Chapter Text
You just finished unpacking your things in your new apartment in the heart of Linkoln City when you heard a knock on your door. Huh, did some of your stuff get delivered late? But you don’t think you’re missing some things. You also didn’t order anything. Grabbing a kitchen knife and hiding it behind your back, you stalked towards the door and took a peek at your intercom. A woman? You opened the door just a bit to see them.
“Hi! I saw you just moved in! I’m MC, I live across from you!”
You stood there speechless. The woman who just introduced herself looked exactly like your Queen. The sole reason why backtrackers left Philos. The reason why he recruited you despite his indifference to you due to your useful evol that could help the backtrackers- which you had joined naively since the person you’ve been head over heels for years, the person who just brushes you off like you didn’t exist, has finally noticed you. The reason why you’re stuck here.
The reason why you lost sight of yourself.
Before you could spiral, you cleared your throat and introduced yourself to her.
“I know moving can be taxing; just let me know if there’s anything you need help with. I’m just across the hall!” She delivered chirpily.
You gave her a clipped smile before thanking her and closing your door.
No, thank you.
So she’s here, or at least a version of her also exists here. That means he must be close too. Fucking great. You should’ve done more research on this area before moving here. That was a shortcoming on your part. This is fine, we’re fine. You pathetically convinced yourself. Let’s just try and avoid them. Yup, that’s what you’ll do.
Boy, were you wrong.
You just came back from a book signing that took an entire day, and there’s nothing else you just wanna do but shed off your clothes and soak in the warm bath. But before you could even unlock your door, MC’s door opened, and the man that you’ve been dreading to bump into came out and locked eyes with you. It was like the universe heard you and said, sike. Because the more you try to avoid someone, the more likely they will appear everywhere you go.
The same familiar bright blue eyes stared back at you. The one you used to love- the one you get lost staring into. A flash of recognition crossed his face. You broke eye contact first and focused on opening your door with shaky hands. You did not want to interact with him. Please just ignore me. Too late, he’s already calling out your name.
You took a deep breath before turning to face him, faking a smile. “Oh! Hi, Xavier. Fancy seeing you here.”
He looked stiff and on guard before replying, “What are you doing here?”
“I live here?”
His eyes narrowed at you. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing. Look, I just moved here. Didn’t know you live around here too, if that’s what you’re insinuating.” You said, exasperated.
Is he suspicious of you? Does he think you're working with EVER and they had sent you here to spy on her- on him? Of course it would come to his knowledge that some of the backtrackers that turned their back on him would try and convince you to join and work with them, to which you had refused every single time. You were the first to leave, so his suspicions were founded.
As if you'd betray him.
"Heh, don't worry about your pretty little head. It's just a coincidence.”
The only person you had betrayed was yourself.
You then added, "You can always kill me later if you were proven right, no?”
You tried playing it off before turning your back on him and heading inside your apartment.
Jerk.
You can still vividly remember the time when you were chasing a shadow. He shone so brightly- so brilliantly and left nothing in your wake but his twilight. You knew he had his eyes set on someone, but that had not deterred you from pursuing him. You were young and naive and wore your heart on your sleeve. You strived to excel in everything for him to notice you. You became one of the strongest knights in the academy; your evol is unique and strong- the opposite of his light evol, and you were not hideous-looking by any means. So why can’t he see you? What does she have that you don’t? So when he asked you to join the backtrackers, even fully knowing the risks of doing so, you leaped in joy and took the chance. You credulously thought this would make him finally look your way. Oh, you adorable little innocent soul, so sweet and unspoiled. And then everything went south- you were one of the many as the first line of defense. The first to fall when you had crash-landed on this Earth. The price you paid is you losing your right eye. Since then you’ve been sporting a prosthetic eye- well, it's more like a mechanical eye. You now have a supercomputer in your skull. Kinda sick, if you try to convince yourself it was for a great cause.
Of course, the crash didn’t stop him from pursuing his goals. You tried to support him even if it meant abandoning your own heart. You really did. So when you overheard him one time, talking with Jeremiah about how he finds your feelings towards him uncomfortable and a burden- that’s when you were finally doused in cold water ruthlessly by reality and forced to face the raw truth that he would never truly feel the same way about you. No amount of convincing him could change his disinterest. He couldn't even say it to your face. Your heart felt like it broke into a million pieces and was stomped down over and over again. You swallowed the bile- that felt like glass, threatening to rise in your throat.
You left.
Quietly into the night. When they were all unaware and sleeping peacefully. Not knowing the pain and turmoil swirling inside you that's all-consuming, threatening to break out. Barely holding yourself together, you packed your stuff, which consisted of a backpack. Only the essentials. You burned everything else, especially anything that would remind you of him. Since then, you’ve lived different lives, and the one you’re currently living is a writer
You were broken out of your trip down memory lane when you heard a ringing in the background. Your phone- your editor has been hounding you to submit your draft for the new book you’re currently working on, which you may have been neglecting due to moving cities and fixing stuff that you broke due to your evol spiraling out of control- this happens often since then, when your emotions become too overwhelming to bear. You just had a plumber and an electrician visit you in the past few days, and now your editor will come barging in on your door. Great. That’s too much socializing this week for you. I need a smoke and an ice-cold beer.
Your editor just left after chewing your ear off. That man never goes easy on you. Aren’t you his best-selling author? Unbeknownst to you, it’s precisely why he’s so strict. You had decided to get something to eat at the mart around the block for dinner instead of cooking since you’re too exhausted to deal with all that right now. You could also use a walk and a breath of fresh air. Upon exiting your apartment, you came face to face with him again. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. You just ignored him and made your way to the elevator before you heard him call out your name again.
What does he want this time??
“What?”
“Aren’t you being too brazen?” He accused.
“About what?” You raised your brow at him.
“That’s the third man you had over your apartment this week. Aren't you being too promiscuous? It’s not a good look. What if MC finds out? ”
Oh wow.
First you were accused of being a traitor, and now you're promiscuous- a fancy way of calling you a slut?
Ouch.
Is that your heart you hear in the background breaking into a million pieces again? The one you barely even put together over a hundred years ago from the hands of the very same man?
How low is your opinion of me? Were all the years you've worked together, didn't mean anything at all to him?
What a cruel man you are, Xavier Shen.
You barked out a sarcastic laugh as a way to hide the pain dripping out of your barely contained, shaking voice, ”What, you think I would corrupt your innocent Queen? You wound me, your quintessence."
You would never explain yourself to him or anyone ever again. You’ve been past that. Let him believe any falsehood he wishes; he has never held you in high regard anyway.
Before he could formulate a response, a cheery voice called out to him. “Xaiver! Wait up! Gosh, I almost forgot my house keys. Oh hi! Where are you going?” Her eyes lit up in joy as she saw you.
“Getting dinner.” You gave her a clipped answer.
“Perfect timing! We’re getting hotpot too! You should join us!”
“Oh no, I don’t think I should. I don’t want to intrude.” You refused. How painfully awkward would this dinner be? Pass.
“Oh please! You won’t. I insist! Let me treat you as a welcome for being my new neighbor! I’ve been wanting to have another woman around that I could be friends with here! Right, Xavie?”
You could cover your eyes from how brightly she’s beaming up at you. She’s like a golden retriever. Even in Philos, you could never force yourself to hate her for having monopoly over him. She has not done anything that would warrant your hatred. She’s too nice for her own good actually. You had no choice but to get strung along with her whims.
You could not be more grateful that you've become a smoker. A bad habit really, but it makes the perfect excuse to remove yourself from conversations you do not want to be a part of. Like the one you're currently in. And that's exactly what you did.
Ten minutes should suffice for you to get your bearings together to survive the rest of this insufferable dinner. When you walked back into your booth, you saw them engaged in an animated conversation. You took your seat; she grinned at you and asked you the dreaded question you've been trying to evade the entire night.
"Sooo what do you do for a living?”
You shrugged nonchalantly, "I write novels.”
Her eyes widened in fascination before continuing, "Ooohhh, what kind?”
"Sci-fi.”
Being a Philosophian did make your writing a lot easier.
"I love reading Sci-fi! If you don't mind me asking, what's your pen name? I'd love to read your works sometime!” she squealed.
Oh joy. This is draining your already non-existent social energy. You could never match her unbridled spirit. Xavier, on the other hand, didn't say anything and just stared at you intently. It makes your skin prickle.
"I go by Noir. Maybe you've read some of my works before if you're a big fan of Sci-fi.
The look she's sporting now is that of utter shock and surprise.
"Omigod, you're the Noir!?” She flapped her hands around before calming down.
“I’m talking to my favorite author! Xavier, is this real life!?” She turned to the man in question to confirm this is, in fact, her reality.
Noir. Of course, that would make sense. It’s your evol. He would have never foresaw that the author of the books he loves to read in his free time was the girl who used to follow him along and sing him praises of adoration even to her doom all those years ago. The one who had suddenly vanished from his life with no warning. Is this why I feel so connected to her works? He thought. The feeling of coming home to a place where his soul truly belongs.
He was still looking at you intensely when he asked, “You smoke now?” instead of vocalising what’s in his mind.
You shrugged, “Helps me calm down.”
The dinner finally came to an end after MC just blabbered about how much she loves your work and had read everything you had released, and that she's looking forward to the one you're currently working on. "It's going to be one of my favs, I just know,” or so she claims. You just let her, so you won't have to engage in a conversation where you have to pretend to be curious and know her. It's better not to know. It's better to remain ignorant. Better not to get attached. That's also the time when she had discovered Xavier, and you were long acquaintances. Now, why would he bring that up? You then know that they work as partners in the Hunters Association. Of course he’s a hunter. That is so on brand of him.
The walk back to your apartment complex was brief. Before the three of you went inside, you made an excuse to stay outside for a smoke again. You just want to excape before you ears fall off from all her chatter.
"Actually, MC, you can go on ahead. I'd like to catch up with her. We haven't seen each other for so long after all.” Xavier had spoken.
Is he fucking for real?
You just want a break. Moving into this apartment complex was a mistake. You should start looking for someplace to move in. Forget the lease; you make more than enough anyway. It won't hurt the bank if you leave.
He turned to face you while you lit up a cigarette a few feet away from him.
"How's your eye?”
How nice of him to pretend to care. You quipped quietly to yourself.
"Fine.” You drag out a puff of smoke, looking up at the stars that shine so brightly. Their passing looks so mesmerising; you desperately long to be there too, bursting into a glorious, breathtaking explosion.
"Why did you leave without saying a word?”
Well, aren't you curious?
You just shrugged, not really trusting your voice. You might just unload everything there unceremoniously.
"Stop evading the question.”
"I'm not.”
"You are.”
"As if you care.”
"I do.”
Bullshit. Is what you want to scream in his beautiful face. You do!? After all this time? After he ripped your heart to pieces, dousing it in gas and lit it on fire? After you were drowning in this indescribable emptiness?
"Right, you sure do.” You opted to say dryly. Before leaving him in the parking lot, looking at your retreating back heading inside.
Forgive me.
You slammed your door shut, trying to control your breathing; else you would destroy everything within a mile radius if your evol goes out of control. Keep your shit together. You scolded yourself. I've moved on.
Did you?
You staggered towards your fridge and grabbed a can of beer. Time to drink all your suffering away and channel all this pain into your work. It's not the ideal way to handle things, but it's how you cope. You might just finish writing your book tonight- a win-win situation, no?
He could not believe his eyes when he saw you across the hall. Is he hallucinating now? He called out your name to see if you were truly real. And you were- you are. Where have you been all these years? Why did you leave? Are you okay? Do you remember him? Do you still love me? Why do you sound in so much pain? He just wanted to know how you've been. Did it come across the wrong way? All these questions and no answer as he saw your retreating figure slip away into the confines of your apartment. Hiding behind the safety of your closed door, away from him.
He fucked up. Again. Why would he say those words to you? That's not what he wanted to say. Why is his mouth not cooperating? He knew the moment a hurt look crossed your features. It's too late to take that back now. He just didn't like how all these men have been in your space these past few days. He felt something dark stirred inside him the moment he saw. He didn't mean what he said. Did you need help with something? You could have asked him. Why didn't you ask him?
He could not take his eyes off of you. You still looked as beautiful as the day he lost you, even though you were a little gaunt with dark circles shadowing your gorgeous eyes. Have you been getting enough rest? You smoke now? But that's bad for your health. Didn't you have a huge dislike towards people who smoke before? What has changed? Why do you feel so cold and distant? He just wants to reconnect with you. Why are you pushing me away?
He had realized a little too late his blooming feelings towards you. You, who had always been by his side, supporting him, cheering him on openly and without reservations. At first it bothered him. He didn't want your attention; he had his Queen after all. She's all he needs. Everything that he does is for them, for her- but so were you, for him. No matter how much he pushed you away, you just come back every single time. Like a boomerang destined to return. Like you truly belonged to him. So why did you just suddenly leave him without saying a word? Did you not love him anymore? Were you kidnapped? No, you took your things with you. Did someone- did EVER force you to work for them? No, all the traitors he took care of said you were so adamant about refusing them. Why? Why? Why? He could not wrap his head around the fact that you would leave him. He could not find any traces of you. No one knew where you were. You could be so clever at hiding when you don't want to be found.
No matter. He'll just make sure you don't leave him again this time. He can ask you all those questions later. Do I have to chain and lock her up so she can't leave? Or put a tracker around her pretty little neck. I could hack her eye so I have access to her all the time. Will she hate me if I do that? But she loves me, no? Even if she doesn't anymore, I'll just make her fall for me again.
So he learned your routine. The moment you wake up to lying back down in your bed. He's not stalking you, no, of course not. He's just observing you. So he can be there when you're out and about. Always in your presence. Have you noticed? You haven't been going outside lately. Are you avoiding him? Maybe he should ask MC to force you to hang out with them often. Yup, he should do that. Since you can't say no to her; he had noticed.