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Gin had spent most of her life surviving.
Surviving the slums.
Surviving hunger.
Surviving fear.
Surviving the Mafia.
The first two had been difficult.
The last one had been impossible.
Yet somehow, against all odds, she had managed.
She had learned how to disappear into shadows. How to kill without hesitation. How to obey orders without asking questions. How to bury every emotion deep enough that nobody would ever think to look for it.
That was how people survived in the Port Mafia.
Feelings got people killed.
Attachments got people killed.
Hope got people killed.
Gin knew that better than most.
So then why—
Why was she currently hiding behind a storage room door because Higuchi had smiled at her five minutes ago?
"..."
Gin pressed her forehead against the cool wall.
This was ridiculous.
Absolutely ridiculous.
She had infiltrated enemy organizations.
She had survived firefights.
She had escaped explosions.
She had faced gifted assassins.
Yet a single smile from Higuchi Ichiyou had reduced her into this.
Pathetic.
Absolutely pathetic.
"Get a grip."
Unfortunately, telling herself that did absolutely nothing.
Because the problem wasn't the smile itself.
The problem was Higuchi.
Higuchi with her bright blonde hair.
Higuchi with her endless energy.
Higuchi who talked enough for three people combined.
Higuchi who somehow managed to make every room louder simply by entering it.
Higuchi who constantly chased after Akutagawa.
Higuchi who never seemed to realise how attractive she was.
Which was honestly offensive.
Because Gin noticed.
Very much.
Far more than she should.
Far more than was healthy.
Far more than was normal.
Not that she'd ever admit that.
Ever.
She valued her dignity.
At least what little remained.
A voice suddenly echoed down the hallway.
"Gin!"
Gin immediately straightened.
Her heartbeat jumped.
Traitorous thing.
A second later Higuchi appeared around the corner.
The source of every recent problem in Gin's life.
"Ah! There you are!"
Bright smile.
Bright eyes.
Bright everything.
Gin wanted to disappear.
Instead she simply nodded.
"Need something?"
Higuchi beamed.
"I've been looking everywhere for you."
That did not help.
At all.
"Why?"
"I wanted to ask if you'd seen Akutagawa-san."
Of course.
Naturally.
Obviously.
Why would Higuchi be looking for anyone else?
A familiar ache settled in Gin's chest.
Small.
Annoying.
Persistent.
Gin hated it.
She especially hated the fact that it appeared every time Higuchi mentioned her brother.
Which was often.
Very often.
"I haven't."
"Oh."
Higuchi sighed dramatically.
"I swear that man vanishes whenever I need him."
Gin resisted the urge to point out that Akutagawa vanished whenever anyone needed him.
That was practically his favorite hobby.
Instead she simply shrugged.
"Keep looking."
"I have been!"
Higuchi groaned.
"For thirty minutes!"
Thirty minutes.
Thirty whole minutes.
Gin couldn't imagine spending thirty minutes searching for anyone.
Well.
Maybe one person.
Immediately she shoved that thought into the nearest metaphorical trash can.
No.
Absolutely not.
Dangerous territory.
"Perhaps he doesn't want to be found."
"That's not helpful."
Gin considered that fair.
Higuchi stared at her.
Gin stared back.
Then Higuchi laughed.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Clearly something."
"You always make that face."
"What face?"
"That face."
Gin frowned.
Higuchi pointed.
"That one."
"..."
Higuchi laughed harder.
Gin hated how much she liked that sound.
It was becoming a serious issue.
A life-threatening issue.
An issue that should probably be classified as a medical condition.
"You're impossible."
"That's rude."
"Wasn't meant as a compliment."
"It sounded like one."
Gin sighed.
Higuchi grinned.
And there it was again.
That awful warmth.
That stupid fluttering sensation.
That unbearable softness that appeared whenever Higuchi looked at her.
Gin genuinely didn't understand how people lived like this.
Romantic feelings were terrible.
Absolutely terrible.
Who willingly experienced this?
What kind of psychopath looked at emotional vulnerability and thought:
Yes. I would like that.
It made no sense.
None whatsoever.
A gunshot wound was easier.
At least a gunshot wound made sense.
Higuchi tilted her head.
"You seem distracted lately."
Gin froze.
Danger.
Danger.
Danger.
"I am not."
"You are."
"I am not."
"You absolutely are."
Gin looked away.
Unfortunately that only seemed to convince Higuchi further.
The blonde crossed her arms.
"Huh."
"What?"
"Huh."
"Higuchi."
"Huuuh."
Gin narrowed her eyes.
"Higuchi."
The grin that appeared on Higuchi's face was genuinely alarming.
"Oh my days."
Gin felt sudden terror.
"What."
"Oh my days."
"What."
"You like someone."
Silence.
Complete.
Absolute.
Silence.
Gin stopped breathing.
Her soul left her body.
Somewhere in the distance a church bell rang.
Perhaps for her funeral.
Because surely this was how she died.
Not in combat.
Not during a mission.
Not protecting Akutagawa.
No.
She died because Higuchi accidentally stumbled onto the truth.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
Higuchi gasped.
"YOU DO."
"I don't."
"YOU DO."
"I don't."
"YOU TOTALLY DO."
"I don't."
"You just turned red!"
"I did not."
"You absolutely did."
Gin wanted the ground to swallow her.
Immediately.
Preferably before this conversation continued.
Unfortunately the universe hated her.
Higuchi leaned closer.
"Oh my god."
"Higuchi."
"Who is it?"
"No one."
"That's not an answer."
"It is."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
Higuchi squinted.
Gin remained perfectly still.
Years of assassin training finally had a purpose.
Unfortunately Higuchi suddenly snapped her fingers.
"Wait."
Gin's stomach dropped.
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"Whatever you're thinking."
"I haven't said anything yet."
"No."
Higuchi stared.
Then slowly—
Very slowly—
Her eyes widened.
"Oh."
Gin felt genuine fear.
"Oh."
"Higuchi."
"Oh."
"Higuchi."
The blonde looked completely stunned.
Gin wanted to run.
Far away.
Possibly to another country.
Maybe another continent.
"You're kidding."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh my days."
"Higuchi."
"It's me."
Silence.
The universe exploded.
The building exploded.
Reality exploded.
Everything exploded.
Because somehow.
Somehow.
Higuchi had figured it out.
Gin's face became approximately the temperature of the sun.
"I—"
Words failed.
Spectacularly.
Which never happened.
Gin always had control.
Always.
Yet suddenly she couldn't think.
Couldn't breathe.
Couldn't move.
Couldn't function.
Higuchi stared.
Gin stared back.
Then, unexpectedly—
Very unexpectedly—
Higuchi's face began turning red too.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Wait."
For the first time since this conversation began, Higuchi looked nervous.
Actually nervous.
Gin blinked.
Higuchi fidgeted.
"Oh."
Another pause.
Then:
"Oh."
A different kind of oh.
Realisation.
Embarrassment.
Hope.
All at once.
Gin's heart nearly stopped.
"Higuchi."
"Y-Yeah?"
"Explain."
"What?"
"Now."
The blonde looked away.
Which was answer enough.
Gin felt her brain short-circuit.
Because surely—
Surely not.
Surely she wasn't—
Higuchi rubbed the back of her neck.
"I mean..."
Gin waited.
"I kind of..."
Waited.
"Maybe."
Waited.
"Possibly."
"Higuchi."
The blonde groaned.
Then buried her face in her hands.
"Okay, fine!"
Gin's heartbeat thundered.
"I like you too!"
Silence.
Pure silence.
The world stopped.
Gin stared.
Higuchi stared back through her fingers.
Both of them looked horrified.
Mostly because neither had expected this outcome.
Finally Higuchi laughed weakly.
"Well."
"..."
"That's awkward."
Gin opened her mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
Then somehow managed:
"A little."
"A little?"
"A lot."
"Fair."
Another pause.
Then Higuchi smiled.
Soft.
Nervous.
Genuine.
Not the bright smile she gave everyone else.
This one was different.
This one belonged only to Gin.
"So..." Higuchi said softly.
"So."
A nervous smile tugged at the corners of Higuchi's mouth.
"I should probably tell you something."
Gin immediately didn't like where this was going.
"What."
Higuchi rubbed the back of her neck.
"Remember how I've been acting weird around you lately?"
Gin stared.
That narrowed it down exactly nowhere.
"The gifts?"
"...Yeah."
"The coffee."
"...Yeah."
"The snacks."
"...Yeah."
"The fact that you somehow kept appearing wherever I happened to be."
Higuchi coughed.
"Yeah."
"Higuchi."
"Okay, yes. All of that."
Gin crossed her arms.
"And?"
Higuchi hesitated.
Then winced.
"That's actually why I was looking for Akutagawa-san."
Gin froze.
"My brother."
"Your brother."
Immediately, a terrible feeling settled in her stomach.
Slow.
Dreadful.
Inevitable.
"What did he do."
"I needed help!"
"What did he do."
Higuchi pointed accusingly.
"You're really hard to talk to, you know."
"I am not."
"You absolutely are."
Gin opened her mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
No argument came out.
Because unfortunately Higuchi was right.
"You barely say three words at a time," Higuchi continued. "Half the time I can't tell if you're listening to me or planning a murder."
"I can do both."
"See? That's exactly what I mean."
Higuchi groaned before continuing.
"So yes, I asked Akutagawa-san for help."
Gin felt a headache forming.
"What kind of help."
"Well..."
Higuchi suddenly looked embarrassed.
"I asked him what you liked."
Silence.
"...What."
"I asked him what you liked."
"What."
"But only after I got stuck!"
Gin blinked.
"...Stuck."
"Yes, stuck."
Higuchi threw her hands up.
"Look, I already knew things about you."
That made Gin pause.
"You did?"
The blonde rolled her eyes.
"Of course I did."
Then, more quietly:
"I pay attention and I already knew some things, you know."
Gin blinked.
"What?"
Higuchi rolled her eyes.
"I'm not completely hopeless."
She began counting on her fingers.
"I knew you always take the corner seat in meetings if it's available. I knew you hate overly sweet coffee. I knew you stop petting every stray cat you see when you think nobody's looking."
Gin immediately looked away.
"I do not."
"You absolutely do."
Higuchi grinned.
"I knew you prefer listening to conversations instead of joining them. I knew you keep fixing your gloves when you're nervous. I knew you secretly like getting gifts even though you act annoyed every single time."
Gin felt heat crawl up her neck.
"...Continue."
"The point is," Higuchi said, suddenly softer, "I already knew a lot about you because I was paying attention."
The words hit harder than Gin expected.
Because Higuchi wasn't saying she'd investigated her.
She was saying she'd noticed her.
"Akutagawa-san only helped with the things I couldn't figure out myself," Higuchi admitted. "Like your favourite tea. Or what kind of flowers you'd actually want."
Then she laughed.
"Honestly, most of the time he'd just stare at me like I was an idiot and say, 'If you paid attention, you'd already know that.'"
"..."
"And that you secretly steal Akutagawa-san's tea whenever you run out."
Gin nearly choked.
"He told you that?"
"He seemed really proud of that one."
The traitor.
The absolute traitor.
Higuchi smiled sheepishly.
"He helped me pick your birthday gift too."
Gin felt her soul leave her body.
"He what."
"And he told me not to buy roses because you'd think they were too obvious."
"..."
"And he said lilies."
"..."
"And he was right."
"..."
The worst part?
The absolute worst part?
He had been right.
Every gift had been perfect.
Every single one.
Not because Akutagawa had chosen them.
But because Higuchi had cared enough to ask.
Cared enough to notice.
Cared enough to remember.
And apparently cared enough to spend months trying to figure out how to make Gin smile.
The realization hit harder than the confession had.
Beside her, Higuchi suddenly looked nervous again.
"Please don't be mad."
"I'm not mad at you."
Relief flashed across Higuchi's face.
Then Gin added:
"My brother, however, is dead."
"What?"
"Dead."
"Akutagawa-san isn't dead."
"He will be."
"GIN."
"He knew."
The betrayal was immense.
For months.
Months.
Her brother had apparently known she was hopelessly in love.
Known Higuchi was hopelessly in love.
And had simply watched the disaster unfold.
Not one warning.
Not one conversation.
Nothing.
Just silent observation.
Like some kind of judgmental older brother.
"He's been helping me for months," Higuchi admitted.
Gin nearly stopped breathing.
"Months."
Higuchi winced.
"That sounds worse when you say it out loud."
"Months."
"He really wanted me to stop asking him questions."
"Months."
"He threatened to leave me in a river once."
"Months."
"He said if I paid attention, I'd already know most of the answers."
Gin paused.
"...He said that?"
"Yeah."
A beat.
Then Higuchi smiled.
"And honestly? He was right."
Something warm settled in Gin's chest.
Because Akutagawa hadn't taught Higuchi who she was.
Higuchi had already known.
He had only filled in the blanks.
Everything that mattered—
The things Gin did.
The things she felt.
The things she never said aloud—
Higuchi had noticed those herself.
And somehow that was infinitely more terrifying.
"So..." Higuchi said quietly.
"So."
"I guess your brother accidentally became my wingman."
Gin closed her eyes.
Took a deep breath.
Opened them again.
"...I hate that sentence."
Higuchi laughed.
Gin couldn't stop the tiny smile that followed.
And suddenly none of it felt quite so overwhelming anymore.
Not the confession.
Not the embarrassment.
Not even the knowledge that Akutagawa would be receiving several threatening messages later.
Because Higuchi was still standing there.
Still smiling at her.
Still looking at her like she was someone worth choosing.
And somehow—
Somehow—
That mattered more than her brother's betrayal.
Though only slightly.
Akutagawa was still dead.