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The day had been wonderful. A warm breeze was blowing from the east, not a cloud in the sky, not a wave on the sea. But, most importantly, Buggy was still alive. He'd just finished having a beer with Crocodile and Mihawk, and he still had every limb in place. Now the three of them were strolling along the harbor, walking slowly back to their ship. Yes, it would have been a great day... If it weren't, of course, for the events that followed.
"Is that the Cross Guild?" a male voice asked.
"Shh! Watch it, idiot!" someone told the first man. "Do you want to lose your life?"
Whispers and stares followed them wherever they walked. Buggy puffed out his chest.
"Look, look, it's him over there," a woman called out.
Buggy didn't even turn his face. He was used to people talking about him. People talked about how fearsome his pirate crew was, how incredible their escape from Impel Down had been. He straightened his back and pulled off a hand to wave at the crowd.
"Is that the one who's dating red-haired Shanks?" said another voice. "The one with the weird hat?"
At that, the clown's gait deflated, and he looked at Mihawk with disgust. He knew Mihawk had a connection to Shanks, but to be lovers... some people really had no taste.
"Yes, yes," the woman whispered, "the one with the ridiculous hat and the red nose, that's the one who..."
The clown's feet kept moving while his body remained there, rooted to the spot in the middle of the pier. Wait a minute. Were they talking about him?! About him and Shanks?
Buggy finally reacted, opening his mouth and letting out a huge: "Wait, WHAT?!"
The shout echoed through the harbor. And the clown's red nose deepened two shades. He turned his head toward the voices but found the dock empty. There was no one in sight. No men, nor women. Not even animals. Whoever had said that had run away, scared off by his screams. Damn it! Turns out, being a fearsome pirate had its downsides.
His associates looked at him.
"So…" Mihawk began.
"No."
"You kept that quiet, clown," Crocodile continued.
"No! You're all wrong!" Buggy started. "I didn't… This isn't…"
Mihawk's yellow eyes studied him with interest, while Crocodile's gray ones seemed to exude disgust. And Buggy, Buggy was dripping with shame, hatred. His perfect day had gone to hell, and there was only one person to blame: Shanks.
"Shanks!" He started shouting from the dock, "Shanks! You… , you'll be damn sorry. I swear I'm going to... I'm going to..."
The words caught in his throat, overcome with fury. Him and Shanks? Dating? What kind of nonsense was that? Who could have made up such a terrible lie?
"Shanks!"
The east wind carried away his shouts, and his fury remained there, keeping him company in the harbor.
The next morning wasn't any better. Buggy woke up with a killer hangover and a bitter taste in his mouth. After the ordeal, he'd gone back to the tavern to drown his anger in alcohol, and now his whole body was protesting. "Damn it!"
His mouth was dry, and... what time was it? He could hear noises coming from the deck. Outside, the sun was already high in the sky. And, on his table were the morning paper and a cold coffee.
He sat down at the table and brought the coffee to his lips. Then he picked up the newspaper and spat out his drink.
"It can't be..."
On the front page was the most horrible headline he had ever read.
"Impossible..."
But what kind of garbage was that? He rubbed his eyes and reread the headline. But the letters were still there, forming the most absurd words.
Buggy and Shanks: Emperors and Lovers?
The clown let out a string of curses and continued reading.
Yesterday our reporters heard rumors that these two emperors are together, and not long after, a certain clown was seen calling out to his lover at the port. What's behind these desperate calls for love? This columnist believes that...
The clown narrowed his eyes. The news report was nothing but nonsense: that they'd been seeing each other secretly for some time (ha!), that rumors said they were more than friends (yuck!), and that they'd even left Impel Down together after…
Buggy tore the newspaper to shreds. Then he yelled for his first mate.
"Mohji! Mohji!"
There was a commotion behind the door, followed by soft knocks on the wood.
"Yes, Captain?"
"Tell the crew to change course."
"But we just sighted land. We're…"
"I don't give a damn," Buggy interrupted. "We're turning east, now! We're going to pay that bastard Shanks a visit."
Buggy had no proof that Shanks was behind this web of lies, but he also had no doubt. Because the redhead was always to blame for his misfortunes.
Shanks wasn't in Foosha Village, nor did he find him in Dressrosa. So, red with shame and fury, he decided to try contacting him another way: by letter. He sent letters and carrier birds to half a dozen places: Wano, Orange Town, Arabasta… All were written in capital letters and with a generous extra dose of exclamation marks.
So, the last thing he expected the following week was to wake up to an even worse headline. It read:
Buggy and Shanks: Love blossoms between the emperors of the sea.
Buggy picked up the newspaper with trembling hands, his eyes eagerly devouring each of the lies.
Today, all the eastern kingdoms have been covered in letters from Buggy the Clown. Letters dedicated to his lover, Shanks. This only confirms last week's rumors. Buggy and Shanks are together and who knows? They might even be engaged.
"Damn it! Damn it!"
The clown continued reading. Reading and fuming.
"Mohji!"
His first mate entered through the door, followed by his lion.
"Captain?"
"Is there a letter from Shanks?"
"Not yet, Captain."
The clown cursed again under his breath. He gestured to Monji to step back, but the officer didn't move. He seemed to want to say something. He opened his mouth, his voice trembling. "But…"
"But?" Buggy repeated.
"But he did reply to the newspaper, Captain. Cabaji told me."
Of course! How hadn't he thought of that? Instead of writing to Shanks, he should have written to the newspaper and asked them, no! Demanded them to correct the story. But it didn't matter. Shanks had surely already taken care of it. Thank goodness. So, the clown continued reading:
…This newspaper has had the opportunity to speak with a member of the happy couple. Shanks wrote to us saying he was thrilled to see himself as a headline and asked us to please pass this note on to his beloved clown: You are so eager to see me, aren’t you? My crew and I will be docking in Arabasta in two weeks. I'll be waiting for you there ♥
Buggy stared at the bottom of the article. The disgusting heart at the end, the string of nonsense Shanks had spouted, and… wait a minute. He looked up from the newspaper.
"What do you mean Cabaji told you?" he said, looking at his first mate with pleading eyes. "You mean the men read the article too?"
"Uh… yes, Captain."
Buggy yelled. His hands flew from his body and pounded the ceiling.
Buggy had no choice: he was going to have to meet Shanks and untangle this whole mess. To meet him and put an end to this nonsense.
So, the clown and his crew set sail for Arabasta. By the time they arrived, the rumors of his affair with Shanks had intensified. People said that they had three secret children together and a cute cottage on a summer island. Buggy’s mouth twisted. He felt the stares on his skin, but he no longer puffed out his chest; he narrowed his eyes. He ground his teeth. Because the stares went hand in hand with whispers: horrible words like ‘lover,’ ’redhead,’ or ‘cutie pie.’
Buggy pulled his stupid hat down over his eyes and kept walking. He didn't have to go far. In the third bar in the port, a familiar laugh reached his ears, followed by four dreadful words:
"Ah, there's my sweetheart!"
Buggy's stomach lurched at the words, and again when he saw the redhead's grin widen. Oh, how he hated that grin. Those perfect teeth, that curve of his mouth.
"Stop messing with me, you idiot."
And the insolent redhead laughed even harder. He was at the bar, clutching a beer with his one arm, his brown eyes fixed on him. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."
The clown muttered a string of swear words under his breath. "Well?"
"Well?" the other repeated.
"You wanted to see me, didn't you?" said the clown. "Otherwise, what's with the newspaper stunt?"
"Ah, but I was just finishing what you started. If I remember correctly, you started that whole ordeal with those little letters of yours," replied the redhead, his grin growing larger
Buggy's face turned bright red. "That's not…! I didn't start anything, you asshole!"
And the redhead laughed. Right in his face. As if the whole thing was funny, as this whole thing wasn’t a big mess. "Okay, okay," the man said, "whatever you say."
Shanks took a sip of his beer and smiled again. "Although it's true I wanted to see you," he admitted.
And Buggy's stomach did something strange. "Oh, really?” He swallowed. “Why?"
But Shanks didn't answer. He patted a chair next to him and gestured for him to come closer. "All in good time, pal. A beer?"
A beer appeared in front of the clown. And he sighed and took a sip. Shanks's good humor was getting under his skin. His laughter was ringing in his ears, and he... he was just tired of being taken for a fool. "You damn redhead!" he said after the sigh. "Why didn't you deny the rumor when you wrote to the newspaper?"
Shanks just smiled at him. "I don't know, it made me laugh."
Buggy swore, and the redhead laughed again. "Okay, sorry, sorry. Maybe... maybe I just wanted to see you."
There, Buggy's jaw literally dropped to the floor. The clown snapped it back into place and stared at Shanks as if he'd grown a second head. "Why?"
The redhead shrugged. "I missed you."
The clown's fury turned first into confusion, then into something… something even harder to put into words. It was like a cramp, like a mild stomachache. And… he frowned. "Wait, you are pulling my leg again, aren’t you?"
The other man waved his hand. "Not this time, buddy. Besides…"
"Besides?"
"I owe you something, from when you saved Luffy."
Shanks reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll.
"Here," he continued, "the treasure map I promised you."
Buggy's eyes gleamed, and as he reached out to offer his hand, Shanks pulled it away. "But in exchange..."
"Aha! I knew it! I knew you wouldn't give it to me willingly, you cheat! Come on, what do you want in return?"
"In exchange," continued the other, "I want us to meet again, alone. How about next Friday? In this same tavern?"
"Why?" asked the other, suspicious.
And Shanks shrugged again. "Indulge me."
Tap, tap, tap. Went Buggy’s fingers on the ceiling.
Then tap, tap, tap, went his foot on the wood.
The clown's mouth twisted as he thought, plotted. He couldn't just take the map from him. He knew he wasn't strong enough to beat Shanks in a fight. But the redhead was up to something. He knew it! He could smell it from a mile away, and then there was that smug smile, those lips that made his stomach churn and send shivers down his spine, like he was filled with butterflies.
"Fine," he finally said through gritted teeth.
Shanks's grin widened. He stood up from his chair. He put on his black cloak back.
"Great! It's a date!" he said, dropping some coins on the bar. "See you Friday, Buggy!"
The redhead patted him twice on the back and walked out the door. Leaving Buggy confused, his jaw on the floor again, and his stomach filled with those disgusting butterflies.