Chapter Text
Lippmann was many things. People called him the next greatest actor. The most handsome face. They were also extremely jealous of him, with his way with words and complete cool under pressure. But something many of his classmates don’t realise is that he’s extremely vulnerable to love. No one he’s ever dated has ever seen him for more than his pretty face and sweet words. They only date the idea of him and only love that version of him that they’ve concocted in his head.
Piano Man was an artist. Every note he played was done with precision. Every piece of art had to be perfect before it could be shown to the public. And for that, he despised deadlines. Presentations were the worst. He needed the visuals to be perfect, needed his speech to be perfect. There was no mistake he could not spot. Which is how he noticed Lippmann’s sudden change in mood.
The Flags were hanging out in the music room. It was the weekend, but they had privileges, and they were discussing the task Mori had given them. They had to keep an eye on the new student, Nakahara Chuuya, whose loyalty to Port Academy may be fickle. He only came to this school to learn about his past, so under no circumstances were they to help him. Many of the Flags weren’t happy with this, especially Albatross.
“I get where Sensei’s coming from, but isn’t it a little sad that this kid can’t know anything? Becoming a Flag member is way too hard, and he came from some nothing school. There’s no way he’ll be able to reach this status.”
Iceman, who was situated by the window, took a long drag of his cigarette before he spoke. Piano Man didn’t like how the smell lingered in the music room, but he’s learned to deal with it. He and Iceman are in the same year, and they were appointed Flag members at the same time at the end of their first year during the third year’s graduation. He had the opportunity to watch Lippmann and Albatross, his juniors, get appointed last year, as well as Doc, who could have become a Flag member at the same time as Piano Man and Iceman if it weren’t for his sickness.
“Get used to it, kid. Being a Flag member isn’t just opportunities. It’s a transaction. Mori-sensei helps us with career opportunities while we help him with school-related matters.”
Albatross crossed his arms. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, with his sunglasses hiding his eyes. Piano Man couldn’t make out what was going on in his head, and that might have been the point of the glasses. He might be the most expressive out of all of them, but his glasses keep him hidden all the same.
“I know, but it’s not like I’m happy about this specific arrangement. Nakahara-kun seems like a great guy. I just wish we could help him in some way.”
Doc cackled. “Look at you, Albatross-kun. It took one hangout to soften up to the boy.”
“Do you not feel bad that he might see us as friends and we don’t?” Albatross complained.
“Obviously you see him as a friend,” Piano Man noted, which made Albatross go into a whole rant about how happy he was about Chuuya’s friendship.
Piano Man listened, but he couldn’t help but notice how silent Lippmann was being. Usually he’d be engaging more in the conversation. Piano Man had his suspicions, but he wouldn’t bring them up unless Lippmann needed someone to talk to. He was sure he’d trust Piano Man enough for this. They’ve been friends before Lippmann joined the Flags, and their relationship has been built on genuine admiration and a want to get to know the other.
“Look at it this way, Albatross-kun,” Piano Man offered. “Nakahara-kun is our friend, but we’re doing this for his safety. If he were to suddenly get that information and transfer, he might not be well received by his new classmates for having gone to Port Academy.”
Albatross thought about this for a moment. “I suppose so.”
Piano Man clapped his hands together, smiling softly. “Then let this meeting end. Doc-kun, you’ve got volunteering at the hospital later, right?”
“Right as always,” he nodded.
The meeting finished up, and the Flags dispersed. Piano Man watched as his friends left one by one until he was the only one in the music room. He walked over to the grand piano, the only one in the school, and pulled up the keyboard cover. He ran his hands over the keys gently, imagining a soft tune. Once he had finished his song, he began playing it out. He wished he had brought some blank sheets to write the notes. It was tedious having to memorise everything.
He went over the song five times before he decided he was going to leave. It was rude to overstay his stay. He grabbed his coat and headed out, locking the music room as well as the building. He was the only one to have a key to the building among the Flags because Mori trusts him to not abuse that privilege, so he’ll show Mori he can still trust him. Though, maybe staying by the grand piano was a little of a breach of trust. They’re not supposed to enter the building for their own selfish desires.
The music was still playing in his head when he got back to the dorms, where he went straight to the cafeteria, expecting to find Iceman, Lippmann, and Albatross, but one of them seemed to be missing.
“Where were you?” Albatross asked once Piano Man approached.
“Finishing some stuff,” Piano Man answered. “Where’s Lippmann-kun”
Albatross shrugged. “Don’t know. He didn’t come down. I tried knocking on his door, but he didn’t answer. I assumed he was already down, but who knows.”
Piano Man was instantly on edge. Something definitely happened. He was certain of it. Without saying a word to the others, he headed up to Lippmann’s floor. The good news about them being Flag members was that they were on the priority list for having solo rooms. He knocked furiously on Lippmann’s room, but no one answered. He knew the other man was in there.
He took out some paper clips and unbent them so he could pick the lock. Breaking the door open would be faster, but it would be an inconvenience to explain why it was knocked down if he’s wrong. When the lock clicked, he wasted no time opening it, announcing himself to Lippmann so that he wouldn't be startled.
“It’s me, Piano Man. I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he called out as he closed the door. The room wasn’t big. There was only a bed, a desk, and a bathroom, which was where Piano Man was sure Lippmann was hiding. He knocked gently on the door. “Lippmann-kun, do you want to talk?”
There was no answer. He pressed his ear close to the door and immediately fumbled to get it unlocked. Laboured breathing could be heard, and he couldn’t get the lock picked quick enough. His hands began sweating the longer he took, and the picks slipped between his fingers more than once. When he finally got the door to open, what he saw sent him into a panic.
Lippmann was curled up on the floor in the fetal position with a half-empty bottle of pills lying next to him. Tears streamed down his face as his chest rose and fell in rapid succession as if he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. Piano Man cursed. He had no clue what to do first. Call an ambulance. Comfort Lippmann. He wasn’t good at making decisions under pressure. That was what Lippmann was good at.
Piano Man didn’t know if this would be a mistake, but he made a quick decision and gently sat next to Lippmann. “Lippmann-kun, I want you to follow my breathing, okay?” Piano Man said gently. He saw Lippmann’s panicked eyes go to him, and he took that as confirmation to start to breathe in and out in long and even intervals.
Slowly, Lippmann followed his pace and started breathing a little normally. Relief washed over Piano Man as Lippmann’s breathing started to even out. What he wasn’t prepared for was the sudden confession. “He left me,” Lippmann wailed. “He was just like all my other exes.”
“He didn’t deserve you,” Piano Man said softly, letting Lippmann rest his head against his shoulder. Hot tears soaked through the fabric.
“I thought he’d be different,” Lippmann continued to cry. “I thought he’d see me for being me, not use me for clout. I thought I finally found someone who’d love me in return. Am I this undeserving of love?”
Piano Man stroked his back gently. “Of course not. You deserve it just as much as any other person.”
Lippmann clung onto Piano Man’s sides tightly. He was almost hurting him, but Piano Man said nothing. “Then why do I always end up with people who only like my beauty? Why do I still fall for love when it only hurts me? Why should I live if no one will care?”
Piano Man’s hand froze for only a second as he remembered the pill bottle. “How many pills did you take?”
“Not enough,” Lippmann cried. “I don’t want to live if I can’t love. If I can’t be loved. It’s too painful.”
Piano Man resumed stroking his back. “But I love you. I will keep loving you even if you won’t ever notice me. All I want is for you to be happy, but it breaks my heart seeing you like this. You’re not the only one in pain. So give me all your pain. I can handle it, but I can’t handle seeing you like this.” He spoke softly, softer than even the softest note the piano can play.
Lippmann’s crying had softened, and he now held onto Piano Man as if his life depended on it. Piano Man continued to stroke his back, humming a gentle piece in hopes of soothing Lippmann more. Eventually, Lippmann’s crying had stopped, and his grip on Piano Man loosened.
“Thank you,” he whispered, staying in the comfort of Piano Man’s embrace.