Chapter Text
Cursed to be loved by only one.
Cursed to have his heart broken by many. But to have his heart mended by one.
Cursed to have his chastity, the flowers of his maidenhead to be corrupted by only one.
Him.
The lightbulbs weren’t supposed to flicker and the adults wouldn’t beat children.
That’s what Mori promised Dazai.
His precious boy shall be placed under the protection of the new orphanage director. And this boy should find someone.
Be someone.
He should be cuddled and condoled, and shall for the richer or the poor, in those who are sick or healthy, those who are unable to love or who seek to cherish. Those who are fighting against death every waking moment of the day.
He should find him.
Atsushi continues to stir the contents in the pot with a spatula. Whatever monstrosity in there is being handled with the utmost care the white-haired man could give.
“Is it ready yet?” Kiyoshi asked, the top of his head only reaching the counter while his hands held a carrot.
He glanced at him then back inside the pot, “Almost. Is there anything else you want to add?”
Kiyoshi handed him a carrot, “I read some cookbooks and most of the recipes had carrots in them!”
Atsushi frowned, his knuckles turning white around the spatula handle, "Don’t we have to wash and cut it?”
“Why would we do that?” He blinked up with pure innocence. Or it was fake. Kyouka warned him that Kiyoshi would do that to get what he wanted. He didn’t know it also expanded to cooking dinner.
He huffed, "Because otherwise, we are eating the bacteria and dirt that grew in, Kiyoshi." Atsushi sighed, gently taking the vegetable from the boy's hands. He set the spatula down against the rim of the pot, staring dubiously at the bubbling, unidentifiable substance inside.
“And besides,” he added, "pieces of a carrot would let it cook better."
He looked down at the boy, his expression softening despite the exhaustion in his eyes.
"Go ask Hina-san if she could help you cut the carrots." Atsushi said, nudging the boy gently towards the cook handling the desserts for tonight.
The weretiger went back to their future dinner, hoping to save it before he and Kiyoshi gave the orphanage kids and workers food poisoning.
Kiyoshi pouted, crossing his arms as he was nudged away, but the promise of desserts quickly won him over. He scurried off towards Hina-san.
Left alone with the pot, Atsushi let out a long, shuddering sigh that seemed to drain the remaining strength from his body. Picking up the spatula, dipping it into the mixture, scooping a tiny amount. He watched the broth with terrifying eyes and took a sip.
Salt.
It needs salt.
Atsushi quickly put the spatula down and hurried over to the cabinet that holds the salt and sugar jars. Grabbing one labeled with salt, he put a teaspoon of it in the broth.
He took another sip and sighed after he swallowed the liquid down, tasting the parsley from before it started to simmer.
Atsushi heard a few pots falling, Hina-san’s gasps and a few giggles which made him prepare mentally — not physically — when Kiyoshi came back with a bowl of sliced up carrots that were just big blocks in his hands. Atsushi gasped when he crashed into him, some pieces of the carrot falling on the kitchen floor. He tried to catch those carrots, but unfortunately failed when they tumbled out of his hands.
He forced a smile, as he looked down at a smiling boy, “I hope you didn’t give Hina-san a hard time.”
Kiyoshi scoffed and put the bowl up on the counter, “I would never!”
Atsushi glanced over his shoulder at the elderly woman shaking her head, picking up the fallen pots.
Then he looked down at the child with chubby cheeks and healthy orange hair that was being treated with care by other orphans with dreams of being hairstylists.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn't mean to touch it!” The white-haried orphan sobbed, his hands quickly rubbing the sudden mark on his arms.
The woman grimaced, her eyes holding disgust that Atsushi didn’t even know where it all came from to aim it at him.
“Disappointing. Do you know how much those pots cost?!” She grabbed his hair and swung him into the kitchen drawers, the handles were harsh against his body and he wanted to rub the pain from there, however his arms and legs were stinging and he didn’t have that many arms to comfort the limbs.
Sobs and cries from the little boy continued as the woman continued beating him. No one came and Atsushi forgot when he stopped expecting someone to.
Atsushi smiled and ruffled his orange hair, bending down to whisper into the boy’s ear “Be good for Hina-san ok? She’s kind enough to put up with us.”
Kiyoshi frowned, “I am good though.”
He sighed, “Yes, yes you are. Now want to help me put the carrots in?”
Kiyoshi's eyes lit up as he grabbed the bowl from the counter and moved closer to Atsushi.
“Apologies for being late, the dessert refused to cooperate with me,” The head chef said as she sat down in her seat, "But do not worry! After the kids eat the mains, I’ll bring out the dessert from the oven.”
Mori-san smiled, “I can’t wait Hina-san, you make a fine dessert that we wouldn’t hear the children complain about for the next few days! Personally, it is never my specialty to bake as good as you.”
Hina-san blushed, “Nonsense, Mori! All it takes is a little bit of practice and the magic ingredient.”
Mori-san raised an eyebrow.
She put a hand over her mouth, acting as if she was going to whisper it, however she said it in a dramatic, loud hush, “Sugar. It makes all the kids energetic enough for playing until they crash later for the night.”
Mori-san smiled, yet Atsushi recalled a memory where Mori-san, as a doctor, told him that the sugar rush was a myth. But it seemed he didn't have the heart to ruin her fun. Interesting.
Atsushi looked down at his bowl, tonight it seemed no one had anything to say about the broth Kiyoshi helped with. Chatter and laughs filled the air.
The three rows of tables were filled with children and a few teenagers eating and creating a mess. The dining room itself was a huge difference from the last time Atsushi saw it, the walls were repainted, the lightbulbs didn’t flicker, instead it showed beautiful patterns of light on the tables. The curtains were bigger, now. Larger to fit the windows and a big grandfather clock was occupying a corner of the room.
A scream filled the air, making the room go silent as Atsushi quickly looked behind him. A young girl’s clothes were drenched in the broth as the boy beside her had his arms holding the bowl, his eyes wide and lips parted.
One of the orphanage workers stood up and walked over to the girl, smiling as she patted both of their heads and then led the girl out of the dining room.
What brought Atsushi more confusion was that the girl was giggling, waving at the boy as she left. He was also expecting screams but a few minutes later she was back with new clothes and a bright smile on her face as she ran back to her table. The chatter came back just as fast.
Atsushi looked back down at his food, stirring it with his spoon.
“Aren’t you going to eat that?” Kyouka pouted at him, her hair was braided and adorned with flowers.
“No. I already ate it before, do you want it?”
Kyouka glanced at it hesitantly, “Are you sure?”
He nodded, pushing the bowl closer to her. Atsushi watched as she smiled and took a few spoonfuls of it before speaking up once more, "How was today?” He asked, “Did you do anything special with anyone else?”
Kyouka had a soft smile on her face as she put her spoon down, her hands coming back to her lap, “Some of the kids wanted to go out to the meadow, so they brought me along to watch them play.” She paused. “They.. also thought it was cool to see me handle a dagger.”
Atsushi hummed, “That’s cool.”
Kyouka went back to eating as Atsushi mulled over his own thoughts. Kyouka was brighter than she had been back in the Port Mafia, smiling more than usual and being more vulnerable with her thoughts instead of only sharing them with just Atsushi. Mori-san was always quick to reassure her that they are there for her. That she didn’t need to rely on Atsushi or always try to protect him. It is going well so far, she found new hobbies to do with the other kids.
Atsushi was glad that at least the orphanage did something good for her.
“Dessert’s here!” Atsushi hadn’t even noticed when Hina-san left to get the treats but everyone yelled out in joy as she passed the sweet treats around.
Atsushi smiled at the scene of Kyouka eating a slice of cake with yellow frosting all around it. It was unbeknownst to Hina-san that they rarely ever had cake back in their old job. Never crossed their mind to indulge in those sweet treats.
“Would you like a slice of cake, Atsushi-kun?” Hina-san smiled at him.
“Hm? No thank you.”
She sighed and walked away, although she still ruffled his white hair. He straightened up and accidentally made eye contact with Mori-san. He looked deep in thought as he and Elise kept staring at Atsushi.
The white-haired man let out a breath and closed his eyes. Perhaps if he just didn’t see them then he wouldn’t have to remember to look forward to the talk tonight.
The tables are being cleared, and children took the task seriously. The only sound was plates clattering and whispers about how to properly wipe a spill.
“Akari-san! Do you wipe circular or like.. A box?”
One of the boys scoffed, “it’s clearly circular, so you gather all of the mess in the middle.”
Akari-san — one of the orphanage workers — groaned, “It really doesn’t matter as long as you wipe it!”
“It’s still the circular method.” The boy whispered.
“Shut up, no it’s not!”
Akari-san could only sigh but still grinned in the end. And Atsushi watched that in amusement. Moments like these were rare in his childhood, no one would dare to annoy the workers or have friendly disputes. It was rather full on fighting.
“Atsushi-kun!” One of the older boys called out to him.
“Hm?”
“Mori-san is calling for you.”
He placed down the cloth he was wiping with, waving bye to Akari-san as he walked towards Mori-san’s office.
Mori-’s office.
Not. His.
Atsushi knocked on the door before opening it. He was greeted by Elise holding a tray of two cups of coffee.
“Coffee at 10?”
“I have some filing to do regarding one of the kid’s recent adoption. You are not inclined to drink it though.”
Atsushi only nodded his head in acknowledgement to what Mori-san said before grabbing a cup from Elise. He wasn’t even going to be able to sleep tonight, there is no need to try.
He held it in his hands for a few seconds, letting it soak up the warmth, "So, you called me?”
“I did, didn’t I?” Mori-san closed his eyes as he took a sip of his coffee, before adding on, “It’s regarding your development.”
He still didn’t take a sip yet, “Development?”
“In life.”
Atsushi frowned, his fingers rubbing the side of the cup.
“As I took on the role of a parental figure for you, I’m aware there is something that is to be talked about.”
The cup was getting less hot now.
“I’m not sure if Dazai tried to raise you away from such things or let you loose.” Mori-san placed his cup down then rested his head on his hand, "I have no intention of ruining Dazai’s left over ideals and protection over you, but I believe that you need emotional compensation of it. In fact, you deserve it.”
“Mori-san. What— what is it?” Atsushi wanted to put his cup down now.
“Love.”
Deserving… love?
“Where is this coming from?”
“You’re a teenager, a mentally broken one. There are some things that neither I, the workers, nor the children here can give you.” He massaged his forehead using two fingers, “That is, love. The romantic kind.”
Atsushi stared hard at his cooling coffee, his face burning, "I don't need anything like that." He mumbled, "I don't have time for feelings like that. I'm just focused on helping around here. I'm completely fine on my own, really!"
Mori-san let out an exasperated sigh, “Fine. Let’s go about it this way. Did Dazai allow you to date?”
“It. It wasn’t exactly talked about.” Atsushi finally put his coffee cup on the table — still untouched, "There was no need.”
Mori-san hummed, "I don’t know what was going on in his mind, but I do know it wasn’t acknowledging you needing a life that wasn’t centered around the mafia.” He leaned back, tapping his chin thoughtfully, "I suspect somewhere in his mind, he desperately wanted you to be someone who could care. Maybe he wanted to actually let himself care for you. Yet. He either was too terrified or too cruel and selfish to do so, or teach you how to seek something else regarding your happiness. We will never truly know which one it is."
Mori-san let out a dry, quiet laugh before continuing, and Atsushi wanted to get out of there. "He knew you cared about him, and he used that loyalty to make you into a weapon." Atsushi was glad he put the cup down. "I can't say I was any better, I didn't receive any care from Dazai nor gave it when he was under my orders, but he made you believe you didn't need any kind of love, simply because he couldn't give any to you."
Atsushi wanted to defend Dazai, just a little bit. Like a reflex his muscles would do. But he knew not to fight Mori-san on this topic. It was better to just listen along and then eventually, Mori-san would get tired of treating this as a new development for him and then he’ll just leave him alone.
“Alright. What do you need me to do?”
“Love cannot be ordered or treated like a mission.” Atsushi’s head snapped to Elise, surprised by the first time she talked since he came into the room.
“However, if it makes you feel better,” Mori-san moved Atsushi’s coffee cup closer to the edge of the table. “I order you to go outside, during the day and talk to someone, dating apps or anything really. And make sure you’re safe and back in the orphanage by dinner. It is a good place to start.”
Atsushi nodded, grabbing the cold coffee and taking a sip.
Kunikida’s words were flowing in an endless river through Akutagawa’s head. The idealist was pacing back and forth, tapping his beloved notebook against his palm to emphasize every syllable. Akutagawa sat rigidly in his wooden chair, staring at the precise lines of Kunikida's vest.
The only thing he was able to put his thoughts into were the bubbling flowers of his upcoming lunch. He could feel the rare, genuine excitement bubbling up in his veins, matching the heat of the soup that would be cooking if he could just leave this office.
But no. Escape was impossible. Kunikida was thoroughly scolding him for his particular actions, chaotic and aggressive ones, regarding a recent case, and to be honest. The tone itself just automatically made Akutagawa sit in place and take it. Maybe— just a few more minutes. He moved his eyes lower, counting the seconds on the clock. Just a few more minutes. He repeated the silent prayer, hoping Kunikida's throat would dry up.
Suddenly, the heavy glass door burst open. “Akutagawa!” Tanizaki rushed into the Agency office, a bright, energetic smile plastered across his face. He was waving a thick bunch of freshly printed papers in the air. “We have an urgent new case from the client downstairs!”
Kunikida paused mid-sentence, his arm frozen in the air. He let out a long, heavy sigh. The visible frustration within him was now the liquid being boiled over an open flame, threatening to shatter his planned afternoon. He glared at the new paperwork, his pen clicking rapidly.
“What about our scheduled lunch break?” the black-haired man probed immediately. He gripped the edges of his desk, desperation leaking into his usually monotone voice. His stomach gave a hollow growl.
Tanizaki laughed softly, entirely missing the gravity of Akutagawa's culinary despair. “Come on! We can just grab something quick from the convenience store and eat while we’re walking to the crime scene.”
Akutagawa frowned. He knew it. Tanizaki was the opposite of the delicious lunch he could have been making back at the dorms, but no. This man was a threat.
Kunikida pushed his glasses higher up his nose. “Very well. However, Akutagawa, when you come back we’ll finish talking about your errors regarding the paperwork. Do not think you are off the hook.”
He gulped, his stomach turning at the thought of what awaits him when he gets back. “We should go, now.” He muttered urgently. Quickly standing up from the wooden chair, he approached the smiling Tanizaki leaving the door open for him.
However, he has something else to confess that he hopes that Kunikida would never get a hold of.
Magazines. All located and trapped in a dark part of his closet. Under six folded shirts and one pair of socks, ten magazines are consecutively stacked by the order he got them. It has pages of drama, tears and aesthetic photos and texts of romance. Romance between celebrities, movie stars, basically everyone’s upsetting or uplifting circumstances regarding their love stories.
A desire to love.
He was planning to reread one of them while eating. But oh well.
Atsushi was hanging clothes on the rail, hoping it would soak up the morning sun. Kyouka was helping him and they worked in peaceful silence, the five buckets of clothes reduced to one eventually.
“Mori-san gave me a mission.”
Kyouka stopped what she was doing, the shirt in her hands was grazing the green grass, "A… mission?”
“Yeah. To love, or to find it to be precise.”
She sighed and continued her work. Giving it a firm shake, draping it over the rail and then clipping it.
Atsushi continued, “So I’m going out today. I’m not supposed to be back until dinner.”
Kyouka’s brows furrowed, “To find… a relationship?”
The weretiger smiled, “Yeah.”
“And you are aware of who to not be in a relationship with?”
The sunlight made the air feel warmer but there was still that chill from the wind. Atsushi double checked to make sure every garment had a clip on it. He didn’t want any of the kids crying about their favourite shirts or pants going missing and then eventually finding it muddy and dirty nearby.
“Yeah— narcissists, arrogant people, and money-obsessed. Hina-san already warned me.”
“But, also who you just don’t love?”
Atsushi frowned, “What?”
Kyouka shook her head, “I’ll talk to you about it after.”
He sighed and took the last pair of pants out of the bucket.
A notebook was being handed to him. He opened it in surprise, glancing quickly at the drawings and doodles on the first few pages until he reached a blank one.
“What’s this about?”
Kyouka crossed her arms. The flowers in her braid are gone now, perhaps when Atsushi comes back so would the pretty flowers, "To help you decide.”
“Decide what?”
“Who you love.”
Atsushi scoffed, “How can this notebook decide that?”
“Write down the good things about the people you meet. And the bad things.” She let her arms loose now, “If Mori-san gave you a mission, here is the equipment for it.”
Atsushi tilted his head, his fingers tracing the faint lines on the first page. A beautiful sketch of a flower. Now desperately erased to almost an indistinct image.
“That’s smart, thanks Kyouka.”
Atsushi walked out of the orphanage gates, notebook in his hands as he navigated the streets with no destination in mind. To be honest, he wasn’t really familiar with these things. But Mori-san said this was just a place to start, so he would do that.
He eyed the people around him. Women in suits and dresses, some holding groceries while others were laughing with their friends. Men in coats and hoodies, on the phone or drinking coffee.
Are they all in a relationship? He wondered.
The air was warmer than this morning and the sidewalk had small flower bushes in shades of pink, red and yellow. There were signs on the building, promoting second-hand toys and some rare antiques. Should he bring some for the children? He let out a sigh. No, he had to focus on the mission.
Eventually, he turned a corner and the streets were quiet now. Fewer cars and more chatter and children laughing. Atsushi walked through the park gates, mindful of the birds near the metal.
He walked some more until he reached a bench. Sitting on it he opened the notebook and watched.
Families were on the grass, bubbles around them as the mom and dad giggled, watching their little one try to pop the bubbles. There were also a couple sharing an ice cream, very intimately behind a thick tree as their small dog played with another’s fluffy dog. Atsushi immediately looked away.
But his gaze landed on a man playing basketball. He shot the ball and Atsushi watched in amazement as it went in the hoop. He was wearing a hoodie and shorts but his smile caught Atsushi’s attention the most. The man looked behind him as a group of boys approached him. A bright, wide smile on his face as he greeted them.
Atsushi hummed in thought as he grabbed a pen from his pocket and started writing out the good things.
1. A nice smile.
He glanced back at him, at his black, wavy hair that covered his eyebrows and the brown eyes that looked gold as the sunlight laid over it.
2. Handsome
Atsushi beamed, he was doing good so far!
Quickly glancing back once more the sight he saw made his blood run cold. The man was surrounded by his friends on the court and below him was another boy shaking. He stepped on the boy’s fingers and Atsushi could hear— even if they were particularly far away — the whimper the boy let out.
3. Cruel
Atsushi knew he wasn’t any better. He had blood on his own hands. People were filled with terror when they heard of the White Reaper. But would he want someone who was like that?
The wind moved the hair from his face before it settled right back.
He wasn’t any better. He didn’t have the right to decide if he didn’t want someone like that if he was exactly like that.
Atsushi crossed off number three.
Humming as he stood up, he closed the notebook and started walking to the basketball court.
Two of the friends looked over their shoulders hesitantly as they caught the sight of him. Atsushi was wearing a black turtleneck and black pants and he should have probably changed into something else— the heat was getting to him and he didn’t want to look like a mafia member anymore —
“Excuse me?”
The black-haired man’s eyes went wide, and he immediately looked him up and down, “... what?”
“You're stepping on my friend's hand. Could you move?”
The people around them laughed as the man frowned, “He is your friend?”
“Yeah.”
A scoff then the man delivered a kick to the boy’s chest, earning a groan, “Then go save your friend, sweetheart.”
Atsushi could feel his ability drumming on his hand as the man was lifting the boy up. Holding him by the front of his shirt. About to punch him in the jaw, Atsushi’s hand was enveloped in blue rings as he caught his arm. Then he squeezed it with that strength that had left all the Port Mafia’s enemies terrified. The man screamed in pain as his friends ran away in horror.
The light faded away as the man crouched on the floor, using his good arm to cradle the injured wrist as sobs broke out.
A little bit of guilt ran through his body and stabbed his chest, but he heard the sharp gasps of the boy behind him and it went away just as quickly. Atsushi could feel the boy’s breath behind him, still shaky.
He let out a breath, the aftermath of using his ability still drumming against his limbs. After a few awkward seconds he grabbed the boy’s hand and led him out of the court.
Eventually when they reached the pond the boy finally spoke up. "Wow. What was that?”
“My ability, are you ok?”
“Ability?” The boy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Atsushi froze, “No.. I just had the ability to do… that?”
“To save me?”
“…Yeah. To save you, but are you alright?”
The man smiled as he gave him a thumbs up, "Never felt better, now how about I pay you back for saving me?”
He frowned, “There’s no need for that.”
“No really! I want to, my name is Yudoku”
Atsushi looked more closely at his features, the blonde hair and the dark coloured eyes. He had a small mole near his right eye.
Hm. He made a mental note.
1. Attractive
“Nakajima.”
“What’s that notebook for?”
Atsushi felt his cheeks go warm as he quickly glanced down at the notebook to his side on the bench then back to the ducks in the pond in front of them.
“Nothing, really. It’s a gift from a friend for journaling.” The drink he was holding wasn’t too sweet, it was nice without being overwhelming. However, if he got the chance he would have asked for more sugar.
“Do you do journaling?” Yudoku took a few sips of his drink, pretty swirls of green and pink sat in the bottom of the plastic cup while the milk diluted it at the top.
“Not often, I’m trying to do more these days.” The pond had the sunlight reflecting nicely and many families and couples were there taking photos with the ducks.
Atsushi internally groaned. Do they also keep popping up wherever he goes?
“Annoying right?”
He snapped his head to the man sitting next to him, “What?”
“The couples, showing off their romance and making us single people feel jealous.” He chuckled, loudly. His bright drink was swishing in his hands. His eyebrows suddenly furrowed and a pout showed on his lips, like he just had a sudden thought, "Unless..”
The warmth in his cheeks got hotter and Atsushi shifted a little, "I’m single.”
Yudoku smiled. Just a small upturn of his lips but it immediately drew Atsushi’s attention to it.
It was a much prettier sight than from the man on the court.
“So what was the earlier thing about?”
Yudoku hummed, “What thing?”
“They were beating you up.”
The man let out a hesitant laugh as he scratched the back of his head, the blonde hair flowing through his fingers. “About that. I said a few things about their plays and they started beating me up. But oh well, at least I got you.” He winked
Ametrine eyes moved away from him to back to the ducks, "I think I should go now.”
Yudoku's eyes widened, “Wait! Can I have your number?”
The warmth spread to his extremities quickly as Yudoku continued to explain himself, "It’s kinda hard to make friends in uni so, taking every chance I get?” Another awkward laugh.
Atsushi walked away from the park back to the orphanage, the streets were quieter from this morning and the flowers with shades of pink, red and yellow were facing away from the sky as the clouds blocked the sunlight.
In his hands was a bag with a few second-hand toys from the store nearby and he also was missing a small piece of paper ripped from his notebook.
Atsushi stepped past the orphanage gates, the pathway was filled with chalk drawings of flowers, animals and hearts. It was a cute sight, even if the animals looked a bit off. He was just glad that they had the chance to do things like this.
He opened the orphanage doors, greeted by the sight of warm lights and laughter throughout the halls.
“Atsushi-kun?”
He smiled at Akari-san, "I’m back.”
She put her hands on her hips, "Hina-san said you wouldn’t be back until dinner! There are still two hours left.”
Atsushi just shook his head, "It doesn’t matter, but I have a few toys for the kids.” He showed off the plastic bag to her.
Her mood went up immediately as she grabbed it. “Thank you. The kids would love these.” She started digging into the bag, looking at the different cars and dolls, and also some boxes of games. Her eyes were bright and wide, and her smile could lift hearts.
“You can take one of them.”
She gasped, "Hey! I’m not a child, I’m literally your senior, shut up!”
He only laughed in response, waving her bye and telling her to say hi to the kids for him while he scurried off to his room. With a goal to go talk to Kyouka, immediately.
The orphanage had undergone a major renovation before he had come back, and Atsushi wondered when exactly would Mori-san’s money run out to fund the building. Tracing his fingers on the new wallpaper he wishes that it will never run out.
Opening the door to his and Kyouka’s room, being immediately greeted by a curious Kyouka circling around him. The light was on and cast onto the two single sized beds on the opposite walls. In the middle were two drawers, one was covered by picture frames, a few flowers, and a dagger. The other drawer was bare.
“Hello to you too, Kyouka.”
“You’re back early.”
He gave her a grin, "I gave my number to someone.”
Her eyes widened as she clenched his hands.
“You did? Really?!” Kyouka gasped.
Atsushi laughed as he guided her to his bed. Sitting down on it, he spoke up once more, "His name is Yudoku, he’s pretty and I met him at the park. We talked a little and he asked for my number. He’s also in university.”
“And do you like him?”
Atsushi frowned, "He’s handsome. Sweet.”
“Yeah… But– Never mind. Just be safe.” She looked down at the floor.
He smiled. It was a small one but his chest warmed at the care, “Of course I will.”
Suddenly, a notification buzzed on Atsushi’s phone.
Kyouka let out a breath, “I’ll be off now.”
He hummed and nodded, his focus already shifting to his phone.
Unknown Number - 17:16||5:16pm
Heyy it’s Yudoku, wanna go out tomorrow to hang?
A Month Later
His vision blurred as he sobbed on Kyouka’s shoulder. Kiyoshi for the first time was quiet, rubbing his hands in circles over his knee, a useless but failed method of comfort. Hina-san was treading her fingers through his white hair — unwashed, dirty and greasy from the past two days — whispering that these things happen and you should only rise back higher, better.
But none of that reached his head, hearing many things other than her muffled words, his heartbeat in his ears, ringing and loud snivels.
He didn’t know why he was expecting something else. It was too good to be true.
The sound of a knock pierced through the uncomfortable space. Kyouka looked up, biting her bottom lip as she glanced between Atsushi on the bed and Mori-san standing by the open wooden door.
With a quick nod from the dark-haired girl, Mori-san started approaching the heartbroken person.
When he felt a heavy pressure on his shoulder, the weretiger moved his head up in a sharp movement. Eyes widening as his vision became clearer after blinking a few times, making way for the dark hair and indescribable eyes. His lips moved slowly, and it took a few seconds for Atsushi to understand what he was saying.
“You can try again.”
A broken chair later and a few screams and gasps. Mori-san went back to his office with a bloody head, Kiyoshi and Hina-san went back to the kitchen with terrified expressions, and Kyouka was standing at the corner of their room. Staring down at the man fiddling with the stray strings of his pants. His body has already conceded to the fact that he was never gonna try again to love.
Four Months Later
Kiyoshi’s small fingers were placed on the glass, his face smushed against it, hot breaths as he gaped at the different pastries laid out behind the glass.
“Can we get this one?” He was pointing at a… Atsushi squinted his eyes. An egg tart.
“An egg tart?” He stood back up, his hands already drifting to his pockets.
Orange hair bounced, following the boy’s movements. “Yeah! I have never tried it before, have you?”
He shook his head and frowned, his eyes now examining the empty pockets.
“Excuse me sir? What would you like today?”
Atsushi glanced up quickly, the barista was tapping on the wooden counter, impatience surrounded her. Kiyoshi just smiled though, approached closer to the wood and looked up. “Two egg tarts–” He snapped his head back to the man behind him. “Do you want a coffee?” He asked.
“Wait, I can't find my wallet.”
Frustration exploded through his body, before it quickly dimmed as he felt a pressure on his elbows. The man gripped it tighter as he cocked his head lower, his nose almost grazing the white-haired man’s jawline. Every hair on the back of Atsushi's neck stood. The heat of Akutagawa's breath against his skin sent a shudder straight down his spine, paralyzing him right there by the counter.
“I’ll get a coffee as well.”
Time moved faster now. His brain overwhelmed, overlapping the seconds, the polite thank yous. Before the man was already paying for him and Kiyoshi and now he was sitting in a booth, his eyes looking at the egg tart and coffee in front of him. Kiyoshi was happily eating the flaky pastry.
“This is really good.” Kiyoshi smiled at Atsushi, then to his plate. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
Atsushi let out a sharp breath and glanced at the man sitting across from them.
“What are you doing here?”
Akutagawa put his coffee cup down on the table. “I work upstairs, remember? Better question yet, what are you doing here? White Reaper.”
Atsushi’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not here to hurt anyone.”
“Never said you were going to, I asked what you were doing here. Last time I checked, you didn’t have such a good reputation around here.”
He clicked his teeth. “I know that. But Kiyoshi wanted to come here.” He gestured with his arm towards the boy.
The boy waved at Akutagawa at the mention of his name. Akutagawa nodded at him then leaned back against the chair. “Very well.” He took a sip of his coffee and Atsushi watched him, curious. He hasn’t seen him in… how many months?
His dark hair was tipped with white at the ends. But all Atsushi could see was red. The screams, yelling and cries. It was a testament to his Port Mafia days. And he felt no reason to continue being here. Mori-san wouldn’t like it either.
Forcing the panic rising in his throat, he swallowed hard just to clear his voice.
“I- Thank you. For paying.”
Atsushi made a move to stand up before he heard the cup clink against the table once more, hard. Some of the coffee landed on the table. He froze, while Akutagawa frowned at him. His eyes moved to Atsushi, then Kiyoshi — who was still eating his egg tart — then back to Atsushi.
“You do not need to leave yet.” He murmured. While Atsushi felt some frustration build up in his stomach. Is this guy serious right now? Akutagawa continued. “It’s been quite a few months since we last saw each other, it would only make sense if we were to catch up.”
He laughed. “Aren’t I the White Reaper?
With that he grabbed Kiyoshi’s arm. He was finished with his egg tart and gladly gave in to his dragging out of the cafe.
When they finally left, Atsushi let go and took a deep breath.
“Who was he?” Kiyoshi asked.
“A person from the past.” He muttered, his mind cooling down.
“He seems nice.” Kiyoshi looked down at their feet. The sidewalk was glistening from the light, yet still, the broken glass was a brighter memory. Not in a happy way. But it drew his attention way more.
“Let’s get out of here, shall we?” He extended an arm towards Kiyoshi, smiling a bit too hard that his cheekbones hurt.
With the extra weight in his hand he started walking back to the orphanage. Taking a different path he used to take with Yudoku.
It felt way too cold. Goosebumps travelled up his elbow to his shoulder and his teeth would be chattering. Winter was getting closer and he was pretty sure the orphanage children were already feeling the effects. Many questions revolve around their broken snow boots, missing gloves and ripped jackets. Mori-san reassured everyone that he ordered a shipment for many winter accessories. That was Atsushi’s and Kyouka’s job now. Walking out of the orphanage doors, gazing up as only a few orange and yellow leaves remained on the trees. The groundhogs already made their move to hibernate in their dens,
A white truck was parked beside the gates, and Atsushi took an extra leap into his step.
“Are you excited for the new clothes?” He asked the young girl beside him.
Kyouka had an oversized red sweater on and red earmuffs, her hair wasn’t decorated with flowers but instead with ribbons. “I guess? Everyone else seems to be.” She muttered.
“I think it’s their second or third winter with Mori-san.” Atsushi stated. “Before Mori-san came, it was very rare to get new winter clothes, usually just two or three.”
Atsushi grabbed the keys from his pockets and unlocked the gates. “It’s always nice to get new things.” He added.
They both walked towards the truck, the worker opened it and showed them the clothes. His undereyes were swollen and overall he just looked tired. “Make sure to carry the boxes by the bottom.” The worker advised.
Atsushi nodded, and climbed into the cargo area, already grabbing a medium-sized cardboard box. He passed it to Kyouka, then grabbed one himself. The worker grabbed a large one and followed them both by the gates. This repeated for a few more boxes until around the sixth.
“Atsushi?” Kyouka asked and Atsushi stopped in his place, his head cocked to the side in confusion.
“Yeah?”
“Kiyoshi told me that you met someone from the past?”
Atsushi let out a breath. “Ah, him. I saw Akutagawa at the cafe we went to. No biggie though.”
Kyouka frowned. “And no fights?”
He shook his head and smiled. “Nope! I forgot my wallet so he just paid for us, and that’s it! Let’s bring these boxes in shall we?”
The weretiger grabbed another cardboard box and tried to shove it in Kyouka’s hands. However, she stayed frozen on the sidewalk, thinking. With a sigh, Atsushi supported the box using his hip, and patted her head. “Nothing happened.”
She nodded as she grabbed the box and started walking to the gate. When they were finally done, they both waved bye to the worker and closed the orphanage gates.
“You should pay him back.”
Atsushi looked down at her in surprise, his hand still in the air. But she already started walking towards the door.
The warm cafe air was a delight to enter rather than staying outside in the cold, staring at the window with a poster for a discount on couples.
“What better way to bundle up? Cozy up together with a warm cup of coffee! Enjoy 10% off any order over $15 as a pair.”
A few months ago, Atsushi was eligible for the discount. Now he must pay for everything using his own somber, lonely money with no fucking discount. What the hell world? Whatever. He was just here to give a few dollars back and then get just as fast out of here.
Hot chocolate was a new thing, now. It was a potent smell, largely due to the many pairs drinking out of the same cup, with straws and their hot chocolate covered with whipped cream and broken candy canes. Maybe he should try making it for the kids.
He walked past them all, until he walked upstairs to the Agency doors. Taking a deep breath he knocked. It took a few seconds for the door to open but with a creak, and sliver of whatever hostile greeting or ambush was inside.
Then the door was slammed open and before him was a tall, blonde guy with glasses. The man gasped before he stepped back and got out a notebook.
Atsushi frowned and was almost prepared to summon his ability. Before he felt a warm, soothing weight to his shoulder. He looked up and a red-head, tall man was patting his shoulder, a neutral look on his face. Odasaku. That’s what Dazai-san would call him.
“You must be Nakajima. Akutagawa–”
“That’s the White Reaper!”
He looked at the blonde guy. “Didn’t he leave the mafia, Kunikida?”
“He did.” Another voice. A voice that sent shivers down Atsushi’s spine. Atsushi turned around, to the sight of Akutagawa. “Look who came back.”
Atsushi grimaced but dug into his pocket for a few dollar bills. “I only came to pay you back.” He muttered. Shoving the bills in Akutagawa’s face.
However, Akutagawa only smiled and stuck out a hand in front of him. “I won’t accept that.”
Kunikida and Oda-san already started walking away, the latter trying to reassure that Akutagawa would handle it.
Atsushi stared at him. “What?”
“I need your assistance,” Akutagawa said calmly.
Before Atsushi could even open his mouth to refuse, Akutagawa turned on his heel and headed toward the stairs. “Follow me. We will discuss it downstairs. The Agency is far too loud for this particular matter.”
Atsushi stared at his retreating back, then glanced back at the closing office door. With a. frustrated growl, he shoved the dollars back into his pocket and followed.
The air was still thick with the scent of hot chocolate and peppermint. Right next to their booth, a teenage couple was giggling, sharing a single giant mug with two striped straws. Atsushi slumped back into his seat, crossing his arms.
“You’re paying,” Atsushi muttered, glaring across the table. “Since you dragged me back down here.”
“Naturally,” Akutagawa replied. He didn’t look at the couples. He didn't look at the festive menu. Instead, he slid a thick manila envelope across the table. "The Agency was handed a case this morning. It involves a series of disappearances along the shipping docks."
Atsushi's eyes narrowed. "The docks? That's Mafia territory. Why are you guys sticking your noses into their business?"
“Because,” Akutagawa leaned forward, his grey eyes locking onto Atsushi’s with intense seriousness. The weretiger made a reluctant, frustrating observation... it was pretty, cool eyes. "The victims are lower Mafia members, once under your command. One of our detectives believes that they are trying to draw out the White Reaper."
Atsushi froze. The noise of the cafe, clinking spoons, soft jazz, and the laughter of couples faded.
"Me?" Atsushi whispered.
Akutagawa nodded. The black strands following the movements.
“Wait! You still haven’t said why you're in mafia business!”
“The same detective also made a note of putting me on the case to find these missing victims. And to seek you.”
Atsushi huffed. “What to protect me or something? I’ll be fine.”
Akutagawa frowned. “The only way you are aware of this information is by me. Remember that.”
“You want to use me as bait or something?” Atsushi asked.
“No. As my partner.”
Atsushi laughed. “Are the other agency members not enough for you?”
“Not exactly. But it’s certainly better if I’m working with the person the culprit is targeting.”
“Fine. Where are we starting?”
“We’ll go to the last known place they were seen, first.” Akutagawa waved over the waitress.
She smiled at them both. “What can I get for you, lovebirds?”
Atsushi felt his cheeks go hot immediately. “We’re not dating!”
The waitress was shocked. “Oh! I’m so sorry– It’s just that there were so many couples today. I-.”
“It’s quite alright.” Akutagawa attempted to reassure her.
After taking their orders, the waitress left with pink cheeks, lighter than Atsushi’s though.
“We could have got the discount if you just played along.”
Atsushi stared at him in surprise. “What?”
“A couples discount.” Akutagawa shook his head before he took a sip of his coffee. It wasn’t colourful. No pink or green. Just black. After the first sip, Akutagawa put the cup down and added four cubes of sugar.
Atsushi looked down at his own cup of coffee. “Can you pass the sugar bowl?”
He had a small smile on his face as he passed the sugar bowl. But instead of letting Atsushi put the cubes in his drink. Akutagawa grabbed the tongs and added four sugar cubes.
After the final plop, Atsushi looked up and stared at him. Akutagawa squirmed in his seat.
“Correct?” He asked.
“Three was okay.” Atsushi grabbed his cup and took a sip.
Akutagawa coughed. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
Atsushi waved his hand up and down, still drinking his coffee.