Chapter Text
The first impression Mira got from Celine was that she was severe and uptight, the second impression was that in all her sixteen years of life she has never been more confused by the mixture between someone’s attitude and actions.
She was auditioning for a new group by Sunlight entertainment and she wasn’t even sure of why, didn’t have any hopes to get in really, so maybe it was to piss her parents off, having their “reckless son” auditioning to a girl group would press so many buttons, it was irrational wanting to push her parents limits this much, she knew that all too well, but between the cold looks, the mandatory haircuts and locking her in her room “until you behave”, she preferred to make herself heard, force them to look at who she really was, having any amount of acknowledgement that she was indeed a real person. Or perhaps, maybe it was because of a feeling in the back of her head, at the bottom of her very soul that she had to be there, that she was where she was meant to be. None of the reasons made rational sense, but they were Mira’s truths nonetheless.
The audition at its core would have been banal even dull, just dancing and singing in front on some suits and the woman she recognized as Seong Celine, former Sunlight Sister and now owner of Sunlight entertainment, but her attention was caught immediately by the person next to Celine, Mira’s eyes landed on a girl around her age whose purple hair stood out next to the little conglomerate of black and gray, during her whole routine she just couldn’t take her eyes off her, she told herself that it was because she was trying to recognize her, but in truth she knew exactly who that girl was, Ryu Rumi, daughter of Ryu Mi-Yeong, late Sunlight Sister. She didn’t know why the girl was also there with the suits, probably her guardian wanted to put on a show that her precious nepo baby was very invested in the matters of the company so when she undoubtedly inherits it at least she’ll have an excuse. Despite finding a disdain in the idea of that girl being just as uptight as everyone else in her parents circle she just couldn’t help but feel an attachment, like something in the girl’s essence was calling to Mira’s core and once she finished her routine she could swear that she saw sparks, like waves of light around them.
The moment was cut by Celine’s voice.
“Thank you miss Kang, please don’t exit the building, we may need your presence later.” She didn’t even look at Mira while saying that, her gaze was fixed in what seemed like the papers of another candidate, the girl felt her anger start to climb but before it could act the girl with purple hair spoke.
“It was very good, thank you for your time.”
Mira went stunned, the girl had a beautiful voice and was giving a small smile that left her completely flabbergasted.
“Thanks for having me.” Said faster than intended, bowed awkwardly and leave the stage feeling her ears burning.
She did stayed at the building, although not entirely sure why, she was sure she wasn’t going to be selected, and even if she was the moment she gave her official papers and be asked for her parents to sign a contract the whole facade would fall and crash into pieces, no way the industry would sign up someone like her and even less her parents would agree to it, but she stayed, that buzzing at her core kept telling her to do so.
She found herself at the bathroom debating between washing her face to relax and ruining her makeup, or just keep staring at her reflection and letting her anxiety eat her. Then the door opened abruptly and she couldn’t help but jump in surprise, Mira was ready to execute her escape from the place but the purple head catched her eye.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle anyone.” Rumi said at the door.
“It’s fine”
They stayed there without knowing how to navigate the encounter.
“I’m going to uhm… make up” The shorter girl delivered while raising her mini purse.
“Yeah, I’ll just” leave? Run away? Stamp myself through a wall?
“You were very good.”
“Uh?”
“Your audition. Mira right? You were very good.” She just had picked the mascara but she had her undivided attention towards Mira. “I could practically see sparks.”
“I” cool cool cool, breathe, you know how to breathe “thanks.” She looked at the floor. “Although it didn’t seem like your mentor agreed.”
“Celine? Oh, she liked it.” She dropped as a matter of fact, retouching her mascara as if she just said the most obvious thing.
“Ahm, she didn’t give me that impression.”
“She took her chin between her thumb and index and, well, I wouldn’t call it a smile, but close enough.” She turned to look at her “you impressed her.”
“You are joking right?”
Rumi seemed genuinely confused.
“Uh, no.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to just say something instead of making weird signals?”
The shorter girl laughed, it was an easy laugh with a little snore at the end, Mira found it endearing. Then Rumi stopped for a second, looking at the contents of her purse.
“Sorry, she can be more verbal, but well” she steamed with the mascara’s cap. “She was testing me, not diminishing you.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just, this project is very important, and it’s crucial that I’m able to point out who,” she looked for the right words. “Who has potential, who has what we need.”
“And what’s exactly what you need?”
“Would it be too much saying someone like you?”
Mira smiled, she was enjoying the girl’s company, she liked being complimented, sue her.
“It’s… cheesy.” She leaned on the wall. “And also it doesn’t answer my question.”
Rumi raised an eyebrow.
“Very well, we need someone who cares.”
Mira scoffed.
“Then you didn’t do a good job at choosing.”
“Let me finish.” Rumi started to retouch her lipstick, so if her words didn’t stop her from interrupting again, the action definitely did. “Everyone with the proper training can do a choreo, can learn the moves and their timing, but making a choreography your own, giving something utterly yours to your movement, that requires dedication, that requires a call for the craft that not everyone has.” She put the lipstick away and looked at her. “You have that call, we are not only looking for talent, which you definitely have, but also we need someone genuine, someone who cares about the craft itself.”
They stayed there, looking at each other in a moment that Mira didn’t want to leave, but of course, what she wanted rarely suited reality. Rumi’s phone buzzed and she looked away.
“Oh, sorry, I have to go back to the auditions table, this was supposed to be a quick break.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
“See you around.” Said with a genuine smile that Mira couldn’t help to return.
“Yeah.”
The girl with the purple braid exited the bathroom and Mira stayed there, still processing Rumi’s words.
Someone genuine, someone who cares huh?
Mira was in the waiting room surrounded by an army of girls when a man with a tablet in his hand entered the space.
“Please, anyone who hears her name on the next list follow me.”
That was probably her cue to go home, she started to pick her stuff when.
“Kang Mira.”
Freeze
“Excuse me?”
“Are you Kang Mira?” The man asked, tired.
“Yes.”
“Then you come with me.”
So she did, getting in line with some other girls, one of them stumbled with her while doing the same.
“Oh, sorr- Woah, you are really tall.”
The shorter girl had freckles on her face and sparkles on her eyes. Mira tried very hard not to feel too self conscious with the comment.
“Oh my, sorry, I mean, you are tall but I think it’s cool, like I’m very short and people always messes with me so if I was that tall I could at least taking them off, sorry now I’m just talking about myself, anyway I think you’re cool, although I don’t really know you…”
“Girl, breathe.” While the shorter girl was rambling Mira couldn’t help but soften her gaze, she got that feeling from earlier, like something in the girl’s essence was calling to her core, besides, she looked adorable while rambling. “I’m Mira.” She extended a hand.
“Zoey.” Said with a wide smile and shook her hand.
“Okay, that’s the list, now please follow me.” The man interrupted and started to walk from the same door that he came from, a group of around 10 girls followed and Zoey stayed at Mira’s side.
They walked to another waiting room, this one smaller and slightly more luxurious, or at least more comfortable.
“All right girls, as the pamphlet of the audition said there are two phases for this first stage of the process, the routine to proof your level and an interview, you girls pass the first phase so now you’ll wait here and when I call your name you have to go to the office at the end of the hallway, understood?” The man delivered the instructions rather exhausted.
“Yes” All the girls answered in unison.
“Bin Iseul.” He called and one of the girls stood up and went where she was told.
Zoey sat next to Mira and started to bounce on her chair.
“You have a lot of energy.”
Zoey stopped immediately.
“Sorry, I’m nervous.” She said and made herself smaller on her chair, Mira felt bad immediately.
“You don’t need to apologize, it was just an observation.”
The shorter girl turned to look at her, like looking for something, maybe malice or sarcasm, but only found Mira’s thin smile.
“Okay.” She stayed still for like five seconds and then started to swing her legs.
“So, do you come to these types of auditions often?” Mira asked as casually as she could.
Zoey realized a small laugh.
“Not really, I’ve been wanting to since… well, ever, but I usually live in the States and I only come to Korea for summer.”
“Hmn” Mira nod, she was pretty sure that Zoey was the kind of girl that needed affirmation that she was being listened to.
“It’s not like there’s no option in L.A. but they have never felt right. Also, well, don’t panic, it’s kinda funny actually.”
“Oh.” She had genuine curiosity.
“I kinda came here without my parents knowing, it’s just that I saw the announcement and I was like I have to be there, so I told my mom I was feeling sick and I sneaked out while her and my grandma were getting ready to go shopping.”
Mira looked at her quite surprised, then a complicit smile started to form on her lips.
“I see, hey Zoey, do you want to know a secret?”
The eyes of the shorter girl lightened up.
“Yes!”
“I also came here without my parents knowing.”
Zoey opened her eyes even wider than they already were.
“You know what that means?” Zoey asked.
Mira hummed.
“That we are partners in crime.” The younger whispered with excitement.
“Sure.” She extended her hand. “Partners in crime.”
Zoey shook her hand and smiled impossibly wider.
Other two girls were called while Mira and Zoey kept talking, Mira had never been good at conversations, but with Zoey it was easy, mostly because once she realized Mira wasn’t going to mock her, the girl needed very little input to start rambling about something she liked or found interesting and Mira was happy to just listen.
“Choi Zoey” Called the man.
“Oh, that’s me.” She stood up like a spring. “Wish me luck?” She had a shy smile when turned to look at Mira.
“Good luck.” She couldn’t help but smile warmly at her.
Zoey disappeared to the room and Mira was left alone with the rest of the girls, none of them have started conversations between each other, Mira assumed that at this stage of the audition they were still looking at each other as competitors instead of future band mates, she occupied herself watching her phone, definitely the waiting room was way more dull without the freckled girl.
Some time passed and Zoey came back practically buzzing.
“How did it go?”
The shorter girl squealed and Mira raised an eyebrow in amusement.
“It was so cool, intimidating but so cool, I…” She suddenly got interrupted by a ring in her phone, her face did a funny thing, going to happier, to thinking and finally panicking in a nick of time. “Oh no.”
“Something’s wrong?”
“My mom asked me if I want some ice cream.”
“And that’s bad because?”
“Because that means she is near enough to get home without the ice cream melting and definitely on her way home.”
Mira blinked, didn’t see any failure on that logic but it was amusing nonetheless.
“I have to go.”
“Oh, okay.”
Zoey started to walk away but stopped and turned on her heels.
“Ahm, Mira, could I get your Instagram or contact?” She asked nervously.
“Of course.” Mira found herself once again smiling at the girl.
They exchanged contacts and then Zoey left practically hopping.
It didn’t take long for Mira’s turn, she wasn’t sure how she felt, the rational part of her told her that the logic thing would be just plainly not going, saving them the time of an interview and let it pass, the part that wanted to piss off her parents told her to push it to the end, let the company call to the Kang family and ask for their very feminine upfront daughter. And then, there was another part, this instinct that called her to the place since the beginning, a part of her core which yearning could only be stopped by something in that building.
She knocked on the door.
“Come in.” Someone said from the other side.
Mira opened the door expecting to find one of those board meeting rooms like the ones her father expended most of his time, instead what she found was a smaller office, the ambient was almost cozy, with dark red furniture, warm lights and what looked like classical minhwa art on the walls. Sitting on the desk was Celine all by her own.
The woman looked at her and stand.
“Miss Kang, please take a seat.”
“I was expecting more people.” Mira admitted while doing as told.
“I already know what the board is looking for, and what needs to be done right now is discern from what the board wants and what we actually need, besides, I think a one on one interview allows us to have a better understanding of our candidates.”
“I see.”
“May I offer you some water?”
“Sure, thanks.” Mira was somehow troublesome, the woman in front of her put the same demeanor she had seen on her parents so many times at dinner parties and events, a calculated charm to get what they want, but also there was an unknown honesty in her tone, there was some humor but also tiredness on her comment about the board, and a hint to actual curiosity for the supposed interview ahead.
“So, Mira.” She handed her a glass of fresh water and took her seat again. “You have proved to have talent, almost enough to get my attention on that instead of the inconsistencies in your papers,” there was a pause, Mira didn’t know what to say about that so she just drank her water. “But what I really want to know right now is why are you here? Why do you want to be part of this new idol project?”
Mira sigh.
“Look, I don’t want to waste more of your time, so I’ll put it simple.” What are you doing? “The reason why my papers are inconsistent is because I’m trans, you definitely aren’t interested in someone like me for, well, any project,” stop talking, just leave things there and go. “and even if that weren’t the case, my parents don’t approve, so yeah, they would never sign any of the paperwork.” She stood up and made a reverence. “Sorry for wasting your time, I’ll leave now.”
Mira was starting to panick at her sudden honesty, she turned around ready to go, ready to run in case of being necessary really, but then.
“Mira wait, please.” Celine’s tone was still calm, but a little softer at the mere edges. Mira turned around. “There’s no need for you to leave, please take a seat.” When she saw the girl wasn’t moving she changed tactics a little bit. “I appreciate your honesty, I do, in return let me be honest too.” That caught Mira’s attention, at least enough to not run away. “This industry holds itself on a big hypocrisy, and that is that it’s built over the talent and admiration of queer people, they’ll never like to admit it but it’s something everyone knows, you’re not the first one and you’re not going to be the last, so no Mira, you being trans isn’t a problem to me or this project, I only care for talent and dedication for the craft, and that’s something you genuinely seem to have.”
Mira was flabbergasted, she wasn’t expecting any level of acceptance, let alone with that amount of bluntness, and even less the prize at the end.
“I…”
“Please, take a seat.” Mira did. “You say your parents aren’t accepting, I don’t want to dwell too much on that if it’s a delicate subject, but are you entirely sure they couldn’t be persuaded to sign the paperwork? This company can be very persuasive in case of needing to.”
The girl made herself smaller on her seat and simply shook her head.
“I see.” Celine grabbed what seemed like a small piece of paper and started to write something on it. “You still haven’t answered my original question.”
“Huh?”
“Why are you here? Why do you want to be part of this project?”
Mira shifted on her chair “Uhm, I’m not sure.”
Celine raised a single eyebrow. “I thought we were being honest, miss Kang.”
The girl blinked, once again remembering how she was used to adults directing the conversation to wherever they wanted, but where her parents navigated thru pretenses, Celine was using honesty, no one in the industry survived too long in pure honesty, especially someone in the woman’s position, so she was sure there was an omissions, something else on the table that was being negotiated without her knowing. Perhaps it was just curiosity for whatever the thing was or maybe it was that feeling that was getting more pressing each second she passed in that building, but Mira choose Celine’s strategy.
“I suppose I want to be seen. I know this is show business, there has to be a level of pretense, but even in the middle of the mask,” she paused, selecting her words. “I want to show something that is uniquely mine.”
Celine took her chin between her index and thumb, and Mira recognized the gesture, I wouldn’t call it a smile, but close enough.
“I see, that’s important you know? Finding the balance between the mask and the genuine.” She paused to look at some papers. “So, here it says you studied dance and piano, may I know where? now that we have cleared out the reason for the inconsistencies in your papers.”
Mira dropped a nervous laugh and they continued the interview as if the whole situation with her parents wasn’t lurking in the back, as if she actually belonged there. When they finished Celine escorted her to the door.
“Thank you for your time miss Kang,” Celine offered her a business card. “If you think your parents may change their mind or if you need anything else just give me a call.”
Mira took the card, it wasn’t until she was in the hallway that she noticed that besides the official numbers of the corporation there was another number written by hand. She stared at it for a minute, it really didn’t make any sense how much trust Seong Celine, the woman who turned a successful music career into one of the biggest producers companies in Korea, was putting on her, but there was the card with a perfect hand written number on it, defying any rationality.
When Mira arrived at the house there were still a few hours of sunlight, she had changed to a hoodie and jeans at the Sunlight entertainment building and she planned to go straight to her room without being noticed, but the sight in the living room froze her on her steps. Both of her parents sitting on the couch, they got up very slowly when she entered the place.
“Kang ||||||” Her father called, in his hand there was Hyun-Woo’s phone. “Mind to explain this?” He turned the screen towards her, on it there was an instagram post for a random girl, but the problem wasn’t on the girl, it was the room and the person behind, the caption read “ready to be the next Sunlight sister.” And there, at the second waiting room there was Mira, all girled up talking with Zoey.
It wasn’t the first time they saw her in full make up and dressed, but there was something different on her parents stand, something had snapped.