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Four years ago he met the love of his life. It was the first day of summer, that time of year when the heat of the season started to hang heavier in the air, when the city streets became too crowded with tourists, and staying in seemed like a better alternative than going anywhere else.
Jay had only been home for three days, on a month long break from duty until he would be shipped off again. His brother made him go that day, promising a good time with a charming grin the way that only Will Halstead could.
It was one night, a blink in time that might spark a random memory and a fond smile years down the road for most, but Jay thought of it often.
That day changed his life, and he could remember it vividly, every moment that transpired as if it were only yesterday.
He wasn’t a fan of the heat, or people that much these days. Both only made him think about other things, bad things, the kind of things he would never wish for anyone to know about or witness themselves.
If it wasn’t for his brother’s incessant nagging, he’d be sat on the couch at home with a cold beer, playing video games and ordering deep dish.
Will had dragged him out to the fairgrounds instead. His older brother had always been a social butterfly, extremely convincing, and always up for a good time, and that is exactly what he promised to get Jay out of the house.
Will filled the long drive out to the suburbs with mindless chatter and easy questions. As annoying as he could be with his shenanigans sometimes, he could still read a room and he never pushed too far. Jay was grateful for that.
He would never admit it to his brother’s face, but by the time they arrived, he was excited. It had been years since he last went to a carnival. Fast rides, bright lights, and the sweet smell of fried treats wafted through the air, all of it calling out like a beacon for the masses.
He needed some fun, and he needed a distraction, so he puts on a smile and makes his way across the dirt paved parking lot with his brother at his side.
“What do we do first?” Will asks, grinning almost maniacally as he claps his hands together.
Jay tries not to roll his eyes and fails miserably. “Are you going on twenty-five, or five?”
“Oh, come on! It’s a carnival, Jay. I’m excited. Some of the guys are gonna meet us too,” he says.
“What guys?”
“Your friends. My friends. I invited Natalie too,” Will says.
Jay raises an eyebrow at him. “You mean the woman you work with that you claim you’re just friends with even though you never stop talking about her? That Natalie?”
“Yes, that Natalie. And we are just friends,” Will says with a pointed stare.
“Sure. Whatever you say,” Jay says, nodding to the ticket booth. “Let’s grab tickets. How about bumper cars first?”
Will nods, grinning like an idiot again. “Perfect! I have the sudden desire to hit you with something.”
Jay throws out a hand to punch him in the arm, but Will steps away, deflecting him easily and laughing as he walks ahead.
“Lot of people,” Jay comments once they finally make it in line for the bumper cars.
Will nods slowly in front of him, quiet when he asks, “You alright?”
“Yeah,” Jay says quickly. “I’m fine.”
“If it gets to be too much, just say the word and we’re out of here,” his brother says, genuine concern in his tone.
Jay nods back, but says nothing else. His brother leaves him be as they wait in line, another round starting up for the group that just got on.
That’s when he sees her.
Her hair hangs down past her shoulders, long and wild waves of a golden blonde that rival that of the sun as it sets over the fairgrounds. A blast of yellow and orange and red fill the sky, bleeding together in a perfect summer sunset, but all he can focus on is her.
He is transfixed, stuck in place with an unblinking stare locked on her as she whips the wheel in front of her. She tips her head back as she laughs, loud and carefree, with one hand on the wheel of her bumper car. She raises her other hand at some guy in another car to her left, pointing and wagging a finger at him.
“I told you I was gonna get you!” She shrieks with delight, the corners of her eyes crinkling and her face splitting in half with a dimpled grin.
His lips twitch, the corners of his mouth slowly curving into a smile as he watches her from his place in line.
“Dude!”
A sharp elbow pierces his side and he winces, shooting a scowl at his brother beside him.
“What?” He bites out, holding his side.
“I called your name like four times, Jay. What are you staring at?” His older brother leans over the railing of the queue, arms hanging off it. He scans the crowd and the bumper car floor, quickly honing in on what stole his brother’s attention. He grins like an idiot. “She’s cute.”
“She’s beautiful,” Jay says quietly, lips barely moving.
“Falling in love at a carnival,” he says, shaking his head. “What a cliché.”
Jay turns and returns the favor with a swift elbow to the guy’s ribs and he grunts beside him. “Shut up, Will.”
“You gonna make a move or keep staring like a creep?”
“Can’t really make a move when she’s over there and I’m here,” Jay says, gesturing to where they stand in line.
“True, but the night is young,” Will says, clapping a hand over his shoulder.
Another dopey grin stretches across his brother’s face, and Jay shrugs him off as the ride comes to an end. He stares after the pretty blonde as long as he can as she steps out through the exit, smiling and laughing again, and he wishes he could hear the full sound of it.
She shoves between two guys, both taller than her, and slaps one over the shoulder while bumping an elbow against the other. One of them wraps an arm around her shoulders, tugging her close, and she doesn’t hesitate in throwing an arm around his side to hug him back.
Jay’s smile falls from his face, his chest deflating at the sight. He should have known a girl like that wouldn’t be single.
He sighs quietly, knowing it’s for the best. The last thing he needs to be getting hung up on is a pretty girl at a carnival. The most he could offer is a summer fling, something easy and casual until the end of July when he gets sent overseas.
He doesn’t know her, not her name or anything about her life, but he knows she is someone who deserves more than temporary.
He doesn’t see her the rest of the night and he takes it as a sign that it’s for the best. Even if he can’t help himself from searching for her face in every person he passes by.
The sun has long set, the night sky clear and bright with stars thanks to the distance from the lights of the city. His friends had shown up, all with their own girlfriends, and his brother has been glued to the side of a woman he still claims is only his friend.
Jay shakes his head at the thought on the way back from the bathroom, chuckling to himself as he goes.
He makes his way through the crowd, trying to find the games he’d agreed to meet everyone at when a booming voice calls out nearby.
“Single bucket! Need another rider!”
Jay turns to the left, following the voice and static from a speaker, and his gaze lands on a ride attendant at the ferris wheel.
Then he sees her. Same blonde hair, same smile, though it is a sheepish one now as the ride attendant calls out over the speaker again. Jay sees her cheeks turn pink even from where he stands.
He takes a deep breath as he watches and waits, but no one joins her. He thinks maybe this is his chance, that it could be another sign and perhaps he got it wrong earlier.
Before he can talk himself out of it he makes his way to the empty line of the ferris wheel. He fishes two tickets out of his pocket and hands them to the attendant, and then he heads for her.
“Can I ride with you?” Jay asks, swallowing hard and nodding to the empty space beside her.
She looks up and breathes out in what looks like relief, shooting him a smile with that dimple in her cheek. He nearly stumbles over the last step into the car because of that smile and the bright blue of her eyes and takes a seat next to her.
The attendant drops the safety bar, latching it into place as he gives his spiel about staying seated during the ride and no rocking the car. The pair of them nod and smile, and then the ferris wheel starts off in a steady climb to the top.
Jay keeps his hands on his knees, one foot tapping at the floor of the car, looking everywhere except where he wants to most.
“You shouldn’t have gotten on the ferris wheel if you’re scared of heights.”
He snaps his head to the right at the sound of a soft voice. His eyes widen and his mouth goes dry at the stunning blue gaze he is met with beside him, realizing he hadn’t gotten a close enough look before.
“I-I’m not scared of heights,” he stumbles out.
That earns him a snort of laughter. “You look scared.”
“It’s not because of the ferris wheel. It’s because of who I’m sitting next to.”
She raises an eyebrow at him. “What does that mean?”
“Beautiful girl,” Jay says, gesturing a hand toward her, and then hooking a thumb back toward him. “Dumb guy.”
“You’re dumb because you think I’m beautiful?” She slants her eyes now, a smirk playing at one side of her mouth.
He shakes his head. “I’m dumb because…because I saw you earlier on the bumper cars. I wanted to talk to you, but I was in line and you were getting off.”
“And now here we are,” she says, extending a small hand toward him. “I’m Hailey.”
He stares for a beat, a smile taking over his face as they shake hands. “Jay. It’s nice to meet you, Hailey.”
“You too. Thanks for coming on here with me. They have a new rule now about no single riders. Some safety thing I guess, otherwise I would’ve been fine on my own. The ferris wheel is my favorite.”
“No problem. Why uh, why didn’t your boyfriend come on with you?”
Her brows furrow. “Boyfriend?”
“At the bumper cars. I saw you with some guys. One of them had his arm around you,” Jay says.
“Not my boyfriend,” Hailey says, barking out a laugh. “That would be my older brother, Thomas. He’s home from college, goes to a school out of state. And the other one is my younger brother, Jacob. We haven’t see Thomas since Christmas, so we’ve kind of been glued to each other’s sides the last few days.”
“Understandable. I feel like an idiot now.”
“It’s not like you could have known,” she says.
“Same question stands. Why didn’t one of them come on here with you?”
“Well, Jacob is most definitely scared of heights. There is no amount of money in the world that could get him on this thing with me. And Thomas has a girlfriend. She met up with us somewhere between the scrambler and the music express.” Hailey settles on the vinyl bench of their car, her hair whipping around her like a halo framing her face.
“Hence me getting stuck riding solo,” she adds.
“Lucky me then,” Jay says, flashing her an easy smile.
Hailey nods slowly, smiling back at him, and it lights up her whole face as a loud boom echoes through the air. She tips her head back, looking up in time to catch the first colorful burst of fireworks light up the night sky.
“Oh, they’re beautiful this year. Look at those colors!” Hailey beams, both hands on the latch bar as she stares up at the sky. Another boom blasts through the air, a shot of red, then green, a burst of gold. “What color is your favorite? I love the — “
Her words die on her tongue as she looks back to Jay beside her, but he’s not watching the fireworks. He’s not even looking at her. He’s looking everywhere else, his wide eyes flickering to the left, the right, down at the crowd beneath them, and then again through the same pattern. His chest is heaving, one hand gripping tight to the latch bar and the other flexing over his knee.
“Jay?”
He hears her, but other than a heaving chest, he stays still beside her, allowing his years of training to take over. Head on a swivel. Eyes scanning every face and shadow and corner in the crowd.
“Jay?” Hailey calls to him again. “Are you okay?”
He blinks quickly, swallows hard, and takes a few gulping deep breaths as her quiet and careful voice anchors him, pulling him back.
He’s at a carnival, on a ferris wheel, with her. He’s home. He’s not in the desert or stuck on some base. There isn’t any danger that he needs to protect anyone from.
Jay nods quickly, turning to meet her eyes. He forces a smile. “Y-yeah. I’m good.”
“Are you sure? You kind of went somewhere else there for a minute.”
“Second nature, I think,” he says, swallowing noticeably. “I’m uh, I’m in the Army. The fireworks…they…I didn’t know they were happening tonight. That sound…“
“Brings you back to a place you don’t wanna be?”
Jay nods slowly, flinching at the booms that continue. He sighs, dropping his head and closing his eyes. “Something like that. You see the things I have, you tend to see danger everywhere.“
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. That was — “
Jay shakes his head. “You didn’t know.”
“We can get off. When we get near the bottom, I’ll yell for the attendant. It’ll be okay. We can get off and you’ll be okay.”
“No,” Jay says, lifting his head and meeting her eyes. “I-I’ll be okay. Just gotta work through it. But if you want to, we can. I don’t wanna ruin the ride for you.”
“You’re not ruining it,” Hailey says, her eyes stuck on his profile while he looks everywhere else except at her now. It’s like whiplash. One second, he’s stuttering around her and calling her beautiful, and the next he can barely look at her. She’s no stranger to demons, everyone’s got them, but this is bigger than that.
He seems embarrassed, scared, but still trying to be brave and it cracks something inside her. He is all but a stranger, and the only thing she can think of to comfort him when they’re so high up off the ground is to stretch out a hand toward him. She moves slowly, taking her time to reach him until she can see him watching her movements out of his peripheral.
She sets her hand over his where it rests on his knee, threading her fingers over top of his, and squeezes once. His gaze drops, and a few beats pass incredibly too slow until he shifts his fingers to squeeze back.
“I can’t imagine the things you’ve probably seen, but you’re not there right now. Wherever you’ve been. You’re here. You’re on a ferris wheel. You’re with me, and we’re at a carnival and there is nothing to be afraid of here.”
He almost loses his breath the way she says the same mantra he just told himself nearly word for word, and lifts his head to look her in the eye.
“Thanks,” he says with a firm nod.
“You’re welcome,” she says, giving him another squeeze. She looks out over the front of the car, then back to him. “We’re heading back down. Are you sure you don’t wanna get off?”
“I’m sure. Can you…can you just keep me talking? Ask me something.”
“Sure. How old are you?”
He sputters out an unrecognizable sound, somewhere between a breath and a laugh.
“That’s a pretty good question. I’m twenty, and I probably should have asked you that a hell of a lot sooner than you asked me,” he says, shaking his head as he tries to pull his hand from hers. She doesn’t let him.
“I’m nineteen. I just finished my first year of college,” Hailey says.
“You’re nineteen?” He can’t help questioning it.
She quirks an eyebrow at him, a playful smile teasing at her lips. “Do you wanna see my driver’s license?”
He snorts out a genuine laugh. “No. No, I believe you.”
“Good,” she says.
“What are you in school for?”
“Still undecided,” she says, blowing out a sigh. “My dad really wants me to go to law school, but I’m not sure that’s what I wanna do. I mean, I’d love to have a career where I help people. I just don’t think being a lawyer would let me do that the way I’d want to.”
Jay nods thoughtfully, considering every word she shares with him. “What way would you want to then?”
“I don’t know.” Hailey shrugs. “Maybe a cop, or a social worker. I think I’d like to work with kids.”
“Well, you clearly have a knack for helping people. I think whatever you do will be a good choice.”
“I hope so,” she says before tipping her chin toward him. “So, you live around here or just visiting?”
“Both. I’m from Chicago. I grew up in Canaryville, but I’m just visiting for now. I leave in July.”
Hailey nods. “Where to?”
“Afghanistan for my second tour. I’ll be gone two years.”
He doesn’t miss the gasp of breath she sucks in or how her smile falters just slightly, but she doesn’t stop smiling either.
“Second tour?” Hailey asks.
“My first started when I was eighteen. Graduated high school, and off I went.”
“Are you always gonna be…” she goes quiet, shrugging as if trying to find the words.
“Gone?” Jay asks for her. She nods. “Not sure. Depends on where they want me. If I stay in, get discharged, or get hurt. Anything can happen.”
“I hope you don’t get hurt,” Hailey says.
He can tell she means it, that she’s not saying it for the sake of placating him, and he gives her a small smile.
“Thanks. How about you? Where are you from?”
“Greektown. My family owns a restaurant there. Best Greek food in the city.”
“And you’re not biased at all,” Jay teases. He squeezes her fingers between his, and it’s only then when they both glance down that they realize they haven’t let go of one another’s hands since she first took hold of his.
“Of course not,” Hailey says, grinning at him and squeezing back. Her gaze falls to the side, and the smile on her face wanes, seemingly disappointed. “I think our ride is almost over.”
Jay tracks her gaze and his smile falls a little too. “Looks like it.”
“There’s no line,” Hailey says, quiet and suddenly shy. “We could probably stay on. I have extra tickets if you wanna take another spin with me.”
Jay’s smile widens, boyish and charming, and he nods. “I want to.”
Hailey’s cheeks flush under the glow of the ferris wheel lights, and it stirs something in his chest. His mind whirs with thoughts he can’t control, wondering if that shade of pink on her cheeks would be the same shade if he leaned over and kissed her.
He doesn’t get the chance as the ride comes to a stop, the attendant nodding to the pair of them.
“Have fun?” The old man asks.
“We did,” Hailey answers for them, pulling her hand from Jay’s to tug a row of tickets from a back pocket of her jeans. “Since there’s no one waiting in line, could we stay on?”
The guy smiles and nods again, taking the tickets from her and counting them. “This will get ya three more rides.”
Hailey looks to Jay, he nods once, and then she smiles at the attendant. “Sounds good.”
The attendant looks over their safety latch before stepping away, and a moment later they’re off again.
“I’ve got extra tickets too,” Jay says as they reach the top on the first rotation, his eyes set on Hailey beside him. “Just in case three more rides isn’t enough.”
“You don’t think it will be? Might get tired of me after this one,” she says, smirking at him.
“I doubt that,” he says quietly, another small smile coming over him.
“The fireworks are over. Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I am, but I’m pretty sure that has more to do with you than anything else.”
Hailey slants her eyes, her lips tugging into a playful, knowing grin. “Are you flirting with me?”
“I have been this entire time,” Jay says under a breath of laughter. “Trying to anyway. Has it not been obvious?”
“Eh, maybe a little. Bit of a cliché though, don’t you think?”
“What’s that?” Jay asks.
“Meeting someone at a carnival. On a ferris wheel no less. It’s…well, it’s kind of romantic,” she says.
He can’t help smiling at her. She pulls it from him so easily, without any effort, and it’s only then that he remembers how Will had said something so similarly to him earlier.
“Only kind of?” Jay presses after a moment. She nods, and he chuckles again, shaking his head. “Alright then. What would make it actually romantic?”
Hailey shrugs, leaning back into the corner of the car. She goes quiet for a moment, taking the time to actually think on it until a sly smile stretches out across her lips.
“I’ve never been kissed on a ferris wheel,” she says, holding back a full grin at the way Jay’s eyes widen just slightly. “Certainly not by a stranger. It would be rather romantic, don’t you think?”
“I don’t think we’re strangers now,” Jay says, settling deeper into the seat. He lifts an arm, stretching it out over the back of the car, his eyes locked on hers beside him.
Hailey hums, and slides closer toward him, moving slowly as he does the same until they take up the middle of the bench seat. She turns to face him, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, her eyes flicking between his and his mouth.
“Hailey?” Her name leaves his lips in a whisper of breath, almost pleading with its two syllables.
“Yeah, Jay?”
He leans closer, lifting his other hand from his lap to the side of her face and pressing his palm to her cheek. He swipes his thumb at the corner of her mouth, pulling her lip free from hers. He can’t help smiling to himself at the nervous gasp of breath she sucks in when he slides his hand through her hair to hold the back of her head.
“Can I kiss you?”
Hailey swallows noticeably, then gives him one nod in affirmation. They lean in slowly, gazes flickering between eyes and lips until they finally meet in the middle.
Jay slants his mouth over hers and kisses her, so devastatingly slow that it pulls a whimpering moan from the back of her throat. She kisses him back, moving her hands between them and reaching for the front of his t-shirt. She clenches it in a tight fist and tugs him toward her, adding fervor and closeness to their kiss.
He sucks her bottom lip between both of his, kissing her a little harder, their embrace becoming more than he intended. Demanding, almost frenzied, as if they’re not two people who only just met. Like they’ve been doing this for years. A gentle push and pull of something stirs between them, and before it can go any further, they pull away almost in sync with heaving chests and blown pupils.
Only a beat passes before they smile at one another, and then both break out into soft, easy laughter. Jay keeps his hand at the back of Hailey’s head, and she loosens her grip on his shirt, but doesn’t let go.
“How was that? Romantic enough for you?” Jay all but whispers between them. His eyes flicker to her lips and he swipes his tongue over his to hold himself back from kissing her again. He doesn’t think she’d mind if he did though.
Hailey flashes him a smile, one with a dimple in her cheek that first stole his attention hours ago. She nods. “Felt the way I do when I’m on top of a ferris wheel.”
“How so?”
“Like I’m not nervous at all. Not scared I’ll fall,” she says, fingering at the hem of his tee, eyes locked on his. In a moment of vulnerability, romance, whatever it is that is lingering in the air between them, she adds in a whispered breath, “I think I could. Fall, I mean.”
Jay takes in a deep breath through his nose, realization flashing in his widening eyes. “I think I could too.”
“Why do I sense a but coming?”
He shakes his head. “I’m leaving in a month. I might be able to visit here and there, but I’ll be gone for two years. Maybe longer.”
“What does that matter?”
“It matters because I think you’re kind of amazing and I might be crushing on you a bit. But you’re in school, wanting to do good things. Someone like you should have stability, someone who’s around. Someone just as good as you are.”
Hailey shakes her head at him. “It’s not a marriage proposal, Jay.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s a girl crushing back and wanting to know you. Are you allowed to write? Or call, or…I don’t know. I’m not all that sure how the army works.”
“You wanna write me?” Jay asks, taken aback.
“Maybe,” Hailey says, shrugging a shoulder and blowing out a heady breath of laughter. “Would that be weird? I mean, it was a pretty good kiss, but we did just meet.”
“Maybe it is a little weird, but I certainly wouldn’t turn down a pretty girl wanting to write me while I’m thousands of miles away in the middle of nowhere,” he says, tipping his head to the side as he stares at her, taking in every detail he can. A splotch of freckles scatter the bridge of her nose, her skin sun-kissed. The blue of her eyes is brighter, electric under the carnival lights.
“And you’d write back?”
“I would,” he promises.
“Okay,” Hailey says with a tone of finality.
“Okay?”
She nods. “And for the record, you are someone who is good. I think so anyway. I wouldn’t be going around and around on this ferris wheel with you all night if I thought otherwise.”
He’s not sure she realizes how good she truly is, how hard he could really fall. Hell, he thinks he might be falling already.
“How about after this, we share a funnel cake and — “
“Jay!”
They look down, Hailey’s brows raising in curiosity at the sight of a man below waving and grinning like a loon. Jay rolls his eyes.
“You know that guy?” Hailey asks.
“Unfortunately,” he says with a huff. “My brother, Will. He kinda gave me shit for not talking to you earlier.”
“Brothers are annoying like that,” she says, shrugging a shoulder. “Ride is almost over. Think he’ll like me?”
Jay grins at her, then shakes his head. “He can piss off. We’re sharing a funnel cake.”
Hailey tips her head back and laughs, loud and happy the way he’d first heard her on the bumper cars, and it has him soaring for being the cause of it now.
“I’m okay with that,” she says, smiling softly at him now.
“I might kiss you again too.”
She cocks her head to one side, eyes flashing in a combination of challenge and desire before she shoots him a wink. “You better.”
His brother had given him more hell after Jay and Hailey had finally gotten off the ferris wheel. But they shared a funnel cake, she gave him her number, and he kissed her goodnight. They became inseparable after that night. She took him to her family’s restaurant and he brought her over to his parent’s house for the Fourth of July.
When he left four weeks later, he left his heart behind with her, but she kept a careful hold on it and trusted him with her own. She wrote him every week he was gone, and he returned every single one.
Now it’s four years to the day since they met and Jay is home for good. He finished his third tour, was honorably discharged after a too-close call, and he’s been holding a black velvet box in his pocket since the day after he got home.
The carnival is back in town, and tonight he’s going to ask Hailey to spend the rest of her life with him, on top of a ferris wheel where his life really started when he first met her.