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Samarie lay there, recovered, weight restored, and nearly two months late.
Sure her periods were irregular after the hysteria which made her starve was in remission. However, it being so late, combined with the nausea, and her frequent trips to the bathroom, and that one time they were unsafe…
Samarie lazily rolled to her side with the covers still over her. She reached for the telephone on her nightstand and dialed Marina’s number, straining herself. She had a headache, and when the phone started ringing, she held her head with her free hand to soothe it.
At last, Marina picked up.
“This is Marina, who is this?”
“Hi Marie, it’s me.”
“Good morning, Samie! Why are you calling? Not to be like rude but you never call me this early.”
“I know. I just needed to tell you something.”
“Oh?” Marina’s voice softened from her usual sarcastic tone, “good things.”
“Kind of, kind of not.”
“Tell me!”
Samarie bit her lip and whispered, “I think I’m pregnant.”
There was silence on the other line.
“Are you mad? I’m sorry, I should’ve—“
“Samarie! Stop apologizing. I'm not mad. If anything, it’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Right, it’s no one’s fault. So let’s figure out what to do,” her voice grew serious, “you can move here maybe, and get a job. I have to get another job. If anyone questions us, just say we’re roommates. But before we do anything, we need to…”
“Tell Daan and Karin.”
“Ugh, I never wanted them to know about me.”
Marina sounded tearful. It made Samarie want to cry too. In fact, a tear slipped from her eye.
“I know. But we’ll talk to them together.”
“What if they don’t let me see you again?”
“They don’t control me.”
“I still don’t want you to get kicked out or something.”
“It’ll be fine, I don’t care about getting kicked out. I care about you.”
“Still.”
They made plans to meet up after breakfast. When she hung up the phone, she blinked out a few more tears from her eyes. The truth was, she did care. Not about being kicked out, but because of the principle. She didn’t want to be abandoned by the people she had come to love and see as family. Most of all, she was worried about Marina.
If anyone found out, that risked everyone finding out. Someone might try to hurt her, or even the baby! She pledged to herself that she would keep Marina safe, no matter what. Though she knew that Daan and Karin would never do something like that, their words could be like knives, stabbing Marina to death.
Feeling heavy, Samarie got out of bed. She went to her vanity and grabbed her porcelain hairbrush. Dragging it through her thin, tangled hair, she couldn’t shake her anxiety. She didn’t want to go downstairs, but she knew she had to. For herself. And for the baby.
Daan was at the stove boiling some eggs. She sat down across from Karin, who was drinking black coffee. Samarie grimaced a little. She hated black coffee, and needed it with cream.
“Morning, Samarie. How’d you sleep?”
She shrugged and mumbled, “Fine.”
“What was that?”
Before she could answer, Daan came with a plate of breakfast in either hand. Boiled eggs, toast with butter, and sausage.
“Here you are, ladies.”
He set the plates in front of them. Samarie looked at hers, and her stomach rumbled. She was so hungry, and was up nearly all night thinking of buttered toast. There was still that little voice in her head that told her not to eat, but she knew not to listen to it anymore.
Soon, Daan made his own plate and sat at the head of the round breakfast table.
“How was your sleep, Samarie?”
“Fine,” she snapped, just wanting to eat.
Daan and Karin exchanged looks and he regarded her again.
“Whatever is the matter?”
Samarie took a large bite out of the toast, “Nothing.”
Really, everything was the matter.
Her clothes were itchy. She still had a headache. She hadn’t had coffee yet, and she already had to use the restroom. She was pregnant. Pregnant. And they would have to tell the ones sitting with her at the table, and explain to them how exactly a girl got another girl pregnant. That word wouldn’t leave her mind. She was pregnant.
But, it wasn’t all bad.
See, she was carrying Marina’s child. A part of Marina was inside her. There would be a child, who might have any combination of their faces. A real, living person that showed their love for each other.
More than that, she sort of wanted a baby. She was sick of being the one who had to be taken care of, sick of being sick. She wanted to feed someone else, and play with them, and give them the childhood that was stolen from her all those years ago.
“Samarie?”
“What?!”
Daan scoffed, “Where were you off to? You’ve just been sitting, staring a hole into the wall, and eating.”
She looked down to see a nearly empty plate.
“Did you taste it?”
Not thinking before she acted, she slammed her fork down on the table. The chair screeched against the floor as she got up. She went straight for the front porch.
She took the train to a stop near Marina’s apartment complex. As she walked down the street, she couldn’t help but feel prideful. Nobody who spared her a glance or shoved past her would know her secret. She wished it could just stay a secret.
When she got to the complex, she climbed the stairs, taking more pride in the fact that she could do that now. Samarie came to Marina’s door, regarded it, and knocked. It was quite odd to see morning light leaking through the window at the end of the hallway. After some shuffling behind the door, it opened.
Marina wore a bathrobe and fuzzy red slippers, her hair wet and down around her shoulders. To put it in short, she looked beautiful. She admired her for perhaps too long, because Marina pulled her inside by her dress sleeve.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” She sighed, “Gods, sit down.”
Samarie obeyed, sitting on a soft living room chair.
“How do you feel?”
“Fine. I guess.”
“Alright good,” Marina said, pacing around the room, then stopping and clasping her hands together, “So, we need a doctor to see if you’re pregnant. But you’re really sure? You feel pregnant?”
“Yes!”
“Alright, alright, have some tea.”
Marina grabbed a tea tray from the kitchen with cups and a creamer tin and a bowl of sugar cubes. When she set it down on the rickety old coffee table, Samarie grabbed a cup immediately, not even putting cream and sugar in it the way she liked. It was peppermint, so she didn’t mind anyway. She gulped it down.
As Samarie finished her tea, and Marina sat sipping hers, she thought that it dawned on them both that this was real. It wasn’t a game or a fantasy. Those things they talked about on the phone might actually come true. They really had to tell Daan and Karin. She saw the nervousness in Marina’s eyes.
Samarie proposed, “Maybe we could just run away somewhere?”
“Run away?” Marina sank deeper into her chair, looking at the ceiling, “Samie, I’m not going to take you away from people who are pretty much your family. Hell, they’re like my family too!”
Samarie nodded.
“If they were okay with us dating in the first place—“
“It took a while,” Samarie added for no particular reason other than she felt like making jabs.
“Yes, but not because we’re both girls. So maybe they won’t be mad about,” she gestured to her body, “me.”
Samarie was silent for a moment. She mulled over the elephant in the room.
“Do you want to keep it?”
Marina scoffed,”Of course I do. I want a baby of our own, I want to take care of you both, I want us to be happy. I’m just scared that they’ll disagree.”
“I know,” Samarie searched for the right words, “But even if they reject you, I’ll still be here. We’ll always have each other. And the baby.”
“And the baby,” Marina repeated, then smiled, “this is amazing, I mean, isn’t it? You’re healthy enough to carry a baby now. We’re going to be parents.”
Samarie gave a reserved smile, “I’ll probably have to get healthier.”
“Still!”
“Well, when should we tell them?”
She sighed, “I guess we better do it sooner than later. But I need time to prepare.”
“Yes, of course,” she replied.
They organized a date, and a few days later, Marina showed up at the door. It was under the guise of a dinner party. That way, Marina’s being there wouldn’t be a shock.
She arrived in a rose pink dress, “It’s a persuasive color!”
Samarie only smiled, flushed, and beckoned her inside.
Daan was setting the table, and Karin was sitting there drinking another black coffee as she scribbled furiously in a notebook. Samarie pulled out a chair for Marina.
“I should be the one getting chairs for you!”
“Why?” Daan inquired, eyebrow raised, setting plates of delicious smelling food on the table.
“Because I love her,” Marina said, grabbing her hand.
Daan shrugged and walked away to grab more dishes.
Soon, the table was set, and they all sat down in a half-circle at the kitchen table. They did not say grace, though Samarie prayed a silent prayer for protection and peace. They began to eat. Hardly ten minutes passed before Samarie blurted it out.
“We have something to tell you!”
Marina shot her a look, but nodded, and held her hand tighter. She quickly chewed and swallowed a piece of meat pie.
“Um,” she stuttered, beginning to sweat, “Well, I found out a few days ago that… um.”
Their eyes were all on her. Their expressions all read differently. Questioning, confused, concerned. But they were all zeroed in on her.
“You can tell us anything,” Daan assured.
“I’m pregnant!”
Daan’s face lost all color. Marina stopped chewing, her eyes darting back and forth. Karin was nodding.
“I know,” she said.
Samarie stared at her in disbelief.
“It’s obvious, I mean, you’re hungry. You’re moody. You’re using the bathroom about a hundred times per day. The one thing that gave it away though, was that you were stealing tampons from our bathroom.”
Daan’s pale face turned red.
“It’s alright,” Karin said, “Maybe I haven’t told Daan yet, but you know we’ll accommodate you however we can.”
Samarie nodded.
“So, how?” Karin asked, putting a hand to her chin, “I’ve been wondering about that. You would never cheat on her.”
“Never!” Samarie froze, looking into Karin’s convicting eyes. It was time to tell the secret, but it wasn’t hers to tell, “I-I think Marina wanted to tell you herself. I’m sorry.”
Marina squeezed her hand.
“Well, this is hard for me to say,” she sounded tearful, “only three people have ever known; Samarie and my parents.”
“What is it, Marina?” Daan asked.
“I…I was born male. I got Samarie pregnant.”
“I know,” he replied, tears in his eyes.
“How?” Marina spoke the word for everyone.
Daan lifted his glass and took a swig. He talked only to Marina now, chuckling warmly, “You think I couldn’t hear you? In the orphanage? When you talked to O’saa about your father.”
Samarie turned to look at her. She was flushed.
“You called yourself his ‘cross-dressing son.’”
“Yes,” she replied with a shaking voice.
“You’re not a cross dresser. You’re a girl, just like the rest of them. Only you were born differently.”
Marina was crying in earnest now, and so was Samarie. They both breathed a sigh of relief though. The hard part was over.
“Thank you,” Marina said, and Samarie whispered the same thing.
“You don’t have to thank anyone,” Karin leaned in, “I’ve heard of this before; women born male, men born female. It’s quite interesting, actually.”
Marina smiled through her tears, “It is.”
“Yes,” Samarie said, “It’s a beautiful thing.”
“Well,” Daan said, as if he was teaching a class and trying to get back to the subject at hand, “Why were you having unsafe sex?”
Karin stifled a laugh. Samarie grew angry, “Is that seriously what you’re concerned about?! The act is already done.”
“Of course it is, you should know better.”
“It was one time,” she held up one finger and then slammed it down, “How many times have you and Karin—“
“This is not about us, it’s about you two. I support you, and you have a place here. I support your choice to keep it, but I hope you were prepared to have a child when you were unsafe.”
“I’m prepared now!”
“Either way,” Karin sat up and motioned with her hands for them to settle down, “Let’s talk about something productive. What’s the plan?”
They all stared at her, blank-faced.
“I thought,” Samarie’s voice fell to a barely coherent mumble, “I could move in with Marina.”
“Nonsense! Marina can move here.”
Daan nodded, “Of course.”
“She’ll sleep with you in your room of course, and we’ll turn the spare room into a nursery.”
“It sounds perfect,” he said, “I guess we’ll be the aunt and uncle.”
“Exactly.”
“What do you two think, living together? We all may start hating each other.”
“It won’t take much,” Marina joked.
The tension in the room fell, and they all chuckled.