Work Text:
“You should stop pacing around, really. I can see you glitching through the floor at one point”, the rabbit jokes, but you can’t stop moving. You’ve already been wandering around your room for what felt like forever.
As the last adventure came to an end, Caine gently pulled you closer to him. Leaning down to your ear, he whispered he’d like to see you in the main hall in around an hour. He has planned something special, and he also gave you a hint to prepare yourself for some big updates in your relationship. But what does “big updates” mean?
There are just too many possibilities. “I don’t know if I am ready, no, I am, but it’s kinda scary, to be honest…”
“It won’t be anything bad, that’s for sure”, Pomni tries to calm you down. “Maybe he’ll just try out a more immersive AI for another private adventure with you.”
Jax, who was leaning against your door frame, now takes a step in front of you and puts a hand on your shoulder. “Come on. It’s just another one of Caine’s little dates. It’ll last a few hours, and once you’re done, you’ll come back love drunk. And then you’re unbearable to listen to.”
Before Jax can push you out of your room, you duck away. “Do you think he wants to… kiss me?”
A deafening silence fills the room. Jester and rabbit exchange a glance. Is there a grasshopper chirping in the background?
From all people in the circus you should not have asked Pomni and Jax to give you company right before the date that might change everything, yet here you are.
You can see the jester’s eyes darting to Jax and then back to you as she fiddles with one of her hat’s pom-poms. “Well… It’s possi-“
The rabbit rams his elbow into her shoulder, causing her to eye him half angry, half confused. “The prude AI wanting to kiss you? Nah, I doubt it.” He gives Pomni an intense look.
Her eyes grow bigger, as if she just remembered something. “R-Right! We are talking about Caine here. He is oblivious about anything that has to do with the physical aspects of romance.”
“Not entirely”, you disagree. “Caine tries, he just needs more time, that’s all”, you explain. The showman obviously doesn’t mind invading your personal space from time to time. Especially not when you two cuddle in your bed or in his office in his big armchair. Once in a while, you would give him a peck or two, and he blushes, saying he really appreciates your gesture of love. “Oh, recently we started holding hands in public.”
“Yes, and it took him almost an entire month to do so”, the jester counters back in a disdainful tone, placing a hand onto her hips. “If it took him that long to even voluntarily show and receive a bit of physical affection, it might take him years until he is ready for his first kiss, don’t you think?”
“Maybe… Maybe, you’re right.” This makes your smile almost drop, but you stay hopeful. “Anyway, see you later. Wish me luck!” You finally leave your room, departing from Pomni and Jax, who are watching you nervously, hurrying to catch up with your date.
The jester puts a hand to her chest and lets out a long breath. “Phew, I almost let it slip…”
“That much about ’not saying a word to them’, huh?” Jax hisses through his teeth in a playful tone.
“They were so happy about the thought of finally experiencing their first kiss with Caine. Let’s hope everything works out as planned.”
Not just Pomni and Jax, but each of your friends had to promise Caine to keep your hopes down for what will be the most important date ever. If you’d ask anybody about the “update”, they should keep the façade of the AI being clueless about romantic interactions. Yet in the meantime, Caine was busy figuring out how kissing works, because this won't just be the grand finale of his next date, it's also going to be his first kiss. It needs to be perfect.
He started by going through every dataset he had stored in his RAM related to the terms romance, love, and affirmation. The few remaining memories about the royal couple sharing something similar to a kiss weren’t helpful at all. How should someone with a giant mouth for a head solve the mystery behind kissing when both example participants don’t even have a mouth?
An open inquiry was needed immediately, and everyone – except for Zooble and Kinger – was summoned to his office one by one.
“Setting up a kiss? You can do it the traditional way if you like. Take them out for dinner first. You have done that before, right? Use some scented candles and put rose petals on the table to set the romantic mood. H-How to kiss? Sorry, it’s been a while since my last kiss. Better ask someone who has been kissed lately.”
“Oh! Eh… Usually people kiss with lips. Well, I suppose when you purse your teeth it could work as lips, too? Like this? I don’t have lips either, but it sure works with Zooble. Waah, I mean- it feels good, that’s all! When the ‘lips’ touch and if they like it, you will go on and on... I’m not sure if Zooble would like to show it to you. I could draw you a kiss scene? M-Maybe Pomni knows more!”
“The kissing itself is less of a crucial point, I think. In the end it’s more about the feeling you want to convey. This is your first kiss, right? Perhaps they are as nervous as you are. Once you hold them close, make sure they feel safe. As soon as you are confident enough, silently ask them for consent and do it. It might be awkward at first, but it’s normal when you’re inexperienced, just so you know. And please, don’t ask Jax for advice.”
“Use tongue.”
Information was successfully processed.
First step: Take them out for dinner.
Shouldn’t be a problem, after all, Caine has taken you out for dinner plenty of times before. The four-course meal on a thrilling water ride is still his favourite to date. But this time, he needed a place where a tender kiss could be easily initiated as well.
The idea for the setting came to him one lovely evening when you were talking about romance and what's typically associated with it. So, he planned a carefree, relaxed picnic outdoors with sweet, refreshing sparkling drinks and a tiered stand with berries and cupcakes, right by the digital lake.
You take a look at the two swans gracefully floating on the shimmering water. “It's as if the two of them were on a date, as well... Wait, does that mean we are having a double date then?” you ask Caine in a joking manner.
Both of you have been sitting inside a silver gazebo full of cinnamon-scented candles for quite some time already. Everything is going smoothly so far. But the ringmaster slowly grows quieter as he is looking absent-mindedly at the drink you are taking a sip from, his eyes focused on your fingers.
"What?” He was only half listening to you. When is the right time to take their hands? Initiating touch from time to time sounds easy, though neither your friends nor the internet could tell him the exact number of minutes that need to pass for this specific action.
You play with one of the rose petals from the table. “Swans are such lovely creatures. When two swans are deeply bonded, they do a little courtship dance that looks like a heart. Isn’t that cute?”
Why are we talking about- Oh no! He didn’t register the last 10.57 seconds of your conversation, while his thoughts were drifting off. He is such a terrible partner! “Um, yes…”
A cool breeze wafts through the air. The petal between your fingers was caught by the wind and flew off to the lake. At first, you refrain from asking, but now you can’t deny the sudden taciturn ringmaster. “What’s the matter, honey?”
Caine’s eyes widen. “The matter? W-with me?” One artificial bead of sweat runs down his canine, as he adjusts his bow tie. Is there the possibility you think one of his teeth should’ve been polished a few seconds longer, or was it in fact obvious he drank an entire bottle of mouthwash?
“Yes. Usually, you are the more talkative one. Is something on your mind?”
“You! You are on my mind.” It’s not a lie, since the AI’s equivalent of a brain is currently filled with hundreds of possible scenarios involving you and the kiss.
This made you smile. “I can only say the same about you.”
Whoopers troupers! This human is everything.
Second step: Initiating touch. Whatever happens next, he cannot and must not leave it to chance.
Caine snaps his fingers, and the sky changes from navy blue daytime to a cozy orange sunset. Pulling out his cane from his hat in a swift motion, he gets up from his seat. “Would you like to take a little walk down the lake together?” he offers, holding out his gloved hand to you.
“No.”
“Come on, Zooble.”
“I will not do anything intimate around Caine, Gangle.”
“Please. Do it for them.”
“Huff… fine. Okay, Caine. Sit down and watch closely. We only show you once. And we’ll keep it short.”
“Alrighty.”
“You owe me one for that. You too, Gangle.”
Whenever you do, he’d always levitate next to your shoulder, but you call it “going for a walk” anyway. Strolling down the street, hand in hand, you admired the sunset, capturing your partner's silhouette.
“Thank you for taking me on that date”, you sigh. You’re still wondering what the relationship update has in store. But whatever it is, you’re certain you’ll love it.
“Did you like it?” he asks, spinning his baton. The loud, boisterous tone was gone.
“Caine, it was beautiful!” you beamed with joy.
He doesn’t quite get it. The date was if not boring, still simple compared to the other dates you had in the past. Well, sometimes it's the little things that bring happiness to humans like you. “You fascinate me more and more with each passing day, my love”, he mutters as he interlaces his fingers with yours, and your heart starts to melt.
This is when you notice his hand was growing warmer second by second. You close the gap between the two of you, and it becomes obvious that the ringmaster's entire model radiates an immense warmth. “Err, darling, may I…” You are already lost in thought, as you stop walking to examine the AI.
“Yes, sure.” What? Speak to me, human! May you WHAT???
You put the back of your free hand on his upper row of teeth and then to his soft gums, whereupon his hands slightly begin to tremble.
Your fingers brushing his head makes Caine’s body almost go limp and drop onto the ground, while his dentures lean into the touch. But then his pupils constrict and shake uncontrollably as his eyes move from side to side. Wait! Abort! Stop!!! That's not how this was supposed to go! It should be him who takes control in initiating touch and intimacy.
Actually, you just want to check if he has a fever, and yes, Caine can get sick, for example, by an infectious virus. His head is indeed steaming. You raise your eyebrows in concern. “Are you overheating? I know your body temperature is just a sensory mod, but it usually isn’t that high, or am I wrong?”
So, you didn’t notice him blushing after all, you only want to make sure he is doing fine. Oh, they are such a kind soul.
“Why is that?” you wonder, tilting your head.
Quick! Say something! “Probably because you're so hot!”
“Pardon?” You blink several times.
HOLY SACRED COW! WHY DID I SAY THAT?!?!?! Their body temperature is 36.57°C, not even close to hot. Right now, Caine would love nothing more than to sink six feet deep into a hole down below and be sealed in there with cement for all eternity.
Now, you most certainly feel heat rush up and down your body, because since when was your partner ever that flirty? Not that you’d mind.
Just keep calm, Caine reminds himself. The kiss attempt isn’t ruined yet. Pomni reassured him that it’s okay if the first kiss is a bit awkward, so why not literally ask you directly about your current level of comfort? “How... ehem… Do… Do you feel comfortable and content right now?” he questions, clearing his throat.
“Yes. Yes, I do”, you chuckle, also taking his other hand.
One thing less to worry about, albeit this horrible, cocky line will probably haunt the AI in his dreams.
“How about you?” you want to know. You two face each other, your eyes shining with anticipation as you wait for the showman’s answer.
“I never felt better than when your hands hold mine, my twinkling treasure”, he says in an alluring voice. Your heart skips a beat as he gives you an infatuated look. The whole part about consent is very important to him. The worst case would be that you’d happen to find him scary or disgusting for even trying to do real kissing with you. What if he does something wrong? You probably have more experience than him. What if he messed it up completely on his first try, and you ended up disappointed? No, that’s the worst! You’d probably turn away and never look at him ever again. He’d be a lonely AI, abandoned by the person he loves more than anything and-
“Caine?” Your cheeks are already flushed red by the pure thought of kissing him tenderly. A deep kiss is still a bigger number than a quick peck on the side of his gums, which is why your pulse starts to rise. Perhaps, he feels the same.
“Hm?” His eyes dart down to your lips for a millisecond. Apparently, he really was about to kiss you.
“So about the relationship update…”, you mutter underneath your breath. “I’m ready when you are.”
Okay, the time has come. Don't rush things. Caine knows that if he isn’t able to calm down, he is about to either bluescreen or freeze at any moment. And that’d be humiliating. To add another alarming factor, there are too many programs and windows open at the same time, and the data storage clean-up is also long overdue. What if an inconveniently timed update shuts him down? Perhaps deleting a few last files he doesn’t need anymore could prevent a sudden-
Caine’s eyes go blank for a moment, and he tenses up in an A-pose, startling you a bit, as the baton goes flying when the ringmaster's arms swing out with unexpected force.
“Is everything alright?” you ask, worried, and gently cup his lower jaw, making his eyes turn back to normal.
“Um…”
Sugar honey ice tea.
He just wanted to get rid of a few unrelated dating files…
Deleting a few files is good. Deleting all files is bad.
How does he do the kiss now?
Think fast, Caine.
How embarrassing! the AI panics internally as he desperately tries to find the “How to kiss”-files in his RAM. He did so much research, gathered rare bonus material from Zooble and Gangle, and studied the entire wikihow page, and for what? Unfortunately, he can't find the answer in your pretty face either. Your sincere look makes him even more flustered. Great.
His hands clench into fists, his jaws tensing up. What is the last thing he can remember? One file that can easily be restored- Oh, right!
Before you know it, he grabs you by your arms and runs his damp tongue all over your face. This must have been the most passionate lick ever dated in digital history. As soon as the AI pulls his head back, you can't help but stare at him.
“W-What?” Your voice cracks slightly. You barely have time to react in an appropriate manner. Caine was already waiting for a reaction on your side. But how on earth are you supposed to react to something like that? All you manage to do is let your expression shift from shock to surprise. “What… was that?”
“A k-kiss”, he stammers. “Yet, your perplexed expression tells me, this wasn’t quite the right way to do it…?”
At least not the way you expected him to.
“Yuck! Get a room, you two! That’s revolting!” The Sun shouts in disgust from above. Her face was distorted into a grimace of horror.
“S-Stop looking!” Caine exclaims pathetically and lets the sky turn straight to nighttime with a snap of his fingers, replacing the yelling Sun with shining stars and the resting Moon.
You giggle softly as you wipe your cheek. “Going all in on your first kiss, I see.”
Caine’s pupils shrink down to the size of pin-needles. “Oh, no! That wasn’t- I-I’m terribly sorry, my darling daisy. My brain must’ve, um, short-circuited. I didn’t mean to-“
You close your eyes and interrupt him by pressing a gentle kiss on his lower incisors, causing the tails of the ringmaster’s tuxedo to shoot up and stand on end, as his hat takes a joyful spin. The sensation of the smooth surface is kind of new to you, but you are eager to explore it. It feels as if your lips are touching marbles made out of ceramic. Since you let the kiss linger for a bit longer than usual, Caine must be aware that this can’t be counted as just a little peck anymore. Finally letting go of all the tension you had built up before, you place your hands on his shoulders to bridge the last tiny gap that might still separate you. The way his torso is trembling tells you that it must be just as exciting for him as for you.
Tingling electricity runs through your veins, as the showman hesitantly shuts his dentures and slowly leans into the kiss. His initial nervousness completely vanishes as he tenderly places one hand on the back of your neck and wraps the other around your waist. Simply through the romantic collision of your avatars’ polygons, he is actually able to feel something he had feared he’d have to simulate: physical desire. And he is totally giving in.
As you break the kiss and slowly open your eyes again, you see his canines are now covered with pink bars resembling blush.
“Wowzie…” Caine whispers, his pupils blown wide.
You release a shaky breath, your heart beating faster than before. “D-Did that kiss live up to what you'd originally imagined it to be like?”
The ringmaster chuckles, now that you two are completely flustered together. “No, this was even better, my love. However, now that you’ve taken the lead…” Butterflies start to dance inside your stomach as you feel the AI’s hand gently move from your neck to your chin. “May I take the initiative this time?”