Archive of Our Own

Lucifer Morningstar really missed writing erotica.

After Chloe had told him to shut down all of his explicit fanfiction on Archive of our Own, he found himself unable to concentrate on anything.  It was killing him.  Other than grabbing his detective and making mad, passionate love to her -- which wasn’t an option -- he had no outlet for his erotic fantasies.

So he sat in front of Detective Douche’s computer while the sod was off in the field, and stared mournfully at the black screen.  Chloe was busy filing a report and had chased him away, so he had nothing to do.  He supposed he could go back to LUX, but he was strangely reluctant to do so.  He wanted to spend more time with the detective, although he didn’t know why.  He just... wanted to.

As he sat brooding in the douche’s chair, leaning back with his feet on the desk, Ella Lopez came sauntering up.  Glancing up at the cheery woman in her jeans, tee shirt and lab coat, he nodded at her before returning to his brooding.  She came around the desk and shoved his feet off of it.

“Hey, buddy!” she said with a grin.  “How come you haven’t -- you know?”

Lucifer looked up and blinked.  “What?”

The bubbly lab tech gave him a playful shove on the shoulder.  “Come on, don’t give me that!  You know what I’m talking about!”  She gave him a wink.

Why was she winking at him?  He stared at her uncomprehendingly.  “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about!” she said, giving him another wink and a nudge.

Bloody hell, did she want to have sex with him?  “Ah.  Right.  Very well, but let’s make it quick then, shall we?” he said as he got to his feet.  “Your office? Or perhaps you’d prefer the interrogation room, so that you can have spectators behind the glass?”

It was Ella’s turn to stare at him uncomprehendingly.  “What are you talking about?” she asked as the smile slipped from her face.

Lucifer gawked at her.  “I’m talking about sex.  What are you talking about?”

Ella gaped at him, then started laughing.  “I’m talking about your fanfiction, dude!  You haven’t posted in a week!”

“Oh.”  Relief that he wouldn’t have to bed the lab tech flooded through the fallen angel, although he wasn’t quite sure why.  He was the Devil, wasn’t he?  He should jump at the chance to have sex with her, shouldn’t he?  Shrugging at his strange mood, he concentrated on the conversation.  Wait... Ella knew that he was PrinceLuci666?

“You... you know about my writing?”

“Dude, it’s da bomb!” she said, her face lighting up like a beacon in the night.  “I mean, Lucifer and the detective -- so romantic!”

Romantic?  That caught Lucifer off-guard.  He had never thought of his stories that way.  Erotic, yes.  Salacious, carnal, steamy... even kinky.  But... romantic?

As he stood there, stunned like a deer in the headlights, Ella grabbed his hand and dragged him to her office, chattering all the way.  “I mean, I never put it together that it was actually you and Chloe, but oh my god, we just love you!  And man, the way you write!  Wow!”

“We...?”

“There’s a group of us -- we just love your work!  We totally ship Lucifer and the detective.  Oh my god!”

Lucifer winced at Ella’s continued reference to his father.  “Can we please dispense with the dear old Dad references?”

“Huh?” She blinked at him as she shoved him into her office and shut the door.  “Oh... right.  Man, you never break character, do you?” Whirling around, she grinned widely at him as she put her hands into her lab coat pockets.  “Now come on -- what gives?  Why haven’t you written any new stories?”

“The detective asked me not to.  She was quite upset when she found out about my... hobby.”  Lucifer put his hands in his trouser pockets and leaned against Ella’s desk with a sigh.  “I didn’t realize it would hurt her when I... wrote.”

Ella grimaced.  “Oh... yeah.  She wasn’t too happy, was she?”

“No.”  For a moment the pair was silent, before he took a deep breath.  “I have to delete my stories, but I haven’t gotten to it yet --”

“No.  You cannot do that, Lucifer.”

Staring down at Ella, he was surprised to see her expression hard with determination.  “But --”

“No.  Promise me you won’t do that.  The stories will quickly get buried under the other Lucifer stories, so you can leave them up.  There are tons about Lucifer possessing the angel and riding with the two hunters --”

“Yes, I know,” Lucifer growled.  “As if I would ever jump into the body of a sibling -- and a shoddily dressed sibling, at that!”

The dark-haired woman laughed at that.  “Yeah, so you don’t have to worry.  So just... don’t delete your works, okay?”

He nodded reluctantly.  “Very well.”  Truth be told, he hadn’t wanted to delete them -- they were his fantasies, after all! -- so he was happy that Ella had given him an excuse to keep them online.

“Good,” the lab tech said.  “Now that we have that out of the way....  Chloe may have shut you down, but she hasn’t shut me down!  I’ll gift you a fic of my own, with your Lucifer character and the detective.”

Lucifer blinked in surprise at the bubbly young woman.  “You... you would do that?”

“Like, totally!  And I’ll even do you one better -- I’ll get you into our private Facebook writers’ group of shippers.  Oh my god, they are going to be so excited that I got PrinceLuci666 to join us!”

“Face... book?”

“Oh man, you don’t have a Facebook account?  We gotta fix that.  Here, sit down at my computer....”

________________________________________

An hour later, Lucifer found himself the honored member of the writers group, LuciCryph.  It was quite flattering to interact with the wonderful women who wrote fanfiction based on his erotic fiction.  To think that there were humans who actually wanted him and the detective to have sex!  Not only wanted them to, but cheered them on from the sidelines!  It filled him with joy.  His own erotic fan club!  Perhaps... if they were wanting the fictitious detective to have sex with him, the detective herself might someday want to...?

And they had written so many tales about him!  Yes, some of the stories were horribly... fluffy, but others were filled with deep, dark desires that rivaled his own for Chloe, and it thrilled him down to the marrow of his bones.  He knew the detective had asked him to stop writing, but he really couldn’t ask these lovely women to stop writing, could he?  And if he was able to live vicariously through their stories and still dream of Chloe, what was the harm in that?  No one would even suspect!  And he would still have some outlet for his erotic fantasies, for he could just insert himself into their stories and dream....

What was even more flattering was that those lovely women had asked for a couple of photos of him, so that they could better describe him in their stories.  The request filled him with such excitement that he raced back to the flat like an overexcited cheetah.  Once he arrived, he called Maze, then paced impatiently until she came.

“What took you so long?” he cried as his demon, dressed in a skin-tight leather outfit, walked out of the elevator and into the flat.

“What’s got you so excited?” Maze asked.  “Are you finally going to get laid by Decker?”

Lucifer refused to answer that.  He instead made a scoffing sound.  “Right.  I need your help.”

The demon merely lifted an eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Waiting for a response, the Devil stared at her, but she didn’t give him one.  “Well?”

“Tell me what this is all about, and I’ll consider it.”

“Bloody hell.”  He had hoped she would just help him by taking photos, but... no.  Taking a deep breath, he asked, “Do you read fanfiction?”

“Of course I do, you know that,” Maze snorted.  “All those delicious tortures that sick humans think up for their horror stories?  We demons from Hell would be hardpressed to compete with some of those....”

“Yes, well... I... I’ve been writing some... tales.”

She stared at him.  “What?”

He started looking all around the flat -- everywhere except at her.  “I’ve been... writing some tales.”

“I heard you the first time.  What kind?”

“Ah.  Right... well....”  He shifted from one foot to the other, hoping that Maze wouldn’t see how uncomfortable he was, discussing the subject with her.  “Erotica.”

She came to attention at that, her jaw dropping open.  “You?  The Lord of Hell?  Writing erotica?  Not torture, but... erotica?!”  She started laughing hysterically.  “You?!”

Lucifer waited for his demon to stop laughing, but she didn’t.  Five minutes later, she was on her knees, slapping the floor with one hand as she held her stomach with the other, and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

“What?” he finally snapped.  “You know I enjoy sex, Maze.  Why is it so laughable?”

“Y-you write... erotic fanfiction?!”  she managed to say breathlessly before dissolving into more laughter.  “What is it, the mushy stuff?  All fluffy hearts and lovey dovey?”

“What?!  No!” he spat angrily.  “Of course not!  The Devil would never write mushy stuff!”

Maze pulled herself to her feet, and wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes.  “I can’t believe how far the Lord of Hell has fallen!  Erotica!  And let me guess -- with Decker, right?”

Lucifer’s silence had the demon laughing even harder.

“You are so pathetic, Lucifer.  Pathetic!” she managed to say, then struggled for a straight face.  “Let me see them.”

After that reaction? There was no way he would ever let his demon see his work.  “No.”  Frustration burned in his chest.  “Look, I just need your help --”

“With what?  You want me to kidnap Chloe so that you can try out all your erotic fantasies on her?”

Maze’s suggestion sent a thrill up Lucifer’s spine.  Oh, that idea had real merit!  But -- no.  The detective would not be pleased.  She would kill him... which, when he thought about it, would be a divine and delicious way to die, but -- no.  Taking a deep breath, he said, “I need you to take some photographs of me.”

That caused Maze to laugh even more.  “Oh boy, are you going to start sexting her for your next erotic fantasy?  I’m sure you can do that yourself.  After all, that Anthony Wiener had no problem sending photos of his --”

“I beg your pardon!  I am not some pathetic excuse of a human sexting an underage girl!”

“No, but I’m sure you’d sext Chloe --”

“Bloody hell, Maze!  It’s not for her!” he snapped, before he was suddenly overcome with awkwardness.  “It’s for this... group I just joined.”

“What group?”

“Bloody hell, must you know everything?!”

“If you want my help, then yeah.”

Lucifer wanted to start screaming with rage.  Since when had his loyal demon become so defiant to orders?  Seeing no way out of telling her everything, he sighed and said, “Right.  There are some shippers who want to see my characters... get together.  They invited me into their private writers’ group, and now they want my photo.”  He grew excited at the thought. “Can you imagine?  They want pictures of me!   Me!  So that they can write more about me!”  Smiling happily, he said, “I’ve never had fans before.  It’s quite... intoxicating.”

Maze snorted.  “I thought you weren’t into worship.”

“It’s not worship!  That’s Dad’s jam,” Lucifer spat, then smiled dreamily.  “No, this is more... flattery.  I’m quite flattered.”

The demon shook her head.  “Go ahead then, delude yourself.  So you want me to take photos of you?”

Finally his demon was going to help!  Lucifer stood up straight and fished his phone out of his jacket pocket.  “Yes, please.  Both overall, try to get a shot of me in my entirety.  One like this.”  He struck a pose in his expensive, vested dark blue Armani suit, with his snowy white silk shirt.  When he heard the shutter on the phone click, he smiled and quickly doffed off all his clothes until he was completely naked.

“And one like this.”  He struck another pose, arms akimbo with his hips thrust firmly out... but Maze didn’t take his picture.  She was snickering again.  “Bloody hell, Maze, what is it this time?”

“I can’t believe this.  You’re going to send them a naked photo of yourself?”

He blinked.  “But of course!  Why wouldn’t I?  It’s a private group, and all the women are of age.  They must see the glorious splendor of my entire body, if they are to write properly about it, don’t you agree?  I mean, if they don’t see the wonder of naked me, they wouldn’t do me justice in their stories!”

“Does Chloe know you’re doing this?”

Lucifer started feeling annoyance gnaw on his insides.  “The detective doesn’t need to know what I do in my spare time.”

“Decker’s going to kill you,” Maze said and smirked.  “And I’m in for anything that makes her angry.  Say cheese, Lucifer.”  The shutter snapped.  “I so want to be there when she finds out.”

His eyes narrowed.  “Well, she won’t.  Thank you for your help.  You may go, now.”  Easily dismissing her with a wave of his hand, he took back his phone and inspected the pictures.  Yes, they would do nicely.  He quickly uploaded the photos to the group, and wondered what the lovely ladies would say.  Would they faint over the beauty of his naked splendor?  He hoped the sight of his wondrous nakedness would not be too overwhelming for his new friends.  Perhaps he should have kept his boxer shorts on...?  No, that would have been ridiculous.  Scooping up his clothes, he decided get dressed, then head back to see his detective....

________________________________________

When he got back to the station, he was instantly waylaid by Ella. She dragged him into her office, her face wreathed in a huge grin.

“Oh my god, Lucifer, your photos made our group so happy!  I can’t believe that you would -- oh my god!”  The lab tech was practically jumping up and down with excitement.  She reminded him of a larger version of the detective’s little spawn.  “All the writers are so excited, and are churning out fic after fic -- you’ve really made our day!”

She sat him down at her computer.  “And here!  Log onto your account -- I wrote a fic just for you!  Oh my god, this is so incredibly awesome.  This will keep us going for months!  If only we could have a photo of Chloe, too --”

Lucifer felt panic rip right through him.  “No, you can’t --”

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t go there,” Ella said reassuringly. “I know she’s really unhappy about it, so we’ll keep this on the down-low.  But oh my god, Lucifer, thank you!” She squealed and hugged him hard, which caused him to freeze up and look around with panicked eyes.  Then he was free as she ran out the door.  “I gotta go, but read my fic -- I gifted it to you!”

His hands shaking with excitement, the Devil logged onto his AO3 account and looked at his dashboard.  Sure enough, next to “Gifts” was (1).  His first gift!  He had never had anyone gift him a story before.  Biting his lower lip to try to control his eagerness, he clicked on the story.

It was dedicated to PrinceLuci666 -- which made him puff up with pride -- and RekcedC.  He blinked at the pseudonym, then barked out a laugh.  Ah, the detective.  Not very good at pseudonyms at all!  But wait... she had an account?  Then why hadn’t she bookmarked any of his stories?  Hmmm... He’d have to confront her about that.

Lucifer settled into the chair and began to read Ella’s tale.  It was a very... romantic story.  No erotica at all.  In fact, not even any nudity!  The Lucifer in the story and the detective were having dinner together, and talking.  The fictional Lucifer was awkward, gentle, and kind, and the detective was totally attracted to his shyness.  Sure, there were parts where the snarky Lucifer seemed to emerge in the dialogue, and yet, overall, it was a gentle tale of love... and hearts... and... mushy stuff.

And he liked it.

Oh bloody hell, what was becoming of him?!  Soft!  He was becoming soft!  Taking a deep breath, he tried to read the tale critically, with hard, jaded eyes.  And yet, as he continued through the story, an odd warmth spread through his chest.  At the heartwarming, romantic happily-ever-after end, he found that the back of his eyes burned with unshed tears.  Surely allergies...?  Surely.  It couldn’t possibly be because he longed to have that happily-ever-after life with Chloe, could it?  It couldn’t be because he was the Devil and a monster, whereas she was all goodness and light, and they could never have a life together...?  Surely, it wasn’t that... was it?

“Hey.”

Lucifer jumped like a startled cat at Chloe’s greeting.  He hadn’t even heard her walk in the door!  Scrambling to get himself under control, he rose to his feet and gave her a big, wicked grin.

“Detective!  All done with your boring reports?  Or have you come so that we can have mad, passionate sex on an examination table?  Truth be told, I’ve never done it in Ella’s office, but if you are so inclined --”

“Ew, Lucifer, just ew,” she said, pulling a face at him.  Then she gave him a kind smile and said, “Ella said you were in here, reading her fic that she gifted to you.”

“And to you, RekcedC,” he said with a grin.

Chloe’s mouth fell open.  “You knew that was me?”

“Well, yes,” Lucifer said patiently.  “I mean, really, Detective... RekcedC?  You couldn’t come up with a better pseudonym?”  He watched with satisfaction as her face turned a charming pink.

“Yeah, well... I was never good at stuff like that,” she said defensively.

The fallen angel smiled tenderly at his partner, thinking how strong she was, to be able to admit a fault.  And she was so good at other things -- like being a cop, a friend, a mother....  Just how would she be as a lover?  Bloody hell, he had to stop this line of thinking -- he could feel arousal simmering just below the surface of his composure, waiting to make an entrance.  Shaking himself hard, he said, “Which reminds me -- if you have an account, why haven’t you bookmarked any of my stories?”

The blush on her cheeks grew redder.  “I... uh....”  Then she suddenly lashed out at him, making him grin at her fire.  “Why the hell haven’t you deleted them?”

“Oh, so you know they’re still online?” he asked teasingly.

She had nothing to say to that, her mouth working soundlessly before she crossed her arms in front of her chest and blew a stray lock of hair out of her face.  “I thought you were going to shut this all down.”

“I’m not writing anymore, Detective.”  All traces of teasing were gone as he spoke in a gentle voice.  As he remembered Ella’s story, his face softened and he gazed at her tenderly.  “I did promise to stop.”  Then, as if realizing he was acting like a complete prat, he cleared his throat and said, “The stories will very quickly be forgotten, Detective.  As long as I don’t post, they will get buried in the other stories about Lucifer.  You have nothing to fear.”

Chloe looked up at him, her aqua eyes vulnerable.  “Are... are you sure?”

“Very sure,” he reassured her, then gave her a wicked grin.  “So... does this mean you will bookmark my tales?”

That made her laugh, as he intended it to.  “I’m not answering that, Lucifer.”  She wandered around the desk and looked at Ella’s story, still up on the screen, and smiled.  “Did you read it?”

“I did.”

“What did you think?” she asked, slanting him a glance.

Bloody hell, he didn’t want to tell her that he had thoroughly enjoyed the romantic tale, and had even almost cried at it!  She would never look at him the same again!  So he did what he did best -- he prevaricated.

“Right.  It was very... flowery.”

“Uh huh.”

“And... there wasn’t any sex.”

That made Chloe chuckle.  “No, no there wasn’t.”

“There wasn’t even any nudity!” he said, warming up to his subject.  “I mean, bloody hell, Detective, the least she could have done was have us naked!  I mean, look at this body!”  He waved at himself with a flourish.  “This is perfection!  How can she not have me naked?”

Chloe’s laughter warmed Lucifer’s heart, and he looked down at her, standing so close to him.  The warmth of her body radiating off of her was doing odd things to his insides, making his stomach flip-flop and his heart pound erratically.  Oh how he’d love to bend down and kiss her!  Maybe... he... could...?

He started to, slowly, but she didn’t see his approach, and turned away to look once again at the computer screen.  Bloody hell.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to stop the rampant desire coursing throughout his body.  Hopefully it wouldn’t get so bad that he’d have to sit down....

“Well, I liked it,” she said, then smiled back at him.  Apparently oblivious to his raging passion, she patted him on the cheek and said, “And I’m glad we stayed clothed.  Can you imagine us naked?”

Bloody hell -- the images running through his head at her words...!

He sat.

Chloe gave him another tender look, completely unaware that he was terribly, terribly aroused, and said, “I better get back to work -- the new software is killing me.  The road to learning that program is going to be long and hard....”

He groaned.

“I’ll see you later...?”

“Yes, of course, Detective,” he managed to say, and watched his beautiful partner saunter out of the room.  He sighed and dropped his head to the table with a thunk.  Taking deep breaths, he managed to get his body under control.

Bloody hell, he desperately wished he could write some erotic fiction!

Well... that avenue was closed to him, but he was part of the LuciCryph group now.  Maybe he should try his hand writing flowery, romantic, mushy stuff...?  Would all those lovely women authors be able to help him switch gears into writing romance?  Of course, he’d have to change his pseudonym....  But could he even do it, seeing as how he didn’t understand human emotions at all?

Right.  He would try.

Lifting his head from Ella’s desk, he leaned back in the chair and started to dream of what he would write....