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Yaz bit her lip, looking out at the crowd nervously. Did she really belong here? Would they welcome her? Or would they all see that she wasn’t good enough?
Maybe Izzy was right, maybe it was okay for everyone else but not for her, not for -
“Come on Sheffield,” Dan said gently. “They won’t bite. At least, I hope they won’t.”
Yaz smiled; he always knew how to make her feel better. “There’s more risk of the Doctor biting them.”
“Who am I biting?” her voice called from the hall.
“No one. I hope not, anyway.”
“Ah, oh well. Can still have fun without biting, I guess.” The Time Lord shrugged, looking disappointed, then grinned. “Come on then fam.”
She marched out of the door, her rainbows perfectly fitting in with the crowd. Meanwhile, Yaz just had a small lesbian pin that Dan had got her, while he’d got an ally one for himself.
She took a deep breath and stepped out of the TARDIS and onto Green Lane. They were less than two miles from her flat but she felt like she was on a different planet, pride flags flying, music blaring, and everyone looking like they were having a great time.
Dan stepped out behind her and shut the door, then looped his arm around her shoulders. “Come on then. If you’re gonna make me come to Sheffield, you could at least make me feel like a local.”
“What, you? Nah, you stick out like a sore thumb. Got loser written all over you.”
“Oi! I’m tryin’ to help here,” he protested.
“Thank you,” Yaz said, sincere.
“Let’s go.”
They joined the crowd moving along the road, around the corner and over the bridge before arriving in the main area. There were stalls lining the streets with food and freebies, a main stage and some other areas they were yet to explore. Dan found a bar and came back with a pint in each hand.
“I don’t drink,” Yaz reminded him, shouting over the hubbub.
“I know! That’s why there’s a lemonade in me pocket.”
As she retrieved the chilled can, Yaz asked, “So why two?”
“Saves me havin’ to queue twice!”
It did not take long, therefore, until Dan was a bit drunk, but Yaz didn’t feel left out. She was enjoying the music and the Doctor’s bad dancing, as well as her fascination with the drag queens, and Yaz decided to take her to a drag show some time.
“You belong here too, y’know,” she said to her at one point, standing close so they could hear each other. “With whatever relationship you have with gender. And having a wife!”
“I’ve never quite understood Europe’s obsession with the gender binary,” the Doctor replied. “You humans have such a boring view of things. Well, some of you. Just a shame it was the boring lot that colonised the rest of the world and imposed their boring views on them too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We can go, if you like. There’s some really amazing cultures around the world if we go back a couple centuries - or even in Pakistan now!”
“There’s a lot of stigma about them though.”
“Thank you British Empire. You know they tried to colonise Mars too?”
“Wouldn’t surprise me.”
“Oops, sorry!” Dan said, stumbling into Yaz.
“Oi watch it,” Yaz said, disappointed to lose the Doctor’s attention. “Think you’ve had enough to drink now.”
“‘M just havin’ fun!” Dan said. “Come on, let’s dance. See if we can find you a cute girl.”
Yaz reluctantly let him pull her into dancing, decidedly against the idea of finding someone for her - especially not when the woman she was already in love with was dancing right beside her.
They danced and explored the various areas as the afternoon wore on. It was amazing, Yaz felt so surrounded by love and acceptance; maybe things would work out okay. She couldn’t be the Doctor’s, but she could still be someone’s. Or she could just be happy to dance and have fun with her friends, knowing that nobody here would call her names for loving a woman. Instead they’d cheer her on, like the couple that had got engaged, Yaz joining in with the clapping. They looked happy, and maybe she could have that too. One day.
If only Izzy Flint could see her now - not just in love with a woman, but an alien to boot.
Some day in the future, when Yaz eventually told her about this, Sonya would have a riot. She’d make fun of her for falling in love with the most emotionally closed off person possible. Even if the who was a surprise, she just knew her sister knew, that she’d never have to tell her, and now part of her ached to go home and find her, give her a hug and say thank you for always being there for her.
But she’d still not been home, 4 years older than she should be.
“Time to head home?” the Doctor suddenly asked. “Dan’s looking a bit worse for wear.”
“I’m fine,” Dan said, looking very not fine.
“Course you are, Scouse. Y’just the same colour as when we crossed the Channel.”
They’d ended up crossing on a windy day, all three of them finding a place by the railing as seasickness hit them hard. Luckily they’d not had an issue with it on most other journeys or else travelling around the world in 1903 would not have gone very well. They had spent a lot of time on boats. A lot of time. More time than seemed at all reasonable, but they were stuck with what they had available and a mission to complete.
Yaz propped Dan up and started walking back towards the TARDIS. “Proper embarrassing, mate. It’s not even 6pm.”
“You’re not even 6pm,” Dan countered.
“No, I’m not.”
“So are y’gonna snog her or not?”
“Dan!” Yaz hissed.
“Wha’? Issa reasonable question.”
“You know what the answer is. You know what she said on that beach. And I’d rather you not ruin the day by reminding me.”
“Sorry, Sheffield. Let’s get back then and we can watch a film or something. There’s one that’s called pride, I think. I’ve got a list on me phone.”
He fumbled for the device, dropping it twice. “Here, look. ‘Lesbian films for Yaz’.”
“Dan!” Yaz chastised again.
“Wha’? It’s pride! If anyone here judges you for bein’ gay I think they’re in the wrong place.”
“Come on,” Yaz said.
They made it back to the TARDIS in one piece, the Doctor bouncing along merrily. Yaz tried to ignore the clenching in her stomach; it felt unfair that the Doctor got to forget everything and relax while Yaz l felt a tiny stab in her heart every time she looked over at the blonde.
No, no, today was about celebration, about going out in public for the first time, joining in her community and accepting that this was okay, she was okay, Izzy Flint hadn’t won. She wasn’t going to think about the Doctor or that beach, about her saying she could date Yaz, but she wouldn’t.
She put her hand in her pocket, hoping to distract herself, but found it empty. “Shit, I think I’ve dropped my phone now. Wait there.”
She deposited Dan inside the console room, then headed back out into the road. She breathed a sigh of relief, knowing she was very lucky when she spotted it only a few metres away.
However, before she could get to it, someone else picked it up.
“Someone’s lost their phone. Should we hand it in to the police?” the woman asked her friend.
“Hi!” Yaz shouted. “That’s my phone!”
She raced up to the group and the woman who had picked it up looked at her suspiciously.
“What’s the lock screen then?”
Um. “It’s me mate doing a cosplay thing.” How else did she describe the very obviously alien item the Doctor was holding?
“Friend?”
“Yeah. White, blonde hair, green and gold eyes, stripy tshirt.”
“Congrats, you got it right,” the woman said. Yaz reached out for the phone, but the woman just squinted at the picture. “So, just a friend, is she?”
Yaz blushed. “Yeah.”
The woman very obviously checked her out. “Not got any competition, have I?”
Yaz started stammering out an answer but the other woman just laughed.
“I’m Jas. Here.” She typed something into a note on Yaz’s phone, then held it out. “There’s my number. Give me a call.”
Yaz looked at her in awe as she took the phone, completely taken back that she was not only being asked out, but by a gorgeous woman who barely looked older than her. “Um, thanks.”
“Great. Call me!” Jas said as she turned and walked away, winking at Yaz.
She made her way back to the TARDIS, mind reeling. A woman had just hit on her. Like it was no big deal. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal, maybe it actually was fine.
“Who’s that?” the Doctor asked, waiting in the doorway of the blue box with a guarded expression.
“Dunno. Jas, I think. Gave me her number.” Yaz looked after the retreating brunette.
“You gonna call her?”
She looked back at the blonde, saw the desperation and jealousy shining out of her. “No,” she said quietly. Then, with a bit more resolve, “Not this time.”
The Doctor bit her lip, Yaz’s gaze narrowing in on the action. “Yaz, I… Can we talk?”
“Yeah?” Yaz said lightly, not wanting to have another talk, not wanting another rejection. Still, she followed the Doctor into the ship until they reached the room with the purple sofas and cosy fireplace, completely different to the bright sunshine outside.
The alien dithered, so Yaz spoke first as she sat down on the sofa. “What’s up?”
“Yaz, I… I don’t want to hold you back.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, like Jas. I don’t want you to miss out because of me.”
“I’m not.”
“But you are. And… and I want…” The Doctor blew out a breath, shifting on her feet before sitting down on the sofa. She stared at the floor. “Why’s this so hard?”
Yaz stayed quiet, not sure where this was going.
“I want a second chance,” the Doctor said quietly, staring at the floor. “I was wrong, before. I was thinking about all the hurt I’d cause you, and me, but then today was so full of joy and I want that for you, Yaz.” She looked up, her eyes pleading. “I just want you to be happy, and you’re so clearly not happy.”
“Doctor…”
“No, you're not fine. And I hate that that’s my fault. I want you to be happy and… and maybe I want me to be happy too.”
“What are you saying?” Yaz said, feeling like she could barely breathe.
“I don’t know. I don’t know! It’s all gonna end in tears either way.” The Doctor stared at the floor again, jaw tense.
Yaz spoke softly, desperately laying her heart on the line to be trampled once more. “Is it not better to be happy today, knowing you’ll be sad tomorrow?”
The Doctor huffed a laugh. “Someone I know said something similar once. Maybe I should listen to him.” She looked up at Yaz. “So? What do you think? Do this right?”
Yaz’s heart was pounding in her chest and it felt like the world had gone silent except for its pounding. “What do you mean?”
The Doctor reached for her, her voice low. “I mean I want you. If you’ll have me. If you can give me a second chance, I want to make you happy.”
“By being together?”
“Yes.”
Yaz almost didn’t know how to speak. “Really?”
“Really really. If you still want that.”
“Of course I want that. I want you.”
“Brilliant,” the Doctor said, beaming. “I want you too.”
This was everything she’d wanted but it was so sudden, she didn’t know how to react. “So, what do we do from here?”
“I should probably kiss you,” the Doctor said, as though it was that simple, as though Yaz hasn’t spent years hoping for this moment, even before she knew that’s what she wanted.
“I think that would be a good start,” Yaz said, feeling a little breathless.
She felt lightheaded as the Doctor leaned in, both of them hesitant, scared to mess this up, but then their lips touched and it was like the universe opened up again. The feeling of the Doctor’s lips against her own was like nothing else Yaz had experienced, and everything felt like so much and yet not at all enough.
They kissed desperately, years of feelings to catch up on, years of denial to erase. It was the most freeing thing she’d ever experienced and she couldn’t help moving to kiss the Doctor more, tangling her hands in blonde hair and almost passing out at the moan she got in response.
One thing led to another and suddenly she was in the Doctor’s lap, the Doctor’s tongue in her mouth and her fingers playing with the soft skin above Yaz’s hip.
There were footsteps and the door behind them opened. Dan paused, then quickly shuffled out again and closed the door.
Yaz finally pulled back to look at the Doctor, who was looking thoroughly ruffled with plump lips and her hair standing up on one side. She looked beautiful.
The Doctor licked her lips, chest heaving. “You okay?”
Yaz’s face split into a wide grin. “Never better.”