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Shelly was never the favorite main by any means. Most days she didn’t even feel like a main at all, kids would forget her and adults would talk over her like she barely existed. Sometimes she felt like even her fellow toons forgot she existed. I mean, why shouldn’t they? Shelly didn’t bring anything to the table. She wasn’t smart, she wasn’t good in a crowd, she’s heard more than once that her dino facts were bland on the best of days and annoyingly grating on the worst.
They were right, weren’t they? She was annoying. Her friends didn’t deserve to be forced to put up with her. Most days it didn’t feel like they wanted to hang out with her anyways. Another thing came up that they had to go do, or forgotten projects were suddenly remembered, or sometimes they just left, like they actually forgot she was there.
They’re going to abandon you.
The tiny voice in her head said. The voice that showed up when the night ran long, when her alarm clock slowly blinked closer and closer to the AM. The little voice in her head that was right. Of course it was right, it was just saying what everyone else was thinking, wasn’t it? Everyone was going to abandon her one day, even the ones that promise her they won’t.
She’s going to leave you first. They have to keep up this front the longest and soon they will tire and you will be alone.
You deserve it.
You deserve this.
She did deserve this. She deserved worse actually. Wasn’t she so selfish for making people put up with her? Her arms wrap around herself, pulling herself closer. Maybe if she held herself closer the thoughts would stay away just a little longer.
You can’t ignore it. You know they’ll abandon you.
Her claws curl into her arms, frantically holding herself in a vice grip, desperately trying to ward off her thoughts. Until suddenly one claw broke the surface of her skin. She feels the sting and the warm liquid well up to the surface of her skin. It was unintentional but for one glorious, delirious moment it felt good. Like maybe everything was going to shit, her friends were going to leave her and she couldn’t control that, but she could control this. She could control the pain, and she knew she deserved it. Shouldn’t she hurt? Shouldn’t she be punished for making her friends suffer?
A small part of her mind knew this was crazy. She was crazy. Her friends were nothing but good to her. Vee was nothing but good to her. She loved her.
But does she? How could anyone truly love someone like you?
A second claw digs itself into her arms. Then another, and another, and another. At this point she’s just scratching at her arms desperately, desperately trying to regain that small moment of calm. Her movements become frantic, a hectic dance of self preservation trying to win a losing battle against the need to feel something other than this hollow feeling in her chest. This gaping hole that was forming.
You’ll never fill that hole. You can never abandon this feeling.
The voice kept saying. She tried to block it out, ignore it. Her claws migrated to her thighs, scratching at them with the same trepid fervor. Black ichor gets smudged under her palms and across her thighs.
You’ll only come back. You’ve had these thoughts before, this hollowness is not new. Why was today the tipping point?
She didn’t know. She didn’t know. Why, why was she like this? Why couldn’t she keep herself together. Why was today the day that sent her over the edge? Why couldn’t she just keep it together for one more day?
Why can’t she just be normal?
~⭒⚝⭒~
Vee was pacing around their room, muttering to herself. Today had been a busy day at the center. It was some sort of event today and there were almost twice the amount of guests coming in. Meet and greets, tours, game shows, you name it and it was doubled. Vee didn’t mind, she was a robot that was designed specifically for speaking with the public and she loved her game show, the crowds didn’t bother them at all.
No, what was bothering her was Shelly. She had seemed off all day. Every time Vee had spotted her from across the lobby or stood next to her at a meet and greet she’d seemed down, closed off. Of course Vee knew that Shelly didn’t do well in crowds, maybe that was it, but it still felt wrong. Vee had tried asking her about it at the end of the day when the center had closed and all their work was done but Shelly had just brushed it off and said she was fine, heading to her own room to turn in for the night.
Vee trusted Shelly. She was a grown adult and could handle herself perfectly fine, but something didn’t feel right. Call it intuition or what have you, but Vee had been up pacing all night debating whether or not they should go up to Shelly’s room to talk to her.
On one hand, if they were wrong and she was fine they would be waking her up at almost midnight on some hunch after being explicitly told she was fine. On the other hand, what if she was right? Shelly would need someone right now, someone to assure her that she wasn’t alone.
Fuck it she was going over there. If she was wrong, she was wrong, Shelly would just have to forgive her.
~⭒⚝⭒~
Vee walked the short distance down the rainbow colored hall from her own room to Shelly’s door. It was brown and beige but far from boring, painted with subtle fossil decals and adorned with stickers all along the doorframe. Vee held her hand up to knock before she hesitated. Was she really going to bother Shelly this late? What would she even say? “Oh sorry, I just had the thought that you might be spiraling because you tend to do that. Yeah I totally trust you and respect you, what makes you think otherwise?”
This was stupid, maybe she should just turn back. Vee almost did, she had taken one step back towards her room when she heard something coming from behind the door.
Shelly crying.
That was it, that was all she needed to wipe any doubt from her mind about what to do. They knocked on the door lightly.
“Hey Shelly, it’s me. I’m coming in.”
Vee opened the door carefully, trying not to startle Shelly if she hadn’t heard them. As her optics adjusted from the dark hallway to the lamp light bedroom, the sight that beheld her stopped her in her tracks.
Shelly was sitting on the floor by her bed, tears streaming down her face as she clawed at her arms and legs. It seemed like there could’ve been a hundred scratches on her thighs and arms; most were shallow but two on her left arm scared Vee the most. Almost identical gashes ran horizontal on her upper arm and seemed to be bleeding quite a lot as large rivets of ichor ran down her arm and onto the floor. Black ichor was smudged all over her arms, legs, and claws, giving her skin a sickly gray appearance.
Shelly didn’t seem to notice that Vee had entered the room. She didn’t seem very aware of anything for that matter. She just sat there sobbing, muttering something under her breath. As Vee got closer she could pick up on fragments on what she was saying.
“...leave you.”
“…deserve this.”
“They don’t love you.”
That last part stirred Vee. Was she talking about her? Did she really think they didn’t love her? Vee felt her heartbreak as they rushed towards Shelly and dropped to their knees.
“Hey, hey darling I’m here. I’m here Shelly,” Vee said, gently cupping Shelly’s head and turning it towards them.
“V-Vee?” Shelly asked, her eyes seeming to just now focus on the green robot in front of her.
“I’m here darling, it’s going to be alright. I’m here now.” Vee said, cradling the ammonite closely as Shelly fully broke down in her arms.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“There’s nothing you have to apologize for, hun. I’m here now, I’m going to take care of you.” Vee whispered, trying to comfort Shelly as she continued to cry into her arms.
“No, no, no!” Shelly sobbed, seemingly more distressed at that. “You- you’re hic going to- to leave me! You’re going to hic get si- sick of me! I’m only bring- bringing you hic down. You deserve so mu- much better.”
Vee was taken aback at this. She’d always known that Shelly struggled with feelings of loneliness and self worth issues, but she never thought that maybe they could have been a source of that. She never wanted to make her feel that way, Shelly was everything to them.
“Shelly, look at me,” Vee tried to gently coax, lifting her head to meet their eyes. “I will never leave you. You- you’re everything to me. Shelly, I love you so much and I am so sorry if I ever made you feel anything but. You are so kind, and funny, and smart, and you deserve the world.”
“Re-really?” Shelly asked timidly, as if just asking would suddenly push Vee away.
“Really. Any toon would be lucky even to be your friend, and I get to hold the privilege of being your partner? I wouldn’t give that up for the world.”
“Th- thank you. I love you too.” Shelly said, her tears finally calming down as she settled against Vee.
“Of course my love, I’m always here for you. Now, will you let me clean you up?” Vee asked.
“I- I don’t think I have the energy to walk to the bathroom. Can we just put it off for tomorrow?” Shelly asked, yawning as the weight of the night finally caught up with her and her eyes drooped.
“I really wish we could, but I’m worried about those two on your arm. Would it be okay if I carried you to the bathroom or would you like me to bring a medkit back?” Vee responded, trying to balance their own concerns about her injuries with doing what was best for Shelly at the moment.
“Could you even carry me? I’m not the lightest toon, that's for sure.” Shelly said, suddenly a little self conscious as she poked a roll in her stomach.
“Nonesense,” Vee said, picking her up effortlessly in a bridle style carry as Shelly let out a little surprised squeak. “Of course I can pick up my beautiful girlfriend. Now, will you please let me take care of you?”
“Yep.” Shelly said simply, leaning her head against Vee’s as the robot carried her across the room and into the bathroom.
Vee gently set Shelly down on the counter as she reached over to flip the light switch and grab the medkit from under the sink. They ran the sink until the water was warm and wetted a wash cloth. She shut off the water as she began her careful work of cleaning all of Shelly’s cuts. She did her best to not press too hard so as to not hurt her, but when she got to her left arm where the cuts were the worst she saw Shelly flinch more than once.
“I’m sorry this hurts love, I’m trying to be gentle.”
“I know, just keep doing what you need to do.”
It took several rinses of the wash cloth for everything to be clean. Throughout the process, Shelly became uncharacteristically quiet, something that tended to happen when she experienced too much emotional pain. Vee knew that she was going to be okay, she just needed time to rest and someone to take care of her.
Now that there wasn’t excess ichor blocking their sight, Vee could now see the deeper cuts more clearly. They weren’t really bad, nothing that would require professional medical assistants at least, but they were going to hurt for a while, no matter what Vee did. The rest of her cuts were shallow, though they were most likely still going to leave scars, but at least she would heal quickly. Vee explained what she was doing as she continued taking care of Shelly.
“I’m going to apply antibiotics to the cuts to prevent infections, it might sting a little. Now I’m covering these two cuts with gauze because they were the deepest. The rest of them are fairly shallow but spread out. Would you like to keep them out or would you like me to wrap them in the cloth bandage?”
Shelly thought on that for a moment. They weren’t bleeding anymore but she kind of wanted to have them wrapped up anyways. It felt like an added protection, both from herself and from her having to think about it too much. She pointed towards the roll of bandages and nodded.
“Bandages it is then.”
Vee carefully wrapped each of Shelly’s limbs, ending each one with a kiss to the afflicted area that made Shelly blush. When they had finished wrapping her arms, Vee put away the remaining pieces of the medkit and returned it to its place under the sink.
“You ready to go to bed?” Vee asked, kissing Shelly on the forehead.
Shelly nodded and Vee scooped her up once more to bring her over to the bed. They grabbed a pair of spare pajamas that they kept in Shelly’s room for sleepovers and quickly changed before bringing over Shelly’s own red dinosaur pajamas and an oversized t-shirt.
“Would you like your regular dino onesie or would you like something a little easier to change into?” Vee asked, holding up both options to Shelly.
Shelly pointed towards the shirt, which like most things in her closet had a dinosaur pattern on the front. Vee set the shirt down on the bed and went to go put the red pajamas away.
“Would you like help with that?” Vee asked when she noticed Shelly hadn’t made a move to put it on.
Shelly nodded once more and Vee began to unbutton her overall dress. They gently took off the dress and her button up shirt under that. Once her work clothes were off, Vee pulled the oversized shirt over her head. When Shelly was fully ready for bed she grabbed Vee’s hand as they made to go turn off the lights.
“Hey hun, I have to go turn off the lamps. I promise I’ll be right back.” Vee said, running her thumb along Shelly’s hand.
The ammonite reluctantly let go of their hand and Vee made quick work of turning off the couple of lamps spread out across the room. Once all the lights were off they crawled into bed where Shelly quickly latched on to her.
“I’m here darling, I’m here, and I’m not leaving anytime soon.” Vee muttered, holding Shelly close to her.
They curled up together under the covers, Vee holding her as close as they possibly could without hurting her. They didn’t want her to feel like this ever again, not if they could help it. Vee would reassure her every day for the rest of their lives if it meant that Shelly felt even just a fraction better.
“I love you Shelly, and I always will.” Vee said.
She heard her sigh into her chest as her body finally relaxed and the ammonite fell asleep.
~⭒⚝⭒~
Vee wakes up in the middle of the night. The brown walls swim around her vision as she tries to reorient herself. Wait, brown walls? Vee’s room had green walls not brown, where were they- oh. Right. She was in Shelly’s room, because Shelly was hurt. Because Shelly had hurt herself. Vee turned to the sleeping ammonite beside her.
Vee realizes that it was Shelly that woke her up in the middle of the night, jostling them in her sleep. She looked like she was having a nightmare, thrashing in her sleep and muttering nonsensical things. Vee didn’t know what to do as her thrashing got worse. Should they wake her up? That seemed like a good idea but she also knew she desperately needed sleep.
In the second it took for this turmoil to go over in Vee’s head, she felt something thunk against her arm. They looked over and saw that Shelly’s thrashing had caused her to fling her arm towards Vee and her claw had sunk in. It didn’t hurt, not really. Vee was a robot and most things didn’t hurt her in the traditional sense, but the gash was leaking ichor and would have to be dealt with.
Vee was gently pushing away Shelly’s hand as they stood up when Shelly suddenly woke up. She sat up so quickly it startled Vee. Shelly seemed to be disoriented as she looked around the room, holding out her hands.
“Vee? Vee where are-” Shelly’s words got cut off when she finally saw Vee. “Did- did I do that?” She asked, pointing towards the cut on Vee’s arm.
“Yes, but it’s okay.” Vee tried to placate, cupping Shelly’s hand in her own. “You had a nightmare, but it’s okay. It doesn’t even hurt. I just have to stop the bleeding and we can go back to bed.”
“I- I hurt you.” Shelly whispered, her eyes going a little hazy.
“Hey, hey, look at me. It’s fine, you didn’t hurt me, okay? I’m a robot, I can’t get hurt like regular toons.” Vee said, trying to stall the beginning stages of panic she saw in Shelly.
It didn’t work. Shelly’s eyes went distant and she started hyperventilating, muttering over and over again under her breath “I hurt you. I hurt you. I hurt you.” She clutched at her arms, holding herself in a tight hug as her breathing got more frantic.
“Darling, I need you to calm down. It’s going to be alright, just take a deep breath with me.” Vee said, reaching across the bed towards her to try to get her hands away from the bandages they were already starting to claw at.
The reaction was immediate. Instead of calming down, or at least refocusing her attention like Vee had hoped, Shelly leapt backwards like Vee’s touch had burned her. Her eyes locked on to Vee’s as she started sobbing and screaming.
“I hurt you! I hurt you! You’re going to leave me! I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.” Shelly cried, crawling farther back on the bed. She hit the edge of the bed and went toppling over, crashing to the ground.
“Shelly! Shelly, please be okay.” Vee had never sprinted so fast as they ran around the bed to Shelly. “Shelly darling, I need you to calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself again.”
“Go away, go away, GO AWAY!” Shelly screamed, running towards the door of the bathroom past Vee. “I hurt you! You should leave me, I hurt you!”
Shelly slammed the door of the bathroom closed behind her. She could hear Vee trying to open it on the other side, the metal parts jingling against each other. Her claw still had ichor on it, their ichor. She had hurt her, the one person who loved her. Vee had been nothing but good to her and now she had hurt them.
She’s going to leave you. She’s had enough of your bullshit, of your attention seeking.
Her breath came out shaky. Her arms wrapped around herself in a vice grip, claws digging a familiar path. They really were going to leave her, weren’t they? Who wouldn’t leave her after all of this?
Her eyes turned towards the cabinet under the sink, knowing what was under there. Tisha had stopped by a few days ago to do some cleaning and left some of her stuff here. Drain cleaner, bleach, a whole arsenal of things that could definitely kill someone if used incorrectly.
You should do it. They’d be better off if you weren’t here.
It would be easy, wouldn’t it? She remembers old lectures from Tisha’s episodes, warning of the dangers of everyday household products. They were boring at the time but now she thinks about just how easily they would hurt going down her throat. It would kill her in a matter of minutes and hurt the entire time.
Who would even miss you? Everyone else has forgotten you.
She would miss her, wouldn’t she? Shelly could still hear the rattling of the door hinge as Vee tried to pry it open, could hear them yelling things to her but through her fuzzy mind couldn’t pick out the words. She couldn’t do that to her, she couldn’t leave them like this when they were still trying so hard.
It would be doing her a favor, she could get on with her life if you weren’t here weighing her down.
Shelly looked towards the door, she saw the drips of ichor starting to crawl under it. The ichor pouring from where she had hurt them. The door stopped jiggling, she heard Vee’s footsteps retreat to somewhere else in the room.
See? She’s given up on you already.
Just do it already. You deserve to hurt.
Shelly ripped open the doors of the cabinet, frantically searching around for whatever was left there. Anything that would put the both of them out of the misery of knowing her. She held the jar in her hand, stared at the liquid sloshing around inside.
And then the door burst in.
Vee had kicked in the lock with all her strength, sending the door banging against its hinges. Shelly barely had time to register the bandana wrapped around her arm before they rushed forwards and wrapped her in a hug, the bottle falling from her hands and spilling across the tile floor.
“I’m so sorry Shelly, I’m so so sorry.” Vee said, artificial tears running down her screen. “I promise I’m never going to leave you, no matter how bad it gets. I’m here. Please don’t do this”
Shelly just sobbed into their shoulder, curling into her as they held her and murmured sweet nothings. The two of them stayed there on the bathroom floor until the cold tiles became uncomfortable and Shelly’s cries turned into hiccups and then into quiet sniffles.
Vee noticed Shelly starting to nod off to sleep and gently scooped her up. Shelly stirred but didn’t do anything but curl against Vee’s neck as she moved them from the bathroom back to the bed. She decided that everything else could wait for tomorrow, tonight they were just going to make sure Shelly got a few more hours of actual sleep.
Vee fell asleep watching over Shelly, the two of them curled against each other as tight as their bodies would allow.
~⭒⚝⭒~
Eventually the morning did come, sooner than either of them wished. Vee woke up first, her internal clock waking her up at 8 o’clock exactly. Her systems came online slowly as she became aware of her surroundings.
Shelly was still curled into her side, snoring softly and bathed in the morning light streaming through the window. It would be so beautiful and domestic if the weight of yesterday didn’t permeate their mind. Ichor stained the sheets, both of them covered in drying droplets. The bandana on her arm was soaked through.
She knew that if she looked just past the bed and to the bathroom door, they would see the pool of ichor where she had stayed longer than they should have trying to open the door. She would be able to see the trail that led to the dresser where they had grabbed the handkerchief to wrap their arm up. It had only been a minute that they left that door but she couldn’t help but to think that in that moment they almost lost the most important person in their life forever.
Vee runs her hand over Shelly’s cheek, caressing the smooth ammonite. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, so different from the screaming crying mess of last night. Vee knew that when Shelly woke up they were going to have to talk and that that conversation was going to be hard, but they could do hard things. They just had to get through them together.
~⭒⚝⭒~
When Shelly finally woke up it was almost midday. She woke up exhausted and sore, her throat raw from crying for so long. She half expected to wake up alone but what she found instead was a soft green glow shining on her in a way that could only convey love.
“Good morning, darling.”
“Hi, Vee.” Shelly nestled closer into their embrace.
“We gotta get up Shelly, I need to take care of your arms.” Vee said, gently moving Shelly to sit up with her.
Shelly saw that Vee’s own arm had been neatly bandaged, the hastily applied bandana from yesterday nowhere to be seen. Shelly touched their arm gently, taking it into her hands as she looked up at Vee.
“I’m sorry.” It was almost a whisper, raspy in its vulnerability.
“I know you are, I forgive you.” Vee replied, moving her other hand to wipe away a solitary tear that spilled down the ammonite's face. “You didn’t mean to hurt me, but you tried to hurt yourself really badly. I want to help you but I can’t do that if you won’t let me. So please, tell me, why did you try to kill yourself?”
Shelly took a shuddering breath. She knew this conversation was bound to happen, even before the events of last night transpired. Her mental health had been on the decline for some time now, it was only a matter of time until something like this would happen.
“I thought that it would be better,” Shelly started, looking away from Vee because she knew, she just knew that she wouldn’t be able to stand the look of hurt that would be there. “I thought that maybe if I wasn’t around that I wouldn’t drag you down anymore. I know that most people don’t like me, I’ve never been popular but now that my section got its own floor and people weren’t forced to work with me, nobody would talk to me. Everyone left me and I thought- I thought you would too.
“You’ve always been there for me but I thought you would get sick of me. I mean, eventually you would have to get tired of hanging out with me. I’m annoying and I don’t pick up on social cues and I’m sensitive. I- I didn’t understand why you hadn’t left me yet so I was going to do it for you.”
“Oh Shelly-” Vee whispered, voice box cracking with emotion. “I didn’t realize it was this bad. I always knew you struggled with feelings of loneliness but I didn’t realize- I didn’t want to think that you thought I would leave you too. I’m so sorry Shelly.”
Vee lurched forward and pulled Shelly into a hug. Artificial tears fell in sync with real ones as the two of them sobbed their hearts out. There was so much that could’ve happened and so much that was still going on. One conversation wouldn’t fix Shelly, there was still that little voice in the back of her head that demanded to be heard, but it was a start. This was the start of something new and scary and vulnerable, but it was a step towards a brighter future.