Chapter Text
A couple of weeks had passed since Subaru Natsuki concluded his "adventure" at the Sanctuary. He had defeated the great rabbit, he had defeated the assassin Elsa, Meili was imprisoned in the basement, he now had Beatrice as his contracted spirit, and the young Japanese man had officially been named a knight of Emilia.
On the surface, everything seemed to signify "success" for Natsuki Subaru, a genius at planning, who thanks to his skill saved all his friends from major catastrophes. But on the inside… the traumas remained present in his mind, the nightmares were constant; sometimes it was the rabbits, devouring him alive without mercy, other times it was Puck, transformed and staring at him with disappointment while freezing him alive or decapitating him with his magic… and he had even dreamed about the time Rem tortured him. He's supposed to have forgiven her already; he even cleans his weapon every day as a way to cope with his fear. But the memories don't fade, and the sound of those chains still makes his joints tremble.
But that sound is just the beginning. He can't help but feel terror when the temperature around him starts to drop; the cold terrifies him, and don't even get me started on the rabbits… he'll probably never be able to have one near him again.
The only one who's aware that something is wrong with Subaru is Beatrice, who, during these first few weeks, witnessed her contractor trying to self-harm with a small knife on one of his arms. She didn't understand the reasons behind human psychology, dismissing it as a worrying habit and treating him the two times she discovered it. Although there were mornings when Beatrice found those cuts hidden on his forearms, she knew she had to find help from someone capable of finding a way to eliminate these torments and actions of her beloved contractor. Subaru tried to act as usual, enduring insults from Ram, meeting with the sleeping Rem every night to tell her what happened, playing games and trying to charm Emilia, among many other things.
One day, at Roswaal's mansion, some special guests arrived: the three main members of Crusch's camp. They had come at Emilia's own request, determined to play a more active role in her own camp and to restore the alliance that was to be formed between the two factions.
Crusch had lost her memory, but she still seemed to be trying to play her part as best she could, being helped in various details by Wilhelm or, of course, Felix, the latter always clinging to his mistress like a limpet.
"Hello everyone! I'm sure you won't regret accepting Emilia-tan's proposal to establish friendly relations!" Subaru began, greeting everyone with his usual energy, but then he relaxed and adopted a more serious expression. “I know that the last time we joined forces… there were catastrophes for both sides. I only hope we can try not to hate each other because of the actions of those fools in the Witch's Cult,” the half-elf knight said, looking at Crusch, still remorseful for what had happened in the same incident that left Rem in a coma.
“There’s no need to apologize. During this time apart, we’ve all reflected on what we should do next, and the decision to reunite with you was made by the three of us,” Crusch said, trying to lighten the mood. She found Subaru’s words genuine, his true regret, the truth behind them, thanks to her divine blessing.
“That’s right. I never forgot the favor you did me by giving me the opportunity to avenge my wife, so I have no doubt about your noble intentions, young Subaru,” the old man said, with a smile typical of a grandfather proud of his grandson. Subaru couldn't help but grin from ear to ear upon hearing that, but that emotion faded when he noticed Felix's face. He knew that expression all too well; he was forcing himself to smile, to pretend, just so as not to worry those he cared about. He truly understood that.
"Yes, a pleasure to meet you again, Subaru Nyatsuki! And now that we're both knights… you could say we're in the same league," Felix said, teasing while pretending to flirt with Subaru, outwardly lightening the mood. Even Subaru chuckled, but he also noticed Felix's true emotion behind his mask. It wasn't hatred, it was worry and fear, not for his own safety, but for the safety of the person he cared so much about.
Thus, a few minutes later, Roswaal personally greeted the guests, though he left shortly after without saying much more, only interested in what Subaru's intentions were with all this. Frederica and Petra tried to behave like good servants, although the latter, due to her inexperience, almost tripped when she was carrying a plate with several cups of tea.
Garfiel was training in the garden while Otto watched him, though he seemed more focused on enjoying the scenery and relaxing after all the chaos of the past couple of weeks. Everything was truly peaceful, something Subaru had always longed for in this world.
"Felix, Wilhelm, I'd like to speak with Emilia alone. I know you're worried about me, but I really want to. I want to test myself to prove that I'm still worthy of leading this camp," Crusch said once they were seated in a small room with the cups of tea laid out on the table.
Those words were enough to convince Wilhelm, happy that his lady wanted to prove her worth again after spending entire nights studying all the knowledge she had lost. But Felix didn't seem so convinced.
"But... even though you're feeling much better now and have studied a lot, you might still need help. I can't just leave you and risk someone taking advantage of you..." Felix tried to explain while Subaru felt a little offended by the suggestion that Emilia would take advantage of Crusch because of her lack of memories, but it was the camp leader herself who interrupted the cat boy.
"Ferris, that's enough! I appreciate that you care so much about my well-being, but you have to let me prove that I can be a good leader again. Stop treating me like I'm useless," Crusch said. It seemed this wasn't a recent issue, and the young woman had finally snapped at her knight and his overprotective attitude. Felix remained silent for a few seconds, his head lowered to the ground, he closed his eyes tightly, and finally nodded.
"Alright, I'm sorry if I upset you… I'll leave you two alone, but you can call me if you need me." His voice came out of his body, weak and lifeless, as he began to walk away. Shortly after, they both entered the room and began their meeting.
"I suppose you're going to try and comfort that demi-human?" Beatrice asked, watching as her contractor started walking in the direction Felix had gone, thanks to Frederica and Petra's directions. They had seen him head towards the front garden, away from everyone else, since Garfiel and Otto were in the back and Wilhelm stayed behind having a pleasant conversation with them.
"I suppose I don't need to remind you that the old man advised you to leave him alone," Beatrice said again, prompting Subaru to reply with determination.
"But he needs help. I'll try to make him feel better. You can consider this my good deed for the day," Subaru replied, smiling in a way that only made the spirit beside him sigh, knowing the great heart full of kindness that his contractor possessed.
When he approached him, Felix was sitting under the grass, wearing his knight's attire, so there was no problem with that. His tail wasn't moving, and his cat-like ears informed Subaru that he wasn't in a good mood; quite the opposite. It only remained to determine if he could do anything to help him, so he proceeded to sit beside him, smiling as he looked at the knight from the rival camp. Felix narrowed his eyes but said nothing, so Subaru had to take the initiative and start the conversation.
"If it's any consolation, I would have acted the same way if Emilia-tan had lost her memories. I imagine you're very close, and it must hurt you a lot that Crusch has lost her memory," Subaru began. Beatrice was beside him, remaining standing because she didn't like the idea of sitting in such a dirty place, but she was present nonetheless.
"Crusch is everything to me! I just want to help her and prevent any more misfortunes from happening to her... But what the hell is it to you?!" Felix started speaking without thinking, then glared at Subaru with a furrowed brow, quite aggressive due to all the stress accumulated in his body. Subaru couldn't help but back away slightly, and Beatrice seemed angry at the way he spoke to her contractor, but the spirit said nothing when she noticed Subaru trying to resume the conversation.
"Well... we're friends. I'm just trying to make you feel better," Subaru said. Felix still didn't say anything, a silence that Beatrice used to her advantage to speak.
“Betty, remember that Betty’s contractor also lost someone important that day, and that he isn’t even able to wake up, erased from everyone’s mind except Betty’s Subaru. I suppose you can imagine that Betty’s Subaru is suffering too.” Beatrice defended Subaru, an action the young man appreciated, but which also alarmed him, since saying things like that could cause the other person to erupt like a volcano, making it impossible to calm them down in the moment.
Reminding him of that, Felix’s face softened slightly, trying to contain all the anger and frustration he had accumulated becasuse hat none of it was directed at Subaru. He knew that Subaru wasn't truly to blame for anything, even though helping him with the white whale and the witch's cult had indirectly caused everything. He had already reflected on this, and then he observed Subaru's face when Beatrice mentioned the young woman afflicted with Sleeping Beauty's disease. "I... I'm aware that you also suffered with what happened that day," he said softly, without strength.
"I think you should give Crusch some space. Perhaps that way she'll value your company more. I'm doing the same with Emilia, without rushing things, simply enjoying the moments together," Subaru said, inexperienced in offering comfort. He tried his best. Felix stared at him, as if processing those words had caused a short circuit in his brain, and barely responded after almost a minute of awkward silence. "
I've already told you she's everything to me... And now you're telling me I shouldn't be with her, but should stay away?" Felix, more than angry, looked at Subaru with genuine confusion, like someone who has just said the most ridiculous thing imaginable.
"I guess I'm not very good at giving advice or offering comfort... But this is true! I know you care a lot about Crusch, but she's not an animal you should cage. Even though she's lost her memories, she needs to feel free. I'm sure that way you'll see her happy more often." Subaru tried one last time to make his friend feel better. His words even seemed to surprise Beatrice, whose eyes widened, her supernatural butterfly-shaped pupils becoming even more noticeable.
" "Seeing her happy more often..." Those last words echoed endlessly in the cat boy's head as if Subaru had just told him the cure for cancer. He then recalled all the moments he'd spent with Crusch after she awoke with amnesia. In none of them had she seemed genuinely happy, but rather out of politeness. At times, she even appeared genuinely annoyed by her knight's constant presence and overprotectiveness.
"I... I'll think about what you said, thank you." Felix's face showed a slight smile that was contagious to Subaru, who returned it before standing up.
"That's the spirit! How about I introduce you to Garfiel? I'm sure you'll like him," Subaru offered, looking at his friend with a smile that left Felix speechless.
"Subaru, I thought you were going to introduce me to a suitor," Felix said, standing up and resuming his teasing, making Beatrice sigh wearily as Subaru quickly denied it, always slow to pick up on the humorous tone in these moments.
Beatrice stared at Felix, remembering having heard from the maids a few hours before their arrival that he was known as "The Great Blue" due to his prodigious healing magic. A faint flicker of interest appeared on her face, not for his superficial healing spells, but for the possibility of him helping her with her inner wounds.
A few hours later, after Felix had managed to regain his good humor while Garfiel grew frustrated with the cat-boy's attitude, both candidates finally ended their discussion. Everyone was required to be present to announce the outcome of the negotiations; even Roswaal made an appearance. “Finally, due to the good reputation Emilia’s faction is gaining after the defeat of the Great Rabbit, and the great military utility and influence I can provide, we have reached an agreement as allied camps, to help each other if something happens to the other, thus sharing victories and increasing popularity, just as I was told happened with the White Whale,” Crusch announced to everyone. Most seemed happy with the news of the alliance between the two camps. Subaru couldn’t help but jump for joy in another of his scenes, which only provoked a sarcastic comment from Ram and more laughter from everyone.
“What wonderful news! Would you like to stay tonight to celebrate? My alcohol reserves are still quite high, and we have plenty of food,” the margrave proposed, making Subaru raise an eyebrow, not understanding what Roswaal was trying to achieve. Ram also seemed puzzled, but she connected it to the fact that he was changing, since he had previously burned her “tome of wisdom”…right?
So that night, Felix decided to put this to the test. After a few conversations with Crusch over dinner, he decided to join a drinking contest organized by Ram, who claimed to be the best at holding her liquor. It was hard for him to leave his mistress's side, even just a few feet away; his body trembled. But he thought she must be happy. Subaru's words echoed in his mind, along with the hope that the alcohol would lessen his suffering somewhat the burden.
"Nyatsuki, are you joining us?" Felix asked, grabbing a bottle, with Ram standing before him, confident of her victory.
"No, thank you… I've decided not to drink until I turn 20," he replied, determined to follow the rules of his homeland.
"Will you be afraid to find out what you think of me once you're drunk?" Felix asked with mock flirting that only frustrated Subaru, who fell for the joke once again. He decided to leave the room with Beatrice, saying he was going to talk to Rem about everything that had happened that day, and then took Petra out as well, stating that she was too young to be so close to alcohol and that she should go to sleep, although the young maid claimed to be older to try to impress him, something she obviously failed to do. The mention of Rem caused Ram's expression to change abruptly, canceling the drinking contest without offering any explanation other than a couple of insults directed at the knight, who sighed as he took only a couple of sips from a bottle.
His gaze then shifted to Crusch, who was having a lively conversation with Emilia. The cat-boy's eyes widened when he noticed the genuine smile on her face… she was enjoying herself… without him.
Even though Subaru's advice had hit the nail on the head, he couldn't help but feel frustrated, hurt, the feeling that the person he cared about most no longer needed him and didn't want him around. He unconsciously tightened his grip on his bottle, deciding to take a swig to try and drown his sorrows and avoid shedding tears in the process… but he didn't get drunk. He had a high tolerance, which is why he was also confident that he could, at least, be a good rival for Ram. Felix, unwilling to continue having his feelings crushed by his own thoughts that he was no longer needed by Cursch, decided to leave the main hall, informing Wilhelm that he was going to sleep in the guest bedroom they had been assigned for the night.
As he walked through the corridors, a voice called to him. He recognized it; its owner was the Great Spirit who now seemed to have established some kind of contract with Subaru…something that, now that he thought about it, only made his friend seem even more incredible on his list of personal achievements. Who would have imagined that those achievements belonged to the same person who was publicly humiliated by Julius that day of the Royal Selection?
"Demi-human, I suppose you can help Betty with something important," Beatrice said, catching Felix's attention. He raised an eyebrow and waited patiently for her to continue with that information. “I suppose you’re known as ‘The Blue One,’ the kingdom’s great healer… Do you know of any cures for mental illness?” Beatrice asked bluntly, which only surprised Felix.
“Magic capable of curing mental illness? My water-based healing magic can’t do anything about that in principle… Since Crusch lost her memory, I’ve been trying to develop magic with those capabilities, but it’s still a work in progress,” Felix declared, admitting that he was trying to create spells capable of curing a person’s problems and traumas, all so that Crusch wouldn’t have to suffer, not even mentally… or perhaps even find a way to help her recover her memories.
Beatrice sighed heavily, as if she were about to make a truly important decision. "I suppose Betty needs your help too. I know of an alternative spell that, while it can't cure, can help, and I need to help Betty's Subaru," Beatrice stated, making Felix raise an eyebrow. He needed more information, since he noticed his friend as always; it wasn't like he had analyzed him closely with all the emotional turmoil he was going through.
But then he thought about the spell that spirit had mentioned and the possibility of learning it and using it to help Crusch. The idea of helping Subaru didn't displease him either; he had proven to be a great friend, and he didn't have many besides Julius and Reinhard.
"Alright, how can I help Subaru?" he finally said. Beatrice led him to Subaru's bedroom, where the young man lay fast asleep.
“Betty’s mother developed an experimental spell that allows her to enter other people’s dreams, but Betty isn’t able to use it on herself. Betty’s Subaru is suffering, and I need to know why,” Beatrice explained. She remembered how Echidna had developed the initial sketch of a spell capable of invading other people’s minds. The idea was to evolve the spell so it could reside permanently within them, something Roswaal accomplished after perfecting it to steal the bodies of each of his children. Betty only knew a primitive and unstable version of this spell, one she couldn’t even use on herself. But the risks didn't care; she suffered seeing her contractor hurting himself in silence, and he didn't share her reasons.
Felix and Beatrice, both obsessed with different people and willing to do anything to help them, together… nothing can end well.
Felix had never heard of such magic… but coming from a great spirit, he wasn't surprised. Besides, if she asked him to use it on Crusch in return, he would also understand her problems, her traumas, through her dreams, and thus understand her better. But first, he had to help Subaru. Felix wasn't really worried, thinking Beatrice was exaggerating. Subaru was strong, and… even though he had lived through battles against the White Whale, the Archbishop of Sloth, and the Great Rabbit, he had always emerged victorious and never shown any signs of being affected… although, to be honest, he hadn't paid much attention either. Beatrice instructed him to place a hand on Subaru's forehead. Felix did so, and then Beatrice placed her hand there as well, reciting a couple of archaic chants that made Felix feel even worse than when he was drunk. Everything around him spun… and then everything went black as he felt his body collapse.
When Felix regained consciousness, he was in some kind of wooden cabin, but something was wrong… he couldn't feel his tail, and his ears weren't where they should be. He looked down, noticing the strange clothes Subaru always wore. He had been inserted into his dreams as if he were Subaru.
He looked up. In front of him was Roswaal, without makeup, lying on a bed, bandaged, looking at him with a truly bizarre smile. "What's wrong, Subaruuuu?" "Are you afraid of how many attempts that might take?" the margrave spoke. Felix didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but he didn't have time to process it before Roswaal's face began to distort, like a spiral.
"Come on, Subaru! Try to save them all!" Roswaal's voice sounded more like a monster's, deep and distorted, disturbing. Felix was frightened, backing away and leaving the room, but when he stepped outside, he found himself not in the cabin, but in a forest.
"Think, you must find Subaru's trauma." Felix tried to focus as he looked around the forest, trying to pick up any clues, but then a sharp pain shot through his body as the morning star destroyed his leg, sending him crashing to the ground. Rem, the young woman Subaru always cared for and looked upon with affection, was now the focus of his nightmares. Felix didn't understand, nor could he comprehend why the pain in the dream felt so real.
"Damn witch cultist!" When he looked at Rem, her face and voice were also distorted. Felix couldn't think clearly as Rem forcefully drew her Morning Star towards him.
"Did Subaru experience this?" he could only wonder as pain coursed through his body. Just as Rem was about to strike again, the Morning Star seemed to shatter something made of glass, the sound echoing as Felix sank deeper into Subaru's nightmare.
The pain in his body vanished, and he landed in a snowy place. Felix could barely get up, still clearly shaken by the experience. He raised his head and realized that a gigantic, snow-covered mansion stood before him, similar to Roswaal's current one, but perhaps a little larger. From there, a gigantic, hairy beast appeared, staring at him. "You arrived too late... What good are you if you can't even protect my daughter?" the enormous beast spoke. Felix got up and tried to run, but then he bumped into someone and fell to the ground.
"Well...! Who do we have here?" a woman with revealing clothing and black hair said, looking at him with a disturbing mixture of emotions, as she seemed excited and bloodthirsty at the same time.
"I wonder what you look like on the inside?" this woman said as she revealed a pair of daggers, ready to disembowel her next victim. Felix quickly tried to flee, but as soon as he stood up, he felt half his body freeze because of the beast behind him, leaving him immobile so the assassin could advance. "What a shame...it seems you're a good-for-nothing, you never do anything right...I hope at least your intestines are pretty," the assassin said as she plunged one of her knives into Felix's stomach. He screamed in pain, still trying to process that all of this was Subaru's trauma, all this pain, all these sensations. He felt like his head was starting to crack from the pain alone.
Once the dagger was in, Felix watched as the faces of both the beast and the assassin distorted. "Useless, you're good for nothing...Does anyone really care about you?" The words echoed in his head. Felix hit his own body, trying to shake off the dream, he didn't want to keep experiencing this pain, these traumas of his friend, but he couldn't; he was still trapped in Subaru's mind.
"Please, stop!" Felix begged as he felt the distorted-faced assassin continue plunging her daggers into more parts of his body while the gigantic beast froze the other half.
Just like what happened with Rem, just as they were about to deliver the final blow, they didn't hit Felix, but a pane of glass, shattering everything and causing him to fall even deeper. The pain disappeared from his body, but not from his mind. Felix could still feel it as if he had just lived it... How did Subaru endure all these traumas, all this torment and pain every time he went to sleep?
He ended up falling into another snowy landscape, but this one had no mansion in sight. Felix lay on the snow. "Please, I don't want to go on!" "It's clear to me now that Subaru is suffering greatly. I'll help him, just stop. I don't want to continue," Felix pleaded, causing a figure to appear before him.
"There's no escape! Stop begging and accept her love...DESU!" He recognized that voice. Standing before him was the Archbishop of Sloth, whom Subaru had defeated with his help and that of the Iron Fang from Anastasia's camp. But he no longer had the strength to confront the man.
"This is the place where she, in all her love, sent me! But it seems you're suffering. How strange, you always treat these dreams as if they're nothing... Are you getting lazier?! How shameful, how shameless! You need to be more diligent!" "Although perhaps one of the beasts can help you win more of their love… Enjoy!" Petelgeuse shouted, the only one whose face didn't distort. He disappeared moments later, and in his place, a small rabbit appeared.
"No!" Felix recognized it instantly, from that day when that beast appeared on the grounds of the Karsten mansion and they managed to make it retreat—the great rabbit.
He didn't even have a chance to flee before the beast tore one of his legs from his body. With bloodshot eyes and beginning to multiply, Felix could only feel the greatest possible pain, his mind completely shattered.
Finally, the rabbits disappeared, the glass broke again, and in a completely black and dark area, an elven silhouette whose face was hidden by a veil approached. But Felix didn't even care anymore; his body trembled mercilessly. All of this was too much for him. "I wanted...to kill you...mentally...for...invading...his...mind." The woman took a full minute to utter a simple sentence, demonstrating how difficult it was for her to be present in Subaru's mind and to speak complex words. Felix was forced by the witch to stare at her intently; his body didn't move, he could only focus on what Satella had to say.
"But...you begged...for mercy...in...exchange...for...helping...my Subaru." Her words echoed in the room, which trembled at the mere raising of her soft voice. Satella hadn't intended for anyone other than her beloved to know about the return from death. Surely Felix wasn't capable of deducing it yet...and she would kill him without mercy if she did, but that hadn't been the case, probably because of the great pain he had felt experiencing Subaru's traumas. But she was aware of how much her beloved suffered…perhaps he needed a slave…someone to always support him and carry Subaru's traumas, so her beloved would be happier.
"From now on…you will help…Subaru…you will carry…his traumas…or you will die…I will make sure of that," Satella spoke, already having in mind what she was going to do with Felix, and then the witch placed a single finger on her victim's forehead, who could simply watch everything without being able to do anything to stop it.
Thus, after a heart-wrenching scream in which he felt as if his mind and soul were being torn apart, Felix was finally freed from Subaru's mind, returning to reality.
In the real world, Beatrice was truly worried when she saw Felix scream in pure horror upon returning to reality; her body began to examine every part of her body after all the pain she had felt. Rem's weapon, the beast's winter chill, the assassin's stabs… being devoured by the giant rabbit… but after that, he couldn't remember what happened next, surely because of his current broken mind.
Those screams, obviously, woke Subaru up, confused and drowsy, noticing that Beatrice was staring, eyes wide with surprise, at the source of the screams, Felix.
"Felix?! What's wrong?!" Subaru quickly went to see his friend, who was still screaming after what she had experienced in Subaru's mind; she was surely about to lose her mind, or had already lost it.
But whatever had happened, when Subaru hugged him to try to calm him down, all the traumas he had experienced As soon as they disappeared, his mind suddenly returned to normal.
"Subaru?" Felix weakly uttered his name as he clung even tighter to his friend.
Yes, Satella… or Envy, had chained Felix's sanity to Subaru, turned him into their slave, even if no one could tell… and the consequences of this would be enormous in the future.
All because of Felix's obsession with Crusch and Beatrice's desperation to discover what was happening to her contractor, not caring about using a person as a test subject.