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I knew this feeling. The weight on my chest, shallow breaths, not able to focus on anything. It's the panic brewing. It happens often, sometimes without warning. I could almost always go to my room during these, but Bruce was helping me train. I couldn’t just abruptly leave, he'd probably be mad if I did.
I couldn’t hear what he was saying, my body is just reacting and doing things without me telling it too. All I can hear is my heart pounding.
Bruce starts to slow down, looking at me with a slight tilt to his head. Had he asked a question? Was he expecting an answer? Shit.
I try to take another breath, but it comes out as a sharp gasp for air and Bruce’s whole demeanor changes.
He's kneeling in front of me, shit. I glance around the room, very much wishing to leave. His hand is on my arm, guiding me to sit down.
He says something, I don't know what though. Why am I freaking out? Nothing even happened.
His hands are warm. I'm sitting now, still not breathing properly. It feels like I'm drowning, am I? I look up at Bruce panickedly.
His hand eases to my back, gently pulling me towards him. I let it happen, feeling like I don't have control over myself anymore.
“You're okay, this'll pass.” He murmurs, hand rubbing my back now.
“Close your eyes, focus on me.” I stare for a moment before closing my eyes, trying to focus on what he's saying.
His other hand takes one of mine and starts tapping around my palm and fingers. It's oddly grounding. I try taking a breath, this time it's less gasps and more actual breaths.
My hands clutch the back of his shirt as he whispers reassurances.
“You're okay, you're right here.”
I take another breath.
“Breath in for 7,
1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,”
Breath in, I can do that.
“Hold for 5,
1,
2,
3,
4,
5,”
I can hold it.
“Out for 7,
1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,”
Breath out, easy enough.
“Good, and again.”
He's breathing with me, that helps. My grip on his shirt loosens a bit.
“You back with me?” He asks, I nod slightly.
“S-sorry.” I mumble, he shakes his head.
“Don't apologize, it happens to the best of us.” I look away and lean back a little bit.
I didn't actually want to let go, but I didn’t normally hug people. Bruce had never seemed like the touchy feely time anyway.
“How about we cut training short today? Maybe put on a movie?” He suggests, I nod.
He suggests my favorite and I nod again. He adjusts to get up and helps me up with him.
He doesn't let go of my hand as he leads me out of the Batcave and to the movie room.
Alfred notices us when he's talking to Dick. I try to smile to reassure him that I'm fine. Though by his frown, I'm doing a shit job at that.
I end up against Bruce's side on the couch as the movie starts playing, there's a weighted blanket across my lap too. It's one I doubt that I'd be able to lift easily right now, maybe that's part of why Bruce chose it.
Alfred brings in a bowl of popcorn and hot chocolate (coffee for Bruce) and sets it down by us.
I reluctantly snuggle closer to Bruce, feeling more comfortable now.
Dick sits down on my other side with a grin.
“You good, baby bird?” He whispers, I nod slightly. I kinda liked the nicknames my new older siblings would call me.
I end up falling asleep between Bruce and Dick, snuggled comfortably between them, my former panic long forgotten.