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"Edd, um, I think you need to go change."
Edd leaves the room, and Matt takes this chance to look back at the recording. He leans back against Edd's bed. Tom goes over to him and leans in, watching it over his shoulder, quietly. Matt glances up at him, chuckling, stopping it.
"I'm gonna, um, make like a whole thing with this. Call it Edd's day."
Tom nods. "Sweet." He goes down to the computer. Matt turns the camera back on and points it down at Tom. Tom plays back the recording of Edd drowning. They both chuckle.
"We got it?"
"Nice, yeah." Tom smiles. Matt holds the camera down to look at Tom.
"This is really dumb."
"Definitely." Tom nods.
"The dumbest."
Edd comes back into the room, and Matt picks up the camera again, pointing it over at him.
Matt swings the door open, letting out a heavy sigh. He shuts it behind him with his foot, slipping off his gloves and scarf, tossing them on the table by the door, and then kicking off his damp sneakers. He shuffles out of his coat and hangs it up on the coat rack. He sits on the couch, throwing a blanket over himself, shivering.
Tom comes in from the kitchen, a chocolate chip cookie in his hand. "Hey. How was it?" He asks, leaning over the couch arm, shoving the cookie in his mouth.
"It was fun. But I'm rather cold now."
Tom swallows and nods. "How're Edd and Tord?"
"They're alright. Edd's about the same as he always is, filming me for no reason." Matt shrugs. "And I dunno, Tord was always closer with Edd anyways." He mumbles, muffled by blanket.
"Yeah..." Tom comes and sits next to him, pulling the blanket over himself as well. "Ah, that's nice..." He closes his eyes, smiling. Matt stares at his peaceful expression, exhausted.
"Yeah..."
Tom picks up the remote and flicks on the tv. Matt continues to stare. Eventually, Tom notices and turns his head. "What's up?"
"Oh, n-nothing. 'M just tired."
"Alright." Tom turns away for a second, but then looks back over to Matt, who's still shivering. He thinks for a moment, then stands up.
"Where're you going?"
"To make us some hot chocolate."
Matt smiles. He settles back into the couch, already feeling warmer. After a bit, Tom comes back from the kitchen again, placing one cup on the coffee table, and carefully handing the other one to Matt.
"It's hot, grab it by the handle." He awkwardly hands it to him, their fingers brushing against each other. Tom sits back down, snuggling up under the blanket again. There's a cartoon Christmas special on the tv. Matt blows on his hot chocolate for a while before going to take a sip. He ends up burning his tongue anyways.
"Um, t-thanks, Tom. This is really nice."
Tom turns his head over, eyebrows raised. "Oh, sure! I mean, just figured you were cold, so..." He shrugs. He leans forward to grab his own mug, cooled down a bit by now. He slowly brings it up to his mouth, and takes a small sip, feeling it warm up his throat. Matt simply watches him. It's not often that him and Tom get to spend time together alone, but when they do, it's never a bother. Tom's a lot sweeter than he lets on, and it shows with little things like this. It always makes Matt feel just a little special, the fact that he gets to spend these moments with Tom. Although, they probably mean nothing to him, Matt's just overly sentimental.
Matt leans in just a little closer to Tom, his whole body feeling warm. It's comforting, watching tv with him, drinking hot chocolate, cuddled together under a nice fuzzy blanket, lights dim.. He couldn't ask for anything better.
He hears the door open behind him, not bothering to look. Then footsteps coming down the concrete stairs he's sitting on, then feels someone sit down next to him. "Hey Matt." He looks up from the corner of his eye. Of course it's Tom.
"Tom." He stares down at his feet. Tom does the same. Neither of them know what to say. There's not exactly anything to say. So why is Tom even out here? Why would he even bother?
Tom lets out a deep breath. He starts talking, because maybe if he just keeps talking and doesn't stop, something useful will come out of his mouth. "This day has been... weird. Tha-That funeral was weird. And... I know that this has probably fucked you up the most, cause I know that you knew each other for a lot longer and a lot better than he knew the rest of us." He pauses. "W-What I want to say Matt, is that... I-I'm here for you. I'll try to be, as much as I can. Because... I really care about you. And I'm sorry if I've never really shown it before." Tom fidgets with his fingers, awaiting a response, amazed he even managed to say all that. After a while, Matt picks his head up to look him straight in the eyes, tears already streaming down his face. Tom reacts quickly, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug, holding him as close to his body as possible. Matt grips onto him, burying his face in his shoulder, sobbing. Tom rubs his back, trying to soothe him to the best of his ability.
"I'm so tired, Tom." Matt chokes out between sobs.
Tom squeezes his eyes shut, nodding, and holds his shaking body. Matt never wants to let go. Tom lets him cry, thinking there's not much he can do other than this. After a while, he starts to quiet down, loosening his grip on Tom, relaxing his shoulders. Matt slowly pulls away from him, and looks him in the eyes, red and strained. Even just looking back at him, Tom's breathing hitches, and he starts to feel tears build up in his own eyes. He quickly wipes them away, wanting to stay strong in front of Matt. Matt takes his hand up to Tom's face, and gently caresses his cheek with his thumb. Tom leans into it, shutting his eyes, trying to keep the tears back. Matt leans in to press their foreheads together. He feels Tom's quick breath on his hand, contrasting his own slow breathing. Tom quietly lets tears fall from his eyes, gently holding Matt's hand to his face. Matt's never seen him so vulnerable. Come to think of it, he doesn't know if he's ever even seen Tom cry before all this. It's strange to see him like this. But also somehow nice. It humanizes him. Makes Matt feel somehow closer to Tom than he was before.
Tom pulls away from him, and he takes his hand back. It feels like some kind of spell has been broken. Matt feels a weird emptiness on his hand. Tom wipes his eyes thoroughly, avoiding Matt's gaze. Matt just watches him, waiting for him to say something first.
"Um, I-I'm sorry." He says, voice quiet. "You don't need me crying all over you."
"I-It's okay." He reassures.
"I'm fine, I promise."
"Tom, it's okay, really. Edd's death has affected all of us-"
"I said I'm fine!" He covers his face with his palms. He quickly stands up. "I-I'm fine."
Matt stands up after him. "Tom, wait-"
"I'm going back inside." He quickly turns and goes back through the door, Matt grabbing it before it can close again, watching Tom storm off into the crowd of people in the pub.
"Fuck."
The door slowly creaks open, letting in the light from the hallway, a figure casting a shadow into the dark room. Tom had let Matt stay over after the party, even letting him sleep in his bed as he went to go sleep on the couch. Matt rolls over in his bed. Guess he couldn't stay away for long. Tom closes the door behind him and walks over to the bed, sitting on the side of it. He turns away from Matt, gripping the edge of the matress.
"Tom?" Matt creaks, slightly lifting up his head.
"Hey Matt."
"W-What are you doing here?"
"I um... I can't sleep. I'm sorry, you don't care. I-I'll just go." Tom is about to stand up, but Matt quickly grabs his hand.
"Tom. I-It's okay. You can stay."
Tom stares for a moment, then says, "Okay." He slips his hand out of Matt's, and places it back down on the bed.
"Here." Matt moves the blankets down on the other side of his bed, and pats it. "Get in."
Tom opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He wordlessly stands up and walks around, climbing into his own bed, hesitantly. Matt turns on his side to face him.
"It's alright, Tom. Just... think of it as a sleepover." He smiles. Tom smiles back, trying to ease his anxiety. He nods. They lay still for a while, until Matt takes the blankets and throws them over Tom. He quickly melts into the bed, it being somehow way more soothing than usual. He turns on his side and presses his face into his pillow, taking in a deep breath. Matt watches him relax, relieved. He slightly moves closer to him. Tom opens his eyes, half lidded, and stares into Matt's. That look does something to Matt. Brings out feelings in him he didn't know he had. That he was scared to have. Matt takes his hand up to Tom's cheek, gently holding his face. Tom's eyes widen, shining in the dark. He holds it to his face again, just as they did before. Although, Matt's in a much different mood this time.
He explores Tom's face a little more, tracing his jawline with his index finger, running his fingers along his sideburns, gently grazing his thumb over his lips...
Tom gasps. "Matt? W-W-What are you doing??" He asks in a quiet tone, breathing quickened.
Matt swallows. He's not sure exactly what he's doing. He just feels strangely drawn to Tom in a way he's never felt with him before. He subconsiously leans in closer.
"Matt...?" Tom breaths out, eyes locked on Matt's lips. He darts them back up to his eyes once he realizes, but it doesn't help.
"I..." Matt tries to explain himself, but just gives up. He continues to trace his thumb along the curve of Tom's lips, feeling his heavy, hot breath. Tom completely gives himself up to Matt, eyelips drooping. Matt moves his hand out of the way, resting it back on his cheek. After a while of hesitating, Matt says fuck it and leans in, Tom letting him do it, their lips very softly meeting. It's meant to be sweet. Tender. Healing. Like a warm hug. But maybe a little more intimate. Tom's lips feel soft against Matt's own, his beard tickling Matt's chin. Tom brings a clumsy hand up to hold Matt's waist, leaning into it a little bit more. Everything melts off their shoulders, quietly taking in each others warmth. It feels like Tom finally lets go of everything he had been keeping in, and Matt takes it all in for him. Tears start to form in Tom's eyes, but he ignores them, instead putting his free hand on Matt's solid chest, feeling his heartbeat. He never knew how good it felt to just be present with someone, and to share your warmth with them, in a soothing way. Neither of them want to pull away. Tom eventually has to, to catch his quickened breath, and let some tears fall instead of just trying to squeeze them away.
Matt doesn't move any further away, eyes half closed, staring at Tom closely. Tom blinks, trying to shake the tears off his eyelashes. He chuckles to himself, at himself. "God, this is... so nice." He smiles, a real smile. Matt gives him one back. After composing himself, he pulls Matt back, pressing their lips together again. It just feels so right. Like they should never stop. Like he could just live the rest of his life in this bed. Whenever one of them pushes away, the other one pulls him right back. You'd think that they're using each other for air. I mean, to them, it feels like the other one is a lifeline. Especially because they're all on their own now.
It's strange. Being this intimate. Feeling each other's breath on their faces. Both of them start to overheat, so Matt throws the blankets off of them, not moving away from Tom. He takes his hand to the back of Tom's head, pushing him even closer, short hair scratching at his fingers. Tom slightly opens his mouth, letting in Matt's tongue. Their breathing starts to get a little heavier. Now they want to get even closer to each other, somehow. Tom pulls Matt's body closer, pressing it up against his own. Matt intertwines their legs, hand moving down to Tom's waist. He grips at his shirt, lightly pulling it up. Tom grabs Matt's hand and moves it to his bare skin. Matt quickly understands, moving his hand up under Tom's shirt. Tom lets out a small moan into Matt's mouth. That's what finally makes his push away, to look Tom in the eyes. Tom's not even looking back, unabashedly staring down at his lips.
"What are we doing?" He asks.
Tom looks up. "Huh?" He breaths out.
"Where did this all come from?"
"I... I dunno." Tom slurs, brain not exactly working correctly right now.
"I..." He looks down at Tom, where his hands are placed, amazed. "Do you... like me?"
"Matt..." Tom chuckles.
"Well?"
"Can we not talk about that right now? I'm too tired to think."
"Oh... okay." Matt sighs through his nose. That's a little frustrating, isn't it. However Tom pulls him back in, and Matt closes his eyes again, quickly unraveling.
"You're leaving?"
Tom solemnly nods. "I... I can't do this anymore, Matt. I'm sorry."
Matt shakes his head. "No, I understand. You've... You've put way too much into Eddsworld. You totally deserve to leave."
Tom cracks a smile. "Thanks for understanding." He pauses, fidgeting with his hands. "We can... still be friends, right?"
Matt suddenly meets his eyes, a little more intense than he was before. "What do you mean?"
"Y'know, if I'm not working on Eddsworld anymore, we... probably won't see each other as much."
Matt shrugs. "I feel like we don't see each other all that much anyway."
"W-What??" Tom asks, stung by Matt's words.
"I mean, you and I don't talk as much as we used to." Matt looks to the side, hands on his hips.
"What do you mean, we talk all the time, Matt." Tom steps towards him.
"Do we?" Matt looks back to him, glare sharp, and Tom stops in his tracks. Matt's look shakes him to his core. Matt always had that effect on him. "Y'know..." Matt looks down at his feet, suddenly breathing heavy. He taps his foot on the wooden floor of his bedroom. "I've... We've never talked about this before, but... with you leaving and Legacy ending it feels appropriate to finally bring it up." He glances up at Tom. He can tell that he knows exactly what he's talking about, by the way he's staring back with terrified eyes.
"W-What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean." He quirks up and eyebrow. "Remember Edd's funeral?"
Tom swallows. "Um, yeah? What about it??" He feigns confidence.
"Remember that night?"
Tom looks down at his feet. "Um... n-no?"
"Come on, I know you do!" Matt's losing his patience.
"Okay, yeah, I do!" Tom looks back up, becoming locked in Matt's stare, being backed into a corner.
"What the hell was that about, Tom?? Why did you just completely ignore me after?? A-And just act like it didn't happen!?" Matt steps towards him.
"I-I, um..." He dryly chuckles. "Um..." Matt stands over him, huffing in his face, impatiently waiting for a response. Tom doesn't think he's ever seen Matt this angry in his life.
"Tom." He says with a commanding tone. "I know you're not going to just stand there and say nothing. What, maybe you forgot why after four entire years!?!" He spits in Tom's face, poking him in his soft chest.
"N-No I... I didn't forget." He closes his eyes, trying to take deep breaths. When he opens them again, he keeps his eyes glued on another spot in the room, away from Matt's piercing glare. "I'm not... good with feelings, Matt."
"Really." He mocks.
"Um, so, I guess, I just felt too overwhelmed... from my feelings for you. It was just all too much at the time, I didn't wanna think about anything but Edd. S-So, I just avoided it. And that meant avoiding you. And I'm sorry, it's a shitty habit of mine, I-I've been trying to stop. I'm sorry." He looks back up to Matt, being met with the same blank stare. "I really am."
Matt takes a second to process. Then he tilts his head a little, cracking a smile. Then he starts to laugh. Tom's never been more scared in his life. It's not like Matt has ever hurt him before or anything, but he is taller and quicker and smarter than Tom, so he probably could if he wanted to, and he looks like he very much wants to. "So what, you're telling me you were scared??" He says, cackling. Tom just stares back, frozen in fear. Matt takes his glasses off to wipe his eyes. "Oh jesus, this is priceless!" He puts them back on, and Tom can tell he's about to get chewed the fuck out.
"So, let me get this straight, you pushed me away in one of the worst times of my life, and pretty much stopped talking to me completely when you were the one person I though I could rely on!! And for what? You were scared? Y-You were supposed to be by my side, Tom! You said that you would be there for me! You said- You said you cared about me!! And do not fucking test me on that because I have picture perfect memory of that day. Wow! You arsehole! You-you really don't have anything better to say to me?!" He throws his arms out into the air. Tom is still frozen, trying not to break down in front of him. Matt clenches his hands into fists. Staring at Tom's stupid face, saying nothing, it just makes him so much angrier. "Fucking say something to me!!" He yells, holding back tears, begging. Tom can't bear to look up at him.
"I... I'm sorry." He whispers, voice shaking, hands shaking by his side.
Matt stands, fists clenched, staring Tom down. "You're sorry?"
"I don't know, I guess that doesn't really make up for anything."
"I just... I just want to know if you felt anything? Felt bad? Like maybe you made a mistake?? Over those four years, did you ever have a single thought that maybe, just maybe, you were in the wrong?" He asks half mockingly, half genuinely.
"I mean..." He tries to catch his breath before he keeps talking. "Probably? Thi-This has been a really confusing and complicated time in my life, I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking, really." He hopes that doesn't just make Matt even angrier, if that's even possible.
But every single word that comes out of his mouth just makes him want to punch him even more. Or, maybe he wants to punch himself for being so blindly stupid. "Right. Okay." Matt turns around, crossing his arms, trying to think straight.
"Matt, I..." The sound of him saying his name makes his skin crawl. "I do care about you, I'm sorry. I'm just a fucking idiot."
"No. I am."
"W-What?"
"I'm an idiot for ever loving you."
Tom clenches a hand over his heart. Fuck, he feels like the scum of the earth. He hates this. He hates that he treated Matt like this. He hates that he can't take it back. And he hates that despite all that he did, and despite all that has happened, he still fucking wants to be with him.
And Matt hates it too. Hates that the only thing going through his head is kissing Tom. It boils his blood. That even though Tom treated him like shit, he still wants him.
He turns back around to find Tom staring at his shoes, sniffling.
Fuck it.
He storms back over, grabs him by the collar of his sweatshirt, and smashes their lips together. Tom gasps, not sure what to do. Matt just holds him there, gripping onto him as hard as he can, for as long as he can. Tom closes his eyes, just accepting it. Well, he got what he wanted, I guess.. Matt pushes him away, still holding onto him. He stares him down. Tom blankly stares back up, eyes wide. Both of their hearts racing. Neither of them saying anything.
Tom harshly swallows. "U-Um... w..." His mouth hangs open.
Matt's eyes flicker between every part of Tom's face. He feels his anger start to dissipate. All thought thrown out the window, he pulls Tom right back in. Tom reciprocates this time, leaning back into him as much as he can, bringing a hand up to the back of Matt's neck. It's less aggressive this time, but still desperate. It quickly turns into making out, to no ones surprise. Tom pulls him closer, pressing their bodies against each other. Matt lightly pushes him back, until he hits Matt's desk. Tom puts a hand back on the desk to support himself. Matt puts his hand on top of Tom's, leaning in further. Tom brings his hand free down to Matt's waist, gripping his shirt in his fist. Their pelvises pressed together makes Tom's head spin. Jesus Christ. All these feelings that have been brewing for years, finally coming out...
Matt pulls away. He looks down at Tom through half lidded eyes. "I love you, Tom." He puts himself out there yet again. Praying that Tom has learned his lesson by now.
"I love you too, Matt."
He backs away a little. "Do you really??"
Tom opens his eyes all the way, looking back up into Matt's, lightly smiling. "Yeah. I do. I-I'm sorry I never told you that before."
Matt starts to smile back. Then he laughs. Then tears start to form in his eyes. He just kisses Tom again. Tom smiles into it. He gently pushes Matt away, hand on his chest. "Really. I really love you Matt. I just- I need you to know that. I-If it gives you any consultation, this is what I've been wanting to do this whole time."
"What does 'this whole time' mean?" Matt raises an eyebrow.
"Well..." He looks away. "Too long. Definitely before we had this conversation." He looks back up to Matt, smiling sheepishly.
Matt chuckles. "Jesus, this has just been a... rollercoaster of emotions."
"You got that right." Tom looks down at the space between them, which is none. Matt follows his eyes. They both look back up to each other, smiling. But Matt's smile fades.
He brings a hand to Tom's jaw, lightly scratching at his beard. "You know it's gonna take me a while to forgive you, right?"
Tom nods. "Yeah. I understand."
"And... you still really hurt me. It's... gonna take a lot to make it up to me."
He nods again. "I know." He smiles again. "Well, what can I do to start?"
Matt thinks, looking Tom up and down, smirk forming on his face. "I can think of a few things." Tom's eyebrows shoot up. "But for now, just... no more hiding, alright? If you love me, tell me." He leans back into Tom, gently kissing him this time. When he pulls away, he just smiles again.
"Alright. I can do that." Tom reaches down to hold Matt's hand in his own. Matt takes it and presses it to his chest. "I do love you. I'll tell you every single day if I have to. I just... never want to hurt you like that again."
Matt nods. He kisses Tom again, now that he finally can, he never wants to stop.