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Nikki Freeman has had the same group of friends ever since high school, and in this day and age she considers it to be quite the impressive feat indeed.
They’ve had their disagreements, their fair share of dramas and petty fights, but all in all Nikki would happily say she’d go to the ends of the earth for each and every one of them if need be. After all, they are her friends, and in a sense, they’ve become her family too.
She’s an only child, Nikki, hyperindependent from a very young age. Due to her mother’s untimely passing when she was just in elementary school and her father’s general lack of interest or involvement in his daughter’s life outside of the financial obligations of raising a child. They were never particularly close (though Nikki had tried to connect time and time again); it always ended up in failure. That’s okay, it’s alright to let go of those who don’t put the same energy into you as you do for them.
Nikki loved her father, but she didn’t like the man, and she assumed the feeling was more than mutual. The day she moved out of her father’s roof was one of the happiest days in her life.
Her dear friends were what really helped Nikki to get through her darkest moments without a doubt. There’s Sarah, sweet and passionate Sarah, who’d construct Nikki custom paintings of her favorite authors to place around her new home, taking her out for milkshakes when it all got a bit tough at work. Alongside Ian, who’d always crack a smile out of Nikki no matter how glum she felt, inviting her to all his parties and trips to trivia night so she could let her hair down for a change.
Then there is Bear, oh poor lovely Bear! So meek that he’d probably be afraid of his shadow if he looked at it for too long.
Nikki could never be honest with someone like she can with Bear. Sure, she has Ian for when Nikki needs to blow off some physical steam and Sarah for when she needs to gossip and giggle. But Bear? He’s different.
Despite his often ironically indifferent exterior (Nikki had frequently described him on more than one occasion as a closed book), that didn’t mean Bear wasn’t one of the most effective listeners or outlets for Nikki to let go of her rage whenever it got too difficult with her dad.
Bear was constantly there to listen, be a shoulder to cry on, and be someone to hug when that’s exactly what Nikki needed.
And when Bear’s grandma died, Nikki returned the favor to him.
Nana’s gone. Just those two words were enough to make her call a cab to his house immediately; they didn’t say anything really. Poor Bear was clearly out of it, but Nikki was there for him all the same.
It was the only time she’d ever seen Bear Bailey cry, but even then it had only been a few solitary silent tears.
Until now, that is.
Bear’s in her arms, sobbing and wailing like a little boy, apologizing repeatedly for something Nikki has utterly no clue about.
He’s saying he hurt them. She, Ian, and Sarah. That he’s a monster.
“I’m a monster, oh Nikki! I’m so sorry!” Bear sobs into her slender shoulder, his skin rough and raw from his copious tears.
It would make Nikki laugh if she didn’t feel so upset by the sad state of her friend in her gentle embrace, clinging on to Nikki like he’ll faint if he doesn’t.
“You’re not a monster—you’re our teddy bear. Oh Baron, what’s happened to you?” Nikki asks, petting his dark hair softly and racking her brain to remember if Bear did indeed take any drugs tonight.
He’s struggling. Bear has been suffering for so long, and I didn’t even realize! What kind of friend is she not to notice such overt pain and melancholy?
“I can’t—“ Bear grits out, too ashamed for his own good. Mumbling about how disgusting he is.
Nikki feels her heart breaking in real time. She can’t leave Bear alone in such a delicate state. He needs comfort, some tea, and rest.
Bear needs a friend, and a friend is what she’s more than happy to be.
She often wondered if Bear harbored some secret crush on her over the years, with stolen glances and too-clammy hands looking as if they’d want nothing more than to hold her own. He’s an attractive boy, Bear Bailey; as aforementioned, he’s kind and an uncommonly great listener. But he didn’t possess the confidence or charisma that Nikki normally found herself looking for in a partner, be it romantic or purely sexual. Hell, a good sense of self was how Ian of all people won Nikki over in the first place. Although pigs flying is more likely than he and Nikki ever entering any substantial type of relationship.
Poor Bear, he doesn’t know who he is. I’ve known him for over ten years, and yet I couldn’t tell you the first truly personal thing about him. Nikki kisses his cheek at that depressing thought, vowing to be better internally and to pry this closed book open if it kills her.
Bear squirms at her touch but doesn’t pull away. She really prays she isn’t adding to his discomfort. Nikki only wants him to feel safe again, that he is enough as he is.
That he is loved.
“Bear, would you like to sleep over at mine tonight? I can’t leave you like this, I can’t!” Nikki says, feeling her eyes start to sting with tears at the mere idea of her unhappy friend all alone in his house of ghosts for yet another night.
Bear untangles himself from her hold at the question. It's then that Nikki really takes in how sickly he looks.
Oh Bear, you need to take care of yourself.
“What?! Nikki, no, I don’t deserve—you need to get away from me! I’ll hurt you again!” Bear cries, eyes darting over to his bag for some reason before locking back into hers, watery and bloodshot.
“You’d never hurt me, Bear—you haven’t got a bad bone in your body. It’s going to be alright, I promise, but you need rest. My couch has your name on it. Please, let me help you—it’s the least I can do. You shouldn’t be alone tonight…”
She cups his sore face and attempts to wipe away the worst of his tears with a tissue. Bear is gasping but hopefully slowly coming back down to earth.
“I’m here for you.” Nikki says gently, smiling when Bear finally nods his agreement, though it absolutely isn’t an easy decision on his part.
Nikki takes the shaking hand of her friend and doesn’t let him go.
~~~
Hey, it's Ian! If I haven’t picked up the phone, it’s probably because I’m doing your mom—
"Fuck you, Ian!”
Nikki hangs up before the voicemail can finish, stirring honey into Bear’s tea and knowing she’ll receive much the same treatment from Sarah’s number, albeit far less crudely.
Our friend’s having a mental breakdown! He needs us! Nikki knows she cannot blame either Ian or Sarah, as they were just as much in the dark about Bear’s struggles as she was.
Sarah wants to be a tattoo artist, Ian wants to get into the stand-up comedy business, and Nikki yearns to be a writer above all else. Bear, on the other hand, she has not the slightest clue about, although if he had a calling, it should definitely be that of an actor since he’s had them all fooled for years at this stage.
Did you even know you were lonely, Bear? Or did you just become used to it?
Nikki wipes her burgeoning tears to meet Bear in her living room, who is currently snuggled up on her beaten couch (at Nikki’s insistence) shaking like a leaf even though he’s completely smothered in blankets.
How he’d screamed when she’d turned the lights off accidentally! After that horrific sound, Nikki promised he could keep the lamp on for as long as he needed to, her monthly bills be damned.
Who knew Bear Bailey would be so afraid of the dark? It made Nikki feel even more sorry for him than she already did.
“I got you some tea… and a little friend!” Nikki says excitedly, placing the tea down and revealing Bear’s new companion from behind her back.
It’s Nikki’s childhood stuffed bear from when she was a baby, given to her by an auntie, well loved through the years and smelling of candy, with Nikki’s initials stitched onto its right paw by her mother’s own hand.
A teddy bear for her teddy bear! It’s perfect; some may say it’s strange to give a grown man such a thing to help him sleep, but as previously stated, Bear needs comfort, and in all honesty, Nikki doesn’t want him to be alone tonight, and if he’s not comfortable with her sleeping on the floor as indicated by his body language, then this is the next best option.
“This is Coco—she’s going to keep you safe tonight; nothing bad will happen under her watch.” Nikki explains goofily as she hands the light brown bear to her much appreciative friend. It’s the first smile from Bear since his breakdown, and even if it’s only half a smile, Nikki will take it hook, line, and sinker.
“Hello Coco.” Bear whispers fondly before going on to explain that his nana bought him a similar sort of toy when he was a baby too.
Your nana would be so proud of you, Bear! Nikki thinks as Bear cradles Coco in his arms.
“Oh shit! We’ve got work tomorrow, haven’t we?” Nikki gasps once she looks at the time.
God, is Bear even stable enough to actually work tomorrow?! Nikki doesn’t think he should touch the place with a ten-foot pole, in her opinion. He needs peace and quiet, although letting him stay home alone sounds just as bad…
“Are Sarah and Ian going to be there? Fuck—are they okay?!” Bear panics, his once soft voice now flying to a crescendo, Coco being squeezed within an inch of her life.
“Yes! Jesus, Bear, yes! They’re okay—nothing bad will happen to Ian, Sarah, or me. We’re perfectly fine, I swear!” Nikki says, crawling down to Bear’s level and kneeling in front of him, trying to get him to focus on his breathing before anything else, letting Bear take sips of tea if necessary.
He just stares at her for a moment, a look of horror, exhaustion, and, tragically enough, fear.
“Is Nikki happy?” Bear asks desperately, clearly not well and appearing like he’ll scratch his neck at any second, so Nikki quickly chooses to take his quivering hands into her own and hold them tight.
She kisses his hands, hoping she’s not overstepping any boundaries by doing so, and tries not to cry out herself once she hears Bear begin to sob all over again.
“I am. Don't get me wrong—it’s a big change handing in my two weeks and really trying with my writing. I’m scared, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less happy either.”
I’m so worried for you. It is what she would continue with if she weren't so terrified of making sweet Bear all the more distraught in the process.
“You’re Nikki.” He replies confusingly, so lethargic he’ll fall asleep with a snap of her finger at this rate.
“Close your eyes, honey—it’s okay. We’ll deal with it in the morning, Ian, Sarah, and me. We got you covered, teddy bear.” Nikki soothes, stroking his hair and tucking him into the makeshift bed, her fondness for Sarah’s silly nickname growing by the minute.
You’ll never be alone again, not if we have anything to say about it.
Bear hums sadly and eventually closes his weary eyes, muttering Nikki’s name over and over like it’s something he’ll forget if he doesn’t.
She wanted to ask him if Bear is happy, but now evidently isn’t the right time or place, though the answer is clear for all to see.
Like she said they’ll deal with it in the morning, Nikki too needs her rest, so she kisses the sleeping Bear’s forehead and quietly tip-toes to her bedroom, whispering that she loves him as she goes.
Predictably, Nikki doesn’t get a wink of sleep that night, as all she can register are Bear’s heart wrenching sobs, crying that he’s a monster until his throat is hoarse and shot.
In what world would someone as gentle and kind as Bear Bailey ever be a monster?