Archive of Our Own

Remus Lupin felt as though the universe may be taking the piss out of him. A little more than usual this time.

It felt as though he had a horrible hangnail that he had been dutifully ignoring up until the moment that the universe snagged at it and pulled back, revealing raw skin. 

Because he really had been doing a great job at ignoring his multitude of problems as he took up his new job as a professor at Hogwarts. The very place that he remembered studying in and running through the halls with his friends. His friends. His best friends. 

So far, he has not had a singular panic attack. Save for the time when he overheard that Sirius Black had somehow gotten inside the castle. That had gotten to him. But he had given himself a free pass considering that any reasonable person would have panicked about having a crazed murderer hiding inside of their place of work. 

Overall, he was doing quite well for himself. His days were filled with exciting subjects and curious students that were willing to listen through his occasional ramblings. It was good. Really good.

The only bad thing was that he couldn’t get much sleep nowadays. What with the crazed murderer thing going on at the moment. Oftentimes he found himself laying awake in bed after tossing and turning for hours. He chalked it up to a new line of work and dealing with children every single day. But what he absolutely refused to do was acknowledge that the real reason behind his lack of sleep was that he was thinking. Thinking too much. About multiple things.

Being back at Hogwarts after all these years, teaching his old best friend’s son who didn’t even know who he was in relation to him, his old best friends in general, his furry little problem. And, of course, possibly the biggest problem of all, Sirius Black.

He hadn’t thought of Sirius in years now–

Actually, he is done lying to himself. He has thought of Sirius a lot over the past decade. If he is being honest, there has not been a single day that his thoughts haven’t strayed towards the raven haired man that he had once known so well. Strayed towards the memory of his loud and rambunctious laugh, his piercing stare, the moles that littered his back like stars, his silky curtain of hair, his wolfish grin, his leather jacket–which Remus still has in his closet somewhere hidden deep behind a collection of sweaters bought solely for the purpose of covering up the sight of Sirius’s old trademark, the scent that he always carried around–leather and dog fur, his one crooked bottom tooth that showed only when he smiled, like, actually smiled, his touch, his kiss, his voice, his everything. Remus thought about it all. And every time that he did, he couldn’t help the aching that accompanied the memory of Sirius’s laugh. He couldn’t help curling in on himself and, yes, admittedly, crying until he went to sleep.

Now that he was thinking about it, Remus wasn’t actually doing that good. At all.

He was once again thinking. About everything. Everything that had gone wrong, everything that he still has to do and everything that he didn’t say, when he saw none other than Harry Potter in the hall. He was not alone, with Severus pointing a wand at Harry’s neck, clearly making some kind of threat. Remus obviously had to step in.

He emerged from the darkness, stepping into the light that Severus had conjured a moment before. 

“Ah, Lupin. Out for a walk in the moonlight?” Remus scowled at Severus’s words, turning towards Harry. He stopped dead in his tracks. Harry was holding it. The map. The map. The one that Remus remembered all too well from his youth. He remembered the very making of it.

He doesn’t remember much after that. He must have said something that had gotten Severus to back off, as he was gone within the next few minutes. As for Harry, he followed Remus to his classroom after handing him the map.

Remus closed the doors behind them as he turned and briskly walked between the aisles of seats towards the front of the classroom.

“Professor?” Harry started from behind him. Remus could tell that he was going to say something else, but he stopped him right before he could continue. 

“Harry. Where did you get this?” Remus turned and asked the boy.

Harry winced slightly before settling on the answer of, “I found it in the dorms”.

Remus hummed, decidedly not believing him, but deciding not to push it anyways.

“Right. Well, this is not a toy and should not be treated as such. In the wrong hands this could be extremely dangerous. I will be taking this, and you should count yourself lucky that I don’t report this to Dumbledore,” Remus stated firmly to Harry, who was quickly nodding and mumbling apologies. Remus softened a bit, he hadn’t meant to upset the boy, just to reprimand slightly.

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Just head back to your dorms and try to get some sleep, you have a long day of classes ahead of you–”

“Excuse me professor, but, I have to tell you something. Something that I think you might find interesting,” Harry interrupted.

Remus sighed, but nodded and gestured for Harry to continue. He felt a bit bad about how short he was being with Harry, but he was too tired to care at the moment.

“The map, I think it doesn’t work,”

Remus almost scoffed but held himself back. Didn’t work? He made the bloody thing. He knew that it worked. But he was intrigued enough to let Harry keep speaking.

“What ever do you mean by that, Harry?”

“Well, it’s just that I noticed something, or someone rather. Someone who I know now to be dead.”

“And who might that be?”

“Peter Pettigrew, sir.”

Remus froze. For a few seconds he didn’t even breathe. His heart felt as though it had stopped beating for a moment before setting back into rhythm. But this time, the rhythm was new. As if his heart could tell that his life was about to change and had set the new rhythm to accompany his new life.

“That’s…not possible,” Remus lets out the shaky sentence, hoping that Harry doesn’t notice how much the air in the room has shifted.

Harry shrugged slightly, “It’s just what I saw, sir. Goodnight,” Harry gave a slight wave before quickly walking out of the darkened classroom, closing the double doors shut behind him and leaving Remus standing there in utter disbelief.

Peter Pettigrew?

But that’s…no that’s…it can’t be him…it couldn’t possibly…

Remus found himself sinking to the floor, the cold stone hitting his knees. He feels a little as though he might be sick.

He knows that the map works. He knows it does. So then why would it show a dead man walking the halls of Hogwarts? Unless…

Remus felt a shiver roll down his spine. Peter Pettigrew was alive. Peter Pettigrew was alive and inside the castle.

And if Peter Pettigrew was alive and had purposefully evaded notice, then that meant–

Remus sucked in a sharp breath, feeling himself fall forward even more, his hands slapping against the ground. 

Sirius was not the sole survivor. Peter was as well. And why would Peter hide all this time unless–

Remus stopped himself before he could think the wretched thought.

The thought that, for over a decade, had become a shunned hope in his mind. A hope that maybe, just maybe, Sirius, the man Remus loved, was innocent.

*

Remus was running. Running faster than he knew that he could at his age. Running towards the Shrieking Shack.

It had been a day now since his light hope had returned, burning in his chest. It burned so brightly and so greatly that Remus wouldn’t be surprised if he looked down to see a hole burnt into his shirt where his heart lay.

The grass brushed his ankles, the wind whipped at his face, but he could barely feel any of it. All that he could notice was the voices. Or rather, a specific voice. Coming from in front of him inside the shack.

A voice that he has thought of every single day for twelve years. A voice that has haunted his dreams and his waking moments. A voice that he thought he would never hear again.

Sirius Black.

And he was yelling.

Remus could cry.

He somehow made it up the rickety stairs and burst through the old and creaking wooden door. 

It takes him a moment to fully process what he is seeing.

Ron and Hermione, huddled in the corner of the room, with Ron gripping onto a pet rat that Remus had seen him carry around.

He sees Harry, kneeling over a figure, grasping onto the shirt of the individual, his wand pointed under the man’s chin.

Remus thinks that if he weren’t holding onto the doorframe, he would have collapsed.

Sirius. He was right there. Right in front of him.

He tore Harry off of him, taking his place above Sirius, who was holding his hands up in surrender.

“Well, well. Looking rather ragged aren’t we?” Remus finally chokes out. “Finally the flesh reflects the madness within”.

Sirius has the absolute gall to smirk. Remus almost fell to his knees.

“Well, you’d know all about the madness within wouldn’t you, Remus?”

Remus almost laughed. He took a moment to fully understand the moment. He lowered his wand, his arm now going limp. He took a second before pulling Sirius up by the hand.

Sirius looked ragged. His hair was tangled and his clothes were tattered and torn in places. And his eyes, oh his eyes. They were as piercing of silver as ever.

Remus felt a sob claw up his throat. Sirius was in front of him. Sirius was here. 

Sirius’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Remus had the split second

thought that they made Sirius’s eyes look like crystals.

Remus gazed into Sirius’s eyes, 

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but could only let out a strangled noise that resembled a half-sob, half-choke.

“Remus…I didn’t–”

“You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you”

All that Sirius could do was stare in silence at the man standing in front of him. The silence was thick and filled with anticipation. For what, neither of them were certain. But they both knew that past this moment, things wouldn’t be the same.

Remus pulled Sirius into a tight embrace.

Sirius jumped up to meet him halfway, wrapping his arms around Remus’s neck, gripping onto him like a lifeline.

Remus was doing the same, grasping onto Sirius’s waist through his dirty Azkaban uniform.

Remus couldn’t help but bury his face into Sirius’s shoulder, letting tears flow down his face, dripping down Sirius’s collarbone.

He felt Sirius shake with tears of his own, burying his nose in Remus’s neck as well.

In this moment, Sirius and Remus existed alone.

They were alone in the shack. The shack didn’t even exist. They were somewhere in the ether, holding onto each other.

They could have existed here forever. With one another, holding onto the other, grasping onto the hope that had long since been extinguished.

Remus felt himself begin to sink to the floor. His arms were still wrapped around Sirius, refusing to let go. His body dragged him to the ground, his arms wrapped around Sirius’s legs, sobbing into his knees.

He felt Sirius’s hand drop onto the back of his head as he sank to the floor beside Remus as well.

Sirius sat on his shins, his knees knocking into Remus’s as they cried and cried and cried. They were tears of mourning over the deaths of their friends and the years spent apart, tears of happiness at reuniting, tears of relief that they recognized one another, tears. Remus brought his gaze to Sirius’s eyes, Sirius’s hands cupping either side of Remus’s jaw. 

For years to come, Remus would swear that in that moment, as he looked into Sirius’s eyes, he saw eternity. He saw their breaths threading together. He saw the stars return to Sirius’s eyes where they belonged. He saw his reflection in Sirius’s eyes, his reflection’s eyes reflecting Sirius’s in an infinite loop.

He swore that he felt their hearts crawling out of their ribcages towards one another. 

He felt the years they spent apart folding around them.

He felt Sirius’s heartbeat through his hands, as he is sure Sirius felt his as well.

He felt eternity.

“I’m so sorry, Pads” Remus said as he placed his forehead atop Sirius’s, “I’m so so sorry, you–” Remus felt himself choke on tears.

Sirius pushed himself closer towards Remus. They were now both sitting on either side of each other, Sirius facing Remus and Remus facing Sirius as they held onto each other, their hips knocking into one another.

“It’s not your fault. It could never be your fault, Moons. It could never be your fault,” Sirius grasped at the back of Remus’s head, pulling his face into Sirius’s neck as he sobbed, wrapping himself tighter around Sirius.

Remus curled around Sirius, his knees hitting Sirius’s back. He felt Sirius do the same, his knees hitting Remus’s back. Remus’s stomach was against the side of Sirius’s waist as was Sirius’s stomach against the side of Remus’s waist.

“They told me you did it. I didn’t want to believe it, I really didn’t but–” Remus tried to catch his breath, “Please forgive me, Sirius. Please…I didn’t know…”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Remus. I would have thought the same. It’s okay”.

Remus reached up to card his fingers through Sirius’s hair at the base of the man’s scalp, bringing Sirius’s face to the juncture of his neck. Sirius rested his head in the place where Remus’s neck met his shoulders, as he had done so many times before in a life that seemed so far away now.

And so they sat, rocking back and forth gently. Cradling each other as they hadn’t been able to do for so many years.

They possibly looked insane or hysterical. They didn’t care. They were here and they were together.

Neither of them truly knew when they tore themselves away from one another, all they know is that now they are standing side by side, with Sirius gripping onto Remus’s forearm as they both look at the children in the room.

Ron, the little ginger boy holding the rat, is shaking. Hermione, the smartest girl in any classes that Remus taught, looks furious. Harry looks confused.

Hermione stepped forward, pointing an accusing finger at Remus and Sirius, “You!” She cried, “You made us think that you were on our side when all this time you’ve…you’ve been his friend”.  She said the last word with so much venom in her tone that it wouldn’t surprise anyone in the room if she grew fangs right that instant.

Remus felt sorry for the children. They must be incredibly terrified, he would be as well if he were in their position.

Harry seemed to regain his voice as he steps next to Hermione, placing a hand in front of her seemingly to block any blows coming her way.

“How could you?” He asks, quiet at first, then louder, “How could you?” Shakes his head in disbelief, “He trusted you and you–you…betrayed him! You were working with Lord Voldemort this whole time weren’t you?”

Remus felt a weight bore down on his chest. Harry didn’t know. None of the kids did.

“No Harry, someone did betray your father, but it wasn’t him,” Remus starts, bringing a hand up to rest on Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius looks up at him as Remus was always the slightest bit taller. He held eye contact with Sirius before walking slowly over to the trio to not startle them, leaving Sirius standing on high alert, eyeing the rat in Ron’s hand, “It was someone who, until quite recently, I believed to be dead”.

“Oh, yeah? And who would that be?”

“Peter Pettigrew,” Sirius spoke at last to the group, spitting the words out like they tasted vile.

The trio was frozen in the corner. Remus figured that Ron and Hermione must not know all that much about the victims of that night in 1981, but he would bet any money that Harry has done his own research on his parents’ deaths. That paired with the discovery on the map recently and it could be assumed that Harry knew who the man was.

Sirius sensed the apprehension in the air, “And he’s here! In this very room!” He staggered towards the children, more specifically towards Ron.

“Come out, come out wherever you are!”

“Stop it!” Hermione yells, Remus sees Sirius look down at her from his height. “He’s not here!” She cries.

“Oh, but he is,” Sirius replies, “he’s that very rat right there”.

Sirius points a dirty finger to the animal cradled in Ron’s trembling hands. The creature gets visibly more anxious and tries to wiggle its way out of the boy’s hands, squealing a bit as Ron squeezes to keep it in place.

“What? Scabbers?” He says, sounding every bit as confused as Remus had expected him to be, “No, he’s just a rat. He’s my rat! The man’s gone mental!”

Remus pitied the poor boy, deciding to help him out a bit.

“How long have you had ‘Scabbers’, exactly?” Remus asks Ron, who flicks his gaze up towards his professor.

“W-well, he’s been in my family for years. I couldn’t possibly–”

“But how long?”

Ron hesitates, “About twelve years, I think”

“And how many rats do you know have lived for twelve years?”

Ron sputters on a potential answer, but fails to find one.

“And how long has it been since the night that Sirius was imprisoned?”

“I dunno, sir–”

“Twelve years,” Remus answers. A silence falls over the room. Hermione and Harry, who were previously looking at Sirius, keeping a keen eye in case he tried to do anything, turned to look at Remus.

Remus looked over his shoulder, just a bit, just enough to see Sirius’s face.

His beautiful, filthy, broken face. Within his irises he can see the longing and the nights he spent alone in that cell.

Remus swallowed down more tears before they could emerge. “It’s been twelve years.”

The room remains quiet for a second or two, but for Remus and Sirius, it feels like forever. Remus had forgotten that it tends to feel like that when he looks into Sirius’s eyes.

Finally, Remus turns his face back towards the trio.

“How long has it been, Ron?” He asks again, more gently this time.

“...Twelve years, sir,” Ron says meekly, now staring down at the rat in his hands. From what Remus could see, it looked like Ron was beginning to understand.

“Exactly,” Remus whispers.

It is at that moment that “Scabbers” decides that this must be his queue to go, and he promptly bites harshly at Ron’s pointer finger, making Ron release him in shock.

“He bit me!” Ron squeals, “Scabbers bit me!”

“Get him!” Hermione yells, as Sirius dives to the floor to catch the animal.

It squeaks uselessly as Sirius wraps his fingers around it, bringing himself back up to standing in front of them. 

Hatred pours from his eyes as he looks down at the rat in his hands.

Peter.

Wormtail.

One of my best friends.

Traitor.

Remus can see beyond the surface-level hate in Sirius’s gaze, though.

Beyond the hate and the rage, is something softer. Something more raw. Something that, no matter how much time passes and how many years go by, will always be there, sitting in his heart

Heartbreak, sorrow, whatever you want to call it, that is what Remus saw in Sirius’s eyes. Peter was his best friend too. Peter, who Sirius had once loved so deeply he couldn’t imagine ever hurting, had done this to him.

Remus could see the rat’s bulbous eyes staring back up at Sirius. Panic reflected in them. 

That was just moments before the rat began to turn.

Its limbs grew grotesquely long, its head grew bigger and its nose grew smaller. Its hands grew more fat fingers and its feet grew more toes.

And suddenly, it was not a rat standing in front of them, but rather, a man.

Peter Pettigrew.

How lovely a reunion this is, Remus thought.

It was decided who was the enemy now, as all the wands in the room moved to point directly at Peter, who was now trembling and holding his hands up in defeat.

Remus heard Ron begin to whimper. While the boy had clearly begun to understand what they were implying that the rat was, he had also clearly not been expecting it to actually be a man. A murderer, no less.

“Sirius, Remus. My old f-friends!” Peter opened his arms and attempted to step forwards to embrace them both. 

“Don’t take another step closer, Pettigrew,” Sirius growled.

“You sold James and Lily to Voldemort!” Remus shouted, no longer able to hold his rage in.

“I didn’t mean to!” Peter cried, turning to Sirius and sinking to his knees.

“Ask yourself, Sirius, what would you have done? What would you have done–”

“I would’ve died!” Sirius yells, a deafening sound even amongst screams, “I would have died rather than betray my friends!”

Peter hung his head low, and with his hands still up, attempted to turn back into a rat.

Remus lunged this time, catching the thing just before it ran away.

“This is the end of the line for you, old friend” He says, before placing a binding spell around the rat so that it could neither escape or turn back into a human.

And so they began. 

With Peter the rat in tow, the group consisting of three teenagers and two disgruntled adults, made their way towards the castle. 

Remus doesn’t know much of what happens next other than the fact that the moment that his irises took in the moonlight from the full moon that night, he was gone.

*

It must have been the next morning. Maybe it wasn’t. He didn’t really know.

All he knew was the light that shone through the thin curtains was just faint enough to see a form sitting on the side of his bed.

A dog.

A big black dog with shaggy hair and keen silver eyes.

He was sure that there were other things in the room, but all his attention was on the great canine in front of him with absolutely horrific dog breath. Oh, how he missed that dog's breath.

The dog’s ears perked up at the sound of movement, turning to look at Remus, who has now realized that he is in an infirmary bed.

The dog wagged its tail happily and pounced on Remus’s legs, letting out a pleased woof.

Remus couldn’t help but laugh a bit as he winced and lifted his arms in a greeting to the animal, “Hey, Pads”.

Padfoot jumped up in excitement, carefully minding Remus’s sore legs. He gently made his way towards Remus’s chest, laying down directly atop of him. He whined and nustled his head into the crook of Remus’s neck, a comforting motion that Remus had known years ago.

“Is it…” Remus starts, not quite finding the words, “is it over?”

Padfoot brought his head up from Remus’s neck to look into his eyes. 

Remus looked into the pools of silver, knowing the memories stored behind them.

He kept on staring at Padfoot’s eyes, barely registering the change of form as the dog turned to man. It’s fur shortening and disappearing all together, it’s nose growing smaller and it’s body growing longer.

And suddenly, there he was.

Sirius Black, laying on Remus’s chest and looking into his eyes.

He saw Sirius smile that wonderful smile.

“Yeah,” He says, “Yeah, it is”

Remus couldn’t help but smile as he brought his arms up to embrace the man on top of him, entangling their limbs together through the sheets until they didn’t know where one man started and the other began. 

Remus’s arm rested on Sirius’s back, the other weaving itself into Sirius’s hair, gripping on to him as if he was going to blow away in the breeze if he didn’t.

Sirius’s arms snaked under the covers and around Remus’s waist as his head returned to Remus’s neck.

Remus felt himself slip back into unconsciousness, but he felt a lot less alone now. He knew that Sirius was doing the same right along with him.

Right before he slipped, he vaguely thought that he heard quiet chatter, but it didn’t matter. Because Sirius was here. He was safe. Sirius was safe. Peter was probably being held in the castle somewhere until a trial. All was well.

And as his heartbeat fell in sync with Sirius’s, he knew that things would finally be okay.

*

What Remus may not have noticed when he embraced Sirius and cuddled him against his body so tightly that he didn’t think he could ever let go, was that there were others in the room. A lot of others, in fact.

But they stayed silent as Remus and Sirius’s conversation went on, up until the moment that they fell asleep.

That was when the entirety of Remus Lupin’s class erupted into quiet chatter as they all looked at the scene in front of them.

Madame Pomfrey had allowed them in on the condition that they don’t spook him, talk too loudly, or interrupt him in any way. And they agreed, because Remus was their favorite teacher. No other reason.

Well, it may have also been because word had gotten out that Sirius Black was actually innocent and that Remus and him were good friends.

It may have also been because a rumor had started while Remus was out that he and Sirius may have been a bit more than friends.

Except, it became evident to the class after the pair fell asleep that the rumor may not have been all that far-fetched after all.

Seamus passed a galleon to Dean, who accepted it with an ‘I told you so’ look on his face.

Draco scoffed, but said nothing hateful regarding the pair, which made people think that he didn’t actually hate it at all.

Ron went pink in the face, but seemed happy for them nonetheless.

Hermione crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot, smiling slightly as she did so. While she still didn’t fully trust the raven-haired man, she could tell that Remus and Harry did. And that was enough for her.

Harry just stood there for a moment, examining the two. He had seen it in their reunion, and he sees it now. The affection that they carry for one another even after over a decade apart. 

And while they hadn’t said it to each other when they embraced, Harry could tell that they loved one another.

The rest of the class gossiped quietly so as to not wake the sleeping couple, clearly still in awe at seeing the infamous Sirius Black in the arms of their professor, Remus Lupin.

They stood there for a while, staring at the scene, taking it in, before Seamus interrupted, “Do you think this means that we won’t have class tomorrow?”

Scattered giggles resounded through the room as he looked around in confusion, “What? It was a valid question”.

“I think you'll find that it does mean that Professor Lupin’s class tomorrow is canceled, child,” said Mcgonagall, as she walked closer to the sleeping pair.

The giggles ceased as she walked, looking down at the couple.

Her eyes crinkled slightly at the corners as she smiled softly. She had missed their shenanigans. They were her boys. Forever and always.

“Alright,” she said after a moment, turning back to the small crowd of students that had gathered around Remus’s cot, “That’s enough gawking. Back to class, the lot of you,” she meant it in a strict way, but the affection for her students was evident in her words anyway.

And as the students reluctantly dispersed out of the room, she stopped in the doorway, looking over her shoulder back at the sleeping couple.

She couldn’t help but smile even brighter at them, her boys came home, before turning back and closing the infirmary doors behind her. They needed some privacy after all.

Remus and Sirius slept, Sirius’s face smooshed into the crook of Remus’s neck and Remus’s nose in Sirius’s hair. Their breaths were in sync and their heartbeats as well. It had struck Remus before he had fallen asleep that maybe, just maybe, his change in heart’s rhythm the day before had been to match up with Sirius’s.

They may have been broken, but their broken shards fit awfully well together. Well enough to form a brand new mosaic. One that was different from the one formed twelve years before, but after it had shattered, had become a more beautiful and unique one. 

They were a mosaic made of broken pieces, glued together with memories and music and love.