Chapter Text
It happened just as he left the Empire Estate Building. Nico had been summoned by his father. Hades had asked him to take a package to Persephone, who was in Olympus for the summer. It had been easy. Nico left through the exhibits exit to avoid the guard looking at him suspiciously – he always did that, Nico was sure the guard definitely didn't like demigods. Nico thought maybe he held the battle of Manhattan against them, if it even was the same guy (surely it had to be?). Plus, he liked to see the exhibits, even though he wouldn’t admit it. He couldn’t help imagining that he would have seen it, visited even, maybe, with Bianca and his mom, back when they’d arrived in the United States. L’America. It would have been a little mythical to him, at the time. He looked at the old photos of New York, part of him unable to separate these images from the real ones, those that were not sepia or black and white. It was also true that a lot of his memories lacked colour, it’s as if they’d been stripped down from detail. He was deep within his head when a small boy had literally walked into him-
Mamma! Dove sei?
Vieni qui! Federico!
A woman in a blue dress picked up the child and admonished him for walking off and not looking where he was going. Nico couldn't help staring, listening to their exchange. The woman noticed
- “excuse us...”
- “va bene” - said Nico, “è solo piccolino”
- “è cattivo” - Said the woman in a tone that tried to be stern, but she was smiling at her son. Your accent is really good, she said in a strongly accented English.
Nico’s mind went blank. Oh. She meant his accent in Italian.
- “grazie”
Nico wanted to say – to shout, really – that no, this wasn’t a language he had managed to have a good accent in through learning and practice, this was his first language, the one he had spoken until he was 8 years old and he'd moved to the US. But it was obviously not something it would make sense to do right now. The woman couldn’t have known the meaning of what she was implying. He knew he didn't look Italian, not really. He could usually recognise Italian tourists before they even opened their mouths. It was something about the way they carried themselves, the way they dressed. There was a recognisable style to them, their jackets and shoes, how they moved their hands when they spoke. Nico didn’t have all that, and he knew his olive complexion could be from many places. This was New York after all.
But the starker realisation was that even if he could give the woman all of these explanations, he would have struggled to find the words. He hadn't even thought in Italian for a long time now, his only times using the language at the bodega he sometimes went to get ingredients from. The owner usually greeted him in Italian, but then switched to English, being born in New York himself. He had always assumed the language would always be there, like an infinite resource he could draw upon. Clearly he had been wrong.
He could still hear the Italian family talking as he walked away, discussing whether they should buy something or other from the souvenir store. He could follow the conversation, but he realised he would have found it hard to join in, really.
-------
Will got home to the familiar smell of Nico cooking. Tomatoes and garlic hit him first, but he could smell the basil and oregano that usually went with his signature sauce. He thanked the power of prophecy for the urge he'd had to get fresh bread – Nico probably hadn't. He guessed Nico wasn't cooking anything too complicated, he'd just throw the sauce on some spaghetti.
“Hungry?” Nico said as soon as he entered the apartment. It was a small open plan layout with a kitchen at the end - a nice large window letting the light in. The windows were wide open, the coffee table full of books. He could hear the noises of Manhattan, even from their relatively quiet corner of the city.
“Starving” Will said as he set the bread on the table and went in to give Nico a kiss. But as he approached, Nico immediately brought his arms around his shoulders, burying his face in Will's neck and taking a deep breath. Out of the corner of his eye, Will saw something dark move behind the sofa. The cocoa puffs were at home.
“What did Hades want?” Will said into Nico’s shoulder.
Nico stepped back, turning over to look at the sauce he was making. He didn’t look Will in the eyes. “Oh, nothing much. I just had to take a package to Persephone on Olympus. She didn’t even come out to see me. She sent a dryad to receive it. I was in an out in less than 10 minutes. I wonder what it was though. It was so light I kind of wondered if it was empty”
“I wouldn't put it past the gods to ask for an empty box to be carried around just to keep us occupied. Did you tell him you don’t have classes on Fridays?”
“He probably knows. I've no idea if I've ever mentioned it”
“Did you go to camp?”
“Oh yeah – no, Sadness and Guilt came here a while ago. I’m fine though.”
They ate as Will told Nico about his day. He'd been at the library mainly, but he'd also met with Lou Ellen for lunch. Even though she also lived in New York, they didn’t see her so often. She had a new girlfriend – she always had someone. Sometimes Will wondered vaguely what that was like.
“She seems happy,” Will said. “Really happy actually, she was talking about how to breach the demigod subject, that's how serious she is feeling about it”
“Wow, that's a first.”
They had finished their food, Will had cleaned the plate with a piece of bread, and was now fidgeting with another piece, making crumbs with his fingers, he made a cube out of dough. Nico resisted the urge to tell him to stop. He felt a little unsettled. He kept going back to the conversation he had - no, the conversation he hadn’t had – the conversation he could have had, with the Italian woman. Or the kid. He could have made an effort. He’d been going over the conversation in his head, coming up with dialogue, trying different reactions. Trying to work out whether he could do it.
Will brought him back to the present.
“What's up with you? Did something happen, at Olympus? Did someone say anything to you?” Will looked at him, his eyes deep. Nico knew he should tell him but held back. Why was this suddenly such a big deal for him?
“Umm, no, not really”
He knew Will would see through this, but he really didn’t want to discuss it. “I’m just a bit tired and, I don’t know, I don’t like going up there, you know.”
Will looked at him again, as though trying to make his mind about pushing him more. He must have decided to let it go, because he stood up and started telling Nico about Austin’s new band. It was a full jazz band and fast becoming prestigious in the local scene, which was hardly surprising. Austin was very excited about it, though, Will was saying. They cleared up the table and the kitchen, Nico listening to Will and letting his mind wander following Will’s narrations. His dramatic streak wasn’t overly notorious, but he could definitely spin a story. It was a form of charisma that Nico couldn’t resist. Not that he was even trying.
Nico had some reading to do for class the following week and decided to do a bit of that. Even studying seemed to be better than to pay attention to what was in his mind. He wasn’t totally successful, but then Will put on a movie that they didn’t watch, distracted with each other’s mouths. That helped.
Later, as they laid in bed, Nico wondering if Will had fallen asleep, he felt shuffling as a few more of the Cocoapuffs came into the room.
“Do you know why they are here?” Will almost whispered. He seemed half asleep.
Nico sighed, and moved his arm to grab Will’s wrist.
Will moved so that he was on his back. His eyes were now open, but he looked very relaxed. He traced Nico’s knuckles with his thumb, soothing. Nico wasn’t even sure that he was aware he was doing it. It was the gentlest of powers, and yet, so powerful. Will was able to bring calm to almost any situation. As long as he was able to keep calm himself, that was.
“I’m tired, Let’s talk tomorrow. You’re tired too. Let’s go to sleep, ok?
Will turned over and kissed his shoulder. “Okay”, he whispered. He really must have been tired, because he closed his eyes and sighed once, and Nico felt how he relaxed next to him. He shuffled a bit to put his head on Will’s shoulder and closed his eyes too.
The next morning, Nico sat in the semi penumbra, cup of coffee in front of him when Will came into the room. Sadness was on his lap, like a cat.
“You’re up early,” said Will.
“I couldn’t sleep. What time is it?”
“Nearly eight.”
“You slept in,” Nico almost smiled.
Will came to sit with him, pretty much on top of him. Nico didn’t mind, but Sadness chirped, annoyed.
“I made coffee.”
“Thanks.” Will didn’t move. Nico laid his head on Will’s shoulder, closed his eyes. He sighed. He would only feel better after talking about this.
“I've forgotten how to speak Italian”
Had he forgotten? It’s more like he had lost the words, he thought. It felt so long ago… it was so long ago. His life was so fucking weird. Italy seemed like another world, something that happened to another person, almost. He had few memories from his childhood, after the Lethe, but some had come back over the years, enough to piece up a story. A lot of his memories weren’t specific though; it was a bit like remembering feelings and actions. He was sometimes reminded of sounds and smells he somehow knew were of the house they’d lived in, or places he’d been to frequently. He distinctly remembered helping his nonna with her cooking, even if he couldn’t remember her face. He felt like he could remember her words, her letting him lick the spoons once she was done mixing things, not just when they were sweet. He was pretty sure she’d spoken mainly in Venetto, but he knew he had had to speak Italian at school. Venetto was frowned upon, and even Maria Di Angelo, who spoke evil of Mussolinin in private, usually spoke proper Italian with him and Bianca.
“What do you mean you've forgotten?” Will asked, after a short pause in which he looked at Nico, his head a little tilted to the right.
“I have. I just – I haven’t really, like, really spoken it to anyone in so long and – I don’t know, I haven’t even thought in Italian for years and-” He stopped, feeling his throat closing a little. Why was he getting so upset about this?
But Will didn’t seem convinced. “Don’t you speak Italian with Nino at the Bodega?” He gestured vaguely towards the kitchen – as if he knew – of course he knew, that Nico had been there only yesterday. Nino was from the south though, or at least his family were. Nico was suddenly a little irritated with Will. He knew this. He must.
Nico sighed.
“We say greetings in Italian, Will. He was born here, I think, although he obviously has a family to speak the language with. Now that I think about it, the whole lot of them have probably also forgotten a bit of it, just like me. Whenever we have a slightly longer conversation, we just switch back to English. Also, it’s not like we have that much to talk about”
Will seemed unconvinced, his eyes slightly narrowed. Nico thought this was maybe difficult to understand, even for Will, who was usually so good at understanding Nico. It was like he had a special power just for that. But if not even Will got it, what were Nico’s chances of ever working this out himself? What did it even matter? It was just a language that he didn’t even need.
"You'll always be Italian" Will said. He knocked Nico's foot with his, sideways. "I know its in there somewhere” he pointed towards Nico’s head. “Maybe you just need to practice?" Will inhaled as it to continue talking, but Nico wanted him to stop.
“You're right. I just need to find someone to practice with -”
Just as Will was about to reply, Lou Ellen's voice rang over the table in front of them.
“Will!”
Nico waved his hand, and the Iris message came through. Lou's eyes were red rimmed, her face anxious.
“We're both here Lou”, Nico said before she could say anything, to make sure she knew he'd hear whatever she had to say.
“Nico! Can you come and get me? I don’t want to be alone”
Will and Nico exchanged a look. Will wondered what could have happened - she'd seemed so happy yesterday.
Nico was already standing up. “Let me get my shoes.”
Finding himself alone all of a sudden, Will started tidying up the kitchen, wondering what he could do to help Nico feel better. He thought he understood. Well, a little bit. Maybe it was similar to him being from Texas, but he hadn’t actually lived in Texas for so long – but no, it was different, because he visited. Less and less often, as the time passed, which he felt a little sad about, but he could at least visit anytime. Maybe he should plan a trip to Texas soon. Maybe they should also go to Italy – he knew Nico had been to Venice years ago in the Argo, and he realised he knew little about that experience, just the parts that had mattered for the quest, and Nico didn’t like talking about that. Europe could still be dangerous for demigods, and big jumps like that one still made Nico very tired. It was always a risk, to be in the ancient lands and debilitated. Will decided he had to come up with a plan, but before he could really think anything through and just as he was pouring himself a cup of coffee, Nico and Lou were back.
“What happened?” Will went to hug Lou Ellen, who was looking a little dizzy from the shadow travelling. She recovered quickly though, and sat down with her elbows on the table, her head in her hands. Sadness sat under her chair, guilt went back to the corner behind the sofa. Doubt lingered nearby – when had it shown up?
Lou Ellen told them how she’d decided to go ahead and tell Diana that she was the daughter of a Greek goddess. It wasn’t easy to explain, and Diana had apparently thought it must be a joke, and had ultimately laughed at Lou Ellen, before changing the subject and finding a reason to leave.
“Fuck. Does it mean it’s over between you?” asked Nico, always straight to the point.
“I don’t know. I guess she doesn’t think so? I expect she’ll try to get an explanation from me. BUT, maybe it was too soon. I don’t know, I think I ruined it.”
Will didn’t know what to say. He looked at Nico, who was looking at Lou. He looked thoughtful, but he said nothing.
“After Carlos, I really thought honesty was the best policy. I wish I had told him – but it just felt wrong, after such a long time lying to him” Lou Ellen’s voice was so low, Will could hardly hear her.
“You weren’t lying to him, Lou,” he said softly
“I was withholding the truth.”
“It’s not the easiest thing to explain,” said Nico. “I think you have a point, about telling sooner rather than later. The longer you take, the harder it gets to come clean?”
“Exactly that. I really thought I could make her understand. But she didn’t even let me try”. She looked at them. Nico was on her right, Will on her left. They sat at a small round table, the apartment small but full of late summer light, coming in even though it was nearly October. “I guess, of all, people, you’re the ones that will never have to go through anything like that?”
Will looked down, feeling a little guilty (where was Guilt now anyway?), why should he, though? Yet he knew how lucky they were. He reached his foot to nudge Nico’s under the table. The other boy was looking at him when he looked up. Serious, but a smile in his eyes.
“Oh, come on”, said Lou Ellen, “you guys are the worst. I’m so happy for you, you know that, right? I’ve known Diana for less than three months, and the first two weeks of that we hadn’t even met in person. I probably should just stay single for a while”
Nico put his arms down on the table and laid his head down on them, looking up at Lou. “I think that could work? But, can you?” he said in a low voice.
Lou just shoved him on the shoulder, a hint of a smile over her tears.
Will was just in time for the September intake at the Italian cultural centre. It hadn’t taken him long to enrol, and since he had a fairly new timetable anyway, it was easy for him to add that to his calendar without Nico noticing the extra weekly hour that he spent in class. Nico was busy, too, so he even got time to complete his assignments – not that they were many – and do his homework without telling anyone about it.
Nico didn’t bring up the language as a big issue again, but when Will suggested that they watch a couple of Italian films, both of them from the golden age of Italian cinema, he agreed this was a good idea and soon he came up with a few more titles of his own. They watched them with English subtitles, and Will found that it was super helpful for his class. He had managed to go straight into the level two part of the elementary course. He found that he had actually learned a lot of Italian from Nico (including a lot of swear words). Thinking about it made him realise that in fact, Nico said a lot of things in Italian. Or he used to. It had gotten less with time. It made sense. Nico had no one that spoke Italian in his life, and his memories from childhood were still limited. So much of it had been lost in the Lethe. Even if some events and people had come back to him, he didn’t seem to have many of the everyday. It felt to Will that maybe those were just as important. He felt helpless and sad on Nico’s behalf, but he tried to keep this to himself, focusing on learning the language instead. There was nothing else he could do.
He thought of his own memories. It sometimes felt like his life only started when he got to Camp Half Blood. He’d been so young. Naomi had taken him everywhere with her, and he had been happy with their life on the road, but he had felt at home at camp in a way he would have never been able to have with her. He loved her so much, and he knew she loved him even more. There was so much she didn’t know, though. Guilt washed over him. He instinctively looked for the Cocoa Puff, before remembering that they weren’t there today.
As weeks passed, Will found the Italian classes easy. He knew his son-of-Apollo-brain was proving itself, as was his knowledge of Spanish. An advantage of growing up on the move was he had met lots of people when he was growing up. So many of the people his mum had worked with were Spanish speakers, and as a young child, he’d actually been almost fluent, he realised now. He soon found himself striving ahead of the class, and when he took the test at the end of the term, they agreed to move him to the next level up. They did ask him to write a short story over the Christmas break though, and that was how Nico found out.
They had just gotten back from New Rome after a quick stop at camp to drop off the Cocoa Puffs. They’d gone for the holidays and spent Christmas day with Hazel and Frank. Christmas eve had been with Will’s mom in Austin, but Nico had shadow travelled them back to California before they went to bed, along with all the Cocoa Puffs. The cacodemons usually preferred to stay at camp, but Nico had suggested to bring them along, as they would enjoy going back to New Rome. Will found that he missed them, when they weren’t around for a while, and they were kind of fun to have around, once you got used to them. Will was of course very used to them, but Naomi still found them a little unnerving.
Will had spent a good amount of time with Guilt close to him whilst in Austin. Naomi had originally wanted them to stay for Christmas, but Will knew that she understood. Nico, Hazel and Frank had no other family, and Will wanted to be with them. And that meant New Rome, where Hazel and Frank had a new apartment. They had left Camp Jupiter properly only this year, so Will and Nico were eager to go and visit.
On Christmas eve, Will and Naomi had spent the afternoon together, whilst Nico went out for last minute shopping and then prepared to cook, which they’d done together, the three of them, under Nico’s leadership. It had been sweet, and Will had had a great time. He even felt a little less guilty after dinner, hearing his mom talk about her plans for the rest of the holidays. It didn’t escape him that Guilt had moved to sit next to her at some point. Nico had almost fallen asleep on the sofa. Naomi had fussed over him until he blushed. Will had taken a photo of the two of them cooking that he ended up using as his phone opening screen.
New Rome had been more relaxing. Will and Nico had agreed they never wanted to eat muffins again – at least not until they were able to go back to Bombilo’s.
There were no muffins – or anything else to eat, for that matter, when they got back to New York to a cold and empty apartment, so they had ordered in. Will went downstairs to get the food, because the delivery guy was lost, but he had opened his laptop whilst waiting, and left the document he had been working opened. It hadn’t occurred to him that Nico may look. He wasn’t hiding things really, but he had never found the moment to tell Nico about his Italian class. He had wanted to surprise him, but it had never been the right time to bring it up.
When he came back upstairs, Nico was sitting in front of the computer with a strange expression in his face.
“Why are you writing in Italian”
“Oh – um, that was supposed to be a surprise” Will said, taking his boots off. He dropped the food bags on the table. He stood there, looking guilty. Nico was looking at him with his brow furrowed.
“Is this for me?” He didn’t seem impressed. Will’s heart rate went up. He put his hand in is pockets, trying to find something to do with them.
“Not exactly. I – I wanted to surprise you by learning to speak Italian. It just takes ages. I didn’t really think it through”
“You’re learning Italian for me? Why?” Will thought he almost sounded angry
“So you’d have someone to practice?” Will now realised how silly this sounded. It obviously would never work. He was never going to be good enough. Hey, even if he was, he now realised it would be so weird to speak Italian with Nico. “It was a dumb idea”, he said, almost to himself. He looked down. Suddenly Nico was hugging him. Will hugged back. He was tired and hungry and feeling like he’d done something bad, even if he objectively knew he had not. He should have told him though. He had been meaning to tell him.
“Grazie,” Will realised Nico was saying. “Again, you manage to surprise me, it’s not dumb, è la cosa più dolce che tu abbia fatto per me” Will could sense Nico was struggling to keep his voice even.
“I understood that”
“I know, Will. I know.”