of the store and spots the child, stalking over angrily.
“Haeun, what did I tell you about talking to strangers?”
“But I saw Nana! I wanted to play!” she says indignantly.
The mother rubs her face in frustration, then she looks up.
“Oh my, aren’t you—? Aren’t you Minhyung?” her eyes widen in recognition.
“Ah-yes ma’am” Minhyung says nervously.
“Such a surprise. Now I know I haven’t thanked you enough for yesterday—” she begins
“It wasn’t—”
“And I don’t want to impose, but could you watch her for a minute? She keeps running away. I just have to pay up and I’ll be right out in two minutes. I’ll be watching, thanks” she says and takes off before there’s chance to protest.
“She doesn’t ever listen does she?” Minhyung turns to Jaemin, aggravated, but Jaemin is already busy talking with Haeun. Minhyung sighs and looks back warily, only to catch the mother glance their way over and over.
He kneels down beside Jaemin just as Jaemin praises Haeun for being a good girl. He boops her nose with his finger and Haeun giggles cutely, Minhyung swears he melts into a puddle. Jaemin smiles so wide suddenly, so uninhibited for the first time, Minhyung watches his eyes crinkle at the corners. He thinks he understands the ‘ray of sunshine’ thing now. Jaemin is positively beaming.
“Haeun, say hi to my friend. This is Minhyung” Jaemin says.
“Minhyung oppa?” Haeun looks at Minhyung, inquisitively. Minhyung is caught off guard. Eyes wide, tips of his ears coloured. Because of Haeun or because of Jaemin, he can’t really say.
He nods. “Haeunnie?” He says and asks for a high five which he gets enthusiastically.
Haeun turns to Jaemin then. “Is he like you too?” She asks Jaemin, curious sparkle in her eyes.
Jaemin smiles. “No, he’s like you” he says, gently tousling her hair.
“Haeun!” they hear. Her mother is back. “Time to go darling” she says. She walks closer with lots of bags in her arms, ready to tip over any time. Minhyung eyes them uneasily.
“Minhyung, thanks again. It’s nice to see Haeun making real friends” She bids him goodbye and walks away with Haeun.
“Wow she really treats you like you don’t exist. She’s one rude lady” Minhyung looks at Jaemin like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever encountered.
“Told you she hates me” Jaemin shrugs like he’s used to it.
“Why even? How could anyone hate you?” Minhyung can’t seem to wrap his head around this entire situation yet.
“Doesn’t matter to me. Haeun likes me anyway. That’s enough”
Minhyung isn’t quite satisfied with that. They sit back on the bench again, the same seat’s worth distance between them. Jaemin clicks open his umbrella and rests it on his left shoulder. Minhyung shakes his head at it.
“You were doing okay without that”, he complains.
“Lay off. I like the weight on my shoulder. Feels therapy-like” Jaemin says.
“Therapeutic, you mean” Minhyung says. Jaemin gives him a withering glare. “What do you need therapy for anyway?” Minhyung asks.
“You just gotta keep asking questions, don’t you?” Jaemin shakes his head in annoyance.
Minhyung stills for a second, wondering. He knows it true. “What did you mean when you said I’m like Haeun?” he asks anyway.
“God you just don’t stop!” Jaemin looks away, avoiding the question.
“Hey I have the right to know answers to whatever involves me” Minhyung demands.
Jaemin purses his lips. Minhyung scoots closer, inquisitively.
Jaemin turns to look at him again. “I meant that you’re special like her” he says in a small voice.
Minhyung suddenly jerks back, hit with an unexpected answer. Colour rises to his cheek.
“What the hell man?” He moves to jab Jaemin on the side, which he expertly dodges again, quick to get up from the seat, with umbrella and all. He seems too graceful and cheeky and he’s grinning like a fucking tease and Minhyung thinks that he may be a little in love with Jaemin.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks
“It means what it means. Now hush with the questions. Where’s your brother anyway? He’s kind of late” Jaemin asks.
It hits Minhyung then that he hasn’t told Jaemin yet.
“About that” He starts off uneasily, “he goes home with the person he likes now”
Jaemin stills, processing the sudden information. “You mean you don’t have to wait here anymore?”
“I could” Minhyung says. Jaemin is standing too far away.
“But you don’t need to” Jaemin says, suddenly unable to look Minhyung in the eyes.
“I want to” Minhyung says “I don’t want to have to start homework early”. Poor excuses are Minhyung’s trademark now.
“You should, that’s what good kids do” Jaemin sounds a little annoyed.
“Look, it’s going to be so boring without anyone to talk to so I’m still going to stay every day and bother you with questions. Besides, I haven’t seen your brother yet” Minhyung says.
Jaemin finally does look at him. Minhyung can’t really comprehend what the look means. Jaemin takes his seat silently, changing sides of the shaft to rest the umbrella on that favoured right shoulder.
“He comes really late these days. You don’t have to wait” he says quietly. They don’t have to be childish about this.
“But I—”
“You’ll be late for dinner won’t you?” Jaemin smiles again. Minhyung knows it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Yeah”, he says dejectedly.
Leaving Jaemin was something he didn’t have to think of everyday because he’d just hop of the seat and run off down to the signal after Taeyong with a quick ‘bye’. But without Taeyong to run after and rush them across the signal, Minhyung feels a little bad for having to leave Jaemin alone.
“It’s not like I didn’t have to wait every day after you had to leave” Jaemin argues.
“How long till he comes?” Minhyung stands, fidgeting and walking to and fro a little for delay.
“Another half an hour I think”, Jaemin looks at the watch on his left wrist. Minhyung can’t afford to wait that long.
“Just go” Jaemin says when he looks at Minhyung’s guilty expression. “It’s a safe neighbourhood”
“Yeah?” Minhyung smiles guiltily.
“Yeah” Jaemin nods.
Minhyung waves goodbye for the first time. Jaemin waves back. It’s alright Minhyung thinks. He’ll see Jaemin here tomorrow, same posture, same nice hair, legs crossed with that darned blue umbrella. And tomorrow, maybe Jaemin will smile at him like he does at Haeun, his widest gummy grin with eyes crinkling at the corner.
-