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The statement dropped two days before the concert.
We would like to share an update regarding NMIXX member Sullyoon's participation in the upcoming Singapore Concert
Following the examination, medical staff advised that she should avoid strenuous movements, including intense choreography, and focus on her recovery for the time being.
Driven by her strong desire to perform and keep her promise to the fans, Sullyoon has decided to participate in the concert. However, she will be performing while seated on stage.
We kindly ask for your understanding. Prioritizing the artist's health and safety above all else, we will continue to provide Sullyoon with the best possible support so that she can focus on her treatment and recovery.
Thank you.
It felt like a gunshot to Yoona. The statement solidified the fact that she couldn’t give her best performance for the fans. She knew it was for the best. The ache from her lower back was a constant reminder that her body needed rest.
She logically knew that it wasn’t her fault, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the feeling of guilt that filled her. No matter how many Bubble messages she read wishing her a quick recovery, or caring texts from her members, the feeling remained.
It kept her up at night. She knew she needed to sleep to make sure she could perform as best as possible in her current physical state, but all she could do was lie in her dorm staring at the ceiling. The silence of the room made the dull throbbing in her back even more noticeable.
She remained in that silence for who knows how long until she eventually fell into a dreamless sleep. Her restless mind finally let her fall into slumber.
*****
Yoona woke up the following day exhausted. Despite that, she put one foot in front of the other, getting ready to head to the airport. She suppressed the ever present pain in her back, prepared to put on her best face for the fans.
She walked out of her room, one hand reaching behind her to place light pressure on her lower back in a fruitless effort to soothe the ache. As she headed to the bathroom, she didn’t notice Jinsol’s gaze staring directly at her in concern.
That gaze would remain for the rest of the morning. As Haewon made her rounds making sure that everyone was up, and as all the members shifted around the shared living space, Jinsol continued to watch her.
One would think that Yoona would notice it at some point, but she was, unfortunately, lost in her own mind, trying her best to put on the visage of someone who was completely fine. She continued to move on autopilot, even as they all piled inside of the van that would take them to the airport.
The ride was uneventful, with everyone still not fully awake. The silence of the vehicle was only intermittently interrupted by idle chatter about plans for the trip. Yoona didn’t really pay the talk much mind. Sitting in the back seat, she simply stared out the window as the city streets flew by, her eyes not really registering what she was seeing.
As they exited the van, she smiled for the cameras of the fans who were waiting to see them at the entrance. She portrayed the image of the perfect idol, walking gracefully into the airport, and saying thank you to the fans wishing that she felt better.
She managed to make it all the way to customs without shattering. Once they got through security, she collapsed into a seat by their gate letting out a deep sigh that left her members even more worried than they were before.
Yoona, still blind to the attention, didn't question it when Kyujin and Jiwoo animatedly asked if she wanted any of their snacks, or when Haewon and Lily asked if she wanted anything from any of the airport shops.
However, there was one person who gave Yoona some pause. When she lifted her gaze from her feet she was met with Jinsol sitting across from her. Completely silent, staring directly at her. Yoona’s brain took a break from its introspection for a moment to question what was happening.
This was definitely not normal behavior.
Usually, by now, Jinsol would be energetically bombarding Yoona with random questions about whatever topic her overactive brain could think of. This change in behavior was almost disconcerting. It didn’t help that it seemed to Yoona as if Jinsol’s eyes could see right through her.
Noticing Yoona’s attention, Jinsol gave a faint smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Yoona brushed it off, deciding that she needed to focus on mentally preparing herself for the flight ahead.
*****
Yoona went back on autopilot until the boarding started and their manager herded the members towards their seats. When Yoona arrived at her assigned seat, she was met by a surprise. Jinsol was already sitting in the seat next to hers. She vaguely remembered the seating arrangements being different when she was told about them a week ago. She ignored her slight confusion, sitting down into her seat with another deep sigh.
By the time the flight attendants were doing their regular pre-flight safety demonstrations, Yoona managed to get somewhat comfortable. To her surprise, her lower back pain dulled to a slight ache. That is, as long as she remained completely still, which didn’t seem too difficult in theory.
However, that instantly changed once the plane started taking off. The liftoff was rough, causing Yoona to scrunch up her face and grip her armrest tightly. Fortunately, once they got in the air and reached cruising altitude, the pain calmed down again.
Yoona wasn’t exactly comfortable as she kept her body completely stiff. Despite that fact, the exhaustion from her restless night quickly caught up with her as she began to fall asleep, hoping the six hour flight would fly by quickly.
*****
Yoona’s slumber was unfortunately interrupted a bit over half way through the flight by an announcement over the intercom. She was a bit sore from the stiffness in her body and her mind still wasn’t fully awake, but she managed to make out the word turbulence.
That woke her up immediately, realizing the implications of what was about to happen. She tried bracing herself, but nothing could prepare her for what was to come. The cabin shook with no rhyme or reason, causing a burning pain starting to grow in her back.
She tried to hold it in, to fight through it. She quickly realized she wasn’t going to last long like this as she tried to hold back her tears. Her hands gripped her armrests tightly, hoping the shaking would end.
She suddenly felt a warmth on her right hand that shattered the tension she was holding within. Slowly turning her head, she was met with Jinsol’s caring eyes. Yoona let out a slight whimper as the plane shook again.
Jinsol, noticing Yoona’s discomfort, delicately interlaced her fingers with Yoona's, giving her hand a solid, grounding grip. As the remaining tension started to leave Yoona’s body, it was replaced with an all encompassing warmth. It wasn’t uncomfortable, in fact she started to feel the pain slightly fade away.
Yoona felt herself start to calm down, but the temporary peace was broken by another sudden shake. She let out another involuntary whimper that could barely be heard beyond the ambient noise of the engine. Jinsol took action immediately, lifting the arm rest between them and sliding closer.
Careful to not cause Yoona any pain, Jinsol carefully wrapped one arm around Yoona’s shoulder and brought their bodies together. The plane was still shaking, but Jinsol’s hold provided a level of stability that Yoona wasn’t aware the energetic girl was capable of.
As Yoona marveled at her receding pain, Jinsol moved her head until it was resting on Yoona’s shoulder. Yoona held in a sob at the gentle care she was being treated with. The surrounding environment seemed to disappear. The only turbulence that mattered was the whirlwind of thoughts running through her head. They were silenced by a single soft voice.
“Don’t worry. I got you,” Jinsol said, nuzzling her head into Yoona’s neck.
That’s how they remained for the rest of the flight, bodies interlocked, finding comfort in each other's arms.
*****
They arrived at the venue the following day. It was a standard theatre, nothing too out of the ordinary from where they’ve performed before. However, there was one notable difference. Off to the side of the stage was a single black chair.
Yoona walked up to it, realizing this would be where she’d be for the concert. She let out a defeated sigh and took a seat.
The pre-concert rehearsal wasn’t anything special. Over their three years as a group, they had solidified a specific routine, running through some of the songs as Haewon and Kyujin guided them through different choreos.
Off to the side, Yoona sat. Overall, she wasn’t that far away, but she felt like there was a big divide between her and the rest of the group. As they practiced stage blocking and formations, all Yoona could do was watch.
When they did microphone checks, she got to participate a little at least. They ran through a few songs from the setlist, which made her feel a bit better. However, once they were done, she couldn’t help the growing feeling of isolation.
*****
By the time the concert was about to start, the crowd was filled with energy and excitement. The lights dimmed and the members walked out onto the stage together, getting into position. As the intro instrumental started, Yoona walked off to the side to her spot and sat down.
The contrast left a bit of sadness in Yoona’s heart, but it was immediately quieted by the cheers from the audience. Yoona smiled at the positive energy as she sang along with the other members.
Throughout the concert, her negative feelings seemed to drift away. She had trouble staying still in her seat, often following choreos with her hands. There was still a slight feeling of guilt about not being able to perform normally with the rest of the group, but at least she got to perform at all.
Maybe that was enough.
She still couldn’t quite suppress the sinking feeling she felt as she saw the other members performing. The emptiness within was slightly sated whenever they had talking segments where she’d stand with the rest of the members. She also joined them during songs that didn’t have dedicated choreo.
Yoona thought she hid her feelings pretty well. There was however a single person that saw through the veneer of normalcy.
That person was Bae Jinsol.
Despite Yoona’s smile and the surprising amount of energy being displayed for someone sequestered to a chair, Jinsol could tell there was something bothering her. She decided she was going to do something about it.
Yoona noticed the attention pretty quickly. Mostly because Jinsol’s smile was almost blinding as she approached her in the chair. If Yoona wasn’t feeling well, then Jinsol was about to do what she did best. Overwhelm people with positive energy.
Throughout the concert, she made it her personal mission to interact with Yoona in any way she possibly could. During songs with easier choreo, she’d go over and give Yoona a quick shoulder hug, or run around her chair a few times.
Her antics weren’t just limited to songs without complex choreo. She also made sure to look for any opening she could find. One specific instance was during PAXXWORD, when she sang “right now I’m logging into you,” directly towards Yoona with a big smile.
Yoona couldn’t help but smile right back.
*****
By the time the concert was reaching its end, they quickly went backstage to change into their tour merch as the chants of encore filled their ears. They reentered the stage to cheers and applause and began to sing Adore U.
They all walked around the stage happily, waving to fans and making hearts with them. As they returned to the center of the stage midway through the song. Jinsol saw another opportunity.
Keep round and round
Jinsol, the puppy that she is, started running circles around Yoona with a giant smile, trying to make her laugh. Yoona felt an unbelievable feeling of gratitude fill her at Jinsol’s antics, with any residual negative feelings briefly leaving her completely. The pain in her lower back seemed to fade away alongside those thoughts.
Not knowing how to respond to this feeling, Yoona’s body acted without really thinking. She reached her hand out, blocking Jinsol’s path and pulling her into a hug. Yoona pulled Jinsol in tight, resting her chin on the taller girl's shoulder.
Jinsol responded immediately, her arms wrapping around Yoona gently, careful to not place her hands anywhere that would cause any pain. Yoona felt an overpowering warmth at the care Jinsol showed though such a simple action and said the only thing she felt she could.
“Thank you.”
It was at that moment that neither of them could hold back anymore. Simultaneously, the two girls let tears fall down their faces as they held each other close. The music seemed to surround them as they laid their emotions bare. Their surroundings seemed to disappear as time lost all meaning.
After a long moment in each other's arms, they wiped away their tears, pulling back slightly and facing away from the audience. Yoona remained close, keeping one hand on Jinsol’s shoulder as she sang her next line.
If I could show you my heart. You’d see how much I adore ya.
Jinsol looked back at Yoona, staring into her eyes and flashing a smile brighter than Yoona had ever seen before.
*****
Following the encore, all the members lined up for their final messages. Yoona had something prepared beforehand, but once it got to her, she couldn’t hide the emotions she’d been suppressing throughout the entire concert.
“I’m so sorry, I really really wanted to perform today,” She said, unable to stop the tears that started to flow.
She covered her face with her hands as Kyujin quickly walked over with a tissue, helping Yoona dry her face. Following her emotional confession, she was met with chants from the audience.
“It’s okay!”
“We’re happy to see you!”
“It’s not your fault!”
“You did great!”
Lily interjected. “NSWERs all want you to feel better.”
Once Yoona managed to dry her tears, she looked back at the audience and made one last declaration. “I’ll get better as soon as possible!”
She was met with cheers that filled the hole that had formed inside her. The other members proceeded with their final statements. After everyone finished, all the members came together around Yoona into a group hug.
She’s not sure she’s felt this loved before.
*****
Later that night, they all returned to their hotel rooms. On this occasion, each member had their own. After entering her room, Jinsol immediately started getting ready for bed, feeling the pleasant ache that came with performing.
As she was about to go to bed she was interrupted by a soft knock at her door. She was a bit surprised by the sound at such a late hour but quickly went to see who it was. Looking through the peephole, she was met by Yoona standing alone.
Jinsol quickly opened the door. They looked at each other for a moment. Both were in their pajamas. Both had removed their makeup. Both of them looked unbelievably soft.
Without saying a word, Jinsol stepped aside, welcoming Yoona in with a smile. After Yoona walked in, Jinsol continued to stand in silence. Despite the unexpected visit, the quiet was surprisingly comfortable.
“How are you feeling?” Jinsol asked softly, trying not to shatter the comfortable bubble that surrounded them.
Yoona looked at Jinsol in the eyes for a moment, her brain trying to find the right words.
“Thank you.”
Jinsol looked back inquisitively. “Thank you for what?”
“For being there,” Yoona responded softly.
“You don’t need to thank me for that.” Jinsol said, a small smile forming on her face.
“I do though…” Yoona said quietly. “Ever since the start of my injury… I’ve felt completely useless.”
“You’re not u…” Jinsol tried to interject, but Yoona raised her hand, interrupting her.
“Despite standing alongside all of you, I felt miles away. Like I was all alone,” Yoona continued. “But every time I felt like that feeling was going to swallow me whole, you were there. Your smile was enough for me to feel like I truly belonged.”
Yoona paused for a moment before continuing. “So I’ll say it again. Thank you”
Jinsol immediately moved forward, pulling Yoona into a hug. “There’s nothing I’d rather be doing.”
Once again, tears started to fall from Yoona’s eyes, but this time she didn’t hold them back. She let them flow in a constant current as Jinsol gently ran her hand against her back.
“NMIXX wouldn't be the same without you,” Jinsol said, continuing her soft ministrations.
Yoona buried her face into Jinsol's shoulder, letting out all the emotions she’d been holding onto. She sobbed, truly feeling everything she’d suppressed. Jinsol held her the entire time, letting her let it all out.
*****
After Yoona had finally calmed down, she felt vulnerable having released all her feelings. Jinsol didn’t seem to mind, though, as she continued to hold on tight. Realizing that Yoona likely didn’t want to be alone, Jinsol guided her to the bed.
She helped Yoona down gently onto one side of the bed before climbing onto the other. Yoona was lying on her back to try and keep it straight as she slept. Jinsol quickly grabbed a spare pillow and put it under Yoona’s legs to help decrease the pressure on her back. Yoona's face formed into a small smile at the caring action.
Sitting on the bed, Jinsol looked down at Yoona, her eyes full of warmth. She leaned down, placing a light kiss on Yoona’s forehead.
“You did great today,” she said softly.
Not wanting to cause any accidental back pain, Jinsol laid down a few inches away. She found it rather difficult to suppress her extreme desire to cuddle, but she also wanted Yoona to feel better faster. Unfortunately, sacrifices had to be made.
As she laid on her side facing Yoona, she noticed slight movement from under the blanket. Yoona’s hand reached out from beneath it. It was an invitation that Jinsol took immediately, interlacing their fingers together.
Yoona gave a small smile before her eyes started to close. Jinsol watched her for a bit, making sure that she fell asleep. Once she was sure Yoona was fast asleep, she closed her eyes as well.
Their hands remained together the entire night.
Nothing breaking the warm bubble they had created.