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It's a miracle she even managed to step inside their apartment, all things considered. It rings too much of home here, smells too domestic. There's a melted Castelia Cone on the table, the TV is still making weird clicking noises, and their bath towels are still soggy from the morning's showers. It's too normal, and it feels like an injustice, the fact that everything has stayed the same even when everything has changed.
She isn't sure whether to laugh or cry when she finds Hilbert sleeping on their bed like nothing's changed, his shirt and pants in a crumpled pile in the corner, his face as gentle as it can get. He's sleeping like a cherub, angel that he is.
Of course everything's the same. Nothing's changed for him, of course. He's been alive for thousands of years and will continue to be, while Hilda's the naive human that thought an angel could love her. He gave her a small red umbrella the first time they met, let himself get drenched in the rain, but she was the one who fell in love with him just for that. She was the one who didn't even realize that angels don't even feel cold, that he liked to get wet because it highlighted his physique, that to him the umbrella would be just as inconsequential as she was to him.
It's funny how faces work. He looks so carefree, so vibrant in the day, but his sleeping face embodies an angel the most. They were cold, solemn creatures, beasts that could love but not like a human. Jaw-locked, but still softly beautiful like a dull-lit sky, lies Hilbert. It's a curse, it must be, that she'd have to fall in love with him. She takes a few stuttering steps, plopping down on a chair that still has her pajamas thrown over them. Her lips move on their own accord, spouting out words that Hilda isn't even sure she fully understands.
"Did you know that Cheren flew down to me today and told me that you're getting angel-married in a week?"
There's no response from the sleeping man. It's almost amazing how angels don't need to breathe. There's no rumbling deep inside the throat in every exhale, no chest moving up and down. A flawed human- that's what Hilda thinks. She'd never say it out loud to Hilbert, because it's obvious that he's superior to her in every way- but deep inside, angels fit just in the realm of Uncanny Valley. They're so...cold. Humans are imperfect, but angels are imperfect humans, prototypes designed to save everything and grant wishes.
Serves her right to fall in love with an angel.
"You weren't planning on telling me, were you? You would just...go off to marry them? And leave me behind. Or you could've chosen to stay behind, but I bet you would've never let me know about what you've done. It's like...you don't trust me. If...if I'm telling the truth, it's like-"
Her breath hitches.
"Like...you never...never."
But no, that's not right. Hilbert's eyes must have twinkled once for the love that he's searching all of time and space for, for the companions that he loves enough in heaven to marry, for whatever purpose he lives for. Hilbert must have love and affection because there's no way someone as beautiful as him could live in such an unfeeling world.
Hilbert's eyes must twinkle somehow. They just don't twinkle for Hilda. And that's all right. She knows it's alright.
It's just that words are so hard to stop.
"...That's kinda fucked up, not gonna lie. Imagine my surprise when all the friends you've been introducing me to- if that's even the word, since the only thing they do is come down here to harass you into going back- are actually engaged to you. Like some sorta giant harem, except you all belong to one another."
A deep breath, and these next words are ones she's conscious of.
"Did...did you even ever love me? Could you? Do. Do you even possess the ability to? You angels with your supernatural powers of time and healing and whatever are so damn lofty in your perches that you...you're inhuman! It's like loving a flawed machine!"
She flings both of her hands over her mouth. The words settle uncomfortably onto the carpet. She watches Hilbert's body closely, hoping to whatever entity that sent Hilbert down here that he wouldn't wake up. He doesn't stir. And there, feeling the cold tingle of city smog that lingers even inside homes, she takes a deeper look at him. Sees his perfect face, with no large pores or blemishes or even a dimple or freckle and wonders: do angels love the way humans do?
But they do. That angel Hilbert loves, the one that he followed here, the one that pushed him away yet still has his love- he loves her. The one who escaped to earth, the one that Hilbert even Fell for. She's out there somewhere, he believes, according to what Cheren says.
"And...you were never going to tell me about her, right? That angel that left Heaven with a huge middle finger to everyone, especially you. You...you were never going to tell me that you still loved her. Were you?"
She commits his sleeping face to her memory: the downwards tilt of his lip, his cotton-soft hair and artificial Castelia lights mingling together in wisps around his face. Hilda leans down, almost brushes away the strands falling over his long eyelashes- but then stops herself, exhaling softly. She is close enough to see the tiny slit open between his eyelids, can see how Hilbert's eyes bore right into hers even with so little effort.
He's awake.
And maybe the thing that compounds it all, the thing that finally makes her burst out what hurts her the most, is the fact that he's just able to listen to all of this without any reaction.
The thing is, Hilbert's been plenty nice. Overly nice. The sweetest guy around. And that's the thing- if Hilbert really is in love with this mysterious woman he's been chasing all of millennia for, then not even Hilda can fool herself.
She closes her eyes to try to shut in the tears, tilts her chin slightly down, and turns her head a little to the side.
"For what it's worth, I think you loved me as much as you could, for an angel in love with another."
And the fact that she really believes this is the thing that hurts the most. Because it's the sheer fact that he does love her, that he's loved her more than anyone has ever expected, because he simply does not have the capacity for another in his heart. His beautiful heart, the one that donates money to homeless shelters and saves every bug and tries to save every person he passes, simply can't love her. And he's already pushed it past its limit by loving her just a little.
She feels his presence more than anything else. The back of her eyelids turn slightly darker. When she opens them, he is blurry, but Hilbert is standing in front of the dimly lit window, staring at her.
This is it, then.
It's the end.
"-What do you want, then?" Hilbert's voice cuts through her tears, their sharpness startling her to stop. Emotions obscure everything, and for a moment, Hilda wonders if his voice has always been this cold and she's just been disillusioned. She can't think much right now. There's this irrational wish in her, that if she had to have a choice, she never would've loved at all. She'd never have to suffer from loving an angel, never have to hurt from something like this.
But somehow, she feels as if by wishing for it, she'd lose something precious and integral to her.
She closes her eyes again, and takes a deep breath. Cracks a small smile, although she's sure that it's a sad one.
"I'd. I'd like for you to turn back time. Erase my memories of the time we've had together. And I want you to...to keep them, if that's alright with you. It's...really selfish, I know, but it's...my last wish from you."
The room remains silent and unmoving for a while, the occasional flicker in lights bringing the only change in the room.
Then, slowly, Hilbert nods.
Suddenly, although she can't see those incorporeal things, she can feel his wings surround her, can feel him start to do her command.
"Wait!"
The process has already started, and Hilda can feel the most recent memories of her life start to peel away like dead skin, but there's a sudden, irrevocable need to wish for Hilbert's happiness.
"Hilbert!"
Hilbert furrows his eyebrows. The act is so familiar that for the last seconds of this Hilda's life that she's overcome with despair. It's so human. So unangel-like. He's...still her Hilbert.
"Hilbert! J-Just promise me! Go find her! And when you find her, share that umbrella with her, okay? And be happy! If there's anything in the world I want, it's for you to be happy! I love-"
"...Here. Have this umbrella."
She looks up from her wet spot on the sidewalk, sees the shoes of a man turn into legs and then a torso and then- the most beautiful face she's ever seen. The man is getting drenched. He wears a dumb hat that looks like a Pokéball and a blue jean jacket that would look dumb on everyone else. They're in the streets of Castelia City, the rest of the world jostling them and grumbling about life in general.
She looks around, and then points to herself.
"You mean me?"
The man nods.
She smiles awkwardly. She's never been good at getting along with people, and certainly doesn't know how to talk to handsome strangers that look like angels. She's suddenly conscious of how her own shorts are too short for the weather, and how her jean jacket doesn't cover her arms. She should be so cold. But she isn't. And that's when she realizes that the man is drenched because he's holding it over her. Holding it over her! As if this were some stupid dramatic love story in the making.
"Oh! Uh, thank you!"
The man nods again. She wonders if she should get up. Her legs don't bother to consult the mind, so when her mind finally catches up to her legs, she's awkwardly half-standing in midair, both legs in the position of getting up while her torso is already elevated to make ease for getting up. Oh god, this is embarrassing. She grimaces and looks at the man, who seems relatively unaffected by her display of awkwardness.
She decides to fully stand up, hitting her head on the umbrella by accident.
She hears a small, deep noise. The man's lips are curled slightly up, and his eyes have softened somewhat. The noise was probably a small chuckle from him. In the back of her mind, she wonders if it's possible to fall in love at first sight.
"...ame?"
"Uh, sorry what? I couldn't hear."
"...ame?"
"Uh, oh my god I'm sorry, I just have really bad hearing-"
The man stares at her for a little, and then, unexpectedly, full-on smiles. Somehow, that makes her concentrate on his next words even more.
"I asked you what your name was. Mine's Hilbert, by the way."
The unknowing-angel-turned-human flashes her most brilliant smile back, having fallen in love, and wonders if this is the start of something new.
"Nice to meet you, Hilbert. My name's-