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After that fifteen-hour shift from Hell, Cassie related more to a zombie than a human; she was somehow still around but didn’t feel completely alive anymore. On other days, she would’ve gone straight home, hugged her kid and passed out on her bed, but this week, Harrison was at his dad’s, and she coming home to an empty apartment in this state seemed inappropriate. So instead, she heard that a few doctors and nurses were going to watch the 4th of July’s fireworks on the hospital rooftop and decided to join.
As she waited, she kept mentally checking her breathing and her pulse, as if she didn’t fully believe she was still alive. Cassie had never particularly liked fireworks, but tonight, she felt like she needed to see those pretty, colourful lights; something to give her hope, something alive enough to ground her to Earth again, and make her snap out of it. Then, Victoria Javadi got onto the roof.
“Hi,” Cassie said as she saw her. By the looks of it, Javadi might have had a rougher shift than hers.
“Hey.” But no matter how tired Victoria looked, when she talked to her, there was always a tiny spark that lingered in her eyes. Cassie liked that. “I thought you had left.”
“I know, but I wanted to watch the fireworks tonight,” Cassie said. “Are you okay after today?”
“No,” Victoria said with a chuckle. “You?”
Cassie chuckled too. “Not really, no.”
“I’m gonna get a drink, do you want anything?”
“None for me. Thank you.”
After a minute, Victoria came back with a can of Coke. Something Cassie had noticed about her was that Javadi never seemed to drink alcohol when she had any intention to talk to her. Maybe it had been a coincidence, cause she had seen Victoria grab a beer after a shift with Santos sometimes, but she never did when they were both together. It was a nice detail. Not that Cassie would relapse with just the smell of beer, but if she had to choose, she’d rather stay away from it.
“You did good today,” Cassie told her.
“You always say that,” Javadi replied. “But I almost killed someone earlier.”
“But you didn’t. Take the win.”
Javadi looked at her with a certain depth, then she pulled away. “I hate it when you do that.”
“Do what?” Cassie asked.
“Try to make me feel better,” Javadi said, a tad annoyed. “It’s not fair.”
“Why not? Cause it works?”
“Yes.” She rolled her eyes.
“C’mere,” Cassie said as she laughed and placed her arm around her. Victoria instinctively put her arm around her too, resting her hand on Cassie’s waist, and then, the fireworks started.
This gesture was supposed to be a side hug, one of those informal ones that last half a second, but when that time was over, Cassie stayed still as a statue. To her surprise, Victoria didn’t let go either, probably too distracted by the firework show. As more seconds passed, Cassie’s wave of guilt had turned into a tsunami. All these feelings that she’d been carefully bottling up for weeks sprang back out, leaving her defenceless. On another day, she would’ve freaked the fuck out, but she was so tired of always emotionally holding down the fort that now that they were out in the open, instead of desperately trying to bury them again, she let herself feel them. Then, Cassie pulled Victoria even closer and rested her chin lightly on her head. This was all she needed: a break. A moment of peace, of reconnection with herself, of feeling her existence freely without all those other thoughts and retributions tampering with her mind. She felt Victoria’s warmth on her waist, all around her, and she felt completely present.
On that rooftop, Cassie finally felt alive again, but it wasn’t the fireworks that did it.