Work Text:
So this is what they call
Another endless night
So tired of believing
If this is wrong or right
I think this cause is lost
I wish that I could sleep
I feel like some kind of shadow
Another slave to the week
Imagine if we lived
Under the weather
We would never be found
Never discovered
If everything goes wrong
If it's one more endless
You know there's always tomorrow
-- Alexisonfire, "No Transitory"
Sylar is dead.
It used to repeat like a mantra in his head. There was a time he could not wake up, look himself in the mirror; watch over Molly or go to sleep without thinking it. Those first couple of months after the fight at Kirby Plaza Mohinder could hardly go ten seconds without it slipping into this brain.
The repetition served as a painful reminder of his father, Dale, Zane – so many. There were times when the phrase was an attempt by Mohinder to find solace in the fact that he had survived and so many would be saved. Other times the phrase was a reminder that he did not have to look over his shoulder anymore. Then there were times when the phrase was as simple as it sounded: Sylar is dead. Full stop. In any given day the meaning of the phrase changed as often as the faces of the moon.
While trying not to let it consume him he would go through the motions of a regular day: waking up, showering, waking Molly up, preparing breakfast, making conversation while they ate, visiting Matt Parkman in the hospital while he recovered; and on and on and on. All that time in the hospital watching Molly and Matt play board games that his wife Janice would bring, Mohinder would relive the moment when Hiro stabbed Sylar. They had all seen Sylar fall yet none of them could recall seeing his body disappear down the sewer. But with no sign of Sylar since that time it was assumed he had died. It was easier to believe that than to think – No.
Sylar is dead.
They had all moved on since then, some together, others very much apart. Despite all being connected by that one night they rarely spoke about it.
But that damn mantra.
Mohinder knew that Matt could hear it like a record skipping in his head. He appreciated that Matt never mentioned it. He imagined that the reason Matt kept his mouth shut was so as not to upset Molly and her new living arrangements. But just because they never spoke about it did not mean it did not hang heavy in the air.
Sylar is dead.
As the daily routine became routine, as time passed without incident, the mantra downgraded to an aching thought at the back of Mohinder's mind. It was still the first thought that greeted him in the morning and the final thought that occurred before he drifted off to a restless sleep but it was nowhere near as persistent as it had once been.
There came a time when Mohinder was finally ready to continue what he had started. He pulled out all the research he had collected and began working on the list. With Molly enrolled at school the two of them began to move forward with their lives. Matt would visit constantly to check up on Molly and she looked forward to the weekends the three of them would spend together because there was the illusion of normalcy; something they all desperately needed. Although initially connected by their self-assigned job to protect Molly a friendship began to grow between Mohinder and Matt. Both understood the seriousness of the threats they all still faced, both external (those who would seek out Molly for their own sick purposes) and internal (the mysterious virus that took up home in Molly's body and was only "cured" by Mohinder's blood). It was something that was hard to explain to outsiders.
The growing closeness of the three came at the expense of Matt's marriage. To be fair there were other issues of concern that had been raised between Matt and Janice and by the time Janice left him he had already, essentially, become a roommate of Mohinder and Molly. As bad as Mohinder felt for Matt he was happy for the company and the help with Molly. He and Matt did their best to provide as stable a home as possible for the young girl. For Molly it was like having two overprotective older brothers. As much as she jokingly complained, she loved it.
On the surface everything appeared quite normal: Mohinder doing his research, Matt going back into law enforcement and Molly going to school. But late at night the reminder came regularly that life was anything but normal. Nightmares of an indescribable evil plagued Molly's nights. Matt and Mohinder did their best to comfort her but they both knew it was just a band-aid solution. In any case how could Mohinder admit that just as Molly was haunted by a new unknown boogieman he, himself, was haunted by the old one.
Sylar is dead.
And then Noah Bennett had reappeared from off of the grid with an idea so audacious Mohinder could not have said no even if he had wanted to; bringing down the Company which was responsible for the mess all their lives had become. With the new plan in place thoughts of Sylar settled into the dusty recesses of Mohinder's mind. Never forgotten it was no longer his first waking thought.
For the first time in a long time Mohinder felt free.
Sylar is dead.
Over the span of months Mohinder travels the world putting in place Bennett's plan to help him infiltrate the Company. Mohinder is focused and unfazed. He has turned over a new leaf. But no one can outrun the past. It always manages to be right behind.
It is the first time in ages that Mohinder is permanently in New York City. He is able to use the research facilities at the university to further his work; all funded by the Company of course. Everything is falling into place. Molly is ecstatic to have him back and stays by his side as much as possible; Matt is still basking in the glow of his recent job promotion. This should all be a new start, a new beginning. Yet there is this nagging feeling at the back of Mohinder's mind.
Sylar is…dead?
There have been instances when Mohinder is certain he has caught a glimpse of Sylar in the midst of a crowd. Mohinder thinks he must be losing his mind or else being back in New York is bringing up painful memories. Across the street when he is walking Molly to school, behind a building pillar, on the same subway train, the instances are becoming more frequent.
Against his better judgment he is tempted to ask Molly to try to find Sylar. They had tried it a few times after Kirby Plaza just to make sure however Molly was never able to get a definitive reading. But now…how can he ask her to do such a thing? To look for the man who killed her parents and his father. He cannot do this to her. So he begins to suffer in silence.
Sylar is…?
One evening as Mohinder stares off while helping Matt prepare dinner the tension of too many secrets is finally broken. Matt, making sure that Molly is in her room first, finally says what they have both been avoiding.
"You've been thinking about him a lot lately."
It is the first time that Matt has ever mentioned knowing that Sylar is on Mohinder's mind. Mohinder's first reaction is to lie (even though he knows Matt can read his mind) but when he sees the concern on the face of his friend the only words he knows to speak are the truth.
"I don't know if being back here is suddenly bringing up bad memories but I keep feeling like I'm seeing him…following me."
A look of worry takes over Matt's face as he asks, "Do you think he could be alive?"
Mohinder looks him straight in the eye and answers with a resigned, "Maybe."
"Do you want me to look for him?"
Mohinder and Matt whip their heads around at the sound of Molly's voice. She is standing next to the table listening to them. With strength beyond her years she looks at Mohinder and says, "If you want me to I'll do it. "
Matt looks at Mohinder and indicates it is his decision to make. Mohinder walks towards Molly and kneels down in front of her. He reaches out to take her hand and quietly says, "One last time." She nods her head and walks to her room to get a push pin and a map of New York.
Once she returns they all sit at the table, Matt and Mohinder watching her carefully. As Molly closes her eyes and thinks about the man who destroyed her family with no remorse her hand scans back and forth across the face of the map. Suddenly she stops and pushes the pin down. As they stare at the location of the pin Matt raises a hand to his mouth in disbelief. Mohinder sits back in his chair as a flood of emotions runs through his body all at once.
The pin sits on an intersection one block away from the apartment.
Sylar is alive.