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Tartah smelled like peach syrup and sawdust.
He was gentle to be around, sweet and caring despite his occasional moments of frustration. Coco never felt distressed in his presence. He’d been one of her closest friends ever since they met some 3-4 years ago.
So when Tartah kissed her, it wasn’t like she disliked it. It was nice. The weather was nice. The sun was up, its many rays reflected in the river surrounding Kalhn, making the water glisten. They were sitting on a brick wall, facing the water. Tartah’s lips were a little chapped, but his breath didn’t smell bad. It was nice. They both laughed a little. It didn’t seem to Coco that Tartah had minded much when she didn’t kiss him back.
She’d apologized, said she was a little surprised, and didn’t really know what to do. Tartah waved her worries away, told her it wasn’t a big deal. Tartah hadn’t really expected anything to come of it. At least that’s what he said.
“I’ve had a crush on you for a while.” He’d said, looking over the glittery river water. “I think… maybe I just wanted you to know. I hope we’re still friends.”
Coco had stared wide-eyed at him. In her mind, it wasn’t something out of the ordinary. She supposed romance was a big deal to some people and the indirect rejection she’d pushed onto him might’ve stung a little. She shook her head and giggled. “Of course we’re still friends, Tartah. Why wouldn’t we be?”
But something about the whole thing kept occupying her mind as she flew back to Qifrey’s atelier. The sun was setting on the horizon.
Was she supposed to feel something more?
It had seemed a bigger thing for Tartah, and yet Coco felt as though something was missing. The way Tetia had often described romance, Coco would’ve assumed she’d feel something other than a pleasant kind of indifference. It was another day. If she didn’t think Tartah might’ve been hung up on his crush on her, she’s sure she would’ve forgotten the day altogether, let its events blend together and situate themselves in the back of her mind.
Butterflies, pink and giddy bubbles, small sparks and fireworks, an endearing and forgiving kind of nervousness. An accelerated heartbeat. They were all missing. Coco would’ve assumed she’d be at least a little moved.
A sane conclusion would’ve been that she simply wasn’t interested in Tartah like that. She’d be willing to accept it regardless, but in any case, wasn’t it natural to feel at least a little something if someone kissed her? Especially a friend whom she had no reason to dislike?
Maybe it would take a proper Prince Charming to sway her over, and make her giddy with excitement.
──────•✦•──────
She knew a Prince Charming.
The idea had struck when she’d landed, when she’d given Qifrey the materials he’d asked her to buy, and when the rain had begun pouring down and over the hills around them. She knew a Prince Charming. Maybe she could test it; her inability to feel what she thought she was supposed to. She needed a control kiss to be certain. Someone to keep as a point of reference.
That’s why she stood in front of Agott’s bedroom door. It was late. Tetia had gone to sleep already, so Coco couldn’t consult her. But she knew Agott was awake, even without the light shining through underneath the door. Agott was always the last to close all lights, Agott always worked and always read, and oftentimes, Coco had urged her to take a break, lest she overwork herself.
Already, she felt more nervous than she’d done with Tartah. She supposed it was because Agott was harsher and more difficult to read. Or perhaps she didn’t want to ruin their friendship.
She knocked on her door twice.
“Agott? It’s me.”
The girls didn’t frequent each other’s bedrooms often. Still, a “come in” could be heard from the other side of the door, and Coco opened the door to find Agott still in her day-clothes, sitting up against her stack of pillows on her bed with a book propped up on her stomach.
“Coco. Is something the matter? It’s rather late.” There was a tinge of worry coating Agott’s voice, and her brows were slightly furrowed.
Coco closed the door behind her and waved her hands in front of her, letting out an awkward laugh. “No, no, nothing like that!”
Agott just tilted her head, waited for her to explain herself.
“It’s gonna sound like a weird request,” Coco began, twiddling her thumbs, “but can I kiss you?”
Not a single sound escaped Agott the following few moments as her eyes widened and her brows knitted further together. Coco could tell her eyes were searching for something in Coco’s own, and her hands were gripping the book in front of her a little tighter before she eventually closed it. She’d sat up a little, no longer leaning against the pillows behind her as much.
A stillness had enveloped the room temporarily, broken only by Agott’s quiet and even voice.
“...what?”
“Uhm. Tartah kissed me today.” Coco explained, figuring some context was needed.
A flash of something resembling bitterness crossed Agott’s eyes before disappearing as quickly as it’d come. A small twitch. Coco decided to think nothing of it.
“I see.” Agott muttered.
Coco continued. “And it was nice, you know, but like… I didn’t feel anything. Like, there weren’t any butterflies and I didn’t really feel nervous or excited or anything like that. I figured maybe something was wrong with me. So I wanted to test it against a control variable.”
Agott had leaned back against the pillows behind her again, the beginning of a small scowl making itself present on her face. “You know, some people feel those kinds of things differently. You shouldn’t be too hung up on what you’re ‘supposed’ to feel. You liked it, didn’t you?”
The rain was still hammering against the window, and what little moonlight could make it through the heavy clouds illuminated Agott so beautifully. Coco moved to sit on the edge of her bed.
“I mean, I guess? It was more like… just a thing that happened.” She sighed.
“Well, there you go.” Agott said. She opened her book again, seemingly not caring much for how some of her bed had suddenly been occupied. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Coco.”
It was a deflection. At least Coco thought as much. She turned her torso, looking directly at Agott, and leaned in. And maybe she shouldn’t be so adamant. It stung a little, this indirect rejection. But Agott wasn’t even looking at her, and now she’d come so far, she needed to confirm. She needed to be sure of her intuition.
“Can I please test it? Just a quick kiss, I promise!” Coco pleaded. “Then I’ll be gone.”
Now that Coco was really looking at Agott, her face lit both by the minimal moonlight and the lamp by her bedside, Coco spotted a familiar blush. She supposed it was only natural, she probably would’ve felt super nervous too if Agott had come in and asked to kiss her.
Agott’s voice, despite usually being so even, had the tiniest tremor. “Can’t you wait until the morning, maybe see if Tetia or Richeh can help you with this ridiculous experiment?”
Strange thing to say. It hadn’t even crossed Coco’s mind to ask either of them. Why would it? It could only be Agott. She chewed on her lower lip lightly, frowning, and leaning back a bit. Ridiculous experiment? Why would she ever kiss Tetia or Richeh like Tartah had kissed her? Why would she—?
“It wouldn’t work with them, it has to be you,” Coco explained, her mouth curling awkwardly and her head tilted.
Oddly enough, that faint beginning of a blush Coco had spotted on Agott deepened in color. Though it was difficult to see with the clash of blue and yellow light, Coco knew Agott’s pretty face intimately.
Agott’s shoulders rose, her knees retracting a little, and her eyes directed at something at the corner of her bed. Unfocused. “Why?”
“Because you’re the most beautiful person I know! You’re so handsome, you’re elegant and kind of princely! If I don’t feel anything kissing you, I know it’s something to do with me.” Coco’s hands had crawled a little closer to Agott when the other’s knees had retracted.
“That’s not how attraction works, Coco.” Agott mumbled. She was looking anywhere but at Coco, and her book had slowly begun guarding the lower half of her face. “You can find someone pretty and not be attracted to them.”
Truth be told, it’s not like Coco didn’t know why she had taken this chance. Etched right on the inside of her skull was the vague idea she had an interest in Agott, or at least didn’t view her as a friend like she did her other friends. In the slew of everything that had happened in the past couple of years, Coco had had barely any time to breathe and consider.
But that little inkling of want for Agott specifically began to rear its head right then, when Coco’s eyes were focused on her. Agott was as beautiful as she’d always been. In Coco’s mind, she was a perfect blend of masculine and feminine, the image of a storybook prince come to life.
She pursed her lips and leaned a little closer. “I am attracted to you. Who wouldn’t be?”
Her boldness served only to make Agott crumble further into herself, her book now covering two thirds of her face, and her blush extended out to her ears.
“I—I don’t think you know what you’re saying. Besides, wouldn’t a control sample require a neutral variable? It’s useless if you claim to be attracted to me.” Agott’s voice was trembling. Surely. It was quiet and subdued and not like Agott at all. Usually nervousness would make her shout out in frustration.
It would make sense, wouldn’t it? Coco’s logic was flawed. Nevermind the fact she already knew it was an impulsive decision sparked by her intuition, her excuse had holes.
It didn’t matter much to Coco in the moment.
“Please?” She pleaded. “I won’t be getting any sleep if I’m busy thinking about this all night.”
“You know that’s not why you have trouble sleeping.” Agott countered. Still, she kept her eyes hidden behind that stupid book. Coco really wanted to look at her.
“Please, please, please?” Coco tried again. She’d slowly began crawling into Agott’s space, her hands encasing the other’s legs and her face awfully close to the book that separated them. “I won’t bother you for the rest of the week, I promise!”
Her own heart had begun to accelerate. That feeling she was looking for with Tartah; something more than simple pleasantry.
The stretch of silence that followed did not deter Coco in the slightest. The sight of Agott slowly lowering the book and revealing her face covered up in a pretty, peachy pink was already enough to confirm Coco’s inner suspicions. It bothered her that Agott still had yet to look at her.
“Fine.” Agott mumbled. “If it’ll get you out of here.”
Coco beamed, her heart already feeling light and airy. Agott looked so cute, blushing like that, with her lips trembling and her eyes a little watery. Coco knew she was being a little cruel; Agott wasn’t one for hugs or physical contact, so she must’ve really pushed her this time. It didn’t matter. Coco could’ve never been more ecstatic than in that moment.
Carefully, she leaned in. Agott had already closed her eyes, and Coco couldn’t help notice how long and elegant her eyelashes were. Not that she hasn’t noticed in the past, but it seemed a little extra special right then, when she was so close.
She could practically hear Agott’s heartbeat. Or was it her own? She felt her hands get a little clammy as they clung the blanket underneath, as they crawled a little closer.
Their lips met, finally, and Coco had her hypothesis confirmed within that instant. Agott’s lips were soft, unlike Tartah’s. Agott smelled like ink and laundry. Agott didn’t kiss her back. She sat back passively, and Coco figured she was waiting for her to decide when she was done. It would be a while though. Coco had been overcome with a giddiness unlike anything she’d ever experienced, her insides filled with those pink bubbles and small sparks of fireworks she’d missed earlier. She didn’t want to stop kissing Agott.
It wasn’t a harrowing realization or one that’d come out of nowhere. She leaned a little closer, and tilted her head slightly so their lips would better fit. The little noise Agott made as a result shot straight through her. She could barely handle it, her Agott so nervous by her lips and her touch. Her mind had inexplicably cleared, a blurry vision had been healed.
She was lost in her own little world of wonder until Agott’s hands came to gently push her away by her shoulders. Agott was blushing furiously. Safe to say Coco had never seen her so red and teary-eyed, despite how many times she’d seen a flustered or frustrated Agott.
“Coco—” Agott began.
Coco couldn’t help herself. Like an overflowing, boiling pot of water, she began to giggle and laugh. She’d never felt so weightless and light. She’d never felt so sure of anything. She was sure her cheeks were equally red, that her eyes were glistening. Perhaps it’d been obvious to everyone but her, how in love with Agott she’d been. At least she found some comfort in figuring it out herself eventually. How long had she felt this way?
She sat back, trying to calm her laughter. A result of overwhelming excitement and giddiness. It didn’t seem that way to Agott, whose eyes widened with a hint of panic and whose face began to pale. In a flash, her defensive posture returned and her eyes once again averted to some place more interesting on the edge of her bed.
She mumbled something inaudible, and Coco ceased her giggling to the best of her ability, suddenly scared something had gone horribly wrong.
“Did you say something?”
Agott looked anything but giddy and excited. When she spoke, her lips trembled, a mirror of the rest of her body. “...did you come to humiliate me?”
Coco laughed awkwardly. “What…? Why would you think that?”
It’s rare that Agott would ever lose her composure in such a profound way. Coco had seldom seen such a torn expression on her face, even after all these years of knowing her.
“You knew I’d say yes,” Agott said. “You knew because of how I… you knew I couldn’t say no to you. Did you just come to make fun of me? Use me as a point of comparison?” Even when Agott was so tense, her voice carried with it immense refinement. Quiet, uncharacteristically so, but careful and slow.
Coco had trouble focusing. She blamed her newly cleared mind that all of Agott’s features had suddenly become bathed in a light like no other. The shadow of her eyelashes fanned over her cheeks, making them seem longer than they were, those lips pulled taut that had just been on her own. If she could just kiss her again.
Was it insensitive that she’d nearly forgotten what Agott had just told her? She was unbelievably awestruck.
It struck her only moments later what Agott had said, the troubles she’d bore to her, and Coco frantically attempted to reconcile it to the best of her abilities. “No! No, no, no, please don’t misunderstand, Agott! I’m sorry it came across that way—”
“I’m guessing you have your own little repertoire of kisses you’re collecting then. Who’s next?” Agott said, her voice would seem stern if it weren’t for that remaining tremor.
“You, probably! Well, hopefully!” Coco exclaimed, her hands jittery and her head a mess. She couldn't lose Agott now, not when she’d come so far. “I—let me explain, please! I’m not laughing at you!”
Agott sniffed and looked at her with a teary expression of hurt and irritation. She let her continue, her posture guarded and curled inward. Coco wanted to kiss her again. And again. And again and again and again.
“I—” Coco started, and realized promptly that confessing romantic feelings was a tad more difficult than she’d first anticipated. How did Tartah do it so effortlessly? Her heart was no longer airy but it still fluttered like crazy. “When Tartah kissed me, he confessed that he had a crush on me.”
Stupid starting point. Agott just retracted further into herself, and Coco’s nervousness which had been so bubbly mere moments ago felt heavy and panic-stricken, her hands more clammy than ever and the room so deprived of oxygen all of a sudden.
Her voice began speeding up the more she talked. “A-and I realized I didn’t feel anything for him, because in my mind we were only friends. Now that I’ve kissed you, I realize that I might’ve… been in love with you for a really long time. And I really want to kiss you again. Please.”
Agott didn’t say anything for a little while. Slowly, that blush began returning to her cheeks and she bit her lower lip, trying her best to creep further into her pillows. It’s then Coco realized how close she was, sitting atop Agott’s shins. A little further, and she’d be sitting on her lap. And now they were both blushing and red-faced.
“Idiot…” Agott mumbled, looking away. “Stupid idiot Coco.”
Coco let out a breathy little giggle. “I’m sorry. I know. You don’t have to return my feelings or anything. I hope we’re still friends.”
“You’re so stupid.”
“I know, I’m sorry, Agott. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have framed it like that.” Despite that tense tone of reconciliation, Coco instinctively tilted a little closer for every inch Agott had retracted into the pillows.
Agott’s book had seemingly been abandoned, thrown to some place on her bed. “You—you have enough wit to figure out your own feelings for me, but not enough to figure out why I—why I didn’t just outright refuse your request immediately.” And in a smaller voice, one which Coco had trouble picking up, she added, “and then you repeatedly bring up another boy too…”
Like a bolt of lightning, Coco realized what she meant. Or rather, that she’d been painfully oblivious. She didn’t want to assume that the Agott Arklaum reciprocated her feelings, it seemed too good to be true, but that same Agott Arklaum was sitting right in front of her, with a face red enough to rival the hats of the Knights Moralis.
“You… Do you feel the same way?” She asked tentatively. As with everything, she wanted to be sure. Of her intuition, of her interpretations.
Agott made a noise of distress and her hands hastily came up to cover her beautiful face. Out came a muffled groan followed by a desperate outburst. “You idiot, Coco! You dense, reckless fool! You—I’ve practically professed my love to you countless times! I figured you recognized my hints and had deliberately chosen to ignore them, I figured that was the end of it! That I wouldn’t have to dwell on it anymore! That I could move on, hopefully forget all about these—these distracting emotions, but then you come to my room and ask to kiss me! And then you laugh at me! Have you no idea how cruel you come across?”
And Coco, who was still situated right atop the other’s shins, had been stunned to silence. Had she? She attempted to recall moments where Agott had been romantic with her, or in any way professed her love the way she claimed. Eventually, she came to the conclusion that she was blinded by her own obliviousness and regrettably had to admit to never having picked up a single hint. Perhaps in retrospect, Agott’s little gestures and acts of service had been the only way someone so reserved could signal their interest without losing composure entirely.
But sitting there, in Agott’s room, with the rain banging against the window, it was only regret that bubbled up in Coco. That she hadn’t picked up on it sooner. Maybe, if her mind had not been so occupied, she could’ve had this, had her, for much longer.
Instead, she hesitantly decided to crawl further into Agott’s space, to which Agott made another noise of high-pitched disquietude, one which was promptly followed by biting her own lower lip, and anxiously guarding herself with her open palms. “Wh-what’re you doing? Isn’t this answer enough for you? Your experiment is over, is it not?”
“Yeah, it is.” Coco said. “And the result of it is that I’m a ‘stupid idiot Coco’ who didn’t realize your feelings or my own until now. And I want another kiss.”
“C-Coco, please! I’m going to get a heart attack. You’re going to kill me.” Agott managed to croak out, her eyes panicked and her voice shaking more than ever.
Gently, Coco pried Agott’s hands from her face, and softly intertwined her own fingers with Agott’s ink-stained ones. That same giddiness from before began to reemerge, her heart once again light and fidgety. Even as a flustered and agitated mess, Agott was still so pretty. If only she would look back at her.
“Can I? Please?” Coco whispered. “I’m sorry for being such an idiot.” She was close enough that their noses nearly touched.
Agott’s fingers were stretched out between where they lay intertwined with Coco’s, no longer able to hide herself behind her hands or her book. She opened her mouth briefly, just to close it again, her brows tightly knitted together and her face tilted to the side.
“Please?” Coco tried again.
With a heavy sigh, Agott closed her eyes. Her hands relaxed in Coco’s grip, and she turned her face towards Coco. She didn’t say a word, but Coco understood now that she didn’t need to. Agott’s confirmations of affection lied in her small gestures.
So Coco did not wait to close the distance between them again. This time, to Coco’s surprise, Agott kissed her back, and Coco nearly exploded with excitement, letting a breathy squeal escape. Again, she tilted her head just so, and again Agott surprised her by doing the same. Their lips slotted together perfectly, just as their fingers had intertwined.
By the time they both had become breathless enough to separate, Coco dared not retreat further than a couple inches from the other’s face.
“Again.” She breathed.
Agott, her Agott, didn’t get much a word in before Coco’s lips were on hers again, but that little noise she made upon reconnection only fueled Coco’s giddiness, her want. Those sparks inside her, blinding her to the fact that she, in all her eagerness, had slowly pushed Agott so far into the pillows that her hair fell like curtains around them.
It was fitting; in Coco’s world, there was only Agott, and her soft lips and her little sounds of anticipation.
When they separated again, Coco repeated herself. “One more.”
So she got one more. And one more. And Coco was completely lost in it. Every little kiss grew in length, and every separation ended in a pop. Every noise became more and more breathless. In truth, Coco didn’t think she had ever been so wonderfully out of breath. One hand was no longer intertwined, Agott instead opting to hold it against Coco’s cheek, and moving it between jaw, nape, and neck.
Eventually, Coco stopped asking for more, the time between kisses not allowing for a single word. Eventually, Agott began meeting her in the middle after every little kiss. Eventually, Coco began to giggle again, her smile making it difficult to properly kiss her … best friend? Friends didn’t kiss each other like that.
Coco finally sat up a little more, immediately overcome with regret upon seeing Agott pouting. “I… hah… Agott…”
Agott’s lips were wet and a little swollen, and Coco found it so distracting that she covered them up with her palm. Agott’s eyes widened but this time with a subtle hint of amusement.
“What are we…? I want to keep kissing you. Both right now, but also tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that too, and forever.” Coco said, trying to manage her breathless voice. She’d forgotten the rain outside, how noisy it was against the window.
Agott didn’t answer. Well, she did. After a couple moments, she kissed the palm of Coco’s hand, the one covering her mouth, and pointed to it with their intertwined hand. Coco blushed in embarrassment and promptly removed it so Agott could speak.
Agott cleared her throat. “I have had years of knowing who I am. You only figured it out just now. Isn’t it wise for you to sleep on it a little before jumping to anything?”
“Do you not want to be my girlfriend?” Coco pouted.
“Idiot Coco,” Agott said. “What do you think? What do you think I have spent years yearning for?”
“Then why not now?”
Agott averted her gaze. Her curls had sprawled all over her pillows beneath her. Her lips still distracting. In a way, Coco could still not believe it. Agott chewed her already swollen lower lip. “I just want you to be sure.”
Coco wanted to smack her in the head. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life!”
“You say that now, but what if in the morning you decide it was just a spur of the moment decision?”
Was it a defensive measure? Why wouldn’t she jump on the thing she’d wanted for so long? Coco wanted to wake up the next morning already being Agott’s girlfriend. She wanted to come down to breakfast, her hand in Agott’s, kiss her in front of everyone, and feed her her food, and then Agott would be all flustered and say ‘I can feed myself!’ but still open her mouth when Coco pushed bread against her lips. She wanted to lay on Agott, her head in the crook of her neck, while Agott was reading on their couch. She wanted… She wanted so many things.
It was unthinkable to her that her mind would be changed come morning. But Agott was a stubborn and insecure girl. Coco could compromise.
“I’ll sleep here tonight. And if my mind hasn’t changed in the morning, you’re my girlfriend.” She said sternly and leaned in close again.
Agott sighed. “You’re ridiculous. I’m not even ready for bed yet. How long have we—?”
Coco giggled. She didn’t know how long they’d been going for. Or caught up in their own world. She leaned in for another kiss, only for Agott’s palm to block her this time.
“Didn’t you hear me? I’m not even ready for bed yet. Let me change into my pajamas.” Agott said. “Get off of me so I can change. We’ve already been awake for too long.”
Coco just smiled as she spoke through Agott’s hand. “Just one more. I promise.”
Agott’s expression was a mix of affection and skepticism. She removed her hand and sat up a little further. “Liar.”
It wasn’t intended as a lie. Coco just couldn’t help herself. By the time one more had become 15th more, neither of them had enough energy to get up. There was nothing to do but fall asleep as they were against a mountain of pillows.
──────•✦•──────
Sure enough, when morning came around, and Coco awoke to find herself still lying on top of Agott, she felt the same. After quickly pinching her own cheek, just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, she sat up slightly, carefully not to disturb her girlfriend. Just thinking it made her all dizzy.
Agott was so beautiful, even while she slept. That usual crease between her eyebrows, those harsh lines, evidence of heavy thoughts, went away with consciousness. Coco wished all worries could disappear and she and Agott could live in a cozy atelier of their own one day.
Instead, in the moment, all she could do was lie back down and rest her head between Agott’s neck and collarbone. They had nothing to do except study today. Maybe Qifrey could look past their tardiness this once; they’d stayed up a little later after all. Coco figured it was only fair to sleep in every once in a while.
She placed a few kisses up and down Agott’s neck and the underside of her jaw, waking Agott up. Just for a moment.
Without waiting for Agott to confirm her woken state, Coco whispered right underneath her ear. “Good morning, darling.”
Agott hummed. She turned slightly, orienting herself, but did not push Coco off of her. Instead, a hand came up to comb through Coco’s hair. After a few strokes, Agott’s hand went limp and her breathing steadied once again. Coco giggled. Maybe she had been cruel to keep Agott up for so long.
She found she did not feel a single sliver of guilt at all. After a moment’s time, she too managed to fall right back asleep, even with the morning sun shining so strongly through the window.