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Parties got loud. Parties got rowdy. Parties with 10th graders got loud and rowdy as people pretended to be drunker than they were, just to seem cool. Parties got cramped. Parties got crowded. Parties got hot. And at some point in the night, parties always got too much for Alec. He could sit there and pretend to be a part of the fun, but he never was convincing. He could absently talk to girls, who drunkly attempted to flirt and, in the end, attempt to do a little more than flirting, but he would always brush them off, sooner or later. He hated parties. He really did. In all honesty, he only went for his friends, Funneh, Gold and Kyran, who would always drag him along.
Parties, if you hadn’t of guessed, were not Alec’s thing.
Alec was searching desperately for the bathroom. He didn’t need to go, but he did need to hide. Get away from everything, in a place quiet enough to hear his own thoughts, despite his much he hated that constant voice in his head, screaming at him, mocking him. Alec fumbled around in the dark of the corridor for the door handle, flattening himself against the wall as huddles of people walked up and down, talking and laughing obnoxiously loud. It gave way, and he headed in quickly, slamming the door shut behind him and letting out a short sigh of relief, flicking the light switch up. His eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, and he turned around, facing the room.
“Hi.”
Alec froze. In front of him, sat on the toilet seat was a girl, a girl he recognised. Felicia Weize. He didn’t know much about her, only that she was a bit of a bitch, rumoured to have slept with almost half of the older year, and voted the hottest girl in their year by the boys, with her best friend, Britney, coming in second. And Alec couldn’t deny she was attractive (or “bangin’ hot as fuck”, the words put next to her photo on the document the list was created on) but he definitely wasn’t into her.
Felicia waved, staring up at him with curiosity and amusement, “Hi.”
“Um…are you using this? I can go,” he stammered, awkwardly playing with his earlobe, a habit he developed after one of his ear piercing had developed an infection.
“No,” she narrowed her eyes slightly, leaning forward slightly over her lap to peer at him better, “Do I know you?”
Alec shuffled on his feet, hesitating before answering, “I’m Alec. From your drama class.”
“Piercing boy! I knew it!” Felicia said, grinning triumphantly, like a child, and Alec burrows his eyebrows in response, caught off guard by the nickname and her unfazed manner.
“Piercing boy?”
“Mhm. Piercing boy. Cause you’ve got the most piercings in our year. I’ve got a bet with Brit, how many do you have?”
Alec stared at Felicia sceptically, trying to decide if she’s serious or not. They had barely interacted, and he wasn’t even aware he was on her radar, and the bet with “Brit” ,who he assumed with Britney, had caught him out.
“Um, like, 4 ear piercings each, and I think, 5 facial? So 9?” Why was he answering her question? And the real answer was 11, he knew that off head, so why was he lying?
“Shit! She’s right! I said 11. Damnit!” she huffs frustratedly, peering up at him through thick lashes, coated in heavy mascara (Gold had needed help one too many times with her makeup, and he could now confidently name at least half of the cosmetics commonly used), “Are you sure it’s only 9?”
Alec nodded, “Positive.”
Leaning backwards, Felicia let out a short hiss, half heartedly pulling down her dress, which had ridden up her thighs and had scrunched around her torso. The bottom was scattered with small gems,which it appeared she had glued on herself, as a couple had fallen off around her. Alec still stood awkwardly, rubbing his arms up and down repeatedly, staring at the girl with a confused expression sketched on his face.
“Why do you look so lost?” He jumped slightly at her voice, cutting through the tension that only he seemed to feel.
“I think I should leave,” he turned around and fumbled with the doorknob.
“I mean you could, but there’s no other free space.”
“There’s a bathroom downstairs.”
“Which Brit is currently making out with Arron. So, unless that kinda shit is your thing, I wouldn’t.”
Alec paused, letting her words replay in his head. On second thought, maybe it would be better to just stay. Sighing, he leaned against the door, turning back to face Felicia, and trying to leave as much distance between them. He wasn’t scared of her, but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, or start any rumours. However, it just seemed that she found his attempt at creating space amusing.
“It’s okay P.B. I don’t bite,” her words cut off with a snicker.
“P.B?”
“Piercing boy. God, are you slow?” Felica paused, “Unless you have one of those conditions that like, make you slow, then it’s obviously not your fault, you know? And like being slow is like totally okay, because Brit has got that, what’s it called again? That thing, ugh, what’s the name? That’s really pissed me off! A…AD…ADHE!”
“ADHD?” Alec blinked. Her enthusiastic rapid fire chatter made him feel rather overwhelmed, and he was quite impressed by her lack of pausing to breathe.
“Yeah, ADHE, literally what I said. Don’t get me wrong, she trys her best, but I don’t know if it makes her stupid, or if she’s just naturally stupid, but she’s stupid, super obtuse,” the girl smiled satisfactorily, “Isn’t that a funny word? Obtuse? I saw it online somewhere, I’m trying to broaden my vocab, you know, just to really impress people. Like boys, come get me, I know what obtuse means! I’m not just a pair of great tits!”
Alec shifted uncomfortably, “Um. Right.”
“Hmm, you know, P.B, I like you, you’re a good listener. I love Britney, but good lord she never knows when to shut up,” Ironic, Alec thought, “And she’s such a shitty listener, she can not lock in at all, she gets so distracted by the stupidest things ever, so I spend more time going ‘Britney behave yourself, stop playing with my hair!’ Then actually talking. It’s like hanging with a three year old. A super hot, blonde, probably high, three year old. Ew, that sounds so paeodofelic. Anyways, You’re just so quiet, and you haven’t played with my hair once!”
She paused to take a breath and Alec jumped at the opportunity to edge a word in.
“Sorry, I don’t understand. Why are you here?”
“Because this party is shit.” Her answer was surprisingly short.
“Amen,” he muttered, rubbing his eye tiredly.
“Amen? You religious? My mum’s religious, Christian, or maybe Catholic? Doesn’t matter, there’s basically no difference. She’s all “God our saviour” and shit. I’m pretty sure she’s having an affair with the church pastor, because wow, some of the outfits she wear to church. I don’t believe in a God, no offence to you of course-“
“-I’m not religious.”
“Oh!” She blinked, “why didn’t you say?”
Alec sighed, sliding down the wall slowly until he reached the floor. It was cleanish, with a small puddle dripping from a mostly empty bottle of vodka, the neck of it coated in a thin layer of red gloss. It was clear Felicia had been the one drinking it, and must of knocked it over at some point, not bothering to pick it back up.
“My Ma’s religious too. But more in a love neighbour way. She’s not one of those hypocritical religious people, she actually follows it.” Softly, he smiled.
“So why aren’t you religious? If your mum is so loving and religious and whatever you just said?”
“Why aren’t you? Seems like we’re in the same boat.” Except her boat is expensive, painted pink, with glitter coated onto it and gems on the steering wheel, and her name in the side in big bold letters, whilst his is old, broken, rotting and sinking. In no universe would Felicia Weize and Alec Montgomery ever be in the same boat.
“‘Cause it’s all a lie.”
“It might not be.”
“It is.” Her tone was firm, and her face grim. Alec stared at her with a renewed curiosity. “There’s no way that a God they all believe in can exist. The world’s too horrible to us for it.”
Her words were carefully chosen, as if she was conscious of what she was saying, contrasting to the rapidness and freedom of her earlier statements.
Alec narrowed his eyes “Us?”
Felicia stared at him “You. Me. Them. Everyone. Us.”
“Um. Er.”
She smiled again, all traces of seriousness gone, and crossed her legs underneath her, barely reacting to the cold material of the toilet lid.
“Back to silence, PB,” she sung her words, in similar fashion of a nursery teacher to their pupils. Alec watched her, patiently, and Felicia shifted, her fingers tightening around the rim of the seat, the flesh turning a pale white. “What? Why are you just staring at me?”
He didn’t respond.
“Stop! Say something!” Felicia felt her voice shake and tried to swallow, feeling as though there was a thorn, or shard of glass, pierced inside her throat, and making it almost painful. Alec looked about in alarm at the change of manner. He wasn’t purposely doing anything, but staying silent, because she had mentioned she liked that.
“Um. I like your dress?”
She relaxed almost instantly, letting go of the rim and pushing her hair out of her face, further confusing the boy.
“Thanks! My daddy bought it for me, said it would go nice on my body, you know.” Felicia smiled.
Alec nodded, though he secretly thought the comment was a rather odd one for a father to make about his daughter, but then again, how would he know?
“Oh my gosh, can I even mention dads around you? You don’t have one right?” Shots fired. “Cause he left right? After like, beating you for so many years?” Headshot.
He stated at her, unsure on how to respond. She was so blunt, so blissfully arrogant, that he couldn’t even bring himself to get mad, but instead deflated, hunching over tiredly.
“No, cause I remember my parents and stuff talking about you between them, like back in the day. To be nice to you and stuff, and to like, not ask questions, because of that one time half your face was cut open or something.”
A beat.
“Omg sorry, I didn’t mean to just blurt that!”
Alec snorted. It wasn’t funny, not at all, but it escaped him quickly, taking them both by surprise. Felicia was just so…just so…not a single word came to his mind. For years he had assumed nobody knew, but this girl, who he was sure didn’t even register him, had practically just reminded him of his whole life’s story, in the span of 50 seconds.
“My face wasn’t cut open. It wasn’t that bad,” he smiled weakly, and she frowned back.
“It so was!” Felicia paused, staring up at the ceiling, before looking back down, “maybe it wasn’t. I can’t remember. It’s these stupid pills my dad makes me take, they make me woozy or whatever, and give me such a shitty memory.”
“Pills?” The comment ran through in his mind again. Something was off about this man.
Felicia rolled her eyes, flicking some glitter scattered across her eyelid off with her nail, “Pills, vitamins, whatever.”
“Fel…,” her name didn’t feel right in his mouth, and he trailed off, “…that’s weird,” he finished.
“Whatever, who cares.” Her shoulders lifted up and dropped sharply.
“Um, If you ever want to talk, I’m here.” Artificial, artificial, artificial.
They made eye contact, wondering what the other was thinking.
“Okay. Fine.” Alec’s eyes widened. He didn’t actually mean it. It was just something that he knew people said, when someone else was clearly saying something not quite right.
“My dad is…he’s…funky.” She smiled, “That word’s so fun to say. Funky.”
“Um…Funky how?”
Felicia rolled her eyes, “Don’t be so silly. Use your brain. Anyways. It’s not fun, you know? I used to feel, I don’t know…special?” Her voice was almost wishful, “I’ve always wanted to be special. But yeah, now I just feel…ew.” She shifted and settled back down. “It’s why I like parties. Makes me feel normal. Makes me feel special. But this one was so shitty it made me think. And I mean actually think. Started to think about my life, and Maddie.”
“Maddie?”
“My sister. Soon I’ll get too old. It’s such a horrible thing to say, but it’s true. And then…he’ll go to her.” Felicia shrugged. “I’d never let that happen. Never. I’ll shoot him. I’ll shoot her, if it means she’ll never have to do…this. Become me.”
He nodded. For some reason, he was picturing Maddie as Aly, his younger sister, and knew exactly how Felicia felt. If his old man ever came knocking back again…he’d done anything to protect her.
“And you know, I’m sorry for mentioning your dad’s…actions. I know many people just turned a blind cheek or whatever the fuck the phrase is, but I don’t know why I did, because I actually understand and I don’t know why I didn’t offer my help. So here,” she extended a hand, “if he ever comes back, you know who to grab.”
He slowly reached out a hand, tensing at the warm skin of her fingers as they wrapped around his wrist. She grabbed a pencil (the options were between eyebrow or lip liner, but he had no clue which one) and hastily scrawled on a set of digits.
“It’s okay. You’d don’t have to try and play hero or something.” Ten years and some semi-random girl in the bathroom at some shitty party was the first person to offer any form of support.
“Shut it P.B. Text me. Don’t send nudes please.”
“Um, I wasn’t really planning to.”
“Good. You’d be surprised….actually, you probably wouldn’t.”
A not so awkward silence that seemed kind of comforting to Alec.
Felicia smirked, “Oh my gosh, wait stop. Your dad hits you, and my dad hits on me.” She snorted loudly, as his mouth opened, a small o of surprise.
Suddenly, she was laughing, her whole body shaking. Alec head started to throb slightly, the abrupt changes of conversation and atmosphere making him feel like he had just experienced a bad case of whip lash. He had never met someone so free with their tongue in his life, and he wasn’t sure how to react. So he laughed too. Laughed hard, laughed freely. Her laughter made her topple over onto Alec’s foot, and FeliCa made no attempt to get up, rolling onto her back and continuing to snort. They were messy, loud, snorts, just like the girl they were coming from.
Eventually, the laughter quietened down and Alec, to his own surprise, found himself being the one to break the silence that followed after.
“By the way Felicia, I actually have 11 piercings.”