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“I don’t get why I have to go to school!”
“Jin Ling you’re 6 years old all you do is draw and learn whatever the ffffffffudge one plus one is. Now get out of the car and get into the school before I break your legs.”
Jiang Cheng looked at himself in the rearview mirror, his pale face with bags under his eyes from dealing with both Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling. Worst part? Jin Ling was easier to take care of. Unfortunately enough, Jiang Cheng had seemed to think out loud as Wei Wuxian, who heard his name, perked up while sitting on Lan Wangji’s fuckass lap with their limbs entangled and finally got his eyes off of that damn phone.
“I’m not that bad, rriigghhttt..?” He asked Lan Wangji, who replied with his usual “Mn.”
Too tired to answer, Jiang Cheng had exited the currently parked car and opened the door to get Jin Ling out of his seat. However, the former seemed unhappy as he had looked the other way with a pout, crossing his arms. In a way, it was endearing but Jiang Cheng knew better than to be swayed by a grumpy 6 year old with the manipulation tactics of a mastermind to vulnerable adults who didn’t know what Jin Ling’s really like (unfortunately Jiang Cheng has very much fell into one of his traps before and regretted it. Hard.) Unbuckling Jin Ling’s seatbelt, Jiang Cheng lifted the pouting little monster out of the car and dove further into the back to reach for his bag. Closing the car door, Jiang Cheng glanced down to see that his nephew had planted himself onto the floor, arms still crossed as if he was being bullied at school or whatever reason he would come up with (we ALL know he would be the bully).
“Are you asking for a beating?” Jiang Cheng asked, although his voice didn’t have any real bite to it. He received a small “hmph” in response, which was accompanied by fatass tears.
Internally panicking, Jiang Cheng had stood there in awkward silence for a moment before he decided to scoop up his nephew with a sigh. Luckily enough, it seemed to be effective enough for the tears to stop flowing, but there was still some sniffling. Looking at the mess in his hands, Jiang Cheng whispered in his ear a false promise that he knew would coax Jin Ling to stop whining.
“I’ll get you a dog if you stop making a fuss, alright?”
Like magic, Jin Ling had suddenly became very enthusiastic about going to school and started squirming in Jiang Cheng’s arms to get out. Picking up his bag from the floor, Jin Ling happily skipped his way to the entrance of the school.
So much for some rest.. Jiang Cheng thought, slowly making his way back into the car. He was ready to send his disappointment of a brother and his husband back to their home and return to his own home to be greeted by his ethereal, beautiful, stunning, majestic, dead-wife-in-a-move, amazing husband. However, he hadn’t even opened his car door yet when he was yelled at by the most abhorrent voice he had ever heard, which was impressive considering that he was brothers with Wei Wuxian. Ready to crucify someone, Jiang Cheng looked up to see a random lady marching her way towards him, her face having a deep frown on it.
“You’ve stopped here for way too long! It’s holding up all the other cars!”
Ready to apologize, Jiang Cheng looked behind him only to realise that there was one other car behind her. Although he’d usually start a fight (and win of course), he was way too tired for this shit and had opened his car door. However, before he could get into the car, Jiang Cheng’s car door was slammed shut by the woman, who had a botched haircut once she was looked at from up close.
Kill me.
Jiang Cheng wasn’t even processing what the old hag was talking about before he had seen her collapse.
Nanny couldn’t even yell before collapsing from that damn blood pressure (haha couldn’t relate #bloodpressurelowerthanmygrades!)
Before he could even touch the car door handle, Lan Wangji was already in the driver’s seat. Rolling down the window very slowly, he glared (or just looked, Jiang Cheng couldn’t tell the difference anyway) at Jiang Cheng as if he had just told him that he genuinely despised Wei Wuxian.
“The ill and frail must not handle a dangerous vehicle, such as this one.”
Before he could refute, Jiang Cheng saw the back door of the car open. Wei Wuxian quite literally dragged him inside and started singing Shakira as if he wasn’t tone deaf as shit. Fortunately, the drive wasn’t too dreadful and Jiang Cheng was able to make it back to his apartment without any crashes. Waving goodbye to the couple, Jiang Cheng entered the complex, ready to get the most out of his nap.
———
“Honey I love you but you look like shit.”
Lan Xichen had never seen Jiang Cheng look so glad to be home. His husband collapsed onto the sofa (shoes off, duh) and muttered “Don’t wake me up until 3..” before falling into a sleep that not even Wei Wuxian could interrupt.
———
Jiang Cheng jolted awake as he felt his phone vibrate beside him. Blearily, he picked it up to see that it was the school administration. With a bad feeling in his gut, Jiang Cheng clicked accept with a sigh.
“Hi Mr Cheng! We were just calling to see if you could come to the school as Jin Ling has said some..profanities towards his peers and teachers.”
That 6 year old did what now.
“Alright. I’ll be there in 10-ish minutes.”
Without giving the woman a chance to reply, Jiang Cheng hit the hang up button and proceeded to scream into the closest pillow near him. Jiang Cheng forced himself to leave the lush, soft cloud that was his sofa and rolled over to fall onto the ground. Hearing the commotion, Lan Xichen walked out of their bedroom only to see his husband face down on the floor groaning louder than Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji every night.
“Wan-“
“Not. A. Word.”
Pushing himself off of the hard wooden floor with a grunt, Jiang Cheng managed to stand up and make his way to that damned school again.
——
Jiang Cheng pushed the door open to see Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, and the culprit of it all (little Jin Ling). Sitting at the chair in front of them with her arms crossed was the principal, who looked like she was barely holding in her laughter. Silently taking a seat beside Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng spoke up.
“What did he do? Another tantrum?”
“Nope.”
“Manipulation?”
“Nah.”
“Sneaking dogs in?”
“Nuh u- Wait what?!”
Jiang Cheng sighed as he thought of anything he got into trouble for as a kid, considering that his nephew somehow took after him despite being a one-to-one replica of that annoying peacock. He snapped out of his thoughts when the principal cleared her throat.
“Jin Ling was reported to have said to ‘unleash torments’ of insults to everyone in his classroom, including the staff members.”
Oh God.
Jiang Cheng shot a glare at Wei Wuxian, who only innocently shrugged as if to say “ain’t my fault!”
“Some of the things he said was “Don’t say that shit to me when you look like your parents divorced because of you” and also profanities, and excuse me for saying this. such as “Bitchass hoe talking to me like you don’t play with gen TWO My Little Pony dolls” and more.”
Jin Ling shrunk into his seat with each word the principal said while Jiang Cheng only got more red. Wei Wuxian seemed strangely happy until he looked over at Jiang Cheng, who looked like he was gonna break Jin Ling’s bones for real this time.
Wei Wuxian being the man he is, raised his hand and decided to be a responsible adult for once in his life.
“Sooo I might have taught Jin Ling some thing-“
“What.”
“Nothing! Just that he should stand up for himself!….And also to beat up people while he gets the chance as a kid..”
“Wei Ying.”
Looking to his right, Wei Wuxian was expecting a disappointed look from Lan Wangji, but was instead greeted with one that was more supportive. Confidently looking to his left, he was greeted with a look from his brother that was to put the least, not as supportive as his Lan Zhan had been. Looking down at Jin Ling, he was greeted with baby tears and a pout.
“..Right. Did you also happen to teach him what the word ‘Hoe’ meant..?”
Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but let out a snort as he heard the principal’s words, which rewarded him with another deathly glare from Jiang Cheng, who looked like he almost had steam coming out of his ears.
“..Anyway I think it's best that Jin Ling is taken home with you guys for the day as we have received the complaints of many teachers.”
Jiang Cheng breathed a sigh before carefully choosing his words to prevent himself from unleashing hell in front of his nephew.
“Thank you. We’ll bring him home and discipline him. Isn’t that right, Wei Wuxian?”
Wei Wuxian, who was seemingly covered from head to toe in sweat, looked over to Jiang Cheng and stiffly nodded, trying his best to stop himself from saying something that Lan Qiren would beat the shit out of him for.
“Alrighty then! You lot can go cause I wanna play Tomodachi Life!”
———
“Jin Ling. Wei Wuxian”
Jiang Cheng got into the driver’s seat and slammed the door closed. Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling in the back seat (Lan Wangji sat at the front to watch the drama unfold) both shrunk in their seats out of guilt.
“First of all, Jin Ling, what the HELL possessed you to listen to your unc-“
“Uncle Wei told me that the kids would see me as their leader!”
“WELL UNCLE WEI WAS IN JUVENILE PRISON FOR 3 YEARS FOR ATTEMPTED TREASON,FRAUD, AND MURDER. THE ONLY DAMN REASON HE GOT OUT WAS CAUSE LAN WANGJI BAILED HIM OUT.”
“B-“
“No buts. Just no. When we get home I’m telling your mother and banning you from Fairy for a month.”
Jin Ling burst out into elephant tears hearing that he would have to be separated from his beloved companion, but alas, he got what he deserved for insulting poor Mr Yao. Jiang Cheng waited in silence for Jin Ling to get (eventually) tired of pretending to cry for pity. When he stopped, Jin Ling let out a disappointed sigh and pulled out a plastic ziplock baggie that had what seemed to be hair in it. Too much hair.
“Well, guess I won’t be needing this anymore..”
“Jin Ling. What is that. Whose hair is that.” Wei Wuxian asked with widened eyes, which was concerning considering that it was Wei Wuxian who was scared over a plastic bag with hair in it.
“The patch of hair I yanked off that one girl because she told me she had lice? Duh? Just like you told me!”
“YOU TOLD HIM WHAT.”
“Jin Ling, I said to fix the issue not use violence?!?”
“Tomayto Tomahto, I still fixed the issue!” Jin Ling shrugged, talking as if he didn’t make his classmate’s scalp bleed.
“Jesus fuck. Wei Wuxian, no Lan Wangji for TWO months.” Jiang Cheng yelled, knowing damn well they wouldn’t last a day without each other.
“You’re gonna want to kill me after I say this…” Wei Wuxian sheepishly mumbled, somehow sweating more than he already was.
———
“And what did he do?”
“A-Huan he fucking blew up our bathroom. Not even in the metaphorical sense, our bathroom is now ash and rocks.”
Lan Xichen looked over at the now destroyed bathroom, sighing as he gripped onto his 3rd mug of coffee.
“Well, at least it wasn’t like last time..”
Jiang Cheng wasn’t even able to open his mouth to reply before he was interrupted by one of the loudest sounds he had ever heard. Looking behind him, Jiang Cheng had realised his and Lan Xichen’s balcony was fucking gone. Not destroyed, but dissipated. Picking up his phone, Jiang Cheng called Wei Wuxian, who suspiciously picked up quickly.
“Didi! Have you decided to finally forgive m-“
“You owe me at least 20k by the end of this fucking month Wei Wu-fucking-Xian or im gonna crucify both you and your emotionally stunted boyfriend.”