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The worst part was not that Kaiser had changed. The worst part was that Ness had noticed exactly when it happened. At first, it had been small things.
A glance lasting half a second too long.
A comment made toward someone else.
A smirk that was no longer directed exclusively at him.
Ness told himself he was imagining it.
He had always been the person closest to Kaiser. The one who understood him best. The one who could read every shift in mood and every hidden meaning behind his words, to the point it was almost eerie.
So surely he was overthinking.
Surely Kaiser would turn around and look at him the same way he always had.
Surely.
But then Isagi happened.
Everything after that felt different. The training field buzzed with energy as Bastard München prepared for another session.
Ness stood beside Kaiser automatically, like he always did.
It was second nature.
Breathing.
Walking.
Existing.
Being near Kaiser.
Yet Kaiser barely seemed to notice.
His eyes were focused elsewhere.
Focused on Isagi.
Again.
Ness watched the exchange from a distance.
Isagi looked irritated.
Kaiser looked amused.
They were arguing about something, probably another challenge.
The details didn't matter.
He gritted his teeth.
What mattered was the expression on Kaiser's face.
The interest, the excitement.
The spark.
A spark Ness had spent years chasing.
A spark he had once believed belonged to him and Kaiser alone. His chest tightened.
It felt ridiculous.
Pathetic.
He knew that.
Yet the feeling remained.
"Kaiser."
The name left his mouth before he could stop himself.
Kaiser glanced over.
Only briefly.
"What?"
"I was going to review today's plans with you."
"Later."
Just one word.
Simple and dismissive.
Kaiser immediately turned back toward Isagi.
As if the conversation was already over.
As if Ness himself wasn't important enough to keep looking at.
Something cold settled inside his stomach.
He smiled anyway.
Because that was what he always did.
Because if he stopped smiling, he wasn't sure what would happen.
Hours later, he sat alone in his room.
The lights were off.
The darkness felt easier.
Safer.
No one could see him here.
No one could see how much it hurt.
Ness stared at the ceiling.
His thoughts replayed every interaction from the past few weeks.
Every ignored comment.
Every shortened conversation.
Every moment Kaiser chose Yoichi over him.
It shouldn't matter this much.
Yet it did.
Because Kaiser wasn't just a teammate, nor was he just someone he admired.
Kaiser had become the center of his world long ago.
The person whose approval mattered most.
The person whose attention he craved even when he hated himself for craving it.
A laugh escaped him.
Weak.
Bitter.
Pathetic.
Then his vision blurred.
Ness blinked.
A tear slipped down his cheek.
He wiped it away immediately.
Another followed.
Then another.
His chest hurt.
The pressure building inside him felt unbearable.
He covered his eyes with one hand.
The tears wouldn't stop, he had always been a sensitive person.
He hated this.
Hated feeling weak.
Hated feeling abandoned.
Most of all, he hated that Kaiser probably didn't even realize what he was doing.
Days passed.
Nothing improved.
If anything, things became worse.
Kaiser seemed obsessed.
Every conversation somehow returned to Isagi.
Every practice became another opportunity to challenge him.
To surpass him.
To prove something.
Ness stood beside him through all of it.
Invisible, furious.
One afternoon, after training ended, he found himself lingering on the empty field.
Everyone else had already left.
The evening sky stretched above him in shades of orange and gold.
Normally he would have been with Kaiser.
Instead he was alone.
His throat tightened.
Without warning, tears filled his eyes again.
"Damn it."
His voice cracked as he clenched his fists, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood.
He looked away quickly even though nobody was there.
The tears fell anyway.
One after another.
He pressed a hand against his face.
Trying to stop them, to wipe the blood.
Trying to regain control.
Trying to be anything other than this.
Footsteps echoed nearby.
Ness froze.
No.
Please not now.
Anytime but now.
Anyone but him.
He lowered his hand slowly.
Michael stood several feet away, silence stretched between them.
Ness felt horror flood through him.
Of all people.
Of course it had to be him.
Kaiser stared.
Not laughing.
Not mocking.
Just staring.
Ness immediately looked away.
"I'm fine."
His voice sounded awful.
Even he could hear it.
Kaiser didn't respond.
"I'm fine," Ness repeated.
A lie.
An obvious one.
The footsteps approached.
Closer.
Closer.
Then they stopped.
"Kaiser, just go."
Still silence.
Ness clenched his fists.
Humiliation burned through him.
He couldn't remember the last time someone had seen him cry.
Especially not Kaiser.
Never Kaiser.
Yet here he was.
Broken open.
Exposed.
Pathetic.
"What happened?"
The question caught him off guard.
Ness laughed shakily.
"What happened?"
His voice trembled.
"You really don't know?"
Kaiser's expression shifted slightly.
Not enough to reveal much.
Just enough.
Ness hated it.
Hated how even now he searched Kaiser's face for meaning.
For concern.
For anything.
"You don't need me anymore."
The words slipped out before he could stop them.
Silence.
Then another bitter laugh.
"Actually, that's not true."
Ness wiped at his eyes.
His hands shook.
"You never needed me."
Kaiser remained still.
For once, he wasn't interrupting.
Wasn't mocking.
Wasn't dismissing.
So Ness kept talking.
The floodgates had already broken.
"What am I supposed to think?"
His voice cracked again.
"You look at him all the time."
He swallowed hard.
"You talk about him constantly."
The tears returned.
"I stand right next to you and it's like I'm not even there anymore."
The confession hung in the air.
Painful.
Raw.
Embarrassing.
Ness wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
Instead, Kaiser spoke quietly.
"You're jealous."
Ness laughed.
A miserable sound.
"Of course I'm jealous."
The admission felt ugly.
"But not because of football."
He looked down.
Unable to meet Kaiser's eyes.
"I just..."
The words stuck in his throat.
"I miss you."
Silence followed.
Long.
Heavy.
Ness wished he could take everything back.
Every word.
Every tear.
Every confession.
Then he felt something touch his shoulder.
Gentle.
Unexpected.
He looked up.
Kaiser's hand rested there.
The sight almost hurt more than the rejection would have.
Because it reminded him how desperately he wanted things to go back.
"I never replaced you."
Ness stared.
Kaiser sighed.
The sound was rare.
Almost strange.
"Isagi interests me."
The words stung.
Even now.
"But you're still you."
Ness felt another tear slide down his cheek.
Kaiser clicked his tongue.
Annoyed.
Not at him.
At the situation.
At emotions.
At vulnerability.
At things neither of them handled well.
"You really are crying a lot."
Normally the comment would have sounded cruel.
Today it somehow didn't.
Ness laughed weakly through his tears.
"Shut up."
For a moment, Kaiser actually smiled.
Not the sharp smile he wore during matches.
Not the arrogant grin he used to provoke people.
Something smaller.
Softer.
Gone almost instantly.
Yet Ness saw it.
And for the first time in weeks, the crushing ache in his chest eased.
Only slightly.
Only temporarily.
The hurt wasn't gone.
The jealousy wasn't gone.
Neither was the fear.
But as they stood together beneath the fading evening sky, Ness realized something.
Even if Kaiser had changed.
Even if things would never return to what they once were.
The connection between them had not disappeared entirely.
And unfortunately for his heart, that realization only made him love him more.
The conversation should have made him feel better.
It should have.
Kaiser had found him.
Kaiser had listened.
Kaiser had even touched his shoulder.
For anyone else, maybe that would have been enough.
For Ness, it only made everything worse.
Because now he knew there was still something there.
Not enough to stop the ache.
Just enough to keep hoping.
Hope was cruel.
Hope kept him awake at night.
Hope made him watch every interaction between Kaiser and Isagi like a starving man watching someone else eat.
The next morning arrived far too quickly.
Ness barely slept.
Dark circles lingered beneath his eyes as he entered training.
A few teammates glanced at him.
Nobody said anything.
He was grateful for that.
The last thing he needed was questions.
His gaze immediately found Kaiser.
Like always.
The blond was already on the field.
Already talking.
Already smiling.
And of course he was talking to Isagi.
Ness felt his stomach drop.
The pain was so familiar now that it almost felt routine.
Like breathing.
Like a permanent bruise that never healed.
He approached anyway.
Because where else was he supposed to go?
Kaiser noticed him first. For a split second their eyes met. Then they turned, as if they had never met.
Something from yesterday flickered between them.
Recognition.
Memory.
The knowledge of what had happened.
Ness immediately looked away.
Embarrassment burned through him.
He wished he could erase it.
Every tear.
Every confession.
Every pathetic word.
Yet Kaiser didn't mention it.
Training began.
Ness threw himself into it.
Running harder.
Passing faster.
Pushing himself until his muscles screamed.
Maybe if he exhausted himself enough, he would stop thinking.
Unfortunately, thoughts were harder to outrun than defenders.
Every time Kaiser called Isagi's name, he noticed.
Every time Kaiser challenged him, he noticed.
Every time Isagi answered back with that stubborn determination, he noticed.
The worst part was seeing how alive Kaiser looked.
Ness remembered when that expression had been directed toward him.
Not in the same way.
Not exactly.
But there had once been a time when Kaiser's focus naturally returned to him.
When he had been the first person Kaiser looked for.
The first person Kaiser called.
The first person Kaiser trusted.
Now he felt like an afterthought.
A supporting character watching the main story unfold.
Hours later, training finally ended.
Most players headed toward the locker room.
Ness lingered behind.
Again.
He knew he shouldn't.
But solitude had become addictive.
Being alone hurt less than pretending he was okay.
He sat on a bench near the edge of the field.
The afternoon sun warmed his skin.
His eyes drifted toward the grass.
His thoughts drifted toward Kaiser.
Like always.
The frustration hit suddenly.
Violently.
His chest tightened.
His vision blurred.
No.
Not again.
He rubbed his eyes roughly.
Trying to stop it.
Trying to regain control.
Instead a tear escaped.
Then another.
"Damn it."
His voice came out broken.
He lowered his head.
Ashamed.
He hated crying.
Especially over this.
Especially over someone who probably couldn't understand why it hurt so much.
The footsteps approaching were familiar now.
Ness stiffened.
Not again.
Please.
Not again.
The footsteps stopped.
Silence.
Then a voice.
"You're doing it again."
Ness closed his eyes.
Of course it was Kaiser.
Who else would it be?
"Go away."
"You said that last time too."
Ness laughed bitterly.
"And yet you're still here."
"Obviously."
The answer came immediately.
As if there had never been another possibility.
Ness looked up.
Kaiser stood nearby with his hands in his pockets.
Watching him.
Not leaving.
Not mocking.
Just watching.
The sight made his chest ache.
"You don't have to keep checking on me."
Kaiser shrugged.
"I know."
That somehow hurt more.
Because it meant Kaiser was choosing to stay.
And Ness didn't know what to do with that.
For years he had built himself around Kaiser's attention.
Now every small act felt dangerous.
Every tiny kindness felt like oxygen.
Kaiser sat beside him.
The bench dipped slightly beneath the added weight.
Neither spoke.
The silence stretched.
Not uncomfortable.
Not peaceful.
Something in between.
It was too much for Ness.
He stood up, hands shaking and began walking away without a word, heading straight for the bathroom, not running but not walking at a normal pace.
Kaiser followed, sighing as he practically chased after him.
Eventually Kaiser sighed.
"You really took this hard."
Ness laughed without humor.
"You think?"
"I thought you'd yell at me."
"I considered it."
"You should've."
Ness looked over.
Kaiser was staring ahead.
Expression unreadable.
For some reason that made it easier to speak.
"I didn't want to fight with you."
The confession came quietly.
"So instead you cried."
"Shut up."
A faint smirk appeared.
Brief.
Annoyingly brief.
Then it disappeared again.
Silence returned.
Ness swallowed.
The question had been haunting him for weeks.
Months, maybe.
He couldn't keep it inside anymore.
"When did it happen?"
Kaiser glanced toward him.
"What?"
"When did I stop being enough?"
The words escaped before he could stop them.
Immediately he regretted them.
Kaiser stared.
For once he looked genuinely surprised.
Ness laughed weakly.
"There."
He gestured vaguely.
"That face."
"What face?"
"The one you're making right now."
Kaiser frowned.
Ness looked away.
"I know I'm not Isagi."
The name tasted bitter.
"I know I can't challenge you like he does."
His throat tightened.
"I know I can't make you look at me the way you look at him."
Silence.
Heavy silence.
Then Kaiser's voice.
"I never asked you to."
Ness blinked.
"What?"
"I never asked you to be him."
The answer came immediately.
Firmly.
Without hesitation.
Ness stared.
Kaiser leaned back against the bench.
His expression was thoughtful.
Rare.
Dangerously rare.
"You're different."
Different.
Not better.
Not worse.
Just different.
The word shouldn't have mattered.
Yet it did.
Because Kaiser wasn't comparing them.
Wasn't replacing one with the other.
At least not intentionally.
The realization softened something painful inside him.
Only a little.
Not enough.
But enough.
"I still hate him."
Kaiser barked out a laugh.
An actual laugh.
The sound startled both of them.
Ness couldn't remember the last time he'd heard one that genuine.
"You don't hate him."
"I absolutely do."
"No."
Kaiser smirked.
"You're jealous."
Ness groaned.
"I hate that you're right."
"I know."
Of course he knew, that was the problem.
Kaiser always knew more than he let on.
The silence that followed felt lighter.
Not fixed.
Never fixed.
Just lighter.
For the first time in weeks, Ness thought maybe he could survive this.
Then the next match arrived.
And everything fell apart again.
The stadium roared with noise.
Lights illuminated the field.
Excitement crackled through the air.
Ness stood in formation.
Focused.
Ready.
Or at least pretending to be.
The game started.
Chaos followed.
The pace was relentless.
Fast.
Brutal.
Every player pushed toward the limit.
Ness fought to keep up.
To contribute.
To prove his worth.
For a while, things felt normal.
Then it happened.
A perfect opportunity.
A pass.
A chance.
Instinctively, Ness looked for Kaiser.
For years, that had been automatic.
The answer to every question.
The center of every strategy.
His eyes found him immediately.
But Kaiser wasn't looking at him.
He was looking somewhere else.
Looking at Isagi.
Again.
The hesitation lasted less than a second.
Yet it was enough.
The opportunity vanished.
The opposing team intercepted.
Play continued.
But Ness felt frozen.
A horrible realization settled over him.
For years he had built his football around Kaiser.
Every movement.
Every pass.
Every instinct.
And now Kaiser was building his game around someone else.
Not completely.
But enough.
Enough to leave cracks.
Enough to make Ness feel expendable.
By the time the match ended, Bastard München had won.
Everyone celebrated.
Everyone except Ness.
He sat alone in the locker room afterward.
The others eventually left.
Voices faded.
Doors closed.
Silence remained.
The ache returned.
Stronger than ever.
His eyes burned.
He squeezed them shut.
Tried to stop it.
Failed.
The tears came again.
Quiet this time.
Slow.
Exhausted.
He was so tired.
Tired of hurting.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of loving someone who didn't belong to him.
A sound near the doorway made him freeze.
He didn't look up immediately.
He already knew.
Only one person ever seemed to find him like this.
Footsteps approached.
Then stopped.
For several seconds neither spoke.
Finally Kaiser sat beside him.
Just like before.
Close enough for their shoulders to nearly touch.
Neither looked at the other.
Ness laughed shakily.
"You have terrible timing."
"No."
Kaiser answered calmly.
"My timing is perfect."
That only made fresh tears fall.
Because despite everything.
Despite all the hurt.
All the jealousy.
All the loneliness.
Kaiser kept coming back.
And Ness wasn't sure whether that was saving him or destroying him.