Chapter Text
Toga Himiko had been dead for years now. Ochako sat at her desk; what she had was far from a boring office job, in fact, most people would describe being a Pro-Hero as the exact opposite, but it still came with a lot of paperwork. She didn’t mind it, it was easy to get lost in, when it was difficult.
She could focus on writing the reports about the villains she had to deal with and filing the claims and requests for the support gear at her agency, taxes of course, and then there was the financial stuff on top of it all. Most hero agencies would hire people to take care of these, probably even a whole department, but Ochako’s agency wasn’t that huge yet- her focus had never just been on growth, so it was still doable for her alone and she desperately needed the busy work-
She had to drown herself in tasks, because otherwise she’d drown in grief. Every moment she wasn’t working, there was only one thought on her mind; a blurry memory of the cutest girl in the world. She still remembered Himiko’s smile perfectly, it was seared into her brain- burnt into it as if her mind’s eye was a cheap lcd monitor. It would never leave her- and she was grateful for it. She couldn’t live with herself if she dared to forget her, but… The smile was the only thing that was truly still sharp and clear. Himiko’s eyes were a blur- Ochako had tried to remember the way Himiko had looked at her countless times, but- It was so difficult. All the old photos she could find only did more to blur the memory.
They either depicted Himiko as a young school girl, still wearing her mask, not being able to be her true self- or as a villain, either with hatred or anger or fear in her eyes. What Ochako wanted to remember was the love; Himiko had looked at her with so much love and that was what Ochako desperately wanted to remember, but how was she supposed to do it?
Anytime she got to see a photo of Himiko, there wasn’t even a hint of it- Himiko was not portrayed favorably in any of the reports on the war. And… Ochako had to admit, she understood it- people died, lost their livelihoods, were thrust into disaster and had their lives ruined- but it wasn’t all Himiko’s fault and as much as Ochako knew the situation was more complicated, no one else seemed to care.
She leaned back in her desk chair, staring up at the ceiling. The summer heat was painful, heavy and slow. The sun was slowly setting though and the nights were cooler usually.
She wondered if Himiko had liked summer. She never got to take her out to an ice cream parlor or the beach. They’d never gotten to just- be normal together. They hadn’t gotten to be anything together.
Ochako opened the top drawer of her desk and pulled out a scrappy pencil and a little notebook. She’d taken up drawing; she needed pictures to look at, but the photos weren’t right- The end goal was to be able to draw a picture of Himiko. That’s all the notebook was filled with; hundreds upon hundreds of attempts and doodles of the only girl Ochako could think about.
Her hand shook a bit as she gripped the pencil. She always held it too tightly, but she couldn’t help it- It was a sensitive matter. And frustrating too. What if she could never do it? What if Himiko was really lost to time? Gone from the world and her mind?
Who else would remember her?
Ochako had to- She had to. There was no way around it. Who else could? Who even would?
She’d barely made a singular line on the paper when a tear had fallen. She set the notebook and the pencil down. There was no point in trying today; she’d learned from experience that attempts on days like this never went anywhere. The tears would keep building up until her vision would be blurry and she wouldn’t even see the pitiful attempt at a drawing.
Hastily, frustratedly, she shoved both items back into the drawer and slammed it shut.
Love was the motivation for all of these attempts, but it was far from the only emotion she felt. There was grief, obviously, but anger was there too. Anger at the unfairness of it all-
Just the thought made her blood boil. Himiko had deserved a normal life, with friends who liked her for who she was and a family who accepts her- and maybe, just maybe, a girlfriend like… Like Ochako. Yes, she would have liked to be… something with Himiko. It had taken a long time after Himiko’s death for Ochako to understand her feelings, but now that she finally did, it was glorious and beautiful. And heartwrenching.
She stood up suddenly. Fast enough that it made her chair roll back and hit the window sill. She powered down the computer and gathered her essentials; keys, phone, the like. She needed to move. She was going to die if she stayed lost in her thoughts any longer. Or- well, that’s how she felt, at least.
She left the agency and locked up behind her; everyone else had already gone home. She had an annoying habit of staying late. It was dark by now, the way down had taken a few minutes. But the heat was still just as unbearable.
Her apartment was close to her agency, so she decided to simply walk home that day. That would require more thought and vigilance, it would be a better distraction than the bus ever could be. She put on headphones and pressed shuffle on her whole library. The first song that came on was slow and sad- The opposite of a good distraction. But eerily fitting to how she felt.
The walk should have been routine and uneventful, but for some reason, Ochako was lost in her mind more than usual. Her head wasn’t clear and she didn’t see it coming. Before she knew it, someone bumped into her. It all happened so fast. She stumbled and fell- and then her vision blurred and everything went dark.
She woke up gently and slowly and so confused. The last thing she remembered was... the fall while walking home. But as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up, she looked around. She was in her dorm room at UA High. She hadn’t been there in... well, since she moved out after graduation. She looked around in confusion. Was this a dream? Was she dying?
She shoved the blanket off and scrambled out of the bed. She ran out of the room, down the hall and down the stairs. She was moving so frantically, she didn’t even see Izuku until she ran into him full-force and they both fell to the ground.
"Uraraka! Are you okay??" He asked quickly, already getting back up. "What happened? You..." He paused for a moment, taking in her shaken state. "You look like you've seen a ghost."