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Jiseok sighs, fog coming out of his mouth. It was a good idea, in theory, telling Hyeongjun to meet him on the rooftop of their company building to pour his feelings out of his heart but he didn't take into account that it was february and outside it was winter still but he couldn't text the other boy and he probably was on his way.
He was nervous, his loud heartbeats ringing on his ears.
Fuck, he was going to confess.
He decided to do it some days ago. When he was thinking about Hyeongjun. It felt like the feelings wanted to escape from within him, like they were so tired of waiting for Jiseok to do something that they decided to leave his body not from his voice but from his eyes, his big eyes full of tears and wetting his cheeks and hands.
“Jiseok, Did you- Oh My God, Are you okay?” Jungsu got in his room, probably searching for something but stopped by the door. He was kind of worried, his face showing it very well, he always cared so much for Jiseok.
“I-I’m in love, I love him so much, Jungsu.” The other boy went to him, sitting down beside him and hugging him. Who he was talking about wasn’t important, he just wanted to calm Jiseok down.
They talked almost all night about it. Jungsu was the first person that knew about this crush— no, this love that Jiseok had for the boy with long hair, keeping all of this to himself wasn’t healthy, specially when he saw Hyeongjun every single day and the boy was just so charming and pretty and cute and beautiful and overall perfect.
Jungsu gave him the idea to write something and give it to him, like a letter where Jiseok could throw all of his feelings and thoughts that he would give to Hyeongjun in private later. But he decided that his ‘private later’ would be after practice at night on the fucking rooftop. He wasn’t in his senses when he said that and Jungsu neither apparently when he told him “It is a great idea!”
But every single cold sensation went away when he listened to the metallic door open and some steps. He looked at the direction where the sound came, his eyes opening big and his body trembling, not for the cold but for the way his nervous system acted when the other boy appeared in his view. Even after practice he looked so beautiful, his hair was so voluminous and he looked tired but fuck he was so pretty.
“Hi!” he says while going to Jiseok, greeting him with a smile and waving his hand. They started to be more comfortable with each other, Jiseok decided to show a little bit of his feelings on a ‘Rock The World’ episode and since then, Hyeongjun started to orbitate around him a bit more.
“Hi.” Jiseok greeted him with a smile. He stays quiet and notices how Hyeongjun's eyes look everywhere, like he was waiting for Jiseok to start talking, “Um– Well– I have something important to say.”
“Okay, tell me.” Hyeongjun puts his hands on his pockets and curls himself on his big coat. Jiseok wanted to die.
“A-Actually I wanted to give you something.” Gosh, this was so embarrassing. His trembling hand goes to his own pocket and grabs the piece of paper to then start unfolding it, “I want to read it to you.”
Hyeongjun smiled and nods, ready to listen to Jiseok.
“Okay.” he exhales, trying to calm his nervous heart to then look at the piece of paper, “Dear Hyeongjun, Hi! It's me, Jiseok… That was so dumb.” he laughs a little, “You remember how we met? You were really shy, you didn't want to talk to us so, as the extrovert that I am, I decided to go talk to you.” he exhales heavy again, “I started to love your company and I liked how you got closer to the other guys, I loved how you would show us little pieces of yourself every day and you grew up a lot since then, you started to look so cool and confident and I–” Jiseok can feel how his throat started to itch and water started to form on his eyes, Hyeongjun looks at him softly, his eyebrows frowned, confused because of the shift on the other boy's expression, “I… I started to fall for you.”
Both stay in silence. One trying not to cry and the other surprised. A lot of things started to click on Hyeongjun's head and his cheeks started to burn.
Jiseok wanted to kill himself. He couldn't see the other boy in the eyes, he felt so vulnerable and Hyeongjun not doing anything made him feel worse.
One of his hands goes to his eyes and wipes his little tears before continuing.
“I– I don't know when it started, I think just one day I started to see you more than a friend, I started to get butterflies in my stomach and every time we practiced together, I couldn't help to see your lips– Oh My God, this is so stupid.” He puts his hands over his eyes and a loud exhale comes out of his mouth.
“No, it isn't.” Hyeongjun says softly, making the other guy's teary eyes look at him with surprise, “Keep going, it's sweet.”
Jiseok looks at the paper again and hawks before continuing.
“...I couldn't help to see your lips and think of being the fortunate person that would give them a kiss.” he can feel how his cheeks turn red and his tears keep flowing, “I want to be the one who grabs your hand, who kisses you on the backstage before concerts, who you could tell all of your problems and who you can share all of your achievements. I–I'm in love with you, Hyeongjun.” He folds the paper again, “And I know that this could make things awkward between us and I get if you feel uncomfortable around me from now on, but what I want you to know is that I never, never did anything that I did for you to get something in return.” his glossy eyes look at Hyeongjun with desperation on them, like he wanted to make his statement clear, “I always wanted to be more friendly with you even if I have these feelings.”
They both stay silent. Hyeongjun looked at his feet and Jiseok could feel his own heart crumble.
He messed up.
“Y-You don't need to say something or accept me.”
“You are not that good at acting, Jiseok.” Hyeongjun says, still looking at his shoes, “I had an idea that you might have a crush on me for… some time now.”
Oh, he really messed up.
“I-I'm really really really sorry if this is uncomfortable to you, I just don't want this to destroy the band or our friendship.” the tears were really flowing now, he was sobbing and his throat was hurting, “I really like your company, I-I j-just wanted to tell you this because I c-couldn't keep–”
His words are cut off by other lips touching his and cold hands on his cheeks. Jiseok is surprised by this, but melts quickly under Hyeongjun's spell.
The kiss was soft, lips moving over the others, both breathing the other's air. Hyeongjun opens his mouth, giving permission for Jiseok to do the same, his trembling hands go to Hyeongjun's waist, grabbing it softly and feeling the texture of his padded jacket.
They separate the kiss and look at each other. Hyeongjun's pretty eyes had the shape of the crescent moon present tonight and they were so shiny that Jiseok's heart felt like it was exploding in any minute.
“What-”
“Keep saying what you were going to say.” Hyeongjun cleans Jiseok's tears softly.
“I-I couldn't keep these feelings inside of me anymore.” Jiseok said automatically in a whisper.
“I also like you, Jiseok.” his cheeks were red, “I just started to notice things some time ago, how you looked at me, how you cared for me… but I didn't want to be delusional so I never tried to think that it was true.”
“I cried yesterday and Jungsu helped me with this idea.”
“He told you to read me a letter while both of us were freezing on the rooftop of the company?”
“Well… that might have been my idea.” Hyeongjun lets out the prettiest laugh Jiseok ever heard, “You can't judge a man in love, right?”
“This is better than mine though, I would have taken you to the company's café.” Now Jiseok is the one that laughs.
“Oh, so you wouldn't even take me to a better place?” he jokes.
“But you like their food!”
Both laugh again and look at each other with love in their eyes.
“I like you so much.” Jiseok says and giggles when he notices how Hyeongjun's cheeks turn red, “Now, let's go because I feel like I might turn an ice cube if we stay here any longer.”
They separate and grab hands to then go down again. Giving each other a peck on the stairs and giggling.
***
“You should have not given me that idea, Jungsu.” Jiseok says with a runny nose and the other boy looks at him with shock in his eyes.
“Excuse me?!” Jungsu says, feeling offended, “You were the one that chose to do that, I just gave you an option!” he crosses his arms with anger and his eyebrows frown. He looked so cute.
“Augh, now I can't kiss Junnie.” he dramatically puts his head on the table, moving the others' plates. They were eating lunch at the café.
“You want me to get sick too?” Hyeongjun teases him and Jiseok looks at him with a pout.
“At least let me do something else…” Jiseok jokes and Hyeongjun turns red.
“That's an insane thing to say at…” Seungmin looks at his clock, “...twelve thirteen in the afternoon! I have enough with Jungsu hyung and Gunil hyung doing stuff at our dorm so you guys need to calm down.”
“Yah! Why are you throwing me under the bus?!” Jungsu is red with embarrassment.
“You want me to tell them what I heard you call Gunil hyung yesterday?!”
Both boys keep arguing and Hyeongjun grabs Jiseok's hand under the table. Actually, he liked grabbing hands more than anything else.