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The automatic door opened as the pink-haired man stepped out of the building. Sipping iced coffee in his hand, he walked toward a car parked not far from the gate. The sound of the shoes colliding with the ground was louder than it should. Before he reached the car, someone had gotten out of the driver's seat.
Bonggu halted for half a second before continuing to walk—a little faster this time. His lips curled into a smile, yet he hoped he could hide the discomfort churning in his stomach. "You wait long?"
A peck landed on the silver-haired man who now flinched too visibly. He turned away, pretending to adjust the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. "Nah, I just got here."
Bonggu took a step back, hands clenching into fists on his sides. "I'm hungry. Would you cook me pasta?"
The other man smiled faintly. Without him having to say anything, Bonggu knew he was unwilling. "I'm sorry, maybe next time? I'm kinda tired today."
Bonggu just nodded, already expecting the answer.
The car ran smoothly on the quiet road. None of them wished to open their mouths, both busy with their own thoughts. From the car window, raindrops began to fall, wetting the asphalt like they were trying to remove the stains.
"They said it won't rain, though," Bonggu mumbled, his hand stroking the car window, as if he were trying to reach for something he couldn't.
"Well, nature is a mystery."
A beat.
"Like humans, right?"
Eunho's hands on the steering wheel tightened. "How?" asked him, though it seemed he already knew the answer.
"They'll change." Bonggu turned. "They can leave without actually leaving."
Eunho stepped on the brake as the light turned red. The muffled sound of rain falling on his car grew louder, together with Petrichor slowly slipping in.
Bonggu took a deep breath, his eyelids fluttering shut. "You still like this smell?"
The other man swallowed hard. "Mhm."
It wasn't long until Bonggu opened his eyes and turned at the car window once again.
And the next second Eunho realized, the door on the passenger seat was forced open.
"HEY!"
He quickly stomped on the brake and took off his seatbelt, slamming the door as he rushed toward the one getting up from the ground.
"Bonggu, wait!"
The one being called brushed the hand away, not allowing even the tip of the finger to touch him. His jaw clenched, tears wetting his cheeks. The wounds on his skin weren't enough to silence the ache in his heart. His head was thumping along with his hammering heartbeat, and despite the tears blurring his eyes, Bonggu still gazed into those eyes—the ruby eyes now trembling under the heavy rain.
"You were the happiest person in the world whenever I asked you to cook me pasta. You'd be the first to lean and whine for a kiss from me. You never let the car be quiet—hell, I almost died of boredom, listening to that one city pop you love so much over and over."
The hoarse voice was the only sound Eunho could clearly hear despite the thunder. Not even the rain could lie—Eunho knew Bonggu was crying.
And that he'd failed.
"Ten years. It was ten years ago, the last time you called me by my name, holding my hands tight. You said you loved me, you promised to always be by my side, to be the reason for every smile ... of every joy."
Bonggu didn't wipe his tears, letting the rain fall on his face.
Perhaps letting go was the right choice this time.
He took a deep breath. For one last time, he looked into Eunho's eyes. A small giggle slipped from him.
There was no longer love in those eyes.
"It's okay, Eunho-ya." A faint, bitter smile tucked at his trembling lips. "Let's end it all."
The other man grew still, not even trying to stop him—he couldn't, even if he wanted to.
"I don't love you."
A shout stopped Bonggu and his heartbeat.
"I swear I tried, but I just ... can't ...."
Bonggu's hand flew to his chest, clutching the wet shirt, hoping it'd stop his heart from breaking.
"So all these years ... all those ten years, you were just pretending?"
Eunho looked down, staring at the ground. He took off his glasses and walked toward the pink-haired man only three steps away from him.
"Three months," he whispered. "I've been trying for three months—to love you ... to grant his last wish."
Bonggu froze, his eyes widened. He didn't know if he should run or throw a punch on the man's face.
"Who are you ...."
Eunho—or at least the man Bonggu thought to be his lover—took off the contact lenses from his eyes. He threw them, stepping on them as if it could fix everything. He didn't care if Bonggu turned pale now, a mix of fear and confusion clearly painted in his face.
Even so, the pink-haired man still obeyed when the man told him to follow.
Their footsteps led them to the graveyard not far away from there. If it were a casual day, Bonggu had already scolded him, accusing him of an unfunny prank. But this time, it was different.
Bonggu halted. Without the other man having to explain, he already understood—or so, he thought.
"Heh, is it because my birthday's close? Your prank isn't f—"
"Eunho," the man called—not to Bonggu.
To the grave engraved with Do Eunho's name.
"I'm here ... to return what shouldn't have been mine in the first place."
As if nature were letting him speak to whatever buried inside the ground, the rain began to slow. He took Bonggu's hand, holding it tightly despite his own trembling hand.
"I'm sorry, I give up. No matter how hard I try, I can't love him."
He bowed, making Bonggu flinch in surprise. But not even a word could escape from his lips. His tongue was numb, and his breath caught in his throat.
"It's enough ... You don't want to hurt him, right, Hyung?"
Bonggu thought everything was just a dream. The long, worst nightmare he ever had in his entire life. Or at least this was all staged. A lame joke—whatever.
That night, however, the wind blew his hair and softly brushed his skin. The touch was gentle, delicate.
Oddly familiar.
"My name's Terry."
Bonggu looked up and found the man's face was wet with tears.
"Do Eunho is my twin brother ... the half of me that left three months ago."
Three months ago.
"Terry," Eunho called, a weak smile on his face. "How much is it to hire you?"
The other man rolled his eyes in exasperation. Still, he sat on the chair and peeled the apples. "The fuck do you mean?"
A soft chuckle slipped from Eunho's lips. "You never changed, huh. Always so rude to your own hyung."
"We're twins, fuckass. You just happened to come out first, that's all." Terry threw the plate on the nightstand, putting a slice of apple into his mouth despite Eunho having already opened his own. "Your hands still work just fine."
"Tch, have mercy on your sick hyung, would ya?"
Terry just shrugged, casually chewing on the apple. Right when he was about to take off his glasses, the older one reached for him. His hand was cold, Terry thought, but he remained calm. "What? Want me to feed you?"
Eunho giggled weakly. There was a familiar ache in his chest. "You said you wanted to retire, right?"
Terry didn't answer, not even nodding. He only blinked, straightened up his back in his seat, bracing himself for whatever nonsense that'd come from that twin of him.
"Then, I'll be your last client—"
"I refuse."
Eunho's lips slightly parted. That reaction was exactly like what he'd expected.
"You may be my twin brother, but I'm not you, Do Eunho. I will never be you."
Terry's hands clenched into fists. Voices of the old days were ringing in his head. He'd lost count on how many people pointed out at them, rambling about how different they were as twins. How Eunho was always the star of attention, whereas he was the complete opposite.
One day, Eunho came home with the lower part of his hair dyed in black.
And it was the day he got diagnosed with an illness.
Knowing his twin brother wouldn't have a long life, Terry decided to go abroad. He thought that way, Eunho would get as much love as he could in the remaining days he had. That was the last thing he could give to his other half—or so he thought.
If only he knew, Eunho never once liked it.
"You have to pay your debt, Terry," Eunho said, his voice softer. "You left without saying anything, never once replied to my emails. For years I thought I'd lost my other half. I thought you hated me."
Terry looked away, not brave enough to meet Eunho's eyes. If he could turn back time, he wouldn't choose this way again. He'd stay, accompanying Eunho until the day came for them to part ways.
That way, maybe he wouldn't have a debt to pay.
"Chae Bonggu is his name, the greatest person I ever met. Please, try to love him."
Terry swallowed hard, his breath caught in his throat. "What if I failed?"
"Then return him." Eunho smiled. "To me. To his home."
That day marked the last job Terry took before he retired. The most devastating one in his entire career as a spy. For three months Terry met Bonggu, went on countless dates, picked him up, even watched him dance.
Even so, there wasn't a single day when his heart beat of something called love.
Bonggu was a great person, Eunho didn't lie about it. Every smile, every smallest laugh, every "Eunho-ya" slipped from those lips—Terry never once failed to capture them with the glasses.
Bonggu had no idea that Terry never once looked at him. He was only there to catch every moment, every millisecond of what should've happened.
Eunho might never ask for any recording—in fact, he was against it. Deep in his heart, he was ready to let go of Bonggu, the love of his life, to Terry's hands, the other half of him. But as he watched the first recording of the pink-haired man's laugh, he couldn't help but shed tears.
No one could lie to the heart.
"Help me with one last thing. I swear, it'll be the last."
Terry didn't say anything. He only dragged his chair, leaning closer so he could listen well.
No, God. Don't let it be the last.
"Ready?"
"Not yet, you punk."
"Quick! I'm hungry!"
"Shut up, fuckass!"
A drop of tear fell on his cheeks. Without him realizing, his hand was already reaching out, stroking the screen in front of him.
Only hearing that voice had already made him feel warm.
"I'm counting down, okay? Three, two ...."
Bonggu's finger lingered. The screen showed a man he was so familiar with, sitting on the hospital bed and wearing a hospital gown that looked too big for him.
"Umm, Hyung? It's me, Do Eunho. Ah, shit, I'm suddenly nervous."
That face looked too real for Bonggu. For some reason, it felt like he hadn't seen him for a long time.
As if his heart actually knew, the one he'd been seeing for the last three months wasn't his Eunho.
"If you watch this, well, that means Terry's failed. And that means I'm the loser here. I'm the stupid one. Because of that, let me apologize in advance."
Bonggu remained still as Eunho bowed, only letting the tears fall, wetting the couch where he sat.
"I'm so sorry, Hyung, but please, don't ever think it's because I don't love you anymore—because no, never. I don't even know how to unlove you, Hyung."
There was a faint, suppressed laugh behind the camera, yet Bonggu's face remained flat.
"I'm just ... running out of time. That's all. So I thought, letting you be with my twin is the better choice. But I underestimated how smart you are. Of course you know he's not me, right? Haha, Do Eunho, you pabo."
Bonggu's hand flew to his mouth, not allowing a single sob to interrupt.
"Actually, Terry had said the same. 'I will never be you,' he said. But I still forced him, and now I know, I was wrong. I'm sorry, Hyung."
A thin streak of blood fell from Bonggu's lower lip, but he ignored it, not even thinking of wiping it.
"I don't know how long it takes for you to realize, but since you're smart, maybe it won't even last a year? Still, just to be safe, let me celebrate for one last time."
Another sob was heard from behind him. At least Bonggu wasn't alone in this battle.
"Eunho-ya, happy birthday! You celebrate it with Bamby Hyung through Terry, right? Hyung-nim, happy birthday! I love you so, so much, Bamby Hyung. Lastly, happy anniversary. Is it the eleventh? Woah, isn't it crazy? It feels like just yesterday when you were forced to accept me because I confessed near the graveyard and threatened to leave you alone there, haha. But I proved it, right? I made you love me back."
Bonggu hugged his own knees. The place he ran away from the car today was the start of his journey with the man named Do Eunho.
"I've told Terry to bury me in that graveyard if I die later. You ... may not be here when I take my last breath, right? Honestly, it hurts. So much, even. But it's fine. I won't be able to see you cry, after all. I'm scared I'll be fighting the Grim Ripper, don't wanna leave this world. So, it's okay. Even if I can't see you for the last time, I know you're still smiling somewhere. I'll watch over you from heaven, then. Make sure to smile a lot, okay?"
The sound of sobbing finally escaped. Bonggu could no longer hold back.
"Lastly, thank you so much, Hyung. I enjoy this short life so much, thanks to you. Thank you for being born, Chae Bonggu. Please, take care of yourself. I know you'll feel like the world is ending once you watch this, so listen to my last wish. Come to my grave at least once a month and bring my favorite food. Tell me your days—just talk about anything. You can leave whenever you want. Just promise, you'll come home intact."
The room was no longer quiet. Neither Bonggu nor Terry was able to hold back their tears.
"Well, that's all? Terry is already crying here, I feel guilty, hahaha. I love you, Hyung. Take care of yourself until we meet again. Goodbye."
The video ended with Eunho making a big heart with his hands above his head. He didn't know it'd leave a scar in the heart of someone he loved the most.
The gentle breeze wafted the smell of instant noodle through the cup Bonggu left open. He continued to clean the grave in front of him, not caring if the noodle had gotten cold now.
"Your grave is the most clean here since I take care of it every day. You're welcome, you punk."
Bonggu put a slice of jjondeugi into his mouth. His face remained flat as he chewed on it, eyes blankly staring at the tombstone before him.
"I've run out of everyday stories to tell. You brought my soul away with you, anyway."
He slumped there, his eyelids fluttering shut as he yawned. Somehow, sleepiness suddenly washed over him. Maybe—just maybe, he could finally sleep after a year of insomnia.
"It's been a year, Eunho-ya. Quick, pick me up."
It was the last whisper slipped from Bonggu before he went into deep slumber, dreaming of Eunho cuddling him to sleep.