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the first sound that hits your ears, before you even have time to open your eyes, is the ring of your family's landline phone—one that is unfortunately located only a few steps away from your room. your eyebrows furrow slightly, wondering who would be calling in the middle of the night. you let out a small sigh before finally opening your eyes to look at the time.
3:17 a.m.
the phone let out another ring, urging you to come pick it up. although everything in you wants to go back to sleep, you reluctantly decide to get up, not wanting the phone to wake up anyone else in the house. and who knows, maybe the call could be important, though you doubt it is.
opening your door, you quickly make your way over to the phone, wanting to silence the ringing as soon as possible. when it's in arm reach, you grab the phone and lift it to your ear.
"hello?"
"[y/n]?"
hearing the voice on the other side of the phone leaves you alert. it makes your previously still-asleep body snap awake. you knew exactly who it was, and why he was calling.
"finney... what are you doing up right now?"
a few seconds of silence pass before he answers, “i just want to talk to you. could... could you come over?"
dropping the phone to your chest, you let out a sigh.
finney blake. you had been friends with him for a while; your families knew one another and would meet up from time to time. having known him since you were young, you knew what he had been through. you still remember your fear when you found out finney had gone missing, and the relief that washed over you when he was found. that relief remained, as everything seemingly went back to normal, but a deep worry lied right alongside it.
finney was never the same after the grabber. who could be alright being kidnapped by someone like the grabber? who could be normal after murdering someone, even if it was their captor? instead of confronting his trauma he turned to weed, and picked fights with anyone who even muttered a word about him and his kidnapping. knowing what he was going through weighed on him, you tried your best to be there for him and get him to open up, but he was afraid to let anyone in. that was until he would get high.
he still hid behind the walls he had built, but he would need company, and that company would always be you. it truly did just start out with talking, but recently there had been a lot more physical touch between the two of you. he had never crossed any of the boundaries between your friendship, but you didn't know if that's how'd it stay; this uncertainty grew with his call tonight–calling in the middle of the night is something he'd never done before.
you cared about finney, even more than a friend should, so you could never find it in your heart to say no, even in moments when you know you should.
you bring the phone back up to your ear and respond, "i'll be there in 10."
finney lets out a breath. "okay, i'll be waiting for you." the line cuts off.
you hang the phone back up and stand in place for a moment. your mind was in turmoil. you knew you should be saying no, especially at a time like this, yet you couldn't muster up the courage to do so. then again, you also wanted to be there for finney. how could you say no when you're finally let in?
begrudgingly, you walk the few steps back to your room to grab a sweater. it was early may, so you wore a pajama set of a sleeveless top and shorts to bed, but it was now three in the morning and almost certainly cold enough that the pajamas wouldn't be enough on the walk. opening your closet quietly, you grab the first one you see and throw it on over your top.
quickly but quietly, you make your way to the front door, slipping on your tennis shoes before opening the door and leaving.
fortunately, the walk to the blake's house wasn't far, but it felt slightly unnerving at such an hour. rolling the sleeves of your sweater over your hands, you try not to think about too much, knowing that if you do you'll just fall down the rabbit hole of whatever this situation with finney was.
you let out a small breath–of relief? you're not sure–when you see the house, and subsequently, finney right outside the door, smoking the rest of his joint.
"you made it." he mutters, a faint smile rising to his lips. "you know, i was about to just go back in if you weren't here by the time i finished this off." he lifts the joint in reference.
you let out a scoff. "it hasn't even been 10 minutes, finn." you send him a look, walking up the few steps to stand beside him.
"yeah, well i was getting impatient." as if the call hadn't already told you that, his whole body seemed to be jittering, nerves likely enhanced by the weed.
"and i'm here, aren't i?" you ask as he drops the joint to the ground, putting it out with his shoe.
he looks back up at you, smiling. "you are."
for a moment, all you do is look at one another. it's at times like these where you don't ponder what your relationship with finney is; rather you enjoy the small and silent words shared by saying nothing at all.
a small gust of wind brushes past the two of you, reminding you both of where you are.
"we should get inside. it'll be too cold to stay out here." finney says, reaching one hand to grab yours and the other to open the door.
you've learned to just stay silent at times like these, but you feel the need to be especially quiet tonight, being as it's the middle of the night.
finney doesn't seem to think anything of staying quiet, slamming his bedroom door slightly once you're both inside.
"aren't you worried you'll wake up gwen or your dad?" you ask quietly, although you're not so sure you have to after the door.
"who cares if they wake up? i just need to be with you." he mumbles, leading you over to the bed.
you let out a breath at his words, deciding to say nothing as he pulls you down onto the bed to lay next to him.
as things have progressed in these times, it's become harder, but dire, for you to address whatever was happening between you two.
as much as you loved spending time with finney, you knew very well that it should not be like this.
yet here you were.
laying beside him, his arm draped over your body and his warm breath brushing against the skin of your neck.
before you could fall even deeper into the endless pit that was your mind, the feeling of something soft pressing against your neck brings you back to reality instantly.
it was his lips.
"finney?"
he lets out a hum against your neck in response.
despite the countless other things he had done, this was the action that had finally pushed you over the edge. it was finally enough to show you just how blurred the lines between your friendship and something more had become.
you quickly sit up, paying no mind to the way finney's arm falls from your form or the way he sends you a confused glance.
letting out a breath, you begin to speak, "we can't keep doing this."
your words further confuse him. "doing what? asking you to come over? it's not my fault that you say yes."
"no. that's... not the problem." you shake your head, trying to gather your thoughts. letting out another sigh, you add on quietly,
"not the main one at least."
finney lets out a scoff, finally propping himself to sit beside you. "then what are you talking about?" a slight bit of anger tints his voice.
"us."
your words bring silence to the two of you, and you stare at one another. finney still looks confused and angry, but you have a feeling he's finally catching on to what you are trying to say.
"i don't know what's going on between us, but... it needs to stop."
"what are you talking about?" finney asks, his voice quiet.
letting out a sigh, you gesture to the two of you. "this. trust me, finney, i want to be here for you but not like this. i don't want to be the girl that you fall back on whenever you get high to escape everything that's going on inside your head. don't you think i wonder, finney?"
"why do you only call me when your high?"
as soon as your words hit his ears, the slight bit of anger that finney had been feeling before now spiked up ten times higher.
"SHUT UP!" his voice rips through the air, leaving you quiet and staring at him with shiny eyes. you knew he wasn't going to react well, but you weren't exactly expecting this.
"you don't know how hard it is. you don't know how hard it is to deal with everything that i've gone through. don't you think i want to be normal? don't you think i want to live my life without constantly being brought back to that basement? look, i know the smoking isn't good for me, but it helps. it's the only thing that helps me forget my past for more than a few minutes."
letting out a breath, finney looks down at his hands. at first, his words were fueled by anger, but as he continued they became somber, almost reminiscent. it seemed your words had sobered him up.
"and you... i miss you. i miss how things were before everything happened. the weed clears my mind and lets me think about anything else... and that usually means i think about you."
as finney spoke, tears had risen to your eyes. despite the less than desired moment for him to be doing so, he had finally opened up; just enough to give you some reason for his actions.
"i miss you too, finney." you mutter quietly, the tears in your eyes getting dangerously close to falling as you look at him. "but... that doesn't excuse whatever is happening between us. i... i'm glad you think about me, but the way you say it makes it sound like you only feel that way when you're high."
silence falls over the both of you as finney sits quietly, digesting your words.
"i don't though..." he pauses for a moment before continuing, "i'm not sure exactly how i feel, but i do care for you. i know it doesn't seem like it, i push you and everyone else away when i'm sober, but it's because my mind is constantly clouded by everything. by him."
finney finally lifts up his head, eyes full of tears, and as you see that heartwrenching sight, you can't help but reach towards him and pull him into an embrace.
that small action is all it takes for finney's last bit guard to fall, and he begins to sob into your shoulder, arms tightening around you, afraid that you're going to slip away.
"i'm so sorry." finney mumbles into your arm, the sobs wracking through his body.
you're tears had long been falling freely from your eyes, but those three words broke you even more.
"it's okay. i'm here." you whisper, holding him as close as you possibly can. there is so much more you want to say, but you need to be there for finney as he calms down.
it takes a few minutes, of you holding him and comforting him with your touch, for finney to be able to regularly breathe again, and you know this because of the small breath he lets out. you take that as your cue to speak to him once again, slowly leaning back from the embrace, though your hands remain on his arms, hoping to still provide him some comfort.
"you know, finney, i'm glad you could finally let me in." you admit, a small smile rising to your lips. "i care about you, more than you know, and i've been waiting for the moment that you'd let me be here for you."
your words are enough to lift finney's lips into a smile as well.
"sorry that it took so long..." he mumbles, looking down at his hands, effectively seeing your own still resting on his arms. "and i'm sorry for all the times like these. i meant it when i said i care for you, but it's not only that i can't get my mind off the past... i could never find the guts to call you when i was sober."
his admission lingers in the air.
"i wanted to, but i just couldn't make myself do it. all those nerves were calmed by the weed, and the fact that you were the first thing on my mind, i could never stop myself from calling you."
you let out a small breath at his words, feeling your stomach flip in response.
"how do i know this isn't just the weed talking?" you ask quietly. as much as you want to greet him with open arms, you know you have to hold yourself back a bit. for now at least.
"i'll prove to you it isn't. i'll do whatever you need me to do to prove that everything i'm saying is true." finney replies, pleading for you to believe him.
"you'll do anything?"
"anything."
you contemplate his offer for a moment, before nodding your head. "alright. but we'll start tomorrow. it's too late for me to make big decisions, and i think you owe me the sleep that you interrupted me from earlier."
pink rises to finney's cheeks. "yeah, i'm sorry about that." he mutters regretfully.
"don't worry, i'm here now." you respond softly, laying the two of you back down onto finney's bed, this time draping your arm over his body, conjuring a smile to finney's face.
"all because you welcomed me in.”