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cupid needs help!

Summary:

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid
i have gathered you all here today…
because i need help to ask blondie out ☺️

Ramona Badwolf
?
bitch u are the literal love god bye

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid
bitch i hope justine finds flea in your fur and breaks up with you

Ramona Badwolf
WTF

Yet another True Heart’s Day is dawning upon Ever After High, and Cupid needs some help in order to make sure she doesn’t get a repeat of the sad True Heart’s Day she had experienced last year. Therefore, she decides to add the most experienced, taken girls she knows into a groupchat to ask for advice!

She is quickly let down.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: cupid makes a mistake

Chapter Text

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid has created the group chat ‘cupid needs help’!

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid has added Darling Charming, Faybelle Thorn, and five other users!

 

Faybelle Thorn

oh my hexes

i’m SO sorry

i swear ill have the money by friday

 

Kitty Cheshire

you are forgiven 😊

 

Faybelle Thorn

NOT YOU PUSSYCAT

wait you made a deal with the fairy mafia too?

 

Kitty Cheshire

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

not that i remember, no

 

Faybelle Thorn

so whos the italian that added us

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

what did you just call me

MY NAME IS GREEK YOU IDIOT

 

Faybelle Thorn

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

I JUST SEE SOME RANDOM ASS NAME

wait

CUPID?

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

WE WERE LITERALLY PARTNERS IN CLASS ONCE ASSHOLE

 

Faybelle Thorn

🤔

looking for where i cared

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

girl FUCK YOU

 

Faybelle Thorn

FUCK YOU TOO CHARIZARD

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

WHAT??

 

Cerise Hood

i cant tell if im more baffled at chariclo or arganthone

 

Farrah Goodfairy

The fact that Fay immediately thinks it’s the fairy mafia doesn’t baffle you? 😓

 

Faybelle Thorn

farrah drop the grammar or i’m making you a base next cheerhexing practice

 

Farrah Goodfairy

omd fine

 

Darling Charming

faybelle how many times have you contacted the fairy mafia…

 

Faybelle Thorn

idk we’re highkey friends now

they know me by name 😝

 

Ramona Badwolf

not a good thing

 

Faybelle Thorn

oh stfu you probably lead a gay biker gang cult or something

 

Ramona Badwolf

sometimes

wanna join?

 

Poppy O’Hair

this is

the weirdest group of people ever

 

Darling Charming

no yeah

cupid why are we here

i think this is a horrible combination of horrible people

 

Farrah Goodfairy

:((

 

Darling Charming

farrah you know you dont count

 

Farrah Goodfairy

:))

 

Darling Charming

unlike your sold to one reflection mafia obsessed cousin

 

Faybelle Thorn

HEY

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

great question, darling!

i have gathered you all here today

because true heart’s day is upon us!

and i need help to ask blondie out ☺️

 

Ramona Badwolf

?

bitch u are the literal love god

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

bitch i hope justine finds flea in your fur and breaks up with you

 

Ramona Badwolf

WTF

 

Cerise Hood

how can she break up with her when they’re not even together 😭😭

 

Ramona Badwolf

IM WORKING ON IT. 

 

Cerise Hood

bitch how is staring at her working on it

 

Ramona Badwolf

IM WORKING ON IT…

AND YOU CANT TALK

SHES LITERALLY YOUR ROOMMATE AND STILL NOTHING

oh wait

 

Cerise Hood

YEAH YOU CANT USE THAT AGAINST ME BITCH

 

Kitty Cheshire

lol the dogs are barking at each other 😹

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

so ramona and cerise are also hopeless…

kitty! you can help since you’re with lizzie right?

 

Kitty Cheshire

oh

haha

um

gotta bounce!

*disappears*

 

Faybelle Thorn

you did not just write disappears in chat like a fucking roleplayer

 

Kitty Cheshire

WHATEVER mafia ceo x reader

 

Faybelle Thorn

STOPP

I DONT LIKE CEOS GUYS

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

what if the ceo was briar beauty?

 

Faybelle Thorn

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT

 

Farrah Goodfairy

does everyone in this chat love yelling

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

um

because you guys are dating?

 

Faybelle Thorn

WHAT

WHY WOULD I EVER DATE THAT ANNOYING PRINCESS

HAHAHAH WHAT

SHES KINDA CUTE

BUT I WOULD NEVER

 

Poppy O’Hair

not only is she y/n shes also a tsundere

 

Cerise Hood

shes kinda cute but i would never uwu

 

Kitty Cheshire

im not a dere

tsun tsundere

briar i have a jello heart im not that mean ><

 

Faybelle Thorn

STOP WRITING ME INTO WATTPAD

IM CURSING ALL OF YOU

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

well okay

anyways

poppy, farrah you guys are taken right?

 

Poppy O’Hair

no…?

 

Farrah Goodfairy

nope! 😊

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

oh my zeus

BY DUCHESS AND CRYSTAL? NO?

 

Poppy O’Hair

duchess is wayy out of my league are you serious

 

Cerise Hood

are YOU serious

DUCHESS?

 

Poppy O’Hair

hey dont hate on my beautiful princess with a disorder

❤️ react by Kitty Cheshire

 

Ramona Badwolf

garfield you cant react shes not yours

🖕react by Kitty Cheshire

 

Kitty Cheshire

what did you just call me

 

Faybelle Thorn changed Kitty Cheshire’s nickname to garfield!

 

garfield

🙂

 

Farrah Goodfairy

well as for me

im too shy to make a move 😞

crystal is so 🥰

wow!

and im so 😞

 

Faybelle Thorn

crystal’s a bitch

 

Farrah Goodfairy

fay :((

 

Faybelle Thorn

what im trying to make you feel better

 

Ramona Badwolf

faybitch you CANNOT be saying that

 

garfield changed Faybelle Thorn’s nickname to faybitch!

 

faybitch

yeah im a bitch and im proud 😘

 

Darling Charming

im sure briar is proud too

 

faybitch

STOP BRINGING HER UP I DONT LIKE HER

 

Cerise Hood

stop bringing her up i dont like her uwu

 

Poppy O’Hair

yeah and ramona’s finally gonna make a move

 

Ramona Badwolf

ARE WE NOT GONNA SLANDER CERISE?

 

Poppy O’Hair

i like cerise

 

Cerise Hood

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

….

well at least i still have darling

 

Darling Charming

for what

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

you know

since you’re dating apple?

 

Darling Charming

huh

i wasnt aware of that

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

are you serious

 

Ramona Badwolf

arent you like her true love or something

 

Darling Charming

yeah?

 

Poppy O’Hair

and…nothing’s happened?

 

Darling Charming

no?

i actually dont know if she knows

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

im going to kill myself

 

Farrah Goodfairy

and you’re just

okay with that?

 

Darling Charming

as long as shes happy im happy

and i would hate for her to choose me just because of her destiny

she can figure it out at her own pace ☺️

 

garfield

aww how sweet

good for you!

if lizzie calls me her friend one more time im pulling an evil apple white, blocking the well of wonder, and killing everyone

 

Farrah Goodfairy

wouldnt you still have to be friendzoned by lizzie though since wonderlandians arent affected?

 

Poppy O’Hair

farrah i love you

 

Farrah Goodfairy

aww i love you too ^_^

 

garfield

oh

well shit

 

Ramona Badwolf

fucking dumbass

 

garfield

kys

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

so

i contacted all the taken girls

to give me help

and it turns out not only are all of you single

BUT ALL OF YOU SUCK?

 

faybitch

i prefer to swallow

 

Ramona Badwolf

what, briar’s glittery pink strap?

 

faybitch

STOPP BRINGING HER UP 🖕🖕

 

Cerise Hood

stop bringing her up uwu 👉👈

 

Farrah Goodfairy

wouldnt you need to suck first to swallow

 

Darling Charming

cupid let me out

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

no!

you know, i originally made this chat to get me some help

but now i find it in my ‘love goddess’ interest to help you with all your problems now!

 

garfield

i know a problem lizzie could help me with 🤤

 

Poppy O’Hair

what? the friendzoning problem?

 

garfield

i cant even say anything against you because you might make me bald my next haircut

 

Poppy O’Hair

i know

 

Farrah Goodfairy

does a bald kitty look like a sphinx cat

 

Poppy O’Hair

we can try it

@garfield

im here unlock your door

 

garfield

STAY AWAY FROM ME SCISSOR SISTER

 

faybitch changed Poppy O’Hair’s name to scissor sister!

 

garfield

OH MY HEXES MADDIE LET HER IN

 

scissor sister

maddie specifically said

oh i was wondering what kitty would look like bald too!

 

garfield

HELP MEE

SHES COMING TO SCISSOR ME

 

Farrah Goodfairy

i dont think thats how you say it

 

Cerise Hood

the way nobody gaf

 

garfield

FUCK YOU CANT MAKE A MOVE

 

Cerise Hood

FUCK YOU FRIENDZONED

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

ive made the most auraless groupchat ever oh my zeus

the only person saving it is darling

 

Darling Charming

😎

 


 

cupid needs help!

 

Faybelle Thorn

god chariclo’s such an unmoanable name

 

Chariclo Arganthone Cupid

kill yourself