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It all happened so quickly, when thunder danced one with the artillery strikes. As if the rain came to scare away the coming fascist aeroplanes.
Throughout the hills, us four republican soldiers had found themselves hiding in a cave of the Las Batuecas and its river flowing past,
an awfully hot rain whose odour mixed with the dry dirt giving a calming sensation in spite of the gun-show we had just survived.
Alexia insisted on waiting it out and finding our way eastwards, assuming that La Alberca fell to the Francoists.
Virgilio, our little communist Italian volunteer and Elizabeth, a journalist from New York tried to argue that maybe we could at least check on the city, but they quickly gave up on the idea after being reminded that it is only four of us against who knows how many, and we haven't ate in a couple of days.
Instead Alexia told us about a route that could maybe lead us safely into republican territory, it would be better if we could find some of our forces quickly when the storm passes
but she isn't planning on it, and no one has the strength to argue with her on this. I could have tried but one thing I know from our one year of studying together in Madrid is that I'd
rather not waste my breath and my patience on this, during such a time.
a chuckle comes from the italian: "just like when the squadristi took the Palazzo Marino", and chuckles again and sweeps his messy, wet black hair out of the way of his eyes.
Elizabeth silently writes something down in one of her notepad collection, she is some kind of journalist I think, but not sure if she is one in any official capacity or for one of those
revolutionary pamphlet givers.
"We should rest while we can, we will be walking for a week at best", Alexia echoes through the cave, before laying on her side, not giving a care in the world that her short hair is now all in dust.
Everyone awkwardly complies, Virgilio decides to try resting up with his rifle in hand but when sleep consumes him he falls to his side too. I don't really manage to fully fall asleep but stay half awake for a little while, the rhythmic rattling of rain upon the stony and earthy hills reign me in but not fully, but it must have been hours since when I opened my eyes fully. I see the orange beams of sun come from the east, breaking through the dark clouds like a piece of heaven coming down.
Alexia, already outside rinsing her jacket to the best of its ability to do so. "Sergi? You up, we were waiting for you. Good to know you still sleep like in the dorm. Even after all that happened..."
She seemingly regrets saying that, looking away from me at the now clouded sun. I know she means after my Julen was killed in Granada. He was always outspoken but sometimes I forget that he is gone now.
"I do what he would have wanted me to do, my friend."
She looks at me with a saddened face "but is this what you want? It is the right thing, yet I never felt you as much of a fighter."
I stay silent, and just start going east, I hear Alexia quickly take her jacket on and run to match me, the two internationalists follow suit.
Not many words are shared between us, Alexia thinking and watching the river stream to see how to walk around it. Elizabeth takes in the view of the valley while she can.
And Virgilio? No idea what his mind is up to but his rifle is always on the ready.
It's funny to think that before all this we were sharing stories about who'd we like to be once this was all over. I think we all here just want the world to be a little better.
So many around us said we are killing ourselves for this cause, but truly. And maybe we are, but at least we fight for the rights of people here, to not have them taken by opportunists and cruel conservative tyrants. And if I were to die here, I know I died for a better world and not for a nation that cares little for me.
And I am sure that everyone here would say the same, Virgilio's home was taken from him by Mussolini's regime and Elizabeth dreams that maybe one day the United States unions can take power to finally make life for people manageable. And I remember Alexia wished for the Popular Front to get their shit together and finally solve the problems in this country.
If we only could establish a precedent here, maybe the world could slowly change too.
My thoughts are interrupted by the muffled breathing from nearby foliage upon our path. I quickly holster my Astra four-hundred.
Vergilio stands on the ready to fire, Elizabeth is seemingly not sure what to do but still pulls our her pistol.
Alexia grips her revolver on her belt and angles her hanging M-1938 out of the way before pushing through the leaves, I follow her quickly to see a relatively young man lay there completely scared.
His arm, on which we all obviously see the insignia of the falange, draped in blood. Seems he had tried to stop the bleeding with his own uniform but it did not work well and which is why he was unable to fire back with his SIG KE7 laying next to him.
"Mercy please, I beg you.", Vergilio furrows and aims his rifle at the kid "Why would we trust a fascist?". Alexia lowers his gun and starts dressing the youth's wounds.
"We'll regret this, I know of it", says the Italian before going out into the clearing from where we came from. Elizabeth asks for the falangist's name.
"Mateo...", he stands up"...Djaén" he stretches his hand up, now bandaged and covered in less blood. No one shakes it. He looks lost like a dog, covered in mid and branch scratches.
"Can I come with you? I owe you all." Alexia shrugs and laughs "Won't you be afraid to be around enemies?", Mateo thinks for a short while, "You helped me, I was ready to give up there. You are not an enemy of mine no longer.", "Then why you with them?", he glances at me "My friends were there I suppose, and god showed me this way, and god sent you all to me here."
Elizabeth sighs, "sure whatever, it would be cruel to just leave him alone. Let's go", she leaves the bushes and Alexia shortly follows, waving for us to do the same.
Mateo straps his machine gun unto his back with slight discomfort from an assumed lack of use, I tail him in the column as we keep marching eastwards still.
After almost an hour of silence, Mateo breaks it by asking "Why do you all think the republic can still keep going?", Vergilio coughs "oh sure it can't but if Franco wins then for sure it will get even worse." The kid goes quite again. Although he didn't seem upset over it, just taking his time to dwell it all over, looking at the sky and speaking whispers to himself. Not sure what to think of him.
Our walk keeps on, uneventful til' dusk and we eventually find another cave to dwell in for the night. I must get comfortable with this routine I suppose.
As we take rest, Mateo spoke of his home in Granada, "Y'know, never been out of there, only got to travel around Spain with my division, didn't know it was so beautiful out there."
quickly we realize that his upbringing was most likely not ideal, went homeless at 14, did odd jobs to survive and eventually got employed at some factory for no pay and only shelter and feed. Alexia kept sharpening a wooden trinket, listening to Mateo.
Reminds me of when me and Julen would run the streets of Madrid when we were younger, trespassing to sleep the night and keep going. Until he found a job for us. I wonder what I would have done if it weren't for him and Alexia. He always knew what he believed in and I can see it in Alexia now, I just wish I had learned that determination before he, well, was gone.
"I kept goin' like that until I met some guys who used to hang out locally, part of some military division. I thought they were making fun of me at first but eventually they showed me around how to use a gun and such. Taught me to read, something about god I think too."
Vergilio didn't say a word, but from his face poured of pity and regret, his pained expression as he watched without flinching at the kid. Elizabeth kept noting stuff down and asking him more questions, "do you think those people were good men?", "why do you think so?", "but you say that they told you that jews can't be trusted?" that last question seemingly pained her to ask. "do you trust me?", "uh, yes, I trust you all here.", "But I was born into a jewish family.", Alexia stops carving as she hears it and looks at Elizabeth, understandingly.
Mateo doesn't know what to say to that, "I'm sorry, I didn't know, never met a jew before...", he looks scared again. Looking at the little fire that was made to keep warm. No one says anything, a violent silence. But no one wants to break it. Except an echo from deeper in the cave came through, at first I thought it was a radio communication, I got so excited that I ran but then I realized, no. It was not, on the other end of the cave were two people shouting at each other. Around a turn in the cave, a lamp light beaming through with the voices. As everyone caught up to me, Alexia turned the corner with her submachine gun holstered.
"DON'T YOU SEE? IT IS A CROWN OF THE BOURBON YOU FOOL, ALL THESE LANDS BELONG TO HIM!"
"IT'S CRACKED, SO WE NEED A NEW WAY, WHY ARE WE EVEN ARGUING ABOUT THIS? LET ME SLEEP"
"Those are just cave drawings of deer horns?" Alexia interjects.
The younger man laying on the floor agrees at first before coming to the realization that it's not just the two of them anymore.
The older man, bearing the african uniform of the Alfonsoist reign. Greets us all, one by one and trying to shake our hands. Only Mateo shakes his hand.
"Sorry for getting lost sir Capitán", "You are back with your troops, all is fine. Who are these uh, people?"
Mateo looks back at us, smiles slightly and says that we helped him.
"Your righteousness, Xavier Capitán, why are you wasting time on meeting our enemies?" says the half-sleeping younger man.
"Silence Mr Vaquero. Not only do you lack the knowledge of divine right but respect either.", "Hello, Goodnight, I'm Victor, Dios, Patria, Fueros, Rey or whatever"
From the corner of my eye, I can see Vergilio be tempted to just shoot them all, but his heart is in another place right now by the shaking of his hands. And I would feel bad killing the kid or what appear to be those who took care of him, even if they probably are terrible people.
"So you kind people, heading east too? I hope we can make a truce"
Victor, laying, covering his ears turns "Another truce? Oh last one went so great with those two did it? They stole all our supplies and tried to burn us alive so we ran for an entire day on no sleep, great fucking idea."
"How many people are wandering the valley?", Xavier looks at me with his tired eyes "Oh, not sure, those were the only other ones we saw pass by. Terrorists those, horrible. But now we are at your mercy I'm afraid."
Elizabeth chooses to write down as much as she can, at the side.
"Eh, sure we can work together for now. We all are people after all, ey?" says Alexia with a smile.
The rest of the night is uneventful, we gave them some bags to actually rest on somewhat comfortably, Victor was probably the first one to go into the dream realm while Xavier insisted on keeping a nightguard, Vergilio decided that he has to also to be sure no one does anything funny. I slept soundly for once, it is weird how much more visceral and restful you can sleep when you don't know if you are going to make it tomorrow, one with nature and ancient cave art.
Sometimes I wonder, if those ancestors of ours, from oh so long, could know what would happen here, us fighting for things greater than them. Flying steel birds of death and weapons of extreme range and destruction.
Perhaps in those ancient times, there was a certainty that only what nature gave, could it also take.
As the morning rose once more, I had found my calm and deep dreaming interrupted by the extremely loud and echoing conversation of the rights of kings of Spain.
For beyond the obvious of them both being monarchists, they don't support the same monarchs to take the throne and for a reason I truly cannot explain, instead of trying to convince anyone else to their cause, they are trying to convince each other why their respective monarchs should be the one to take the crown.
Although I am not sure why they are wondering this since the crown of Spain has been vacant for a little while already, but sure. As long as they don't kill each other over it, I think to myself.
Elizabeth gently tries to wake. Vergilio as he seems to have dozed off pretty strongly in the middle of the night until Alexia just picks him up unto her own shoulders, moves her head to keep going and leads the way further. I wait for everyone to leave the periphery of the cave before ending the column with myself. The Monarchists and Mateo walk together, talking about something in silent tones. Although Victor's sighs and annoyance is visible and can be sensed in the air. And his paranoia in the turning of his head and arms at his waist.
Mateo seemed happy and would float between those two and Elizabeth who would try to enquire at him more calmly, less provocatively. With a graceful smile on her face.
I tried my best to keep my calm, I know they must still be armed to some degree. Can't ever trust one who aligns with that nationalist rebellion. But we have to be better people, and maybe an effective combatant should kill the enemy at first sight, yet I want to believe that some still have a heart that is not ruled by fear or bitterness. That can see what is right and wrong. We all make mistakes, maybe if I was there when my Julen was shot, he could have lived. Maybe we could have died together. Everytime I think about it, I miss him more than I should. Alexia wanted to join the CNT syndicalists in Barcelona with him, but that never happened. She still did, just there still feels like an emptiness without him around between us. We both loved him.
The distant hills and the wending river upon the horizon, almost make me forget where I am. Drowning all thought as the clear sky beams the sun directly at us all. It is the summer after all, and all the trees are beaming with their jade leaves. The pulsing noises of their leaves, so entrancing the wind that I had almost not noticed the sound of tracks moving down the valley.
A German tank driving slowly a good distance down the slope, without a clue of our existence. Viktor and Xavier seemingly are talking about it but I can't tell, Mateo, the now awoken Vergilio and Elizabeth stand silently watching the steel beast slowly turn around to match the river, going to what I believe is Northward. The banner of the Francoists and under it, of the holy see, following the wind.
Alexia suggests we just let them pass and continue east, Vergilio is slightly annoyed but says nothing and I tend to agree with him but I don't think we can with this trio. That's a disaster in the making.
Elizabeth looks at the three: "You could probably just go to them, just don't mention us". Mateo looks a bit distraught from it and looks at Xavier who stands there unnervingly.
The engine motor of the nearby tank stops, Vergilio pulls up his rifle but is quickly disarmed by Victor who punches him in the face, he buckles down in pain as blood comes from his face. Before I hear the gunshot, Xavier knocks me to the floor as I try to grapple him. Despite his apparent age, he is still an active combatant. The ringing of the pistol pulses my head in pain and before the world passes from my senses I only hear Mateo barely speaking, "I'm sorry Elizabeth,please give me your gun."
That bulletshot rings through out my head even in the darkness, like static noise from the radio. Can't help to think, that perhaps this is the end of me. Here I lay, melting back into the ground as so many before me. I feel the coldness of stone, of that great calling beyond existence. yearn not of it, no. please, I must wake to see the end in the eyes. A laughter penetrates my mind, a most primitive one. Of how funny it is that we laugh when the pain is too great. "Waking up hero boy?", the comforting voice of Vergilio penetrates me with the contempt. "Yes, i know". His face to the right of me, sighs. "They fucking shot Alexia and are now fucking drinking, apparently the tank crew had booze or whatever. fuck!"
The laughter is coming from yet another cavern to the walls of which our backs are turned against. Mateo is in front of us, his face, so confused and broken. Holding his machine gun in our direction. I can feel my hands tied up behind my back. What a fucking a nightmare. "Yeah, you were right Vergilio", "How the hell did you guys make it for so long with that golden heart of yours?", Elizabeth sobs a little in the background.
Now I know how Julen must have felt right before they executed him, before he was forced to walk out and receive a ritual, quick, death.
"I just wish you were here, just as I die. Is this the cost of that heaven you gave me?"
Vergilio glares at me "Are you okay Sergi? ugh, i know how we can get out y'know."
Mateo, sitting on a boulder, turns slightly towards my Italian friend.
A silence once more, oh this moment will take an eternity, I know of it.
"Hey Mateo!", a thin man with a large coat and radio equipment, juxtaposed by the cross around his upper torso comes out of the cave.
"Me.. eh. and Téo have decided that the undesirables.. we can't support them until we reach base. so... you can y'kno... remove them."
Mateo looks, his face red, motionless "Hey Mateo? We aren't going to have a problem right?", "I'm not doing it sir..."
The commander straightens his head, then chuckles "No, you are. So go on", footsteps interrupt him as Viktor comes out
"Is everything alright Father?", "Mateo doesn't want", a ringing of bullets echo through the cave. I close my eyes in pain, a short burst of noise so closely.
Both of the men lay dead, Vergilio bursts into action having cut the rope around his arms and rushed to cut mine while Mateo ran to remove the rope for Elizabeth.
"So what made you change allegiance, friend?"
"Well", he sobs "You guys didn't discuss killing me the entire time."
I hear the running of footsteps and a man in the uniform of the Portuguese legion, armed and ready, about to fire his submachine gun at us all. Before another gunshot from the woods fires and as quickly, he joins the other two bodies.
From the darkness of the woods, three other people emerge.
Alexia, joined by another person with the CNT armband over their uniform and a woman with clothes I wouldn't be able to tell you of what origin. Maybe Russian or French? Old for sure.
"Took you a lot a while", mutters Vergilio, "Oh so you knew?" chuckles as she shows her bandaged left arm. "Well I did see you run so I'd assume you wouldn't leave us dead, for the other two? That's nice. What's with the lady in the coat?"
"Hello, I'm Maria", "She's the crackshot who the integralist, oh i'm Archie also lad, nice to meet ya", Alexia interjects further, "Met the two who robbed those two monarchists apparently just kiting us, Maria doesn't speak Spanish that well, she's from the Makhnovists from what i understood. Funny coincidence."
It takes me a while to come to my senses from all of that, Elizabeth tries to comfort Mateo and Vergilio is learning to drive the tank. Xavier must have ran off when the gun fire started since we didn't find him in the cave.
After a short rest and long conversation around the fire, where the two anarchists told us of their war stories, and reasons to be here. Of the fights in Catalonia and the Basques, In Ukraine and the flight of the Makhnovists to Paris, upon the dawn we rode the panzer east.
No idea how the offense on Cordoba is going now, we chose to go back to Madrid. I'm sorry General Miaja.
We will return here one day, to a free Spain. Soon, I can promise you all this.
The future is in the hand of the kind, it is not with ease did we bury those three.
But at least Mateo is with us now, at least we didn't need to bury four.
I hope your spirit Julen, never dies. Thank you.