Chapter Text
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It started small. Skipping a meal or two if not 3 a day nothing concerning but one day became three and then three days turned into a week of refusing food and a loss of appetite for Lomedy. He wasn’t insecure about his weight or anything he was a normal weight and never struggled with eating. Until now
Now eating felt like a chore something that was more of a burden than a necessity. Lomedy stared at the bowl full of food stirring it around with his spoon that had gone cold matching the temperature of the once hot soup now cold. He would usually eat before Flame came back from training and would have a bowl ready for his lover while he cleaned around, chatting endlessly with his partner but he couldn’t bring himself to eat anything
It’s as if he would lose all control of himself if he even took one bite, but if he didn’t eat he would be able to prove that he had everything in control in his life. It made him feel better in general the pain in his stomach would help him forget the pain of loss in his heart. A pain that kept him up all night wondering what he could’ve done better one that felt impossible to get rid of no matter how hard he tried or how much he overworked himself It never left. It was as if a leech was sucking him dry of all his happiness
He sighed and stood up with the bowl that was still full to the brim with delicious good food and walked towards Ashen’s food bowl and poured his bowl into the wolf's bowl. He’s been doing this for a while now giving his own food to the wolf instead of eating it himself he hated wasting perfectly good food and why throw it away if there was a fur ball who would gobble it up in a matter of seconds without complaining
“Ashen! Food time”
Lomedy shouted expecting Ashen to come in a matter of seconds and as he predicted Ashen bolted through the door making his presence clear as the wolf rubbed his head against Lomedy’s leg before eating as if he was trying to say thank you for the food, it was a common ritual that was starting to happen often. Lomedy would not eat and give it to Ashen because he knew that Flame would get worried if he was skipping meals and he hated making the people he loved worried it made him feel like a burden
He gave Ashen a small head pat before making his way into the bedroom that he and Flame shared. As soon as he closed the door he immediately flopped onto his bed melting into his sheets the feeling of exhaustion and pain settling in his body, tears that were simmering in his eyes with the small memories of his old friends. The truth was that before everyone knew that he was dating Flame he had a friend group whom he cherished dearly, he thought these people would stay by his side no matter what but as soon as they found out that Lomedy was in a relationship with the “immortal demon” they distanced themselves from him. Until one day.
“Lomedy. Please stay away from us your going to get us killed because of your murder of a boyfriend”
Lomedy froze up his awkward smile faltered for a second as he processed what his close friends told him. He knew they didn’t like flame but he hoped that they would still understand. He already felt like they were drifting away from him but he tried to convince himself that wasn’t the case he brought them gifts and acted overly kind to them in an attempt to make them like him like they used to. Before any of this had happened he was trying to bring back the friend group who he first met the one who cared for him.
“Guys. Come on I promise my boyfriend isn’t going to hurt anyone please don’t do this.”
The last hope of them being willing to stay even if they knew the past of his lover became shredded. Lomedy loved these people they were the same people who taught him how to plant his first patch how to take care of the farm they were the first ones to bring the farmer side out of him and into the fields. He watched them shake their heads in defiance as they left him standing there like an idiot in the middle of the market
This crushed Lomedy he really thought he met the right people for him but in the end, it was all ruined just because of who he liked. He knew they had a good reason for not liking flame since he had killed thousands of players but still, he wished that they wouldn’t have just left him. Ever since then he’s lost his appetite and started eating less and even started feeling insecure about himself which he rarely ever felt
He stared into the mirror from his bed he looked terrible his eyes were a puffy red, with tears still lingering in the corner of his eyes, his hair was a mess and he looked completely drained as if the life had been completely sucked out of him. He was even paler than normal he couldn’t even remember when was the last time he ate a complete meal. He laid back down and closed his eyes hoping that he would be able to sleep.
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Flame came back from training and he was exhausted his legs felt like jelly and his arms were sore, training always took a toll on his body so coming back home and getting a well-deserved rest was crucial. He walked into the house and oddly it was much quieter than usually most of the time Lomedy would greet him as soon as he walked through the door or if not the smell of delicious food would be coming from the kitchen where Lomedy would be waiting with a nice meal while wearing the cute apron he brought from Merchant City.
But now it was dead silence he walked through the house and entered into the kitchen where there were dishes left in the sink and a pot full of food on the stove but no lomedy. He raised an eyebrow the place was pretty dirty which was unusual since Lomedy was a clean freak constantly scolding Flame about keeping the place clean and organized and now the place was a mess
He was so focused on looking at the mess until he felt a familiar pair of paws slam into his back knocking him down almost throwing him to the ground, he slowly turned to look at what attacked him and realized it was just his wolf ashen who was wagging his tail out of joy from seeing his owner. Flame has had Ashen since he was a child finding the animal injured in the forest and Flame decided to take care of it slowly creating a strong bond between the two
He petted his friend, rubbing the back of the animal's ears giving it immediate relief. Ashen’s tail wagged back and forth a clear sign of happiness from the animal. Flame gave a small smile to the wolf until he realized something. There was some food around his food. They usually only fed ashen raw meat so it was weird that there was leftover soup around the wolf's mouth.
He turned around and made his way towards the bedroom but before he went to his room he saw Ashen’s food bowl that had some food in there he was now completely confused but maybe Lomedy was trying something new with Ashen. He sighed and slowly made his way to the bedroom and slowly opened the door he didn’t expect much maybe Lomedy was reading a book or if not sleeping but he was far from correct.
When he opened the door it revealed his lover Lomedy curled up in a ball completely vulnerable with tear stains on his cheeks the room felt tense and quiet a wave of concern hit Flame this wasn’t the boy he came home to he looked completely crushed. Flame immediately rushed towards his lover’s side his exhaustion evaporating in seconds
“Lomedy. What’s wrong are you hurt?”
Flame’s voice came through unsteadily and rushed the feeling of unease going through his body. Flame hasn’t seen Lomedy this sad since a few months ago and in general, he hated seeing Lomedy in such a state. Lomedy stirred up and curled into more of a ball fatigue clear on his face.
“Yea I’m fine. Just tried”
“Lomedy. Have you been crying you can tell me anything you know I’m always here for you”
“Yes I’m fine flame just woke up too early I guess. Just go eat what I made today”
Flame huffed not buying Lomedy’s excuse. He removed his shoes and placed them by the door and grabbed a pair of shorts and a black shirt changed then hopped into bed and wrapped his arms around lomedy holding him tightly refusing to leave him alone especially now. Lomedy snuggled into his lover finding warmth and comfort in doing so.
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Flame took Lomedy to their favorite restaurant the next day to see if that would cheer him up. Flame wasn’t one to pay attention to lomedy’s eating habits since most of the time he would eat a healthy amount, when they went out to eat Lomedy would usually order whatever he wanted wanted with joy and would even order his favorite milkshake but now he order water and barely touch his food and flame noticed immediately he wasn’t sure what was happening with lomedy but if he was willing to refuse his favorite drink he knew it was serious.
“Hey loms..are you gonna eat bro or is there something wrong with your food”
Flame asked staring down at his lover it’s been at least 15 minutes since they ordered and Lomedy hasn’t even taken a bite of his meal. Lomedy looked up from his plate and looked back at it.
“Uh no of course there's nothing wrong with the food”
“Then why haven’t you taken a bite of your food bro. It’s been a while you know and you also ordered water which you never do bro”
“I’m just not hungry and I guess I wasn’t in the mood for sugar”
Lomedy mumbled pushing his food around with his fork a hint of disgust appearing on his face just by looking at his food. Flame was now seriously starting to get worried. The lomedy he knew would be done in recorded time always finishing before flame and he would cheerfully talk about his day while flame listened and ate slowly and not to mention he was a complete sweet tooth always accepting any sort of sweets and now he was the complete opposite quiet, not eating, refusing sweets it didn’t make sense.
In the end, they asked to get a to-go box and left the restaurant and walked back home. It was already night, the sun was slowly saying goodbye and the moon was making its appearance with all its sparkly allies which were the stars. Lomedy looked up at Flame and saw his face that was twisted with worry and confusion which made Lomedy’s chest tighten up with guilt he never wanted to worry flame but he just couldn’t bring himself to eat no matter how hard he tried forcing himself he would feel guilty immediately afterwards
For some reason, Lomedy felt like he didn’t deserve food or just felt disgusted at the thought of eating and he didn’t know why. The constant feeling of abandonment and sadness from the people he thought loved and cared for him the most made him feel pathetic and insecure and it seemed like the only way to cope was to starve. He was embarrassed he felt like he was supposed to be stronger than this that this shouldn’t affect him but instead it was and it’s also affecting the people around him.
When they finally got home lomedy went to the bedroom and laid down covering himself with the sheets. He didn’t brush his teeth or do this nightly routine that would take forever and he was strict about this routine doing it every night without fail. Flame stared at Lomedy and sighed and went to brush his teeth after a while he finally returned and layed next to lomedy staring at the ceiling he didn’t know what to do he wanted to help Lomedy so bad but he wasn’t sure how to for now he would just have to think of another way.
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A few days have passed and Lomedy still hasn’t gotten better he’s been getting more irritable, he has even lost quite a concerning amount of weight it’s as if a switch flipped in his sweet beautiful boy and he couldn’t do anything about it. Flame didn’t want to involve anyone since he didn’t know if Lomedy would be comfortable with everyone knowing his business but he desperately needed to get someone else’s perspective on the situation
He got up early in the morning earlier than usual he got dressed and kissed Lomedy on his forehead while he was asleep and for some reason, he decided to make a sandwich for Lomedy just in case he got hungry, he wrote a small sticky note before he left for training with his brother. He walked out of the door and gave ashen a small pat on the head before embarking on his journey to his brother's secluded home. When he got there he already saw his brother practicing his spear skills with excellent precision. The sound of quick swishing filled the floor as he watched his brother practice.
“Mane..? Helloo bro”
Manepear was too deep in practice making sure that every move was flawless and precise that he didn’t even realize his brother was standing over him. He stepped back which accidentally led him to step on his brother's foot, He immediately flinched and let out a loud piercing scream that could make anyone’s ear bleed or break glass. Flame flinched and stepped back covering his ears and looking at his brother with annoyance. Mane's expression changed from shocked to pissed realizing that it was just his brother.
“What the hell..! Why the fuck are you here it’s so early?? And why did you sneak up on me like that are you trying to kill me”
Flame removed his hands from his ears and glared at his brother with an unamused expression already tried with his antics.
“Gosh shut up already. I came a little earlier than I usually do what’s the deal?”
“A little? LITTLE? The sun hasn’t even made its grand entrance! It’s literally 5:30 in the morning you were supposed to come here at 7:00”
Flame rolled his eyes and he looked outside it was still pretty dark the pitch-black sky slowly turning into a soft dark blue color the stars slowly fading. He didn’t even realize until now how early it really was his brain was so focused on other things (lomedy) that he didn’t notice. Oh well, his brother would just have to deal with it.
“Look it doesn’t matter bro. I need your help”
Manepear raised an eyebrow flame usually never asked him for anything unless necessary. Mane put his spear away and crossed his arms and leaned back giving his brother his full attention
“Ok.. what’s up”
“Well..it’s about lomedy.”
Flame let out a soft sigh while saying Lomedy’s name still avoiding eye contact with his brother
“What.? Did you knock him up?”
“WHAT? NO!? I didn't get him pregnant”
Flame eyes widen under his blind fold freaked out by his brother’s guess. While Manepear just shrugged nonchalantly
“Ok..so are you guys arguing again?”
“No.”
“So then what is!?”
Mane was now starting to get inpatient tapping his foot against the ground the sound a sign of his patience running low. Flame signed and tried to think of a way to explain his situation to his dense brother.
“Look there is something wrong with lomedy.. he’s just a complete wreck he’s always tired and he’s been refusing any meals and he barely eats anymore as if he’s gone on a strict unhealthy diet.”
“Oh.. that’s not good when did this start happening”
“Well I mean at least 4 weeks or something”
Mane raised an eyebrow the feeling that something was going to happen and it wasn’t going to be nice grew in his chest with just the small mediocre explanation of his brother.
“That’s not good. Have you tried to talk to him about it”
“Yes! I’ve tried everything but it’s as if he completely shut down”
Flames' voice now came out with a hint of fear and uncertainty, he felt useless his lover was struggling and he couldn’t even find out what was the causing pain in his lover's life. He knew everything about lomedy his favorite snacks his favorite plants hell he even knows his coffee order by memory, but now he wasn’t so confident about himself.
“Look, man.. You just have to be direct about it. You can't just stay behind your words. You need to ask him until he gives you a real answer not a half-ass excuse.”
“It’s easier said than done bro. How do I do that if he doesn’t want to and you already know how stubborn he is?”
Mane thinks about it and realizes his brother is very much correct. Lomedy is more stubborn than a donkey, if there were ever a competition on who was the most stubborn person in the world lomedy would take first place easily. He still remembers when Lomedy refused to leave the law's jail cell until the war ended or they told him he was allowed to leave. He was in that prison cell for at least 2 months if not longer. There were three times when he was offered to escape but he refused all three times two of those times being flame. He also vividly remembers when Flame had to stay at his place because Flame and he were arguing and Lomedy kicked him out and Flame had to personally beg Lomedy to forgive him. They didn’t talk for a month before that.
“Then you kick it into him. Look it might be hard at first and maybe awkward but I believe he will understand since it’s for good purposes”
“Guess..gosh this is gonna be hard bro”
Mane just chuckled at his brother's tiredness. Flame sighed thinking of all the ways he could convince Lomedy to speak up about his problems it was going to be hard but he was going to give it his all to have sweet boy back.
“Now come on you can think about all your problems later. It’s time to train. Go warm up if you don’t your tear a ligament or two”
“Ok yeah. Sure whatever bro”
Flame responded unamused then looked at the sun that was slowly waking up from its slumber, shining a warm and beautiful orange and yellow color something that gave Flame a small feeling of hope for the future. He got up and started warming up Lomedy still on his mind.
A few hours later flame was sitting on the floor panting and sweating, small beads of sweat slowly falling down his forehead as he tried to catch his breath that was almost gone from extreme training. He looked out and saw that the sky was a nice light blue a few white clouds hanging around and a sun that was shining brighter than it had ever been. It was finally time for him to go home. And got up from the ground and wiped the dirt off his hands on his pants, he stretched and immediately felt his body before sore
“Well, that’s all for today. Thanks mane for the talk earlier”
“Yea no problem bro. Tell me how it goes”
Flame nods and says his final goodbyes to his brother and walks out walking to the house he and Lomedy shared it wasn’t far but it wasn’t close either. He was thinking of ways to ask or confront lomedy, he didn’t want to be harsh but he needed to know what was happening but he felt like he would accidentally slip up
and say something he didn’t want to.
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Back at home Lomedy was alone he felt tired he has been not only neglecting himself but also his crops, he walked towards the window and looked at his garden which was only dying crops begging for water their leaves turning into a nasty brown as they fell and shriveling up deep into the soil as they decomposed. Lomedy lets out a strained sigh back then he would’ve gone insane trying to revive his plants and give them attention and love hell they would’ve never gotten to the phase of shriveling up and dying.
He closes the curtains not being able to bear such a sight. He enters into his kitchen and he sees a plate on the counter he approaches the plate and sees a sandwich with a small sticky note on the side. He picks it up and reads it.
“Hey Lom’s just know I left a little earlier today for training I’ll be home as usual same time. Made you this just in case you got hungry hope you like it.
I love you.
-Flame”
Lomedy looks at the sandwich that Flame made and wipes a tear away that was starting to form in his eye. He picks up the plate and his stomach lets out a growl telling him to eat it but his mind is yelling at him not to. He grabs the sandwich from the place and slowly brings it to his mouth before immediately throwing it back on to plate. He stared at the sandwich contemplating whether he should eat it or have control over himself.
He felt like he was trying not to cry he didn’t know why he was getting so emotional. He picked up the sandwich again he breathed in and out and without even thinking about it he bit into it he slowly chewed the food and he immediately went for another bite and before he knew it the sandwich was gone. He looked at the empty plate and craved for more he looked around and saw a bag of bread
He hesitated guilt was slowly starting to already settle in from just the small sandwich be hungry took control and he grabbed it and opened the bag of bread ripping it apart a few pieces of bread landing on the floor but he didn’t care. He shoved bread into his mouth like an animal as he sank down onto the floor shoving another piece of bread into his mouth and then another.
It was as if he was in a trance he couldn’t stop he needed more he shoved more food into his mouth without even thinking. He was numb nothing felt real hungry had won.
Then it finally hit him he just almost ate a whole bag of bread he stopped chewing and dropped the piece of bread that was in his hand as he looked around the room feeling lost, uncomfortable, and extremely full. He began to cry letting out a choked cry as the chewed-up bread and saliva mix dripped down his chin. He felt nauseous he immediately got up from the floor letting crumbs and pieces of bread fall to the floor.
He ran to the bathroom and fell onto his knees as he vomited into the toilet puking his insides out the guilt consuming him making his chest feel tight. After he stopped throwing up he sat on the cold floor tears flowing down his face as he began to sob he felt disgusted with himself he was a pig all the control he had over himself was all gone and he was left with the feeling of guilt and embarrassment. He curled up into a ball and layed on the floor hugging his stomach. He was crying until he realized he had something stuck to his waist. He grabbed it and realized it was flames sticky note.
His eyes were unsteady and blurry but when he finally focused his eyes the first thing he read was
“I love you” that line replaying in his mind which broke everything in him. He wasn’t strong enough he was weak and he finally accepted it. His sobs became louder to the point he was hyperventilating and struggling to breathe on the floor. His head was spinning his consciousness fading by the second he closed his eyes for little bit exhausted but he knew flame was going to get home second and he would rather die than let flame see him in this state.