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Love came in all awful shapes and sizes, Minho knew this. He didn't think that accepting it would ever be so cruel.
He didn't think it would feel like acid burning his throat, needles piercing his veins or a hammer beating his lungs till they were devoid of oxygen.
Love should never have to be so dependent, so
impossible, that's why he knew they couldn't keep doing this.
Jisung’s face crumpled at the suggestion, he cried in Minho’s arms loudly for hours, Minho didn't let out a sound but his tear stained face said otherwise.
They were perfect for each other. Minho knew he’d never find love like him again, but they weren't right for each other.
Minho didn't want to compromise Jisung’s future, he wanted to travel, tour the world as a new upcoming artist and live freely. Minho wanted a quiet life, an easy job working at a dance studio for teens, most importantly he wanted a family.
Jisung was quick to try to turn his entire career upside down for him, Minho refused. He wouldn't be able to live with himself, he couldn't chain such a wild mind to a steady life.
Minho loved Jisung like his life depended on it, all of the oxygen in the atmosphere would leave with him and he would disappear. He wished he would just disappear.
He wished that he could even more when he suggested that they part ways for good. Jisung said he couldn't do it, he couldn't leave so easily, he couldn't just turn away and shut the door.
Minho took Jisung’s hand, brushing his thumb over his fingers softly, not ready for the storm about to follow his final suggestion.
“How about we go to sleep tonight, and whoever wakes up first, no matter who it is, we leave and never turn back.” Minho bit his lip, he refused to show any doubt to Jisung.
He shook his head, once and then again. “No, no I told you I am fine with just staying here, I can change things.”
“We don't fit Jagi, no matter what paths we decide to take I know they will clash. We’ve already fought over it enough.”
“I don't care…”
The tears came and Minho couldn't help but hold him close, for what could be the last time.
“I love you Jagiya.” he whispered into Jisung’s hair, he knew it was selfish to say but he couldn't let him go so simply.
He sobbed once more, each pitiful choke of his breath tore apart Minho’s soul. “I love you too, I’ll love you forever.”
They cooked together for the last time, Jisung nearly burning the apartment down as usual. They took their cat, Nora, on a walk for the last time, giving her extra time to play with Jisung in the park. Minho listened to Jisung play guitar for the last time, he couldn't help but cry.
Minho knew this was the worst and hardest decision of his life but still, he went through with it. He wasn't able to move around the country with Nora, he couldn't quit the job of his dreams or leave his family, but it didn't make leaving Jisung any less torturous.
They settled Nora at the bottom of the bed before getting in themselves. Minho leaned over to give Jisung a kiss on his forehead before switching off the light.
“I’ll see you later Jagi.”
“Maybe Jisungie, maybe.”
Minho went to sleep holding the love and loss of his life.
The sun was merciless, forcing Minho to open his eyes and accept his fate. Either he had to leave or he had been left.
Jisung was still there. His cheek pressed deep into the pillow, his lips parted slightly. His hair was a mess in his face but despite all of that, he looked so beautiful.
It made Minho question everything.
He watched him for a few minutes, the way his chest rose and fell, how he looked so peaceful. He couldn't bring himself to leave.
Minho slipped out of the bed as carefully as he could, shuffling out of the door they’d left open. He walked around the apartment, and Jisung's things were all gone. They had packed everything in the morning before.
Minho would have to leave for the entire day since he was going to still live here, he’d have to come back to nothing.
He still couldn't do it. It wasn't in his code, he couldn't walk out on the love of his life.
So he decided to be selfish. He went back to their room, got back into bed and fell asleep looking at Jisung’s peaceful expression. If Jisung decided to leave, then it was over and Minho would accept it.
He felt Jisung’s absence the moment he opened his eyes.
The bed sheet had been carefully folded back into place as though he had never lived there in the first place.
Minho got up, fighting back a million tears threatening to spill over. Jisung left, just like he asked. He couldn't be upset.
Everything was empty, the entire apartment was devoid of life. How could he bear to wake up to this every day?
Nora’s little footsteps tapped behind him, soft confused meows following. She wouldn't understand why Jisung had left her.
He spent that day crying on the kitchen floor.
Days passed, it was excruciating. How was he meant to fall asleep? How was he supposed to walk Nora without Jisung? He didn't know what to do anymore.
Nora paced by the door, pawing at her leash. Minho gave in. It wasn't fair for him to sulk and not treat his cat fairly, she was suffering too.
“Okay, you win.” He groaned, finally grabbing a different change of clothes. “Give me five minutes.”
Jisung would always tease him for speaking to Nora like she understood, but she did, she understood.
He walked Nora through a different route, skipping what they were used to. Minho thought that if he passed that park then he would just call Jisung, tell him to come home.
The breeze blew through his hair, and through Nora’s. She kept trying to eat the wind.
The absence of Jisung was painful, he thought he could never get used to him being gone.
Nora needed Minho, she wasn't something he could give up. He thought the same about Jisung too.
He felt himself tear up, but it was only the wind blowing its cool air in his eyes, nothing else.
He missed Jisung.
Life without Jisung was nothing but a nightmare at first. He called sick off work for the first time in his entire career. He hated not being at work, but he could hardly walk his own cat.
He shortly returned to work after two weeks of Jisung leaving, he knew he couldn't hide forever.
A month into Jisung leaving Minho saw his face in a music store window. He had quickly blown up on social media for having a ‘soul wrecking debut’.
Minho couldn't hold his tears when he heard it.
It was about him.
He thought about how cruel it was, Jisung writing a song about him. He scrolled through thousands of comments saying how ‘raw and emotional’ his voice sounded.
It pissed him off because it was all real.
Minho went to sleep listening to Jisung’s song that night.
Three months into Jisung leaving, Minho had put his whole life into his work. He bought his own studio, a nice one. Many of his old clients switched over to his own business.
It was a good distraction, there were many children he taught that were as passionate as he was. He taught young children, teens and adults. He saw bright futures for many of them.
He was grateful for something going well in his life.
Five months in, Jisung released an album. Minho heard about it online and he ordered it immediately. Maybe on impulse, or deep down he just wanted to hear Jisung’s voice.
He convinced himself he just liked Jisung’s music.
He listened to the entire album, over and over. It felt like Jisung was talking to him instead of singing for the world.
The songs rotated between sickening love songs and equally sickening heartbreak songs.
A verse in one of them stood out, it felt like a piercing stab.
‘I'll see you later Jagi.’ ‘Maybe we will, maybe we won't.’ ‘Can I meet you later tonight?’ ‘Meet me one more time before I go.’
Jisung was a cruel man.
Minho wouldn't refer to himself as a stalker. He just browsed Jisung's socials every once in a while. And sometimes he would check updates on which countries he was staying in.
Any normal person would see it as die hard fan behaviour.
You could call Minho that.
A die hard fan.
Jisung had started travelling, just like he always wanted to. A hint of a smile took place on Minho’s lips, he was glad he was living his dreams.
Maybe Jisung thought it was all worth it, now his fame was growing more and more everyday.
Maybe someday Minho would see that too.
Eight months in, Minho opened his second studio. His best friend Lee Felix ran it for him. They used to dance together so he knew he’d be just fine.
“When are you gonna quit him?” Felix hung upside down on the edge of Minho’s bed.
Minho almost choked, his head snapped to Felix. “What are you talking about?”
“Jisung.”
Minho groaned, Felix was always worrying. “I quit him 8 months ago.”
“Oh yeah, tell me the exact day count again.” Felix rolled his eyes, his tone carrying a hint of sarcasm. Felix wasn't good at that.
“Lixie, we are both successful in our careers, our lives now. We are both happy people.”
“Happy people don't live scrolling on their phones.”
“I do not.”
Felix slid off of Minho’s bed, moving to sit beside him. His head found Minho's shoulder.
“Whatever you say Hyung.”
A year later Jisung started touring. His ultimate dream finally became his reality. He had released four albums in this time. He worked so hard.
Minho was sat on his couch eating an unhealthy amount of milk pudding when he saw an interview pop up.
He clicked it instinctively at the name.
Jisung was sat opposite to a woman, his awkward, nervous smile was instantly recognisable.
She asked him some generic questions to begin with, Minho sat unblinking.
“So Han, who is the main character in all of your songs? Everyone wants to know who inspires all of your music.”
Jisung’s smile softens, he sits up in his seat and pauses. “An old love I hope to return to some day.”
The woman seemed pleased by this answer, she gives a giddy squeal and continues. “What a lucky lady! She really stole your heart that badly?”
Jisung nods, though his eyes flicker to the camera.
Minho felt his heart beat quicken as he shoveled another spoonful into his mouth.
‘See Lix, I’m not the one who needs to quit’ he thought to himself. But in reality this confirmed things for him. He wasn't the only one.
A year and a half goes by and Jisung is still touring. Minho is saving to open his third location.
Nora was used to their life now, she didn't meow for Jisung anymore.
Minho’s friends pester him about seeing new people. He doesn't cry at this suggestion anymore. He simply laughs and changes the conversation.
Felix is often over at his apartment, he quit his previous job to become a full time manager at their other studio. Minho has always felt so grateful for Felix.
He distracts Minho with days out, ‘treats him to dinners’ even though Minho makes more money than him and spends the majority of his time with Minho.
Felix is the best little brother and friend Minho could ask for.
Minho didn't feel so alone anymore.
Two years in, Minho has finally opened his third location. He leaves management to his old friend Hwang Hyunjin.
Hyunjin started off as a part time artist but he wanted a consistent income so Minho offered him the job.
Hyunjin is a sap so he cried when Minho asked him. He took the first train to Minho’s house and the three of them celebrated the expansion with food.
The three of them trained many famous dancers, performers and idols. Their business had started to make a real name for itself.
Two and a half years in, Jisung announces another concert. He doesn't say where or when yet but it catches Minho’s attention.
Jisung still writes songs about who Minho can only assume is himself but he seems happier.
They both seem a lot happier.
Two years and six months in, Minho is invited onto an interview show. The same one Jisung was on the year prior.
Felix and Hyunjin were asked to show up as well, to prove how successful they had gotten in such a short timeframe.
“Good afternoon boys!!” The host greeted them in an awkwardly exaggerated way. A facade perfectly built for the camera.
Minho nodded politely and sat down, Felix and Hyunjin followed.
“How does it feel that your small dance career evolved into a performing sensation?” She emphasised her words in a way that pissed Minho off.
“I don't think of the numbers, I think of the people I am teaching.” Minho responded bluntly, receiving looks from Hyunjin who has a much more endearing stage presence.
“Look at that ladies! He is handsome and humble.” She winks at the camera, which unsettles Minho. He is starting to regret doing this.
Hyunjin laughs awkwardly before speaking up. “He really has done numbers for many dancers and idols out there, but he really does just do it because he enjoys it.”
Felix watches the woman who had previously mistook him for Minho’s girlfriend with a glare.
“Right, Right.” She pauses. “But how crazy is it that three of your students work as Han Jisung's backup dancers?”
Minho froze, he didn't actually know this. He didn't answer the question.
“This is certainly news to us, but many of our students go on to be backup dancers so it's easy to not know.” Felix pipes up, trying to change the topic.
“I don't want to do this interview anymore.” Minho forces a polite smile and stands up. He walks out without another word.
Hyunjin follows immediately after and Felix apologises to everyone on the way out.
“Hyung, don't worry about her, she didn't know.” Felix placed his hand on Minho’s shoulder.
Minho nodded, grabbing his things. “I just didn't like how she spoke, that’s all.”
For the first time in a long time, Minho physically reacted over the mention of Jisung. It just had to be online too.
Two years and eight months in, Jisung announces the location of his concert.
Minho’s heart dropped.
It was at a venue fifteen minutes from where they used to live together, where Minho still lives.
Minho purchases a standing ticket without a moment to think.
Felix and Hyunjin spent hours scolding him afterwards.
“It's been nearly three years, Minho!” Hyunjin sighs into a pillow.
“His music is good.” Minho says bluntly.
“Cause we all know that's why you want to go.” Felix is pacing his room.
“Quit that Lix you're making me feel sick.” Hyunjin throws the pillow at him.
Minho laughs despite the situation. The two turn their pillow missiles onto him.
It had been three years since Minho made Jisung leave him. The concert day rolls around all too quickly. He didn't prepare himself to see Jisung in person.
Minho left Nora with Felix and Hyunjin for the night. He told them he needed their emotional support once he got back in.
He gave Nora a final kiss before he left. His two best friends smothered him in hugs too.
He made his way to the venue, the night air hit him hard as he walked. The concert didn't start for another two hours but he didn't want to be at the very back.
The line surprisingly wasn't too long. He suddenly felt very out of place lining up for his ex boyfriend's concert.
Unfortunately time was against him, two hours went by in what felt like minutes. Crowds started to shuffle inside and Minho had no choice but to face his fate.
He ended up being slightly behind the people in the front, he would have a perfect view of Jisung. His stomach tied into knots.
After the opening act, Jisung came onto the stage. His stage presence was phenomenal, nothing like the awkward interviews.
The crowds listened to him, the lights hit him perfectly no matter where he went, he was electric.
Jisung took his microphone off of the stand and his backing music began to play. It hit Minho that he’d have to listen to songs written about him all night.
Jisung began singing and it was like they were back at the apartment. He was incredible. Minho watched his former lover as he did when they first fell in love.
“How are you guys tonight?” Jisung shouts into his mic and the crowd erupts.
“This is a very special concert for me as this is where I originally used to live.” He spoke to the crowd casually as though they all knew him.
Song after song, Minho is forcing himself not to cry. Not all of them are particularly sad songs; he just knows the backstory behind them all.
After Jisung plays the ‘last’ song, he runs off the stage. The crowd chants for an encore and he comes back out. Practiced concert etiquette that he had nailed.
“How about we play a very old song?” Jisung asks the crowd like they are making the decision.
The crowd erupts, of course. Jisung smiles and grabs his guitar.
The song starts and Minho almost chokes. It was the one that wrecked him in the beginning, the one he’d refused to listen to since.
Toward the end of the song, Jisung looks out towards the crowd and Minho swore their eyes met.
Jisung stops in his tracks, his voice becoming shaky as he sings. His eyes lit up as though he was handed the universe.
He moved closer to where Minho was standing and that's when he knew that he did.
He had seen Minho.
He pointed to the crowd and asked if they could make room for the man standing behind and they did.
Jisung crouched on the stage and Minho moved forward. Jisung finished the last thirty seconds of the song, tears streaming down his face.
The crowd seemed confused but cheered for him anyways.
“Minho..” He said into the mic.
“Long time no see, Jisungie.” Minho was trying his best to stay composed.
“I didn't think you’d come.”
“Do you know how long I’ve waited to see you on a stage?” Minho smiled, moving close again.
“Can I be selfish Minho?” Jisung brought a hand to his face, placing his mic on the stage.
Minho nodded, finally allowing himself to cry. “Of course.”
Jisung kissed him in front of an entire stadium of fans, yet it was silent. Minho didn't hear a thing.
“I’m gonna get in so much trouble, you know that?” Jisung laughed, pulling Minho up on the stage.
Jisung’s security stayed put.
The crowd seemed to cheer anyway, the girls who were beside Minho had their phones out. They were crying like they knew Minho personally.
“I’ve been touring for a while now.” Jisung doesn't expand.
“Nora misses you.”
“Can I come home?” Jisung asks, and Minho could never say no even if he wanted to.
“I’ve waited three years for you to say that.”
The crowd is a mix of confusion and cheering.
They didn't expect Jisung’s songs to be about a man.
“Thank you everyone, for an amazing experience.” Jisung thanks the crowd personally.
He then takes Minho’s hand and they run off the stage together.
Minho opens the door, tears stained on his face and Felix runs to hug him.
“Oh Minho..” He pauses when he sees who's behind him. “Holy shit what did you do.”
“Do not open any form of social media for the next year.” Minho smiles as Felix's mouth stays open.
Felix lets him go so Jisung can come inside. The moment he steps in the doorframe, Nora runs into his arms.
“Hey baby girl, miss me?” He picks her up and kisses her head, she meows as a response.
Hyunjin emerges from the kitchen, dropping the food he was holding. “Hey Jisung?..”
It took the two an hour to explain everything, Felix and Hyunjin nodding slowly every once in a while.
“Let me get this straight.” Hyunjin starts. “You kissed on a stage in front of thousands of people?”
“I was actually in the crowd.” Minho receives a smack from him for ‘being a little dick.’
For the first time in a long time, everyone Minho loved was in the same place.
A year went by and Jisung moved back in. He announced that he will continue making songs but touring will be something he revisits in the future.
The two of their careers took off like never before after they publicly announced their relationship online... and on stage.
Jisung often helps out in all three dance locations and Minho started to appear in some of his songs. Minho never claimed to be bad at singing.
Felix and Hyunjin still come over at least three times a week if not more. They rebonded with Jisung almost as easily as Minho did.
Minho and Jisung adopted a stray cat so Nora could have a friend. They named her Nozomi, meaning hope.
They were inseparable.
Minho took Jisung and their new family to a sunflower field. Nora liked jumping around in the flowers and Nozomi liked eating them.
“Zomi be careful!!” Jisung chased after her, Minho laughed.
Nora was well behaved, she strutted over and sat by Minho. Nozomi was a rebel, she liked running away. Though she would always come back within minutes.
Things had become close to perfect. They didn't depend on each other like they used to. They were independently in love.
Minho was grateful that they found their way back to each other.
“Jisungie.” Minho called him back over, Nozomi ended up following back as he did.
Minho placed a smaller sunflower behind Jisung’s ear, kissing his forehead.
He then got down on one knee, taking a small box from his pocket. When he looked back up Jisung had tears in his eyes.
“Ask the damn question Jagi.”
“Would you do the honour of marrying me, Jisung?”
“There isn't a single lifetime where I say no.”
Jisung drops to his knees and hugs Minho, his tears dampening his shoulder.
Minho pulls him back and cups his cheeks, wiping the tears with his thumb. He stared at him for a moment before kissing him.
Nora and Nozomi watched in silence as they did.
Minho decided that his life was actually perfect.
Two years after they got back together, and five before they originally broke up, they got married.
The wedding wasn't huge, nor was it publicised. There were minimal guests. The most important people to Minho and Jisung.
Minho reached out to the two girls who stood in front of him at the concert after they got engaged and invited them. They had become good friends in that time.
They had also invited some of their closest students and some of Jisung’s closer back up dancers.
Felix burst into tears seeing Minho in his suit. “I am so proud of you Hyung.”
Minho hugged him, ruffling his hair from behind. “I love you, Lixie.”
Hyunjin ran over, squeezing his arms around the two of them. “I can't believe you're getting married, Minho–Hyung.”
Minho had picked the two of them to be his best-men instead of picking one of them.
Jisung did the same thing with his best friends Chris and Changbin.
Changbin did take the role of maid of honour instead.
Jisung cried while reading his vows, and also cried as Minho read his. Jisung cried a lot that day.
Everyone cried a lot that day.
Nozomi was the flower cat and Nora was the ring bearer. They trained them for months and they managed to do their roles perfectly.
Saying ‘I do’ to Jisung was the easiest thing Minho had ever done in his life. Jisung said ‘I do’ before the officiator could stop speaking.
Minho couldn't describe his life as anything other than perfect. He couldn't regret a single thing if he tried.
Minho was surrounded by so much love.
He finally saw that it was worth it.