Work Text:
Francesca Bridgerton never really knew what it felt to be grounded. Of course, if she’s to mention such a thing to anyone her words would never be believed. Who would have? Francesca has curated the perfect life from her youth up until her marriage. She made sure to learn it perfectly from her mother and the instructors who taught her how to behave in every sense to become a woman eligible to marry high ranking men.
For the longest time Francesca believed that living the perfect life meant being contented with what she already has and follow through her perfectly curated map in life despite the insistent feeling that she has lost her way, that she was a step or two too far from where she should be.
That was until Michaela.
Michaela Stirling.
It was terrifying at first. One smile from the woman and Francesca was lost. The world under her feet crumbled and the path she spent her life creating and memorizing disappeared into nothing. Her world became a blank canvas—a vast of nothingness to point her the way.
Francesca floated like a kite with no string. She tried to fight against the wind, terrified of the place where she could end up to. How could she have ever known? No one taught her about the possibility of losing one’s self by something as simple as seeing a person’s smile. That was the mistake, Francesca thought and smiled to herself. To consider Michaela Stirling as a mere mortal in her world was the biggest mistake Francesca ever did.
Francesca thought she should have built a cathedral in Michaela’s name. The ton could throw stones at her and the queen may order her beheaded, but would that really be so terrible if such act would let everyone else know that they could kneel and bleed tears yet nothing could ever be enough to pay back for the honor of laying their eyes on Michaela.
Everyone can condemn her to hell and Francesca would laugh at their faces for they would never know that the ocean of fire will never amount to the warmth of Michaela’s embrace. Everything that is not Michaela simply felt like a cold winter night.
“You are deep in thought once again.” Michaela’s voice cut through her thoughts and it amazed Francesca how easy it was for Michaela to bring her feet back to the ground. Francesca turned her head to face Michaela but did not dare move from where she was. Everything was too comfortable for her. Feeling the bare skin of Michaela’s stomach against her cheek and having her arms around the woman felt so heavenly that Francesca thought it would be a punishment for her if she is forced to leave even for a second. “Francesca.”
Franchesca’s hand could not stay still, her thumb playing against Michaela’s side, “Say my name again,” she said, placing a gentle kiss on Michaela’s stomach as she closed her eyes once again.
“Love,” Michaela sighed so softly it encouraged Francesca to place another kiss and smile as she whispered again before she let Michaela pull her until they were lying on their sides, facing and embracing each other. “I would very much like to know what’s running through your head, my love.” Michaela smiled as she moved the strays of hair that’s covering her view of Francesca’s eyes. Francesca could not have seen anything better than Michaela’s smile nor hear any music more beautiful than Michaela’s voice.
However, Francesca was proven wrong once again. Michaela’s laughter is much, much, better than anything Francesca has ever heard and she felt it so much like a dream to think that it was her that could make Michaela giggle from her simple answer, “I am simply thinking if it would be possible for us to stay like this forever?”
“I would love for us to do that.” Michaela brought up a hand to rest against Franchesca’s face and caress the latter’s cheek lovingly. She could not stop her own smile from widening when she saw how delighted her answer made Francesca. However, she knew their reality and that her lover has her own responsibility that day which would prevent them from achieving such a dream. “However,” Michaela could not help her amusement as soon as she saw the frown that immediately formed on Francesca’s face, “I am afraid you have to chaperone your baby sister at the ball tonight.”
“Mother would—” Michaela did not even have to say anything for Francesca to cut her own sentence off, aware that Francesca herself would not be able to come up with any excuse for herself. So, Michaela decided to comfort Francesca and press a lingering kiss against her lips, “You are making it harder for me to think that I have to leave soon.” Francesca whispered as she prevented Michaela from pulling away by placing a hand to cradle the back of Michaela’s head. Francesca dove for another kiss and Michaela kissed her with same passion, arms snaking around France’s neck and shoulders to embrace her closer.
“I can stop.” Michaela’s voice was so soft that Francesca, whose face was now hovering above hers, would have missed it if her lips were not busy stealing the words away from Michaela’s lips. “If it will make things easier for you.”
“Please do not do that.” Francesca said, almost pleading as she finally found the strength to pull away from Michaela, “Do not make things easier for me. I do not wish for you to do that.”
“Oh, love.” Michaela called once she saw in Francesca’s eyes that no jest was taken from her words. “Francesca,” She pressed her palm on top of Francesca’s chest, right above her heart, and took one of Francesca’s hands to place it on her own. “I am always here as much as you are in my heart.”
Francesca felt herself breathe once the sudden panic from the thought of losing Michaela and what they have disappeared.
“However, you really do have to prepare soon or else you will be late. Unless, you are ready to face your mother’s inquiries?”
“I can handle my mother’s inquiries. Besides, she never ask questions whenever I mention I spend time with you.”
Michaela pretended to be surprised and gasped, “Ms. Francesca, don’t you think that would reflect to me as someone who have negatively influenced her perfect daughter?”
Francesca’s eyes widened, and she rumbled on her words in an attempt to explain that she would never let that happen until she noticed the grin on Michaela’s face, “You are jesting me, aren’t you?”
“Indeed, I am.” Michaela proudly confessed with a bigger grin once she saw how Francesca’s eyebrows furrow as they stare at each other.
“Oh, you would pay for that.” Francesca pulled away and moved so she’s on top of Michaela. Their bare skin pressing against each other as she lowered herself to bury her face against Michaela’s neck.
“How do you propose—” Michaela could not even finish her question as she felt Francesca’s teeth softly biting the skin on her neck, enough to make her flinch but not hard enough to break the skin and leave a mark. Still, Michaela knew that if it was not for the ball that same night Francesca would have never hesitate to do otherwise. “W-We do not have the time.”
“Yes, we do. You said I have to prepare soon.” Francesca countered as she gives butterfly kisses on Michaela’s chest before looking up enough to see Michaela watching her. Francesca has a small, mischievous smile on her face before speaking the words that let Michaela know she would no longer have to say anything else, “Soon is not now. Soon is…” Francesca paused and leaned in enough to place one last kiss on Michaela’s lips, “Soon is a lifetime away, my love.”
***
The difficulty that Francesca now faces was to keep herself from smiling every time her line of thoughts would include Michaela. An irony since it was proven impossible for Francesca to not think of the woman as long as she breathes. The reminder that her mother was with her, however, was enough to make her act more appropriately. To which, it means that Francesca has to pretend that she was not wanting of her other half at the moment.
“Francesca, dear.” Francesca’s attention was immediately taken by her mother and she immediately fixed her already perfect posture as she watched her mother approach her. However, as soon as her line of sight traveled towards her mother, she saw a familiar figure that immediately made her heart beat faster. “Look who I have met by chance.”
Behind Violet Bridgerton was the very person that taught Francesca that a heart could burn into ashes, again and again, as a sacrament for a love she would embrace with her soul. “Michaela.” Her words came out before she could even recognize her own voice.
“Francesca.” Michaela tilted her head, her face wearing a smile that Franchesca has memorized.
“My dearest, I was having the most pleasant conversation with Lady Kilmartin here.” Violet started, and when Francesca noticed an excited smile on her mother’s face, she could not be happier with the thought of her mother having been aware of how lovely Michaela is. “I have decided to invite her this Sunday for lunch. The whole family will get together and I thought it would be great to invite some of the family’s closest friends.”
“O-Of course.” If she’s to be honest, Francesca was too busy studying Michaela at the moment that her own mother’s words were barely recognized. However, she was not too bothered as she was lost in Michaela’s eyes. “It would be the most perfect.”
“Well, I guess that would be my answer, Lady Bridgerton. I would be there.” Michaela turned to Violet who still wears a smile on her face, “I hope I will not bore you with stories of my travel and childhood.”
“Oh, please. You have a delightful way of speaking I am eager to hear more of your stories,” Violet said. She took one good look at Michaela before giving her arm a soft squeeze, “We will be expecting you, then.”
“Please do, I will be there.” Michaela has the biggest smile but Francesca and Violet noticed how it mellowed as soon as her she turned and saw her mother looking at their direction. It was enough for Francesca’s heart to drop. She already knew it was time for Michaela to leave her side once again. “If you’ll both excuse me, my mother seems to need me. Lady Bridgerton, it is always a pleasure to have a conversation with you.” Michaela then turned to Francesca, her eyes turning a little apologetic as she said, “I wish we could have talked more, Francesca. Another time, then.”
Francesca could only nod her head as she watched Michaela leave for her mother. She tried to listen to every step Michaela took until she could no longer hear her and that she could only see her from afar once again. Francesca could not even spare her mother a glance when she realized that Michaela’s mother was standing beside a man, a duke, if she remembered correctly. However, more than titles and more than names, all Francesca could care about was the image of the man having the widest smile while looking at the love of her life without any clue that Michaela’s was already offered to her and no one else.
This, of course, did not escape Violet’s eyes and her heart breaks at the image of her daughter helplessly looking as the man offered his hand for a dance which Michaela took but not without looking at her mother first. Violet wanted to speak but all words were stuck in her throat and she quietly watched Francesca. Perhaps, even her own daughter was so lost in her head that she did not even realize her own actions. Actions the source of which could no longer be hidden from Violet.
Violet heaved a sigh and observed as Francesca walked in a trance, passing people mindlessly, her eyes never leaving Michaela’s figure as she and the duke stepped in the center of the room. She was so close but never close enough. Violet watched as Francesca took small and uncertain steps so that her view of Michaela would never leave her. Violet watched, and as Francesca watch someone else live a moment she had dreamed of for her and Michaela, Violet’s heart broke a little more for Francesca.
“My dear.” Violet called but Francesca was too deep in her own thoughts she knew it would not be easy to get her attention. And so, Violet walked towards her daughter and held her arm, “Francesca,” She called, and she knew she should not have been surprised but Violet could not help it. Violet could not help but stare at her daughter who seemed to have her world slowly tearing into pieces, “May I have a word with you?”
Francesca took one last look at the dance floor before looking back at her mother to nod her head. After all, it was better than watch Michaela be in someone else’s arms. Francesca did not know where her mother took her exactly but it was secluded enough so that no one could overhear them.
“You know, you have told me before that what I and your father have is rare.” Violet started and Francesca could not even look up, her mother’s words barely registering in her head. “Francesca,” Violet held Francesca’s hand and squeezed it softly, “being rare meant that once you have it in your hands, it would be difficult to keep it. It may seem easy—and a lot of times it would seem like that with the right person—but there would be those times that you would have to fight to keep it. And you have to know to yourself that you are willing to fight for it.”
The words her mother uttered slowly registered to Francesca and she immediately froze. Francesca did not know what to do. If it wasn’t for Violet gently patting her cheek, Francesca would have not looked up and realized that her mother was looking at her with all the love in the world. Francesca bit her lower lip to stop herself from sobbing yet her eyes watered, a push away from falling.
“You would have to be brave enough, my daughter.” Violet said as she nodded her head when Francesca pressed her cheeks harder against the warmth of her palm, tears slowly falling. “It will not be an easy path.”
“Since when did you know?” Francesca sobbed, staring at her mother.
“Long enough.” Violet smiled as she used her thumb to wipe Francesca’s stubborn tear. “Michaela’s a very lovely woman.”
Francesca swallowed and let out a breathy laugh in between her soft sobs, “She is. She is so much more, if you only knew.” Francesca proudly said as she wiped her own tears and calmed herself. “And she is dancing with someone else right now.” Francesca bit her lower lip to contain herself and not cry once again, “Michaela told me once—she told me she hated going to balls because she was never ready to face suitors when all she wanted was to dance with the love of her life.” She started and silently thankful to her mother for not intervening despite the long pauses before she could let out her words, “She told me she knew she could never do it because everyone else will condemn her for it—and she regrets not being someone brave enough to just do what her heart truly desires.”
Violet once again cradled Francesca’s face with both of her hands to have her daughter look at her, “I do not even blame her. Even I want to be brave for the two of us. But I am so terrified, mother.” Francesca confessed and no longer fighting her own tears.
“It is not too late to be brave.” Violet encouraged as she helped her daughter wipe her seemingly never-ending tears, “Whatever you choose, we will love you through it. You are my daughter and nothing can make me stop loving you. Especially not this—not when all you did was to love someone.”
Francesca lowered her head as she let her mother’s words register in her head, silently sobbing until she felt her mother pull her close to place a kiss on her forehead, “I am so proud of you, my Francesca. Now, do what will make you happy my dear.” Violet said, “Remember that I will love you, through and through, no matter what.”
Francesca could no longer help it and eagerly nodded her head while looking at her mother, and Violet could not help but feel her own heart skip in happiness when she saw how Francesca almost jumped right where she was standing to envelope Violet in her embrace, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Francesca repeatedly, her embrace becoming tighter by the second.
Violet embraced her back before she tapped Francesca by her shoulder to pull away, “I believe you have something you have to do now.” Violet said and smiled as Francesca gave her one last kiss on the forehead and whispered a thank you before the next thing she saw was her daughter’s back disappearing in a hurry.
***
In the whole of Francesca Bridgerton’s life, she never really knows what it felt like to be grounded. And in that moment, it did not matter that no one would believe her if she’s to tell them about it. It no longer matters to Francesca whether others would believe her when she says that the only time she finally felt herself standing safely on the ground was when she met Michaela Stirling.
It did not matter if anyone else would know how Francesca’s willing to burn all the maps she has drawn for herself if it is in exchange of a future with Michaela no matter how uncertain it maybe for the two of them.
What mattered the most was Michaela. The very person who was looking at her at the moment with eyes so deep that Francesca could not help but drown in it. There were surprise and curiosity in the way Michaela stared at her, and when Francesca realized she was heaving in an attempt to catch her breath, she knew that there was also worry hidden behind those beautiful eyes.
“Francesca, is there a problem?”
“If you—” Francesca paused to give herself a second to finally catch her breath, “If you are not too exhausted from your previous dance,” She started, and watched as Michaela’s eyes slowly widen in shock, fully aware of what Francesca was about to say, “would you give me the honor to dance with you?”
Michaela looked around and saw that her mother was looking at her with surprise which made her instinctively step back, all the fear she felt from all of her life suddenly surging up which made her want to run away. Only now, there was Francesca standing in front of her, willing to face it with her. “A-Are you sure?” Michaela asked, once again turning her head to face Francesca and only then did she feel her eyes started to water.
“I am.” Francesca answered without a single hint of hesitation. “Only if you are ready, Michaela.”
“How about—" Francesca was already shaking her head slowly before Michaela could finish her own sentence, “—everyone?”
“They do not matter.” Michaela was taken aback by Francesca’s words. When she gave another look at the woman in front of her, Michaela realized that the person standing in front of her was the same person who never failed to surprise her in the most miraculous ways.
“They would stare.”
“I would not blame them. I have done that as well. Have you seen how beautiful you are?” Francesca answered in such a way that Michaela could not help but giggle and softly laugh in between her tears. “No one would dare miss the chance to look at you. It would simply be sinful.”
“Ms. Francesca, where, if I may ask, is this courage coming from?” Michaela asked, tilting her head to the side with a loving smile on her face, “And you speak so much about me as if you do not know how much they want to have a chance with you.”
“But I am yours.”
Michaela thought for a second and took a step closer to reach for Francesca’s hand, a gesture enough for Francesca to break into a smile, “As I to you,” Michaela said and circled her thumb against Francesca’s palm, “It is you and I.”
Francesca excitedly nodded her head, “You and I.”
Without prolonging their anticipation, Francesca held Michaela’s hand and took the first step towards the center of the ballroom. When Francesca felt Michaela’s step stuttered and how her grip has tightened, Francesca squeezed her hand softly for encouragement. Francesca took a step closer to Michaela and gently tilted the latter’s head to look at her, “You. And. I.” Francesca echoed once again and when she saw Michaela timidly nod her head, it was everything Francesca needed to continue.
Francesca guided Michaela’s arm to her shoulder without forgetting to kiss the palm of her hand. She saw a stubborn tear fell from Michaela’s eye and Francesca knew that it was all worth it. The world could stare and condemn the two of them if they want, but it will never be enough to pull her away from Michaela.
No one else mattered, they knew. But if they had looked closer, amongst the eyes of those who had given judgment based on their prejudices are eyes of people with so much adoration for the two of them. Violet, with her proud smile and tearful eyes for the happiness for her daughter. Her other children, some with shock written all over their faces and some whose relief could no longer be hidden as they knew how miraculous it felt to finally able to love without restraint. And the queen, with amusement and amazement, who could not help but stare at the two women dancing in the middle of the ballroom, dancing not for her eyes or anyone else’s sake but for themselves.
The queen could not help but think how much diamonds shine when they are together.