Work Text:
They say it’s better to take a risk than to live a life full of regrets. But how can you take that risk when it could ruin a friendship, a friendship you’ve built and protected for years — for feelings you’re not even sure will be reciprocated?
Should you still take the chance, or should you bury those feelings deep in your heart and love them silently?
“Jai, don’t you dare mess this up or else I’ll smack your head!” I said while helping my best friend fix his jacket.
We were in his room, looking for a nice outfit for his dinner date later. It was the date I had set up for him and his crush, Ozone.
“Why did I have to go on this date again?” he asked for the nth time.
“Just go, okay? This is for you!” I gave him the same reassuring answer yet again, remembering Ozone’s request for me to set them up.
“Do I really have to go Pookpik?” He sounded so bored, and I already wanted to punch him. How could he be bored when he was going on a date with someone he liked?
“Yes, or I’ll tell Auntie you skipped class to play basketball.” I used my last card so he would stop asking questions and just go.
“You little naughty bear,” he said as he started tickling me.
“Stop, stop Jaijai! I swear to God.” I said.
But he didn't stop, and we ended up having a pillow fight because I refused to back down.
I was about to hit him in the face when I accidentally slipped. I braced myself for the impact, but what happened next caught me completely off guard. My best friend pulled me hard, and we ended up lying on the floor, him on the rug, and me on top of him.
I was so shocked that I didn't even notice our position at first.
“You are so clumsy,” he whispered, before lightly flicking my forehead.
“Because you won’t stop teasing me,” I answered, quickly helping myself up before he could feel the loud beating of my heart.
It was so awkward that I couldn’t look him in the eye. “I’ll go now. Update me later. Please be a good boy, don’t waste my effort.”
I told him that without looking at him. I waited for an answer, and when I didn’t get one, I looked up only to be surprised. He was staring at me intently.
“You really want me to go on this date?” he asked, his voice entirely serious. I got nervous, but I forced myself to calm down.
“Yes. Just trust me.”
“I trust you, Pik. I’ll go... for you.”
Those last words didn't slip past my ears, and I tried my best to ignore the weird feeling they gave me.
“Just update me, alright?” I didn’t wait for an answer and quickly left his room. I couldn’t help but lean against the closed door, pressing a hand against my chest.
“Calm down, heart, please,” I whispered, remembering the longing gaze he had given me when we were lying on the floor.
“He likes someone else, stupid,” I convinced myself, before walking away.
“What’s with that face?”
I was busy staring at Jai’s photo when Yim walked into my room. We had a project to finish and decided to work at my place since his room was currently being renovated.
“Nothing!” I said, quickly locking my phone screen. I needed to distract myself. There was no way I’d be able to focus if my mind was consumed by the thought of my best friend dating the guy he liked, all while wishing that guy was me.
“Ah, I get it now," Yim smirked, crossing his arms. “That’s the face of someone about to lose both his best friend and the man he loves, all because he’s too cowardly to tell him the truth.”
I immediately grabbed the pillow beside me and lunged, hurling it straight at his head. “Hey, you’re hurting my feelings!”
“Well, the truth hurts.”
I didn’t answer. I just flopped back down onto my bed because, deep down, Yim was right.
I had been in love with my best friend since junior high. Now that we were in college, I still didn’t have the guts to confess. I was terrified, too scared to lose everything we built just because of these stupid feelings.
And my heart completely shattered a few days ago when I accidentally overheard Jai and his friend Alpha talking about Ozone.
“Right, I like Ozone.”
Those were the exact words I’d heard from my best friend when Alpha asked if he liked the cheerleading captain. I had forced a bitter smile and walked away quickly, terrified they would catch me eavesdropping.
I never expected it. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship, and we rarely talked about dating, even though Jai usually never hid anything from me. I knew all of his secrets, from the massive milestones to the tiny quirks. I knew his favorites, what made him burst into laughter, and what kept him up at night. I had witnessed all of his firsts, and he had witnessed mine. We were inseparable. So why hadn’t he told me this? Did he not trust me anymore?
Those questions had been running loops through my brain, but somehow, I couldn't stay angry with him. I hadn't asked, and I figured there are some things people just want to keep private.
So, I pretended I didn’t know anything. I just observed from the sidelines. But when Ozone approached me a day later and asked if I could set him and Jai up on a date, I immediately said yes, even though it completely broke me. My best friend’s happiness meant more than my own heart, and I would do anything to keep him smiling.
“How about you?” Yim asked.
We were both lying flat on the floor mat now, staring blankly up at my bedroom ceiling. We both knew we weren’t going to get a single shred of schoolwork finished tonight, not while I was wallowing in heartbreak. I kept trying to convince myself that I was fine, but who was I fooling?
“Well, what else is a good friend supposed to do? I'll just be happy and supportive,” I chuckled, but Yim didn’t join in.
Instead, he rolled over onto his side and looked me straight in the eye. “You know what? You really are an idiot,” he said, his tone dead serious.
I had met Yim during our college entrance exams. We shared the exact same chaotic energy and hobbies, so we instantly clicked. It just so happened we ended up in the same major, meaning we were practically glued at the hip. Next to Jai, Yim was one of the very few people I trusted the most.
I rolled over to face him, giving him my best death stare. “Hey, you think I won’t notice? You've been throwing jabs at me ever since you got here!” I snapped.
Instead of apologizing, he just reached out and flicked my forehead.
“Listen to me, Pik. You and Jai have been friends for God knows how long. You should know him better than anyone, or at least have realized who he truly likes by now!”
I paused for a second, my brow furrowing. “It’s Ozone. It came straight out of his mouth.”
Yim heaved a massive, exhausted sigh before sitting up cross-legged in front of me. I copied him. He looked like he was about to completely lose his mind because of me, barely holding his frustration back.
“First year of college, at the Acquaintance Party,” Yim began, counting on his fingers. “A ton of students, both guys and girls, were inviting Jai to dance, but he kindly turned every single one of them down. You were the only person he danced with the entire night.”
My forehead creased. “What? No, he danced with others, too!” I tried to scramble through my memories of that night.
“Believe me, it was only you," Yim insisted. "He spent the rest of the night giving everyone who tried to dance with you a death stare. He literally punched James when James tried to kiss you.”
“Oh. I did remember that.” I said,
A memory of that night came flashing into my mind. I was at our table, busily eating, when James approached me and tried to kiss me. Jai was so quick, though. He punched James right in the face. It turns out James had been dared by his friends to do that, so I punched him as well. That’s how my best friend and I ended up eating at a street food stall; we ditched the ball after someone ruined our night.
“And what about when you messed up your presentation file and your final grade was on the line?" Yim pressed on. "He ditched his own mandatory lecture just to help you. His professor was furious, but luckily your best friend is a genius who had already aced his quizzes.”
Memory flooded back, making my throat tighten. I remembered being on the verge of tears that afternoon. My presentation wasn't backed up on my laptop, and my USB drive was sitting on my desk at home. Just as I was begging my professor for a few more minutes, Jai had burst through the door, panting and holding my flash drive. He claimed he was just passing by our classroom, saw me panicking, and rushed all the way back to our place to grab it.
“He didn’t even tell me he skipped his own class for that,” I whispered, staring down at my hands.
“Because he didn’t want you to feel guilty. And that’s still not all,” Yim said, hitting me with another wave.
"Remember when you sulked because he promised to come to your basketball match but didn't show up on time? He still managed to sprint into the bleachers during the final minutes of the game. Turns out his car had broken down on the highway, and he hopped on a public bus just to get there, even though he was not used to taking public transportation.”
I sat there in total silence, letting everything click into place.
“He has done so many things for you, Pik. Willingly, happily, and without ever asking for a single thing in return. I’ve witnessed all of it,” Yim said softly. “All the sleepless nights spent helping us finish projects, all the missed classes just to watch your matches, all the sacrifices just to keep you happy. Do you really not see it? Do you really not feel it?”
And right there, the dam broke.
Realization after realization washed over me like a tidal wave.
“I didn't say anything before because I wanted you to figure it out on your own, but I had no idea you were this dense,” Yim groaned. "You actually went and set him up with—”
I cut Yim off by scrambling to my feet. I grabbed my phone and threw on a hoodie, the oversized one Jai had given me for my birthday last year.
“I’ll be back, Yim! I have to go fix this. Thank you so much!” I yelled, not wasting a single second as I bolted out of my bedroom.
“My advice? Ruin the friendship!” Yim shouted after me, his voice echoing down the hallway.
A massive smile broke across my face. I couldn’t believe Yim had to literally map it out for me before I finally saw what had been right in front of me this whole time. I had been so consumed by fear, protecting only my own fragile heart, that I hadn't realized I was hurting Jai, too.
I didn’t know what had happened between him and Ozone tonight, or what this meant for us. I didn’t know for certain if his feelings for me matched the terrifying depth of mine, but it was now or never.
Please, I prayed, rushing down the stairs. Just let me be on time.
I sprinted through the front door and out toward the street. It was already 10:00 PM; they were probably in the middle of their date, or maybe Jai was already driving home. I just needed a chance to say my piece, just one—
I stopped dead in my tracks.
A familiar figure was standing right outside my front gate. His head was hanging low, kicking a stray pebble nervously. He let out a heavy sigh, shifting his weight under the dim streetlight.
“Annoying Puppy?” I breathed out. I had given Jai that nickname years ago to tease him, mostly because he loved calling me his "little bear."
He snapped his head up, visibly shocked. He clearly hadn't expected me to come bursting out of the house at this hour.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, taking a slow step toward him.
“Can we talk?” he asked, looking exactly like the nickname I gave him—a lost, anxious puppy.
My chest tightened as I wondered what on earth had gone down between him and Ozone.
We walked over to the quiet park near my house and sat down on our usual bench. The silence stretched between us, heavy and suffocating, as we both waited for the other to break it.
“How was the date?” I finally asked, forcing the words past the lump in my throat.
“Fine, I guess? He’s really fun to be around. I was actually surprised by how much we have in common,” Jai said, a small smile brushing his lips.
The casual warmth in his voice made my stomach plummet. I had been so desperate to see him, but now, sitting here, a horrible wave of regret washed over me. Was it really too late? Was it game over?
“That’s good to hear. At least my matchmaking didn’t go to waste, right?” I forced a little chuckle so he wouldn't notice the tremor in my voice, but inside, I was breaking into pieces.
“Did you know that he actually likes Alpha?” Jai asked casually.
My head snapped around so fast I nearly whipped my neck. “Wait, what? I thought he liked you!” I gasped, entirely derailed by the plot twist.
“Well, you were wrong," Jai laughed softly. "Apparently, he’s been harboring a massive crush on Alpha for a while now. He only asked you to set us up so he could grill me for information about Alpha, and he wanted my help introducing them. The entire night, we literally just talked about Al.”
A sudden, dizzying wave of relief flooded my chest. But then a secondary thought hit me, and I felt a pang of guilt for my best friend, remembering what I’d overheard.
“I'm sorry, Jai. I didn’t know.”
“Why are you apologizing?” He tilted his head.
“Because... because you like him, don’t you? And it turns out he likes your friend.”
For the second time that night, I was completely stunned, because Jai suddenly burst out laughing.
“Who on earth told you that I liked Ozone?” he managed to say through his chuckles.
“I overheard you and Alpha talking the other day!” I defended myself, feeling my cheeks heat up. “Alpha asked if you liked Ozone, and you explicitly said yes.”
“You were right there, yet you ran away before the most important part,” Jai said, his laughter fading into something much softer, his eyes locking onto mine.
“What do you mean?”
“Alpha asked me if I liked Ozone for him — because Alpha secretly admires him. I said yes because Ozone is a genuinely good guy. But right after you walked away, Alpha asked me if there was anyone I liked.”
Jai stopped talking. My heart began to hammer so violently against my ribs I was certain he could hear it. Before my brain could even process the silence, Jai reached out and pulled me flush against him, trapping me in a tight, warm embrace.
He wrapped his arms securely around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, his fingers gently smoothing against my back.
“I like you, Pik. No! I love you. I love you so much that I am entirely willing to risk our friendship just to call you mine.”
Thump.
“O-ouch! Why are you punching me?!” Jai barked softly, stumbling back a step as I suddenly shoved him away and planted a solid, trembling fist into his shoulder.
I didn’t know how else to react. My brain had completely short-circuited, and I desperately didn’t want him to see how furiously I was blushing.
“You are so annoying! You are so annoying!” My voice cracked on the last word, and my angry shoves instantly dissolved into small, shaking sobs.
Jai immediately panicked. “Hey, hey! why are you crying? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something to hurt you?”
Seeing my quiet tears escalate into a full-blown meltdown, he didn't waste another second. He stepped right back into my space and pulled me tightly against his chest, wrapping me in a hug so fiercely protective it took my breath away.
“Talk to me, please. Tell me what’s wrong,” he murmured into my hair, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back.
“I really thought I was going to lose you,” I choked out, burying my face into the fabric of his shirt, letting my tears soak through. “I thought I was too late, and that I’d never get to tell you how I really feel. I know I’m a total fool for setting up the guy I love with someone else just because I thought you liked him! But what was I supposed to do? I didn't want to be selfish. What if you didn't feel the same way...?”
I took a deep, shuddering breath, finally stripping away all my armor.
“I love you, Jai. So, so much. Not just as a best friend. More than that. Way more than that.”
I had been dreaming of saying those words out loud ever since the day I realized I no longer saw him as just a safety net, but as the person I wanted to spend my entire life with.
I used to look out my window and secretly whisper it to the stars, wishing against hope that Jai would look at me and see something more.
And finally, the stars listened.
“Thanks to Ozone, I realized how cowardly I was being, and just how much I love you,” Jai whispered back, his grip tightening around me until there was zero space left between us. “I realized I needed to be brave and take the leap because it’s you. You are worth every single risk, Pik, a risk I will keep taking over and over, even if it means ruining our friendship. It’s a million times better to be honest than to lose you without ever trying.”
“But why didn’t Ozone ask you directly and come straight to me?” I asked.
We were now cuddling in my room. Yim had already left an hour ago, having laughed at me after hearing about my reaction to my best friend’s confession, so I kicked him out. We will finish our project another day.
Jai pulled me closer, holding me tight so I wouldn't slip away since I was currently sitting on his lap, just hugging each other.
“I can’t believe I’ll be the one telling you this,” Jai said, pinching my cheeks.
“Annoying puppy!” I whined.
“Fuck, you are so adorable,” he said, then suddenly kissed my nose!
“Okay, okay,” he said, giving up when I pretended I was going to punch him.
This time, his expression softened. He smiled gently as he looked me in the eyes, making sure I would listen to what he was about to say.
“Because he knew I wouldn’t agree to it if he asked,” he paused, pulling me even closer this time. “He knew that if you were the one asking me, I would surely agree. Because I only follow you. I will only listen to you, because my world revolves around you. You are my world, after all.”
I didn't know what got into me, but I was so overwhelmed by how much he loved me that I pulled his shirt collar and smashed our lips together.
I could feel him chuckling, but I didn’t care. I was so in love with him, and this time, I wasn't going to hold back.
“You are a bit aggressive, baby,” he whispered against my lips, but then he cupped the back of my neck to deepen the kiss.
Turns out, ruining the friendship wasn’t bad at all, especially knowing that it was never one-sided.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you more,” I answered.
“I love you most,” he didn’t back down.
“I love you the mostest,” I said, and he laughed.
“I will love you for the rest of our lives.”
Well, I didn’t argue with that anymore and just pulled him in for another kiss.